How to break up
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Ive been seeing this girl for a while now. A few months. Nothing too long. And she was talking to me about some things shes learned from the past and during the talk I found out she wasnt a virgin.
After hearing that she wasnt a virgin we engaged in a little chat about it and after hearing her views I broke things off with her.
Now shes been trying to turn people we know against me and shes very spiteful.
How am I supposed to let a girl go in this situation?
>>16663804
Buy a knife and surprise her.
>>16663820
I dont follow
>>16663804
Did you expect her to be a virgin anon?
>>16663886
I expect the people I enter long meaningful relationships to be. There are mitigating factors though that could make me look the other way.
Its kinda like you dont know if the person you start seeing has a huge amount of debt, but when the relationship starts getting serious you talk about things like this to insure the other person is committed. In this case Im not committed here so I broke it off.
>>16663913
It shouldn't take you months to figure out if she's tripped any of your red flags. You wasted her time and made her feel like a slut. It's reasonable that she feels spiteful over it.
I don't know how old/successful you are, but I bet you're going to have a tough time finding a virgin.
You pretty much just ignore it. If someone you know asks you about it, just calmly explain your side, correct any misinformation and leave it at that. Don't get too hung up about it though. Just gotta move on.
Just would like to say it's very hard to find a virgin. In in the future I'd try to move past this hang up of yours as it's really not too practical.
>>16663913
You are perfectly entitled to feel this way.
You might want to tell her something along these lines, but you might wanna tone it down a bit so you dont destroy her completely. She might be hurting, have you considered that?
>>16663934
Theres all types of red flags. I dont know how fast you go out of your way to talk about things that could make you break up with each other but I like to take things slow.
I dont mind having a hard time. I only plan on marrying once. Im not seeking to have casual frivolous sex with others so I dont have to concern myself with unvirgins.
>>16663938
Its something Im committed to and Id like to find a partner who is as well. Having things you look for in a partner isnt a hang up.
And I guess Im just not a fan of having her go around spreading spite about me.
>>16663943
I get that she could be hurt but theres not much I can do when Im not committed to being in the relationship anymore other than lead her on.
Ive found dragging things like this out only make things 100x worse.
I havent quite thought about telling her that Im not committed to her anymore. Like wording it that way instead of the usual relationship isnt going to work way.
Guess I could ask her if we could talk. That being said I dont want to lead her into thinking that I want to get back together.
And what if she was in a longterm relationship before you? How can you expect every woman you meet to be a virgin? You sound either insecure or narcissistic. I agree that girls shouldn't be slutting around but if she was in an LTR before why is it unreasonable?
Is there anyone here who have experience dealing with a girls past?
My girlfriend told me straight up early in the relationship that she was afraid that i was going to leave her on account of her having had sex with more people than me. (4 to be exact. I was a virgin.) I told her i did not care, which was the truth. I kinda expected this to happen (I was 21), and i was sort of glad she was being totally honest and that it wasn't worse.
A couple of months later this horrible feeling of jealousy and disgust seeps in, and it went so far as to wake me up in the middle of the night. (We were away from each other on vacation) Usually, i dont feel bad about it when i am with her.
I am thinking this probably is rooted in my own confidence, but i also realize that it probably is rational to have some of these feelings.
She is a wonderful girl, and trough the eight months we have been together she has not given me any reason to dislike or not trust her. The sex is great. I dont want to break up with her.
Still I cant shake that uncomfortable feeling.
Has anyone ever felt the same? I have read that this usually fades away with time.
Op, you need more confidence. Deep down you feel threatened by this. No one gives a shit if anyone's a virgin if they are confident and in control of themselves. Do you think that BRad gave a shit if Angelina Jolie was a virgin? Who gives s shit, she's hot as hell. I'd wife that slut.
Get over yourself. Virgins suck anyway. I'm 28 and have been with three virgins so far. They are garbage in bed. At this point in my life I would definitely take someone more experienced and mature over an inexperienced prude that I have to teach everything to.
>>16663985
>I am thinking this probably is rooted in my own confidence, but i also realize that it probably is rational to have some of these feelings.
lol no
You're trying your best to rationalize it because it's common to feel that way. But you're a big slut yourself so calm down.
>>16663981
>And what if she was in a longterm relationship before you?
What does this have to do with anything?
>How can you expect every woman you meet to be a virgin?
I dont expect every woman to be the right fit for me.
>You sound either insecure or narcissistic
This is just you lashing out. Usually Id dismiss your entire point but Ill let it go now.
>she was in an LTR before why is it unreasonable?
Like I said, there are mitigating factors that could make me look the other way, but in general it just means we disagree on a crucial point here.
>>16663987
>Deep down you feel threatened by this.
No. If you have a reason to believe this then Ill hear you out. But as it stands just no.
