How do I get rid of cheating guilt? I was in a relationship with a guy for a year and a half, and spent the last 5 months of it having sexual relations with my ex behind his back. The guilt was so intense that I broke up with him thinking it would help, and it did, but only for a short while. I so badly just want to just tell him and apologize, but it's been several months since I've been in contact with him. Is it just a matter of time?
>>16645502
you can tell him what you did and you might feel better
or you can keep it to yourself and he'll feel better.
either way, you did something bad. you feel guilty about it. that's life.
don't do it again. it'll pass.
>>16645502
>>16645512
I definitely agree with this poster. Don't tell him. You're only looking for closure for yourself for what you did. Telling him now after several months and somehow expecting him to forgive you is selfish and insulting.
It sounds like you regret losing him over cheating than the actual cheating.
>>16645502
Has he already accepted the break up. This is one of those cases where he might not want to know, but if him knowing will change anything then you should tell him.
Also youre looking to have someone reprimand you so that you dont have to. He definitely will hate you and wont forgive you. But you feel like you got away with a terrible crime which you did. You dont have to give him exact details but just say that you went behind him back a betrayed him which is why you suddenly ended the relationship and that youre sorry. He will guess you cheated by as long as you dont directly say it he wont lash out until hes certain.
Don't tell him, you will only hurt him more and then you are going to feel guilty about that too. Just keep living your life, the guilt won't disappear unless you change your mind about cheating(start believing that it is acceptable) so as long as you think it is a bad thing, you'll always feel guilty about what you did. The only way to suppress that guilt is to not repeat your mistake.
>>16645502
You will feel guilty for the rest of your life and constantly wonder if you are in fact a decent human being worthy of someone's love.
>>16645502
yeah they best why to deal with it is to not open your legs to anyone other than your committed partner.
i get its hard for women to understand this for some reason.
>>16645502
Don't be a cunt, always tell the truth. You would want him to. Don't do the classic woman shit and act like you're not a fucking bitch and liar when you are. Admit that to yourself, apologise to him and tell him the truth, accept that he won't forgive you and then afterwards forgive yourself. Life is to short to worry about this shit, just get it done. Stop being a cunt. Simple.
Live with the guilt... cunt.
>>16645558
you're rude :3
You cheated for a reason, because he is not giving you what you want and need. Face the truth and move on ! If he was too PERFECT, you would've dumped him unstead of cheating.
Is it appropriate to dump a person?
>>16645502
would you be telling him for him or for you? this reminds me of degrassi when the bigger white dude told drake he was the reason he was put in a wheelchair because the bigger white dude felt guilty, not because drake should know. drake was pissed because the white dude, just looked up his name - spinner, only said it so spinner could help himself with his own issues... i'm not sure if that example would help. but yeah, definitely don't tell him for yourself.
>>16645593
I think YOU are rude.
>I'mma fug my ex while dating someone else because it's cool, 'N SHEIT
Are you like 15 ? What's the point of telling him anyway ? You cheated but you are no longer with him now so why do you feel guilty ?
It's not like you two are still together. Even if you two were together, i suggest you get rid of him without telling him because it's your life, not his. You'll give him a reason to hate you. Some things are better left unspoken.
If you cheated with your ex, it means you love your ex more than this guy so move one with your life and stop being with people you don't love or don't feel good around.
The guilt will last a few days but it will go away if you forget this guy and focus on your current relationship with the exboyfriend you love.
From my experience, if he was a nice guy, you wouldn't have cheated on him.
So ask yourself what you really want and grow some balls and move.
>>16645530
my gf of 4 years cheated on me but told me. i forgave her and don't hate her. the only reason i wanted to know is because we're still friends. i posted advice about not telling the guy for OP's own sake, but if her and him are still friends and he'd want to know she should tell him. i wouldn't want anyone who ever cheated on me to do so and not fill me in, in the condition that we were still friends. if he'd want to know OP AND you want to tell him so you feel better, don't do that. only tell him for his sake. otherwise you will eventually and would deserve to feel like shit for telling someone you cheated on them in part to help you get over it
>>16645606
Yeah it's appropriate when you don't feel anything for your bf but hate.
Don't tell him, it's not useful. He will only think you're a whore and you will lose his friendship and respect. Trust me, i'm a guy. If a girl cheated on me while we were together and told when we're friends, unless i'm a retard as fuck, i'd end up our friendship.
Truth always come with a cost, you'll have to be willing to pay the price. If you two don't trust each other, there is no place for truth even in friendship. Besides, WTF: you're friend with your ex ? and you cheated on him ? Don't you think your pushing it a little bit....
Damn I don't understand people that stay friends with their ex. That's so wrong and immature.
