Long story short, I kinda orbited around an older girl for a year and wanted to be more than friends. She rejected me, saying I was a good friend but doesn't feel the same way and is sorry if she mislead me.
Haven't talked to her in 3 months, I have been increasingly active on facebook and changed my profile picture. She writes me on facebook "Happy new Year! You look absolutely handsome in your profile picture". I didn't "read" the message but I saw the preview.
Is that a good sign or does she only wants attention? Should I try to reconnect with her? How should I answer?
Reconnect with her and don't do anything stupid.
Im pretty sure she was just paying you a compliment. 3 months is nothing, if it had been a year or more then maybe it meant she changed her mind. I don't think you need to say anything, but if you want to, I'd reply with "Thanks! Hope your New Years was awesome!" That way the ball is in her court to reply back if she's interested. If not, I'd take that to mean it really was just a compliment.
>>16649328
Don't say anything to her. She's just testing you. You fail the test if you message her saying something beta like "hey wanna have coffee some time?"
What I would do if I was you (which I am not, clearly) but I would wait until she posted a new pic and leave a comment similar to the one she left on your pic. Now I don't know the girl so I wouldn't know what exactly to say to her but you understand.....hopefully.
>>16649337
I am awful at this. What should I avoid doing? How shoud I handle this?
>>16649343
It is very odd of her to compliment me out of the blue, she never did that before. Isn't that a sign that she's getting interested?
>>16649328
It's an attempt to be friendly and compliment you. You know, because she said you're a good friend, and because she probably wants to stay friends.
Just reply with some cheerful thanks and a happy new year wish or something in return, and see what follows.
Do you genuinely like the friendship you have with her, even if it doesn't come with romance?
>>16649365
>she never did that before
Before, when you were still friends, did you communicate more frequently? It could be that she's just trying to rebuild the connection
>>16649365
It's not necessarily a sign she's interested. If she rejected your advances but wanted to remain friends, and if you haven't spoken in a while, it is probably just her reaching out and a new profile pic is the perfect opportunity to break the awkward silence.
>>16649359
I was thinking about wishing her a happy new year and tell her to put a picture of her (has somekind of artsy girl as profile pic) to tease her a little. No I didn't plan on saying something THAT beta and I never leave comments on her pictures/wall because she rarely posts anything.
>>16649328
If you want to talk to her talk to her. If you want to date her ask her. If she rejects you again I'd cut ties, though.
-be 16
-plays vidya game with online friend
-get pretty close
-become best friends
-we talk using kik when we aren't playing
-he introduces me to a girl friend of his through kik
-solid 8/10
-she's 13
-let's call her Jane
-me and Jane talk on kik
-get close and shit
-start liking her intensely
-never had a girlfriend before
-never had someone as cool/chill as she was
-I flirt with her
-she flirts back
-I confess my feelings
-she says she feels the same way but has trouble trusting people
-I assure her to trust me
-she says she trusts me
-happy af
-we start dirty talking
-shit gets tense
-we pass out talking
-next day we start sharing some dank memes
-happy as can be
-not for long
-start playing with my online best friend
-let's call him John
-I say to John that I was thinking about asking for nudes from Jane
-John takes it as if I asked him to ask Jane for me
-John tells Jane that I want nudes
-Jane gets pissed
-Jane questions me about it
-I panic and lie
-she believes me cause she trusts me
-asks John why he would lie
-John tells me he willing to take the hit for me
-I feel guilty
-I tell Jane the truth and apologize
-she feels betrayed
-we don't talk for a bit
-shit gets awkward
-try to start conversation
-little to no response
-no more talking between us
-got depressed
-fin
Am I an asshole?
Anyone else think she just wants attention?
OP, I think the best you could do is talk to her like a friend, and widen your options partner wise. If you can't handle that and you think you'll relapse, and ask her out again, then maybe the best thing to do would be to keep a distance. If this is something that troubles you, you should probably communicate it to her ("I can't see you as just a friend, sorry!").
>>16649384
Well, in any case you should return the happy new year greeting because that's just basic politeness, and if you don't do it you'll come across as butthurt and sulking.
I'm not sure if you should add something more, it's up to you and how you feel and how your relationship with her is and how it was before, all that stuff. You could say something casual about her picture, or lack of one, tease her back in the same level of intensity and effort that she teased you, maybe more casual (I wish I could say the same, but frankly your pic looks weird, a bit drained of colour (if it's a black and white picture)), something light. Not too suggestive, not too intense, definitely nothing more interested or intense than what she said to you.
But really, it'd be best if you could remain friendly with her but direct your romantic aspirations elsewhere. She rejected you, after all.
>>16649369
I would believe that but when she rejected me this summer, she said I was a 2nd degree friend and in all my time knowing her, she never asked to go out eating together or anything. She has a hard time getting over her ex.
>>16649378
Well she is more of the introverted/shy type. We would text/message on average once every month and sometimes brunch together. She did sob once on my shoulder when her bf left her and rejected my physical approaches when we ate sushi all alone, at night, at her friend's place.
Hmm. I guess you guys are right. It doesn't mean anything. She is just reaching out for attention and to take advantage of me, an emotional tampon. I won't cope with this and I will not answer her.
>>16649328
Girls like beta orbiters. They boost their confidence but they are not attracted to them and want nothing to do with them romantically.
She is trying to reconnect and flatter you to draw you back into her orbit because you fellate her ego. You make her feel good about herself, and there is probably a bit of a power trip she gets with it too.
Just be curt and continue to distance yourself from her.
>>16649413
I'm somewhat with this guy >>16649404
You should return the politeness, but slowly cut ties. This is mainly for your own (mental) well being rather than some butthurt behavior.
If you can, meet new people. If you can't, hibernate. Then meet new people.
>>16649397
>asking a 13 year old for nudes
Yes.
>>16649328
Ignore her. She'll either not care or keep flooding until she has no choice but to approach you. The key is to do next to nothing. Keep her hanging. Don't reply too much, but don't outright ignore her. Don't let her know that you're still into her. This is a contest of wills. I know it's crazy but women love doing this shit, I don't understand the motivation but I understand the method.
>>16649489
I think, as others have said, that she is looking for beta orbiters.
>>16649328
Just say "thanks, and happy new years!" Then be done.keep the conversation short. Like passing by a friend on your way to work. You wanna talk to them but you have more pressing things to attend to at the moment.
>>16649489
So just wishing her happy new year will be enough? I am not able to gauge if I do too much or too little to leave her wanting for more.
>>16649504
You should reflect on yourself whenever you're being obsessive like you are right now (I don't mean to be mean by saying this). Just wish her happy new years and keep it at that. Just watch yourself because some girls like the ego boost, and that's what they're mainly after.
>>16649504
Yeah, just wish her a short and curt happy new year. Keep it simple and non-personal, like an obligation.
At this point, perusing her is a quagmire with no real hope of victory. Just keep contact very minimal and treat her advances a little coldly at first. She'll either not give a fuck about you or be all over you later down the line. Just don't get caught up in her and find something else to occupy your mind. Controlling your impulse for her is the most important thing, the effects will be visible for her.