>No one gives a shit if anyone's a virgin if they are confident and in control of themselves
Quite the assumption you made. I wouldnt be a virgin if I didnt care. I know its hard to believe that some people are virgins by choice but thats why Im so committed to the idea and will break up with someone over it.
>Do you think that BRad gave a shit if Angelina Jolie was a virgin?
Im pretty sure they were both sluts though.
>Get over yourself. Virgins suck anyway.
Insulting people because you dont understand them. Real mature. If I cared so much for high quality sex I wouldnt be a virgin.
>>16663990
Yeah i am, i just haven't acted on it..
It should be said that my relatively conservative christian upbringing can't help. Even though my GF shares much of the same background.
>>16663985
Because you realize that sex with her is way more special for you than it is with her. And youre a little bitter about that. Everyone says they dont care because you dont know what sex is like.
So how old are you two?
>>16664019
Im 24, shes 22. Havent been out of college long.
>>16664015
Yeah you know i have considered this. And i am sure it works on some unconscious level i cant control. We all want to feel special.
>>16664005
Disclaimer: I'm not the guy you're replying to.
>What does this have to do with anything?
It has everything to do with it. There's a big difference between if she had 12 one-night stands or slept with a fiance she had been dating for 10 months. Did you really have to question this?
>I dont expect every woman to be the right fit for me.
It still shouldn't take you months. I don't think you understand just how critical a few young years is to your dating pool.
>This is just you lashing out.
Against what? We don't know who you are. All people are doing is arguing your points.
>Usually Id dismiss your entire point
And this is why you're a retard. If you can't handle any kind of criticism, especially something valid like "maybe you're insecure" then you're clearly not made for critical thinking. This definitely hasn't been the first time someone has pointed out to you, either. Christ, what an obnoxious fucker you are.
Of course she's spiteful if she realized the guy she thought she knew is a retarded bigot.
>>16663985
>>16663990
>>16664015
>>16664030
This might be the wrong thread for this discussion?
>>16664040
Your boring thread got hijacked.
Cry about it, nerd.
>>16664031
This is the type of post I ignore. Too old to engage in insulting others like this. Learn you use your words and youll have a better time getting others to listen.
>>16664048
>You used bad words, so I'm going to ignore you.
Don't melt, you little snowflake you.
>>16664039
whats bigoted about having things you look for in a partner. Please explain.
>>16664043
Not my post. I dont mind the discussion. But as for you, go lash out somewhere else.
>>16664048
And you're too old to expect people to have no sexual experience.
>>16664030
Well the only thing you can do is learn you lesson. You can break up with her and only find someone with comparable partner count as you. Someone else who is either a virgin or made the same mistake as you. Or you can live with it. You wont be happy about it ever. She realized it because of course she wasnt a virgin and understood. You didnt really have a way of understanding. It really sucks I know.
>>16664054
How many partners has she had then? I assume it's one or two at the most. You aren't looking for personal qualities. You are looking for people to pander to your unreasonable insecurity.
No but you have every right to try to find a virgin for yourself but it honestly isn't the best compass for looking for a person who's good to be around. Just stop being so autistic and realize why someone might be annoyed at how you act and treat people. It was your own fault for assuming she's a virgin.
>>16664058
I dont expect everyone to be the right fit for me. But thats why you look for the right one and not just settle.
>>16664005
That wasn't me lashing out. I've met quite a few very self centered people who've had the same position on virginity as you have. One of them admitted to me that they just wanted a girls life to revolve around them while they put in minimal effort an remained emotionally unattached. Perhaps you don't want an actual person, just an idea of a Pure Maiden.
>>16664075
This is truth.
>>16664077
At 22-24+ I can guarantee you the only women who are virgins are very mentally ill or very religious. I say this as a 19 year old female who is a kissless virgin.
>>16664075
>How many partners has she had then?
She didnt say and I didnt ask. It seemed to be pretty much every guy she was in a relationship with but she was upset so she might now have expressed herself properly.
>You aren't looking for personal qualities.
Pretty sure this is one.
>You are looking for people to pander to your unreasonable insecurity.
Look some people think virginity is important. You sound insecure to me because I am of that group.
>It was your own fault for assuming she's a virgin.
I dont assume things about her. I hope to learn about them. When you learn something that makes it so that you arent committed to a person you break it off.
> it honestly isn't the best compass for looking for a person who's good to be around
we obviously disagree here. are you also a virgin who can understand where Im coming from.
>>16664070
Hey i made a thread. If there still is anyone who want to discuss it with me >>16664080
>>16664090
Its even harder to fine guys who are virgins as well yet here I am. I dont see why I shouldnt have hope that I can fine the right person for me.
>>16664078
Youre just making assumptions and lashing out at me for you past experiences. You know nothing about me and what I look for in a person other than what I have said.
>>16664097
You got together with her assuming she was a virgin. Nothing about her personality pointed to the contrary. Somehow this one revelation changed your view of her.
