>>16762579
had the same thing for years, even as a little kid i wished i would have never existed even though i always a many friends and a carrying family
i didnt care about anything for a really long time, always hoping one day i would just end it
stopped carrying so much that i didnt care about depression anymore

just understand that you probably will never live the "normal" live, but rather find a thing you love and focus on it
dont care about what others think, just live life

>>16762624
It's not about feeling normal, per se, just being able to function: I can't manage to do anything for long before depression sees an end to it: can't hold any job for longer than a few months, can barely handle college (as a 25 year old), and can't get myself to exercise to help myself (I'm not fat or skellington though, just decent shape).

I'm worried I'll eventually hero myself or end up in a lunatic house if I don't stop having this problem so constantly.

You go to your closest jewish psy and ask for meds.

Only take third gen btw, the other will make you go limp eventually

>>16762648
Does it really have to end with me taking pills?

>>16762664
Yeah it's not that bad.
Depression pills aren't as adictive as sleeping pills.

Just pick the right ones, agomelatine and trazadone aren't addictive, mixed that with praying twice a week and reading some bible and everything went just right.

It's ok to be weak sometimes and needing help, but being a huge faggot who tries to macho out of this it's not ok.

>>16762680
I have reservations only because I've been on celexa, and it didn't do anything except make me feel nothing. Zoloft worked for four months before I started getting a weird and painful feeling side-effect in my chest. After that, I was put on Prozac, and that immediately did the same thing as Zoloft did at the end.

I've been on no meds since last may, and now I'm worried another med will do the same thing as Zoloft and prozac did.

>>16762664
>Does it really have to end with me taking pills?
>hey guise im like totally wanting to kill myself in the future soon.
>like i can't stop thinking about, it's ruining my life

a) ruin your life and eventually end it
b) take some pills, find the root and fix all you can and then drop pills gradually

>>16762693
Look at >>16762690

That was my reply. That's why I ask.

>>16762690
Those are shit and old meds

Get a good shrink

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agomelatine
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trazadone

>>16762690
Have you tried therapy as an alternative?

>>16762707
A bit: we have free therapy here at my school, but my therapist I was seeing (who was helpful) saw my improvement I WAS experiencing a few months ago, and kept mentioning during meetings that I could stop going...kept saying that to the point to where I felt almost unwelcome, so I stopped going. Was fine until mid December, then steadily went shittier from then on til where I am today.

>>16762703
Thanks, will look into those.

You see a psychiatrist and a therapist and get the mental health treatment that you need.

I've been on 14 drugs. Nothing's worked too well for me so far, so I'm trying electroconvulsive therapy. It's pretty rad.

How to find a mental health provider: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/in-depth/mental-health-providers/art-20045530
How to find a therapist: http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist
Dealing with suicidal thoughts: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-help-dealing-with-your-suicidal-thoughts-and-feelings.htm
A list of suicide hotlines by country (it can't hurt to at least have one on hand!): http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

If you feel like talking to a bunch of mentally ill people about your problems or whatever, I also go on a pretty cool chatroom. Most people aren't depressed there (lots of schizophrenics), but it's very nice and supportive nonetheless, and everyone there understands the stigma of mental illness and how a lot of people won't understand your problems. http://theircvillage.com/

>>16762721
That's rather unprofessional. Can you get another? It seems like your best option right now

>>16762756
Thanks man.

>>16762703
Old meds aren't always worse (hell, I've been on Pamelor and it wasn't bad), but OP should really have this discussion with a psychiatrist.

One that ignores stuff like chest pain as a symptom should probably be switched, though.

>>16762760
I can for sure. I actually have an appointment with the same one tomorrow though (have to make appointments over a week in advance here). I made the appointment last Tuesday when I absolutely knew I needed to talk to someone again.

Normally talking it out helps me a lot, but I only have like one actual good friend, and acquaintances I don't feel close enough to talk to like that here at college. That guy has been really busy lately, and mostly just gives me the same advice, which is to row more: he has similar issues as me, but stress and depression hit him a lot differently, and he only seems to gain motivation from it whereas I can't manage it even when I try hard...I need a good feeling to build from, and I'm hoping tomorrow's therapy session will reinvigorate me enough for me to build on that momentum.

>>16762764
>One that ignores stuff like chest pain as a symptom

The doctors always told me that they had never heard of that as a side effect after several months of use, and blamed it all on anxiety. I know for a fact it wasn't anxiety causing it, because I could take my med before sleep, go to bed just fine, and wake up with chest pain.

>>16762784
Good! I hope it helps you.

>>16762818
Thanks! It's something I'm actually really excited about, and it's been a while since I've actually felt excited for anything lately.