Okay anon, I'll watch your flick. You realize film is merely a pale reflection of what you imagine society to be, however. Definitely nothing to get "stoked" about.

That was pretty good, but the ending definitely left something to be desired.

>>16678105
i guess its hard to understand if you arent a writer or into movies haha. it was cool seeing it come to life

>>16678151
what about it?

>>16678154
Well, it definitely struck home a few times. I have that stoner and his annoying vapid platitudes as well. But obviously none of us have killed ourselves, so that was kind of a cop out.

>>16678175
i was told to write a story with one character in one location and this was the best i could think of

and he kills himself cause he's mentally ill and incapable of functioning in society not cause hes a stoner

>>16678098
So what advice do you want? Or are you just trying to get views?

I binge watched the whole thing. It wasn't good at all. Using the multiple personalities of one person was such a cop out too. I know you were trying to think outside the box but it was a weak attempt, and honestly if you did something different and entertaining with one person it would have been better. It would have shown more skill and depth in your abilities as a writer. Like I said it seemed like a cop out and you just left the training wheels on so you wouldn't have to try. If this seems harsh, it's just my honest opinion. Take it as constructive criticism.

>>16678229
guys this has like nothing to do with the quality of the vid, I was mostly just venting about how shitty my school was cause it really hurt my senior year.

thanks for the criticism i guess but i felt it was a story worth sharing since this board is partially for shitty experiences.

>>16678229
plus that isnt my youtube account so if I got views it wouldnt even benefit me

>>16678234
Then posting the video was irrelevant. You could have just stated it existed. This isn't /vent/.

As far as why you were treated the way you were by your school? It's because the video portrays someone killing themselves. That's an incredibly taboo subject. Especially for a school setting. Even more so in a religious based school. Save it for college. This is also why people sent you to see a shrink. You don't talk about suicide while in grade school no matter the context.

As for you being mad at your Dean for waving at you? That's you just being autistic. He personally didn't fuck you over. He's just following policies, and to think it was all his fault and be mad at him is petty and misdirected.

That's hardly a shitty experience. You manufactured all your problems and you even exacerbated them when you held grudges.

>>16678257
In his defense, I think if suicide was less taboo people would probably do it less.

>>16678187
>he kills himself cause he's mentally ill and incapable of functioning in society
And you see why that might be alarming to a school right? Since quite a few people recently who've done the same thing have decided to take other people out with them.

>>16678270
No doubt but he wasn't trying to create social awareness. I can guarantee that.

>>16678257
> Then posting the video was irrelevant. You could have just stated it existed. This isn't /vent/.
for the sake of the story it was necessary. once again, it isnt my youtube account, so how would I benefit from views? it was posted by the people who made it

> As far as why you were treated the way you were by your school? It's because the video portrays someone killing themselves. That's an incredibly taboo subject. Especially for a school setting. Even more so in a religious based school. Save it for college. This is also why people sent you to see a shrink. You don't talk about suicide while in grade school no matter the context.

but I did it outside of school. And if I was actually suicidal is kicking me out the way to go? seemed like a shitty overreaction,

>>16678281
why are you assuming so much about me? i wanted to write a story about a mentally ill man's last day, I felt it was worth telling. i dont see how im really the bad guy here.

Lol you made a little story in this thread

Sorry guys I didn't think the response would be this negative. I wasn't trying to self promote I promise. Maybe I am just autistic idk. I didn't mean to anger anyone or come across as an asshole.

>>16678329
also I wrote this a couple years ago, so I think I've improved.

>>16678098

I get where you're coming from, but I think you have to see it from their perspective - this script basically looks like a suicide note. I get that it isn't, I'm into writing too, I understand that a script isn't necessarily about you. But if you were my friend and you showed me this video, I'd be a bit worried about you, I'd ask you what was up and why you wrote this story. From the school's perspective, they have to at least check up on you and make sure you aren't actually suicidal. They can't just stand around doing nothing. It sounds like everything turned out fine, you're back at school with no consequences. If anything, you should be glad that you're living in such a great support system.