Look you are allowed to think whatever you want. My point is that you can't act shocked when people find it absolutely ridiculous. Sure it's nice to have morals and standards but I really hope you grow out of this rigid one soon. How long would you have to be together with someone before you have sex? Until marriage? What if it ends up not working out? All is lost then? It's not good to be this stubborn. But you'll probably learn. There's the ideal and then there's reality.
>>16664124
>You got together with her assuming she was a virgin.
No.
>Somehow this one revelation changed your view of her.
There was a post earlier about how a girl wouldnt date a guy she loved because he said he didnt want kids and she did. People have requirements and you have to know what you want and not settle. You dont assume someone meets your requirements when you start dating them. I dont know if she wanted kids or not.
Obviously I dont intend on having sex until marriage. I wouldnt break up with a girl because she has had sex with her ex husband. Thats perfectly fine. Id be more troubled with the fact that she was married but we could talk that over.
>My point is that you can't act shocked when people find it absolutely ridiculous
And I find it ridiculous how much people sleep around. I dont go around calling everyone sluts though.
>Sure it's nice to have morals and standards but I really hope you grow out of this rigid one soon
I am committed to the idea. Growing out of it just means I dont believe in it as much as I think I do.
>>16664144
Well good luck to you. Just don't expect anyone to agree or feel sorry for you when she tells them what happened.
>>16664152
Why would I seek sympathy. Imagine if I went behind her back telling everyone I broke up with her because she was a slut. Do you see a problem with that. Because its the same to me.
>>16664168
Slut and non-virgin aren't the same.
>>16664172
Says you. If I went around her back spreading spite thats how I would do it.
>>16664177
What is she saying about you then?
>>16664124
>absolutely ridiculous
I've been watching documentaries about the 1800s-1950s and it always seems that serious dating/actual love didn't usually start until college years. Meanwhile some high schoolers are doing anal, and every college student on the planet is using tinder. I'm not nearly as rigid as OP on this, but it does sorta seem that love and lust are now synonymous. I don't really want to live in a world where a couple can't go steady for a month or two without jamming it in cuz da puss feelz mad good yo.
>>16664108
Nah, both the posts you replied to were me, so you're wrong
>>16664005
Your method of thinking is antiquated. Feel free to think the way you do, but don't be butthurt when girls you meet don't. You are the exception, not the rule. The minority, not the majority. The pariah, not the society. Understand? Your opinions are rare and you won't meet many people that fall in line with them -- SO DON'T EXPECT TO.
To answer your question in OP; just tell her what your opinions are. She won't want to be with you after hearing how you think, anyway. That is how you break up with her.
/thread.
>>16664199
How am I wrong exactly?
>>16664214
Im not butthurt, shes the one butthurt.
>antiquated
only in the western world
>>16664184
The usual lashing out stuff people have been saying in this thread without knowing anything about me. That Im insecure because shes not a virgin. That I think shes a slut. That Im judgmental, cant accept people, pretty much spinning it into anyway she can garner hostility towards me and my view. Then theres the general backlash and blatantly omitting details of stories to make me sound like a bad guy. Not hard to clear up if I talk to the people. But its because if I dont have to go around asking people if shes been trying to paint me as a villain.
>>16663985
The past doesnt change. Make peace with that thought and let it go. Focus on whats around you at the moment and not whats happened in the past. Simple as that. Holding onto the past helps no one.
This thread is so salty because they can't fathom the idea of turning down sex.
OP, the only thing you did wrong is wait so long to tell her youre only interested in virgins. That you're a virgin and want to marry one should come up pretty early on I'd think, especially if you're out of uni. Do it faster in the future.
As for now just tell people that you want to wait for marriage and share that with your wife. They should understand.
>>16664432
When is early enough. For instance. When do you tell someone you want kids.
>>16664472
like third date kind of shit
stop wasting people's times desu
>>16664472
Probably very very early on. At some point on the first date. Most people do not want a sexless relationship, and they should know what they're getting into before they invest any time and feelings in you
>>16664432
I don't think that's the problem. The problem is that he dated a normal girl, expected her to be in a virgin in her early 20 and then insulted her about it. The point is, like you said, he should have brought it up way sooner since he's in the minority.
>>16664519
This. OP acted like an autist.
>>16664519
I dont know what kind of first dates you go on. But I definitely dont date people in the same manner you do. You dont go into your moral philosophy on the first date.
>>16664523
Id like to think that not everyone believes in having frivolous sex and am not about to accuse people of it when I first meet them.
>>16664519
>>16664504
Do you talk about the amount of your student loans on the first date. It sounds like nonsense to me.
>>16664568
Why is everything so black and white with you? There's a difference between virginity and frivolous sex. People have lives before you, doesn't mean they're sleeping around.