>>16645502 (OP)
Not gonna make friends here but there is nothing wrong with cheating if you cheat for the right reasons. You shouldn't feel guilty, and no you're not a whore. There is always a background story to cheating. You're not telling us everything but hear this.
I cheated with my exgirlfriend because she was the biggest bitch this earth could ever possibly host but it's not something i have planned on doing. I would've never thought about cheating on someone before and i always had no respect for people who did that to their girlfriend.
Only thing is, my relashionship was a disaster. I was trying so bad to give her what she wants but she use to complain all the time and she was never satisfied. She use to stalk me 24/7. I was in love with her but i was losing myself over her. Make no mistake, i had feelings for her but we were no longer on the same page. The break up was going to happen, it was just a matter of time. Cheating or not wasn't going to change anything to our fucked up situation.
I fell in love over the summer with someone else which is my current girlfriend. It's been 2 wonderful years now. I never loved someone like that. She cares about me and she is giving my what my ex couldn't provide : her trust and love.
When i think about it, I don't regret cheating, i regret that i was too weak and lost myself over that bitch. If you love someone else and want to cheat, make sure you end up your relashionship before.
Sometimes you think someone is good for you, unless you find that girl that makes the entire difference.
Leave the poor guy alone slut...
>>16645593
But he's right
>>16645502
realise that your actions don't define you as a person. you most likely feeling this way because you have unresolved shame. maybe making amends for what you have done and learning from your mistake is a step forward. we all make mistakes.
>>16646239
It's not a mistake, it's a choice.
>>16645824
this is an example of why you feel guilty of what you have done. this is known as stigmatising shaming and it creates unresolved shame. this kind of thing create negative identities where an individual doesn't focus on the positives and make amends for their mistakes as they don't recognise that they can be good.
>>16646241
of course it was a choice but choices can still be a mistake. plus, we don't dont know ops life story and what lead her to cheat. the fact that she is guilty means that she recognises it is wrong. instating that it wasn't a mistaker and part of her character will deviate her from making the right choices.
>>16645502
By not cheating in the first pla-
>spent the last 5 months of it having sexual relations with my ex behind his back
Oh. Well you could just be honest and te-
>I broke up with him thinking it would help
Oh. Well you could just tell hi-
>it's been several months since I've been in contact with him
Oh.
So basically, you managed a prolonged betrayal of basic trust knowing what you were doing was wrong, as this is the only reason you'd hide it from him. You split with him without telling him why and disappeared from his life, and now, because you did something you rightly should feel guilty about, you want to hop back in his life at the point where he should be over you and fuck his shit up all over again just so you don't have to feel bad about something you deserve to feel guilty about?
Yeah, nah. Contemplate your transgressions and either wallow in the guilt until it kills you or develop the basic human reasoning needed to become a better person.
>>16645786
>there is nothing wrong with cheating if you cheat for the right reasons
Any circumstance where you can try to apply this excuse can easily be turned into "I broke up with them and dated someone else". You're incorrect on a fundamental level, assbrain.
>>16645502
You're only saying you feel guilty so that a bunch of strangers on the internet didn't think you are as much of a heartless bitch as you really are. You're not guilty, you cheated for five months and I bet that you would do it again because pieces of shit like you never stop at just one victim. You deserve to die alone.
>>16645502
you are obviously an asshole for cheating, but I wouldn't tell him. Life happens, maybe one day, you'll mature a bit, and you might end up back together. If you told him, he would hate you forever. So, piece of shit, why did you cheat anyway? not that any excuse is ok, but at least give us something we can understand.
>>16646255
agree with most of this but don't you think OP ex deserves to know the truth. he is probably confused and lost as to why she left him. if they spoke and where completely true to each other it could help them remove any negative aspects left from the relationship. there have been plenty of cases where people have been in terrible situations and after talking to each other healing occurred that helped both people. they can still repair the damage caused and not be in a relationship. also, we don't even know the whole story. we don't know what lead OP to cheat. i know women who cheat due to there partner being abusive.
>>16646269
and this a perfect example of why people never become better people. please, don't talk. you are only making things worse for everyone.
>>16645786
>>16646253
Cheaters detected
>>16646278
never cheated in my life i am just aware go the psychology behind this. maybe you sohlud educate your self on shame and restorative justice before you make advocation.
>>16646277
I have no influence on OP's decisions/actions so she might as well know that she's a piece of shit. Cheat once and you'll cheat again, this is not an opinion, it's a statistic.
>>16645502
go to an actual psychologist if you want help op. people on the internet won't help, they are not educated enough.
>>16646285
it's pretty embarrassing, when you try to tell someone they should get a education, when you can't even spell.