You have to understand that most people don't understand creative writing, and especially with film, they really do see it as a reflection of reality and the person who wrote it. In other words, people are always going to judge you for what you write, and if you want to do this as a career, you'd better start getting used to that and thickening your skin to this kind of reaction. Imagine if you wrote a script about a serial killer. People are gonna give you funny looks sometimes.

As for the movie itself - the actor isn't great, the accent is distracting, but the script itself isn't bad for what it is, and I get that you weren't the director. In the end, it's a little too straightforward and simple, it's not really saying much of anything, but for an early short film it's pretty promising. You have a good sense of pacing, and you write dialogue better than 99% of writers your age. You obviously need a lot more practice before you're professional-grade, but you're talented enough that it wouldn't be crazy for you to pursue this as a career

>>16678390
thanks for being understanding, I dont know why everyone has been so hostile to me

> you'd better start getting used to that and thickening your skin to this kind of reaction.

I have no problem with criticism or anything, I just felt kicking me out was a bit much.

> the actor isn't great

he was okay, he wasn't my first choice tho so I agree. they showed me who they had in mind, I said I thought a different guy was better, and then they went with someone else haha.

> the accent is distracting

it was made in the Czech republic, thats why it sounds so different

> In the end, it's a little too straightforward and simple

ya, I had little to work with. I saw a thing online that said they needed a "one actor, one location short film" and I tried to stretch those limitations as far as I could.

> but for an early short film it's pretty promising. You have a good sense of pacing, and you write dialogue better than 99% of writers your age. You obviously need a lot more practice before you're professional-grade, but you're talented enough that it wouldn't be crazy for you to pursue this as a career

thanks m8. this was written a couple years ago and I think (or hope) I've improved since then.

>>16678423

>I don't know why everyone has been so hostile to me

Because of the tone of your first post, pretty much. Acting all outraged, when you have to admit their reaction kinda made sense. I'm not saying it was wrong for you to make the film you did, but they're running a school, and given the things that have been happening lately you can't blame them for deciding not to take any chances.

It doesn't sound like they actually punished you in any way, they just had you see a shrink to check up on you.

>>16678471
i never felt like they really cared about me though. A lot of what they said was about parents getting upset, I think they were more worried about pissing off someone who donates.

i just feel like if I was rich they wouldnt have cared as much.

> It doesn't sound like they actually punished you in any way, they just had you see a shrink to check up on you.

it wasnt major but kicking me out of school for two days was basically suspension, and I couldnt come back until a shrink said so. It was basically a suspension. Youre right that they didnt give detention or anything though.

>>16678487

They're doing their jobs, man. There are probably standard things that they have to do if one of their students is writing/talking about suicide like this. They pretty much had to hand you off to a professional, to deem whether or not this was a serious threat or just a movie. Evidently, they understand now that it was just a movie, and your life is continuing as usual.

I mean, come on, man. The entire film is the internal monologue of a suicidal man, and at the end, he blows his brains out. Cut to credits. How exactly did you expect people to react when you showed them this film?

Just take this as a lesson, creatively. You made a movie, and you got an "audience reaction," so to speak. I'm not saying you shouldn't write about dark subject matter, but you should be aware of the effect that stuff like this can have on people, and your own life. Be aware of your audience.

>>16678510
i guess it just comes down to what you said earlier about them not understanding creative writing (assuming you're the same anon) and disconnecting fiction from reality

I mean the character was a full grown man who got fired, and I only wrote it on request, it clearly wasnt me. And I felt like, since I didnt turn it in for a grade, it wouldnt be a big deal, you know?

>>16678529

Yep it's still the same anon. And yeah, that is the point, but I'm saying that YOU have to understand that THEY aren't always going to understand it. So when you make a movie about nothing but suicide, then you go around to everyone like "look what I made!" you shouldn't be surprised when their response is "are you suicidal?"

Again, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't have made the movie, just that you should learn to expect reactions like this

I don't understand
were you trying to get it shown at school?
why did you need to even turn it in?

>>16678229
>it's just my honest opinion. Take it as constructive criticism.
I read your entire post. It was a terrible critique. Nothing in it actually pointed to anything specific about the video and you kind of just shit on it and then expected it to be taken as constructive criticism, even though there's nothing to construct off of. I don't think you know what constructive criticism is.