I tend to think like OP. If I find out that a woman has had sexual activity with someone else, I no longer find her interesting. OP is not in the wrong for breaking up with the girl as soon as he found something out about her that was incompatible with having a relationship with him; on the contrary, it would have been shallow to carry on with the relationship.
>>16664628
Anon is very specific about what he wants in a woman and there is nothing wrong about that. It honours him to be inflexible.
>>16664628
Is it that hard to accept that your past actions can affect your future interactions with people.
>>16664570
if i believed that i couldn't date someone who had debt was undateable then i would mention it because i don't want to lead people on like an asshole.
>>16664739
So you dont
>>16664763
i don't mention that specifically because i don't care about debt. i do bring up deal breakers within the first few dates. because i'm not an asshole.
>>16664733
No way, you insecure pig.
Get ready for a life where every girl you ever love will have a mountain of dick in her past. Welcome to the universe
>>16663913
Are you a virgin anon?
Also just because she isn't a virgin doesn't make her a slut. It's not black and white like that - she most likely got into her first relationship wanting it to be a permanent serious thing, and it ended up not working out or it didn't last at all. Also majority if girls over 18-20 have already lost their virginity anyway. So you'd just be looking for a unicorn
>>16663804
What, you expected her to be a virgin? Are you a virgin?
>>16665451
>>16665193
I am a virgin. And as Ive said, I dont expect every girl to be the right fit for me.
>So you'd just be looking for a unicorn
I dont really plan on settling just because most people sleep around.
>>16664823
Love is something that takes time to develop. Like how I broke up with my ex. Its just not a relationship Im committed to.
>>16663804
How much of a non-virgin was she? Had she just had sex in 1 or 2 previous long term relationships? Or was she an actually slut, sleeping around, casual encounters, hopping from relationship to relationship etc?
>>16665907
definitely more than 2.
>>16664097
If it was only every guy she'd been in a relationship what was the problem? I'm not saying that can't be a problem, but it depends on the nature of the previous relationships. And what were her views on it?
>>16664108
>hard to find guys who are virgins
Have you not been to r9k?
>>16665933
>If it was only every guy she'd been in a relationship what was the problem?
I like the marriage analogy some guy made. You dont marry every guy you are in a relationship with.
She didnt think there was anything wrong with having sex before marriage and that shes free to sleep around with who ever she wants.
I told she is right, but that doesnt mean I have to stick around with her.
>>16665940
Ive never met a guy from /r9k/ in my life. the girls there two are also virgins but the people there seem to mostly be virgins due to social ineptitude and getting a partner. Theyd all be sluts if they could so I dont categorize myself with them and I dont go on that board because its filled with so much hatred.
>>16665947
Why do you disagree with sex before marriage? Is it a religious thing? If not I don't understand. Long term relationships don't often work well without sex. A lot of times people end up in trapped in shitty marriages because they married to soon to get to the sex. When they do wait awhile it can drastically change the dynamics of the relationship when you actually start to have sex. I'm not saying it never works, but most of the relationships I've seen founded on that idea weren't happy ones.
>>16665989
what did you read to make this up. Im not about to talk about marriage statistics and how you are wrong.
Ive been a virgin for 24 years, I dont need sex and Im not in a rush. its not a religious thing, its part of my moral philosophy. Same way I dont think you should marry every single guy you date.
>>16663804
>After hearing that she wasnt a virgin we engaged in a little chat about it and after hearing her views I broke things off with her.
But you have let her go. Being such an insecure person, most likely with a small penis, the best thing was to break it off, as you did, so she can receive proper sexual fulfilment from a better person.
So what's you're question that needs advice?
>>16665996
I'm not talking about people who married their first sexual partner, I'm talking about people who waited until marriage before having sex.
>>16666002
Maybe if you werent so busy lashing out and read the OP youd see what I asked.
>virgins have small penises
This level of immaturity. And you wonder why I find it acceptable to sleep around.
>>16663985
It is really normal to feel this way. It's the same kind of feeling you'd get if you broke up and heard she was having sex with someone else.
It's just ordinary jealousy and only a problem if you can't put it aside. Most people can and they simply get past it. Those that can't are usually emotionally unstable or prone to violent outbursts and don't make good relationship partners due to their insecurities.
>>16666010
The first is far more rare in my experience.
>>16666012
I did read it. You made no sense. I have since read some other stuff you've written and realise you are immature with insecurities and unrealistic expectations, possibly influenced by a very sheltered and controlled upbringing.
I would advise any girl to avoid you until you get some life experience because you are showing the early signs of being a controlling, manipulative sociopath.
The stuff she's saying about you may be true. The fact it bothers you also reinforces it's probably true. To prove it isn't true you just be a grown man and shrug it off.
>>16666047
This type of post is below the post quality of something I can seriously respond to.
I understand my beliefs can hurt your feelings but if you have something to say, try to control yourself.
>>16666057
>>16666047
OP....
