I need help. I'm obsessed with this girl I used to date and I can't get her out of my head ever. It's been years. Therapy hasn't helped, medication hasn't helped. I don't know what to do anymore. It's never going to happen and I know that but I keep sabotaging every chance at a relationship I get because my mind keeps going back to her and for some reason keeps thinking there's a chance.
Help me. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I've asked on /adv/ before and I've tried everything you guys have suggested.
There's just this crippling thought in my mind that if I don't give up on her I'll get her one day. Every time I start a relationship it always strikes me down at my weakest and tears me apart.
I don't want this anymore /adv/, I really don't. I don't want the rationalizations of why I shouldn't ask a pretty girl for her number or why I shouldn't ask to go on a second date.
I just don't feel happy except in those brief moments where my mind is convince that maybe it'll work out with her.
>>16731306
>>16731271
Have you tried dedicating your life 100% to something new? like becoming the best scientist or best athlete in the fucking world? put all that energy into something new.
>>16731338
Been there done that. I've tried picking up numerous hobbies and dedicating myself to my work.
I learned the guitar (and I'm good at it), I got myself to a very high rating in Dota 2, I spent a few months just doing volunteer work as a software engineer for nonprofits..
I basically did all of those at the same time and it still didn't stop the feelings. I kept pushing forward into my profession and music but it never helped.
>>16731348
What makes this girl so special in your mind? Tell me all about it, I want to hear it. (how long you dated, how you met, how and why you broke up).
A picture would be great too, thus I can judge even better. GO.
>>16731363
by the way, I'm going to go finish some homework (I'm a grad student), but I'll be back in about 10 minutes or so.
>>16731363
I've known her since the beginning of high school. We used to play games online all the time together and hang out together all throughout high school and when we both went to the same college we ended up dating for 6 years.
To me she's just this perfect girl, she always understood how I was feeling and had the perfect words to soothe me. We had almost identical interests except every once in a while she'd surprise me with something new and exciting that we could both get into. We used to play a lot of WoW together and eventually we got into some higher tier guilds.
It's just that she's always been a huge part of my life. She knows me almost better than I know myself in a lot of ways to the point where she gave me so much good advice that I can't help but feel like I'd be lost without her.
And of course, she was drop dead gorgeous. I have a type and she met every detail of it. A small, petite brunette, half white, half mexican. Long hair. I still dream about her.
I just couldn't find a flaw with her. I mean we had our moments but they were always passing.
In the end, it ended because she didn't think I was developing enough.
Sorry this is all kind of a torrent of information it's hard to write about her coherently
>>16731384
>In the end, it ended because she didn't think I was developing enough.
Did you ever ask her what exactly did she mean by that?
>>16731415
Yeah, she basically thought I was clinging to childish ideals. I've always been an idealist around her. Thinking that everyone has good in them, that everyone is worth the time of day, etc. She just thought it was all stupid and seemed to get sick of it.
>>16731429
But how did that issue get to be so bad, that you ended up breaking up over it?
Do you still talk to her at all?
>>16731453
We don't talk.
At some point she started going through bouts of depression and she found my goody attitude to not help.
>>16731460
when was the last time you talked and what did the conversation consist of?
>>16731476
Last time we talked I basically begged for her back and she just basically called me a loser and to get a life.
>>16731499
So have you dated since? have you had crushes? how long were the relationships that you have had since ?
Oh boy... I'm in a situation somewhat similar to yours.
Search for some Youtube videos using "oneitis" as keyword.
>>16731534
I've had maybe... 4 relationships? It's been about two years since we broke up.
I think the longest any of the relationships lasted was a month. I usually just felt compelled to end it because of the voice in the back of my head telling me to keep trying
>>16731552
>I think the longest any of the relationships lasted was a month. I usually just felt compelled to end it because of the voice in the back of my head telling me to keep trying
this is where you are sabotaging yourself. You are sabotaging your own happiness. Why would you end other relationships? Why would you deny yourself the privilege of getting to know another woman? you can do it, and you can find another great relationship. Put some faith into it and into yourself. Fight against the fucking delusions that tell you otherwise.
>>16731584
I don't know it's just like. I don't click with other women that well. Like I get along with them but I don't feel the same kind of flare as I did with her.
>>16731271
Move on.
>>16731591
because it takes time to develop that. You have sabotaged yourself by idealizing, worshiping everything about this woman. It's not true, she can't be the one if the main ingredient is missing; her love for you does not exist, no matter what she might have said.
>>16731611
it's not that simple nigger
>>16731614
But how can she just not love me after so many years of saying she did? Like god why would someone do that?
>>16731611
>>16731619
>>16731637
It will happen to all guys at least once in their lives. It has happened to me about 4 times now, after long term relationships.
Girls just don't have the "balls" to say stuff directly. They won't tell you when they've fallen out of love, which is most often the case. They won't tell you when they are unsure about the relationship, they won't tell you when they only want a short fling, instead of a real long relationship. It happens, but it's so common because they are so immature.
I'm not even the woman-hating neckbeard kind of guy, but that has just been my experience. It has hurt me a lot, but I have had to learn to live with it.
This is why so many guys act like they don't give a shit about girls, because they are afraid of rejection and of getting hurt. The ones like you and me, who put our feelings out there, are the ones who get hurt.
>>16731679
Why is that though? Why do people punish those who put themselves out there?
>>16731619
But it is.
>>16731619
moving on is simple. however, it is not easy. do not infer that "move on" means that you can or should do it in one fell swoop. it doesn't. it is a process of deciding every day and every minute that feeling better is more important than hanging on to what no longer is, and then acting on that decision in whatever way fits the moment. it is a simple decision. if it's not simple for you, then you need to figure out precisely why you are hanging on. the pain should fade over time, and the need to hang on should fade with it. if it doesn't, you need to look in yourself and find out why.