>>16678549
> were you trying to get it shown at school?
nope

> why did you need to even turn it in?
i didnt, i made it for fun in my free time

Hey OP, regardless of the rest of the thread I think it's pretty neat that some Czech people made a short movie out of your play. How did that even come about?

>>16678612
again, just even thinking about that makes me so jealous. what is the subreddit you created?

>>16678621
reddit.com/r/producemyscript

check it out if you're a writer. one person got a short film made and it actually did well at festivals. another got like a million hits on youtube.

>>16678568
then it was stupid to send it to your school
no one would have cared if you didn't send it

>>16678098
Look Anon, LOOK AT HUMANITY. Your school just gave you bunch of valuable lessons. I think you should say thanks honestly.

They taught you that ideas are scary. People panic and go absolutely stupid when they are threatened. Mother DOES NOT know best. You love screenplays. Society expects conformity and that mandate of conformity destroy all of the good things in life.

Learn your lessons (not the ones they thought they were teaching you) and do better next time.
>Don't share your work with your friends or family unless they EARN your trust back
>Do conform at your school so they love you and see you as their little catholic boy who came back to the light side
>Do be polite and friendly to the Dean while secretly realizing he's a pile of dog shit
>DO keep writing your screenplays.
Never stop expressing the gift god put in you. GOD the author of the universe gave you that. FUCK your dean. FUCK your parents. And FUCK whoever tries to kill that spark in you. They're too fucking stupid to see it, but they aren't doing God's work.

>>16678635
I didnt send it, my parents did. I wouldnt have done that on my own.

>>16678637
lol thanks, thats a bit dramatic but I appreciate the support and agree with the gist.

>30 posts
>8 posters

All this self-promotion...

You are fucking pathetic. May as well delete the thread before the ban, kek.

>>16678549
I'm pretty sure what I said was constructive criticism. I told him what I thought was wrong with it and how it could have been better. I said it would have been better if he would have just stuck to one person instead of using the multiple personalities of one person to try and add depth to it.

Frankly it was just lazy writing.

Plus why did he have a gun in his bag?

>>16678626
>reddit.com/r/producemyscript

mental. funny enough I've actually replied to you on /r/drama before, small world...

anyway I kinda see where the other replies were coming from about the school just doing its job, but it is a bit of an overreaction - it would maybe prompt a bit of a response here but not kicking you out. but I read a bit about the elliot rodger story today and how the authorities were criticised for not doing enough. looks like we're living in a time where people have to take every threat seriously

on the plus side, once you're out in the real world you won't have to deal with this sort of thing any more. it sucks to have your creativity fucked with by authority figures alright.

still though - creating a successful community AND having your work taken seriously enough to be produced like that at such a young age? congratulations, seriously, I think you have a lot to look forward to

>>16678645
how is this self promotion? im posting links to another youtube account. I dont really benefit that much from a few random people on 4chan watching someone else's video

>>16678648
in the script, the gun was just in his house.

>>16678660
whats your reddit username? that is spooky

but yeah the paranoia nowadays fucking sucks and is is ludicrous.

> still though - creating a successful community AND having your work taken seriously enough to be produced like that at such a young age? congratulations, seriously, I think you have a lot to look forward to

I appreciate that. I sure hope I do, I doubt I become Scorsese but I hope to do it for a living.

>>16678637

Couldn't agree more. I lost that spark a good few years ago and I'm desperately trying to get it back. I'd happily lose my job or circumstances if I could be writing things that people would read, let alone have people be making short films out of scripts I wrote. Fuck I'm so jealous

> they try to pre-empt them and email my counselor
>"hello, my son is suicidal. I know it's your job to do something about that, so I just wanted to send you a note to not do that thing we pay you do to, sincerely, Momma & Poppa anon"
> I can't believe it. Not only did I not turn it in for a grade, it was made in another country. It had literally zero connection with the school.
you and your family are retarded

>>16678689
What no they emailed them so that administration wouldnt be surprised if some parents got outraged and contacted them, which never even happened

And it didn't have connection with the school, unless you think my family messaging them is a connection, in which case that still isnt my fault.