You REALLY need to consider what this guy wrote here. I am telling you right now that he is correct. I can tell you that he is probably the best friend you have right now and his insight is spot on.
I know this because I was YOU 10 years ago. I grew up sheltered and controlled in a very religious upbringing. I was taught to have unrealistic 18th century expectations about the way love, marriage and sex work that conveniently only works in a society where women were pretty much property of husbands and fathers. I was taught to be a judgemental prick and look down on sex positive people as inferior sinners.
Guess how well that worked for me? You are a relic from a forgotten time trying to live a life that the world will not afford you.
It is time to accept this and leave aside these silly ambitions before you get what you ask for and seriously fucking regret it.
I want what is best for you.
>>16666085
you are the worst kind of sinner, you lead the faithful from a path of righteousness and devotion into the pitfall of sin because it is too 'hard' to live your life in a proud and honourable way
if you do not repent you will meet your punishment, save yourself
>>16666085
those are quite the ideas you had. Dont project on me. Anyone who is this type of sex positivist and I are not compatible. Nothing silly about having expectations of others.
Is it silly to expect your partner to have a job. Is it silly to expect them to want kids. There are morals that Im not going to compromise for others no matter how few we may be.
Anyone projecting and lashing out at it cannot possibly be a friend.
>>16666102
What is wrong with having expectations of others?
I would hope any woman would have the expectation of a man that he has a good job and can provide for himself and a woman and a child, and any man have an expectation of a woman that she can cook and clean,
You are permitted all the expectations you want- you will meet someone that makes you happy if you are a person worth meeting.
>>16666057
>This type of post is below the post quality of something I can seriously respond to.
>I understand my beliefs can hurt your feelings but if you have something to say, try to control yourself.
And yet you replied anyway, which validates what I said previously.
>>16666093
If this is you OP then it goes to show how little you understand the real world. That post is straight from the playbook of radical Islam, or Christianity, Catholicism, pick whatever dark age you choose.
>>16666114
Nothing is wrong with expectations. Which is why I feel certain that I am not wrong.
>>16666047
>this damage control
OP did nothing wrong he just has standards. Women have very high standards of men like having a good job,a nice car,being tall,being funny,being sociable, etc. the only thing op was asking from her is for her to be a virgin and their is nothing wrong with that.
>>16666115
Hope you didnt think my reply was a serious one addressing you critique. Im not about to listen to someone lashing out like you are. I dont care if you feel validated because the opinion of someone like you is worthless to me. I wish that you feel happy though because I dont harbor ill will for others.
And no that guy isnt me. But he has a point. In the end you betrayed your ideas because you figured they are unrealistic but the bad part is you trying get others to betray their ideas because you couldnt hold to them.
You have to state why something is bad in general. Not that it didnt work out for you.
>>16666114
The trick about happiness is that it isn't about living up to your values but it is a conscious acceptance of that which you cannot change and a choice.
You can choose to be happy and have love.
>>16666135
You dont seem to know what happiness is and think its that silly emotion that feels good. Go read some plato and aristotle.
>>16666137
Enjoy being lonely. I am done trying to help you. You will remember this thread ten years from now when you are in your mid 30's filled with immense regret.
>>16666153
Thank you for your expectations that it is impossible to find anyone who is a virgin and that anyone with moral expectations will be filled with immense regret.
It this is the type of people Im forced to live with for the rest of my life Id rather move to the eastern world.
>>16666164
anon, don't listen
You don't want to settle for someone. Being single is better than being with someone who is... wrong for you
>>16663804
Of course shes fucking spiteful are you kidding me
you made her feel worth less over something that cant be helped
and you wasted her time for months
i dont see why she would be on good terms with youa fter you made her out to look like a fool
>>16667089
>you made her feel worth less over something that cant be helped
Are you saying that people dont choose whether or not to have sex. I doubt she was raped.
You wasted her time by not telling her you only want to date virgins earlier. You write her off due to something(very common) she's done in the past she has no way of changing. Of course she is spiteful. You fucked up.
If a girl not being a virgin is such a major deal breaker for you, you make that clear from the moment the relationship starts to grow. Though, finding a 20 something virgin girl who isn't an autist, overtly religious or ugly as hell, is not an easy task.
>>16667136
>relationship starts to grow
Its not like it was 2 years.
Why though anon? Why is it so important the girl is a virgin? You say it is due to your moral philosophy, but you haven't specified anything. Why does it make you uncomfortable to know she slept with others?
>>16664005
>>16664108
>YOU'RE LASHING OUT AT ME!!
God you're an insufferable faggot.
>>16667159
the cucks that are in this thread never cease to amaze me
>>16667146
It was more than a month. That is a growing relationship.
Are girls just as paranoid about guys not being virgins?
Anyways, sex with a virgin sucks.
