Hi /adv/,
So I've been out of college for break and away from my boyfriend of 1.5 years. I've been feeling so anxious and paranoid due to the way he's been acting.
It's been a month and a half and I've been giving him space, because we live together and do everything together, and it makes him angry that he doesn't get alone time. Since I stopped messaging him first, or at all he will send me a few sweet text here and there. It feels really good and makes me happy.
I can't help but to feel lonely though. And lately I've noticed he doesn't tell me he loves me as much as he use to. And I could just be really paranoid over it really.
But all day yesterday he didn't text me at all, he didn't even mention that he was spending the night at a friends house. I'm not mad over this, but would this concern you if a girlfriend/boyfriend did the same to you? I knew he was out, but I didn't know the rest.
I've been so scared he wants to leave me, I go back home in about 6 days. But he's just been so distant and it doesn't even feel like he's my boyfriend sometimes.
It just really upsets me that he doesn't think about talking to me, like it feels like he doesn't miss me at all or thinks about me. I could just be paranoid. But guys, do you think you can tell me what he might be thinking and what I should do? I know this is a common behavior with guys.
Also, just so this won't come up, he isn't really the type to hide what is bothering him with his family at least. Usually when his dad or mom does something that bothers him he will text me asap just to vent about it.
But if he's bothered by something else its really all about winning the lottery with getting it out of him, but he'll also be really moody and you can tell he's upset. I don't think he's upset about anything right now.
Oh, my mom told me that listing good things that he does for me helps, so I'll do that here.
>He asked me to watch clannad because he said it reminds him of us.
>After I watched it he bought me a pink and blue dango plushies for Christmas because the represent us
>We were talking about how this guy is in love with me and he said "well, who wouldn't be" and it gave me butterflies
>He calls me qt a lot
>When I heard someone trying to open my front door he told me "I love you please be safe"
>He mentioned going on a date when I get back a few weeks ago
>He went to a party on new years where everyone had a boyfriend/girlfriend there and he said he felt left out.
Thats all I can think of right now.
>>16647526
>>16647545
Not gonna lie, this could turn sour (just like everything, so no need to stress aout it)
What I belive is that, at his NYE party, he did remember about you and he possibly would like to see you. Ask him about it, maybe it'll do the trick.
This aside, maybe you should just talk about it with him...
>>16647526
It's just a phase imo. I went through the same thing a while back with my gf of 2 years. I thought I needed space. In reality since it's been almost 2 years he's probably nervous about the future. Like panicking over whether you're "the one" or what to do about marriage. Continue to tell him how much he means to you and talk to him about how you feel. As for the friend's house deal, that's being a little overly paranoid.
>>16647579
Well, I have tried talking to him about it before.
I don't blame him or anything. I'll just mention it, and he'll usually say "Yeah, I missed you" but then say he doesn't really wanna talk about it because he feels attacked? Even if I say I'm not angry, or blaming him.
He did, very recently just texted me saying sorry for not talking at all yesterday.
(I thought it was a little weird, because he never has said sorry for anything like that before, but it was really sweet)
>>16647588
Thank you, it's nice knowing it's a phase. I tell him I love him and care about him a lot, I don't want to ignore him or make him feel bad while I'm gone.
What made you realize you didn't really need space?
I was in the same situation and when I confronted him he broke up with me. Hope that's not the case with you cause it REALLY hurt.
In the past he would get these small episodes of the same thing but he would apologize for it. But this time he checked completely out.
>>16647588
This could be a plausible possibility
But for real, just sit and talk to him, don't keep your feelings for you because you're scared of push him away, communication is the key(le cliché)to make a relationship healthy and durable.
>>16647594
>What made you realize you didn't really need space?
Most of it came from a time when I spent 3 weeks away from the girlfriend when she went on an over seas vacation. I never realized how much I missed cuddling with her every night or how much I missed getting a good morning kiss until then.
>>16647599
I'm really sorry that happened to you. I really hope this isn't the case for me. I'm really scared of it becoming that way because I really love him.
>>16647617
I will probably talk about it with him in person, I don't think he really can handle talking about it through skype. We did use to be a long distance couple though lol.
>>16647619
I hope he feels this way about me, he doesn't really mention missing cuddling and kiss. He says he misses touching me sometimes and sex.
He doesn't really talk about relationship stuff anymore because he say he felt gay about it. But that was like months ago when he told me that.
>>16647639
Yeah, that's what i meant, talking about this at Skype, Text or phone is a really bad ideia tho.
>>16647658
whoops, I meant can't. He tells me a lot he doesn't like to talk on skype anymore.
>>16647526
the fuck do you really need that much attention and validation all the time?
Could be two completely different things OP.
As an introverted guy (not shy, just enjoy alone time), I can understand your boyfriends behavior as simply a different need for social interaction and confirmation as compared to you.
However, based on your story it could also easily be that he lost interest in you.
What type of guy is he when it comes to social behavior? Does he have a large group of friends, or a small group of really close friends? When you' re out with him, how much does he talk to random strangers? Etc.
>>16647688
Well, we both share the same 10 friends. He hangs out with only them and he has been hanging out with them nearly everyday. That's one reason I do feel like he is losing interest in me sometimes. He never really wants to spend time with me unless our friends tag along.
He doesn't really talk to strangers unless he has to.
>>16647699
Do they smoke weed/drink or play videogames? And do they always do the same thing?
>>16647684
I don't think it's about attention and validation. It's about communication and missing the other person.
>>16647714
They drink and play video games. They do it every time, they don't drink regularly because it's expensive.
I am also opposed to him drinking with them when there is this one girl there and I'm not there, because she throws herself on everyone even if they are in a relationship. He will at least take a few shots, and I'm okay with that.
>>16647727
My idea is that he feels somewhat relaxed within that group because he knows those people well and they do not control/challenge him. Not necessarily that he is incapable to deal with that, he just doesn't feel like doing that.
Now based on your description he does love you, find you attractive and thinks you are fun, but the way you are controlling him bothers him. Which results in fear of commitment.
I'm defending the guy, and am trying to help you understand him if he's a good guy. However this obviously doesn't have to be the case, seeing as I do not know him.
>>16647755
Thank you, I do think I was pretty controlling when I first flew out of state due to the fear of that girl taking advantage of the fact that I'm gone. I wanted him to message me constantly.
But I did back off and he started coming back to me.
But thank you for giving me your perspective on this. I'll make sure to let him just relax and learn to be less paranoid over things.
