Stop paranoia
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I have my girlfriend, I love her and she's great. So far we have a nice relationship most of the time without issues or problems
She went to a trip in holidays. Nothing happened, but since then there's like a voice, more like a feeling that there's something wrong happening, specially with my girlfriend when everything is fine and good.
I don't let that affecr my relationship with her, so i'm not asking her every 5 minutes or doing weird things. And she thinks everything is normal and good. But it's annoying and I want to fucking stop.
I want to stop overthinking, stop worrying more than I should, stop tryng to find "something hidden" in the things she says. I want to enjoy my relationship, just like I used to before this weird feeling got in my head.
Even sometimes I feel exhausted at the end of the day, like fighting against myself inside my head.
Any tips?
Take a chill pill. There's no sense worrying over something that you can't confirm. You're only going to completely dismantle the relationship with your own hands if you continue with that mentality. Worry about it when it's out there in the open, and plain to see. Worry less about yourself, and worry more about making her feel comfortable and secure or something.
That's the best I can say with limited understanding of the situation.
>>16658899
I've seriously felt this exact way before. it's like there are bits and pieces scattered around that all don't directly warrant suspicion, but when you look at all of them together suddenly you get paranoid about uncovering a scheme against you that you have no reason to believe exists.
this is admittedly a security issue, one I struggle with myself. it has actually led to me uncovering things hidden from me, but in hindsight they weren't even that bad. I really should have been more thankful with what I had.
I say as long as it's working out with no problems, accept that it's good and stop worrying. I mean the goal with dating is to find a great person to be great with, so stop feeling like shit when everything is great.
anyway that's what I tell myself! haha best of luck OP.
>>16658899
Expect the unexpected dude, dont let it bite you in the ass and not be ready for it.
Intuition is a real thing Op... suss it out on the down low.
>>16658899
Son, my wife could go three trips around God's green earth and I wouldn't doubt for a second she was faithful. Maybe you both have some trust issues you need to discuss.
I hope it works out but to be honest it sounds like he same shit every individual experiences as a young person. Can I trust this person? What are they doing when they drink? Maturity on both sides could fix this problem but then again would you miss out on doing these things and discovering the person you are?
Sleep on it.
>>16658929
It's not like I don't trust her. I don't think about her cheating or that stuff. Is more about me. Lately there's a not very smart me in my mind that wants to see that I fucked up when I didn't.
The stuff that annoys me is me, asking myself, "oh did I just made her mad?" "Did I did something wrong?" "something wrong is going on?" when everything is fine.
This started before she went to her trip, I just became way more aware of that while she wasn't in town.
>>16658925
intuition might as well just be pure reactionary instinct based on emotion. the thought that your rationally blind assertion is more likely correct is not down to some subconscious knowledge, but rather down to chance and luck.
>>16658919
Thank you man! So far I haven't made anything big enough to lose her, and desu i'm really glad I can be with her, there's a lot of stuff she has that contributes to my happiness.
I want to me more mature, and work in my weaknesses. I guess that I need to know myself more, but I don't know how.
Really want to work in my security and self-esteem. After all, she chose me over a lot of dudes :)
>>16658941
Exactly, so far I managed to keep in my head, and not say anything based on that. Because I know that it's based on basically nothing.
Sometimes it makes me feel like shit, and I hate it, it doesn't let me be in my best mood for her, for my friends and for mu familly. It needs to stop.
>>16658939
You're overthinking anon, and that's because you don't have other activities to ocuppy your mind with, so your head is always fixed in thinking the worst.
Source: Own experiences
>>16658908
Thank you, I will focus more on future dates, new activities, places to go, things to cook. Just stuff to make us both feel happy and comfortable, not the other way.
>>16658965
I don't have a job (I study), so i'm still in holiday.
I'm reading books, gaming, talkng with friends but I can't erradicate those "dead moments" where I have nothing to do and I can start the gross overthinking.
Tomorrow I'll start jogging. I'm in shape, but I need something to distract my mind, anything to be occuppied to avoid this crap to spread and start messing up stuff
Any other recommendation?
Shhh. Anon. Shhhh. Listen.
Your intuition is smarter than you are. Always trust it. Always.
Find a thread. Start pulling it.
Ask about her trip. Not aggressively, and not in a way that seems suspicious. Listen to her stories. Do they sound very detailed, as though they were perhaps well rehearsed? As you ask more and more, not necessarily in an accusatory tone, does she get defensive? Does she throw in little tidbits of things that almost sound like a partial admission of something before explaining them away hastily?
Your gut is smarter than you are. Trust me on this. I speak from experience.
>>16658972
Holy shit anon, you are like me when my ex went on vacations with her mom, I had nothing to do and my insecurity killed my relationship, so I'm going to tell you what I wish I had done back then.
>distract yourself with something physical
You mentioned jogging, maybe you should start lifting weights too, I tell you, this is a great confidence booster.
>Do not blame her for things you THINK are happening
Women don't like that and they are not as slutty as 4chan make you think, instead, ask her about her day and shit.
Also, I tried reading and other things that were not physical but I couldn't focus while doing them, only time I could forget about everything was when I was in volleyball practice.
So yea, I recommend you try and read the >>>/fit/ sticky, it helps a lot and also your gf would be happy if she saw you in better shape when she came back.
>>16658997
I used to go to a gym before and it used to feel nice haha, but school kills me, so I just have holidays to work out. I hope jogging is enough.
I haven't told her anything. We had a fight (not big) before, and it was both of us fault, she admitted her mistakes and I did the same with mine. I told her that sometimes I overthink stuff, and she told me to not worry.
Obviously i'm not letting that happen again. Right now i'm reading "Liquid Love" by Bauman, and I think it's not helping lol, it makes me overthink more.
Any other way to boost self-confidence?
>>16658997
Hey one more thing that I forgot.
No fap: Is it a good idea?
I know the benefits of masturbation, but I stopped doing that like a week ago, and it kinda helped me with this, I feel better and it's easier to ignore the "overthinking" shit. It's weird because I don't feel the urge to fap, even if I accidentally see NSFW stuff, and I could barely survive 1 week in previous no-fap challenges because I started with raging boners for basically everything and having that was bad, specially in school.
Is there a reason for this? Maybe porn really fucks up your mind?
>>16660002
I don't know about nofap, but noporn is the way to go, every time I watch porn I feel like shit afterwards, maybe try that.
>>16659972
No More Mr. Nice Guy is a great book to read, it helped me understand why I was acting like that, maybe it could help you too.