I need some /adv/ or stories
I found out that my ex gf is pregnant to her now boyfriend, dudes a fucking loser, no car/unemployed, lives with his parents, we were together for 3 years, but we only broke up 7 months ago, she is literally going to be pregnant longer then we've been broken up.. it was kind of a kick in the guts, though ive let go of the breakup and all that sad shit..
My question is; am i ever going to love someone the same way? She was my first proper love, i didnt know why i did.. i just did, i just knew that i loved her, now it feels like a choice.. ive seen and slept with a few girls since then and gotten a little close, but theyve all got qualities that i just, dont like.. almost feels as though im going to love them as a choice, as long as they tick the right boxes.. and that doesnt sound like fun
So brahs, have any of you found someone that you didnt have to decide to love, after your first?
>>16667150
>>16665947
Just one of the people who see sex as important Id assume.
If sex is virginity is so important to you then why are you dating "regular" girls. This seems to be the main quality you seek so focus your attention on dating sites for virgins or something. Most girls in their 20s aren't virgins. Your safest bet is to specifically seek them out.
>>16667150
Not OP, but does it matter? Some peopke will only date blondes, some will only want thin people, others will only date vegans or non-smokers... OP does not want women who have had sex before and he is right for breaking up with a woman who does not meet his standards. Anything else would have been hypocritical.
>>16667206
Theres no mention that this is the only quality or main quality. Only that it was a deal breaker.
>>16667214
Stop being willfully ignorant and understand the kind of a world you're living in. Most girls you meet in your age group will not be virgins. To make it easier for everyone you need to focus on seeking out virgins and THEN picking out from the girls and qualities you like.
And I realize you're probably not OP, just can't be bothered to word it differently.
>>16667229
This only works out if being a virgin were the main quality. If you refused to date anyone but female table tennis players obviously you would start there. There is no group that every virgin belongs to and most people dont advertise it like a badge. I dont see that problem with going around and simply dating until you find the qualities you look for.
For all we know if you only ask out girls from with an eastern ethnicity then they could all be virgins. But then thats profiling. Saying the most girls are not virgins doesnt reflect that there is still a large number who are. If you have a specific quality you want I dont see why so many people are becoming mad over it.
>>16667252
The point is virginity is a dealbreaker for him and most people aren't virgins. It's simply not okay to go around dating people for months, being too pussy to ask about it and then cutting them out like a complete autist once they don't live up.
>>16667267
Most people arent what you are looking for in general. No one goes on dating sites just because they have a dealbreaker.
>>16667289
Yeah but usually the dealbreakers get brought up early on. You can't keep dating a girl for months and then reject her like some autist. If you have such a issue with virginity you bring it up before feelings start to develop. I'm not saying people fall in love after months of dating but being treated like this by the person you're dating hurts and OP shouldn't try to make himself out to be the victim.
>>16667267
>It's simply not okay
Why not?
>>16667304
But OP said he'd be willing to overlook the virginity issue in certain cases, this girl just didn't measure up for him.
>>16667309
It hurts people's feelings when they feel like you like them and then suddenly you're "not committed". That shit should be brought up earlier.
>>16667312
It's still his fault for assuming certain things about someone and then judging them and acting the way he did.
>>16667304
The OP says
>after hearing her views I broke things off with her
So maybe theres some wiggle room in the 'moral philosphy.' And anyone would agree with >>16664568
>>16667315
He should have had the conversation sooner.
>>16667314
What did he assume?
I dont assume people are a virgin or not when I meet them. I doubt anyone makes that assumption.
>>16667320
I dont think rushing to have a discussion about 'moral philosophies' is ever going to be a solution.
>>16667314
> OP does not want a specific trait in his partner
> OP meets girl
> OP starts knowing her better
> turns out said girl shares that undesirable trait
> OP shows he is coherent enough to break up with her instead of being a hypocritical asshole
It is not like OP waited until they were engaged or anything. She is hurt because she feels insulted, as in "I can't believe this guy spent so much time with me and we made such a big effort to have a great relationship for it to end so suddenly", but OP acted correctly.
>>16667321
Most people who are actively dating aren't virgins.
>>16667326
>>16667331
I guess people see things differently. I believe that if such a common thing is a deal breaker you bring it up as soon as possible. It's fine to have your ideals and standards but don't go around dating regular people only to judge them.
I'm a virgin too btw.
>>16667340
>don't go around dating regular people only to judge them.
You just profiled regular people. Virgins arent regular people now lol. Calm down.
>>16667348
Oh fuck off with your profiling. You know very well that most young people in their 20s have had sexual experiences. There's nothing abnormal about being a virgin but I don't go on Tinder expecting the person to be a virgin.
>>16667335
>Most people who are actively dating aren't virgins.
What is this garbage. At 24 virgins start looking to settle down. People are married and have kids at this age. Virgins are people to and arent just trying to die alone.
>>16667361
Yeah they are people but they're the minority.
>>16667356
I highly doubt virgins go on tinder including OP.
>You know very well that most young people in their 20s have had sexual experiences
you seem to think most people means 99.9%. You are wrong.
Im in grad school where Id put it around 20% are still virgins. How about you stop making assumptions...
>>16667367
What do you study? Are they male or female?
>>16667365
Tell me where do you find these people if not by dating.
>>16667370
Female percentage. Physic department is pretty much all virgins lol. Im physics but the grad school itself is what Im talking about. Its all about the environment. You really need to stop profiling people like that.
>>16667371
I'm not saying they're not there, just that having experiences is the norm. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean you should make others feel like shit about it like OP. And no I don't condone sleeping around.
>>16667381
How did OP make her feel shit about it?
He broke it of very cleanly and she threw a sissy fit.
>>16667377
Well saying that just proves you can "profile" people to a degree. There's certain environments where it's more common but it sounds like OP moves around in circles where virginity isn't a big deal.
>>16667388
>it sounds like OP moves around in circles where virginity isn't a big deal.
I dont see where you gathered that. Im not saying that all grad schools are like this. Just that you shouldnt go around assuming that everyone around you isnt a virgin because you just dont know.
>>16667387
OP isnt allowed to break up with people over disagreements about moral philosophies apparently.
>>16667394
I'm not assuming that. You also shouldn't assume the opposite and then judge. Anyway this is a stupid thing to argue about and discuss. We just have to agree to disagree.
>>16667405
I dont see how OP assumed the opposite then judge.
He didnt call her a dirty slut like most bitter virgins would. Just broke up with her like a reasonable person. Maybe in his environment its 50/50. I dont see why you think he made an assumption either.
>>16667414
From what I've seen in the thread, I'm pretty sure OP had a holier-than-thou attitude about it. I'm not saying anyone is completely right or wrong but I can see why she would be annoyed.
>>16667422
Ive just read people being upset OP stuck by his belief. I dont see how OP could possibly be wrong for not leading this girl on.
>>16667422
I have no idea how you came into that conclusion, you probably should read the thread again.
>all that butthurt in this thread
Makes me want to make a roastie joke.
Maybe you went wrong about it, OP? Called her a slut, implied she's worse than virgins or something? It's okay and understandable to want a virgin partner if you're a virgin yourself by choice - you just want someone who's similar to you on that end. But you can't insult people over being different than you. If people get butthurt at you for rejecting a girl over not being a virgin, explain calmly to them that you want a partner who treats sex exactly like you, and she had a different view on that, and that's why you decided to break it off.
>>16667570
Apparently OP was very civil about this issue... Obviously we only know his side of the story, but let us assume he speaks the truth. He said he engaged her in conversation and explained to her that their conflicting views disable any kind of romantic relationship. She is the one to be angry and spiteful about the whole thing, which is understandable since she had not expected to be dumped because of this, but it does not allow her to behave like a child.
>>16667848
>it does not allow her to
>allow
Yeah, there aren't rules.
>>16667855
So you believe the problem is op just got unlucky and ran into a child
I hope this is a troll. If not, then OP will die a virgin. Which is a good thing, so that his retarded genes will not be passed on.
>>16667896
>hurr everyone should be a slut
Stay mad.
>>16667901
You have been polluted by /r9k/s bitterness. In your world, anyone who is not a kissless virgin is a slut. Guess what, your mother is a slut.
My gf was not a virgin when we started dating. Did that bother me? Of course not. Because I'm not an insecure little faggot like you.
>>16667908
>hurr not liking sluts means you are insecure
Stay mad.
>>16667934
>slut
I don't think that word means what you think it means.
>>16667946
>hurr no ones a slut.
Stay mad
>>16667950
The only one mad here is you. Angry virgins like you should stay in /r9k/ and stop polluting other boards. Your board is a containment board for a reason.
>>16667963
>hurr anyone a virgin is just angry
Stay mad.
You have to be completely autistic not to understand why such a rejection might make someone butthurt. OP seems completely clueless and probably came off like a pretentious fuck. In any case you do you opie. Just don't get close to people you know nothing about.
>>16667988
OP was complaining that shes being a faggot about it and spreading rumors about him. Someones always butthurt after a break up.
>>16667997
Then maybe don't get together with a complete stranger?
this whole thread:
>OP is dumb for having opinion about lifestyle choices
>this doesn't fit my lifestyle choice so OP must be immature
>grow up and get pussy
OP, you're right. You have every reason to wait until you find someone that also shares your ideals and lifestyle, and that person will come because I personally know many Christian virgin women in their 20s who aren't half bad looking and fun to be around.
Op wasn't putting this girl down because of her past, he wasn't assuming she was a virgin from the start. he got to know her, learned about their differences in opinion, and acted on it. The most he can do without sacrificing his livelihood is apologize.
Everyone who doesn't understand this is stuck in a myopic media-cock-down-throat view that it's cool for anyone to have sex with everyone and no one should feel or be shamed for it. Don't put OP down for having an unpopular yet still rational opinion and lifestyle choice.
>>16668003
What if he already knows everyone around him hes interested in isnt a virgin
>>16668070
OP is being very irrational here. He will not want any girl unless she is a virgin. He is automatically cutting down his potential dating pool to a tiny fraction of what it could be.
Just curious OP. When would it be okay not to be a virgin? When the girl was raped?
>>16668154
No hymen, no ring. Simple as that. If the bitch was dumb enough to get raped she doesn't deserve me.
>>16668154
>>16668133
OP already said that hes willing to look the other way in certain cases.
>>16668193
Yeah and I'm asking what the cases are.
>>16668202
Its in the thread. Rape is probably included but I remember marriage before him being one. Not going to read through it again and its really up to him to decide.
>>16668133
> He will not want any girl unless she is a virgin
And that's for OP and only OP to decide. He is asking for advice on how to break up with a woman and hurt her feelings as little as possible, he is not asking /adv/ to convince him to like women he does not like. Some people only want blondes, others only want vegans, others will only date within their own race, etc. OP is looking for virgins. And he is not "wrong" for thinking so.
>>16668247
Why do you ignore what's being said? Whether someone is blonde or not is visible from the first meeting. If the person is only interested in blondes then he doesn't go any further unless the girl is blonde. OP is dating random girls for months and then breaking up when he finds out they're not virgins. If it's so important to him he needs to bring it up earlier.
>>16668260
Agreed, OP should bring it up earlier; I was not arguing that. My point is that anons who attack OP's preference, try to change his standards, scare him about never finding an adequate girlfriend, etc. are not helping.
>>16668260
>>16668284
He said he doesnt believe discussions about 'moral philosophies' should come up so early which is perfectly reasonable.
I mean tbf if a girl was raped, she might not want to mention it to you immediately.
>>16668284
>scare OP
It should scare him because only 12.3% of women are virgins at 20-24. After age 25 it's less than 5%, probably because the religious types that save themselves for marriage, like Mormons, will have gotten married and had sex by then. The numbers absolutely should scare OP without any other commentary because they show exactly how far behind on things he is. If OP is 22 he is around 4 years behind on lining up a virgin wife.
If this is absolutely a deal breaker for him, he needs to be pretty up front about it right away. Not in a "are you a virgin? because I'm only interested in virgins, you whore" kind of way, but more like just stating up front on the first date or in your online profile that you believe in people saving themselves for marriage, in which case she will either agree with you, or say something non-committal and then he'll never see her again (this gives them a way to save face).
If OP has other requirements besides virginity (not fat, not ugly, mentally stable, wants/doesn't want kids, etc) he has a very limited time period here. Statistically he should be dating 18-19 year olds if he wants a better chance of a mentally stable cute virgin wife, and that starts to seem a little creepy/weird after 30 or so.
Honestly I'd convert to Mormonism, OP. That's probably your best chance. Make sure you go on the two year mission too, the quality Mormon girls won't even look at a guy that hasn't.
>>16668365
>12.3%
Holy shit thats a lot. Gives me hope that all women arent whores. Holy shit. Whered you get that statistic because maybe the guys on /r9k/ should see that.
>>16668365
>If this is absolutely a deal breaker for him, he needs to be pretty up front about it right away.
No one talks about stuff like this on the first date. I dont know where you people get your dating advice from. OP seems to be perfectly fine dating women so I dont know why people are saying hes doing it wrong.
>>16668373
The guys on /r9k/ will never get gfs anyway so it doesn't matter.
>>16668365
>1/20 women you meet will be a virgin
Those arent bad odds. Just means he'll have to look 20x harder than others but frankly I dont see how that would scare anyone.
>>16668402
And you can always look for younger women, they look better too so win-win
>>16668373
12.3% are fat and retarded so they can't have sex
>>16668422
>no ones a virgin by choice
Whore mentality for you.
Typical /adv/ thread. Anon here was asking for advice how to handle the situation he described and all you faggots are capable of is shitting on his views. Guess what, nobody cares and rightfully so. Who he chooses to spend his time with is no one's business but his and if you can't gor dont want to give advice on what he wasked for then get your dumb ass out of his thread. That simple.
>>16668572
It wouldn't surprise me if less than 1% of the world's adult population are virgins by choice. People who say they're virgins by choice are usually fat bitter neckbeards who no one wants to touch or kiss anyways, so it's not as much as a choice as it's simple acceptance.
>No one is ever going to fuck me
>HAHA THE JOKE WAS ON THEM I NEVER WANTED TO HAVE SEX ACTUALLY
>>16669833
OP is a fucktard, that was proven beyond a reasonable doubt. How and why this thread is still active is rather strange.
>>16671052
this sad sad mentality
>everyone would be a slut if they could
Grow up.