>>16646287
its a statistic because people have unresolved shame and psychological problems. people are not magically born cheaters. and you do have an influence. everyone has an influence. it may not be deep, but it is still there. and also, telling people that they are going to cheat will make them cheat if enough people say it as they will create this identity and not make amends.
>>16646289
typos. was pretty blatant. classic insecure response though.
>>16646273
>agree with most of this but don't you think OP ex deserves to know the truth
If he really wanted it, he'd find her or one of her friends and find that information. It's been several months, by now he's probably moved on.
>if they spoke and where completely true to each other it could help them remove any negative aspects left from the relationship
Or shatter his newfound confidence in having finally pushed past the confusing woman who broke his heart, only for her to drop a bomb on him.
>there have been plenty of cases where people have been in terrible situations and after talking to each other healing occurred that helped both people
For every example you have, I can give three where this either turned into a spiral of mutually abusive relationships or exploded in their faces all at once.
>also, we don't even know the whole story. we don't know what lead OP to cheat. i know women who cheat due to there partner being abusive.
See, I'd be willing to sympathize, but here's the thing: You can always say "fuck off, we're done". Even if the guy doesn't accept it, even if he's an abusive shit. You're not cheating when you declare it over, and his continued insistence means you get someone to fuck him up, not walk out of the relationship without saying anything and then contemplate going back to apologize.
You are all a bunch of assholes. Having said that.
OP, time is the answer you're looking for. As for the insults, listen to tim.
>>16646294
I just enjoyed the irony. I'll help you
I never cheated in my life. I am just aware about the psychology behind cheating. Maybe, you should educate yourself on shame and restorative justice before you advocate advice on the situation.
What is wrong with people like you OP? How can you possibly do that to someone you're supposed to care about and are in a relationship with?
>>16646305
The truth is rarely nice, almost never fair, and denying it won't make your life any better.
If you want a hugbox go to tumblr.
>>16646298
she may of kept is completely hidden from everyone she is friends with, people who cheat often don't tell anyone. i wasn't referring to only relationship, people in broken talking with the intent to heal can be applied to a profound amount of different things - cheating is just one of them. there are literally thousands of cases that you could easily find on the web. the problem with most people is that they do it incorrectly and in the wrong setting, its more complicated then simply talking. we live in a world where stigmatisation has become the norm and studies suggest that this doesn't work for the benefit of the offender or the community. you should look into current restorative justice and ancient restorative justice to get an insight on this. i do hear where you are coming from though and i am not trying to make up excuses for op because i have been cheated on before.
Also to the people defending this absolute monster, it wasn't a one or two time thing. She did it for 5 months and a large part of the relationship. Why even be in a relationship and lead the other person on?
>>16646322
no one is "defending" her. you just don't have a good understanding on studies related to this problem. the average person often holds a belief that if they label someone in a negative aspect with out mentioning positive demeanours it will deter them and others from continuing the behaviour they regard as wrong. However, often when people are labeled in such a way they don't they don't acknowledge the good qualities of themselves and the negative label creates unresolved shame that is released through anger. This Unresolved shame usually creates an identity that is reaffirmed through association with others sharing similar characteristics as it makes them feel comfortable
>>16646317
>people who cheat often don't tell anyone
People who engage in protracted campaigns of deceit are secretive? Stop the fucking presses.
>people in broken talking with the intent to heal can be applied to a profound amount of different things - cheating is just one of them
This going and making everything worse can also be applied to many situations outside of cheating. The success rate is still lower than the touchy-feel-good-do-bad-things-and-not-be-punished crowd admits.
>the problem with most people is that they do it incorrectly and in the wrong setting, its more complicated then simply talking
Yeah. And jumping back into some guy's life after you fuck him up just to say "oh, and it wasn't some personal conflict where I just couldn't see this working, I was cucking you for five months" is one of those incorrect ideas.
>we live in a world where stigmatisation has become the norm and studies suggest that this doesn't work for the benefit of the offender or the community
We live in a world where people think their feelings are more important than their actions, and catering to that is just getting us a bunch of entitled fucks who do things they know they shouldn't and then whine if anyone thinks less of them for it.
>you should look into current restorative justice and ancient restorative justice to get an insight on this. i do hear where you are coming from though and i am not trying to make up excuses for op because i have been cheated on before.
It sounds a whole bloody lot like you are, mate. Just saying. She's not coming back to you just because you wanna forgive her, and if she does she'll probably fuck around behind your back again if she hasn't been properly taught that what she was doing is a shameful act reserved for degenerates and those woefully unprepared to be in a relationship to fucking begin with.
>>16646326
They should feel shame. Someone who acts like this is a shitty person and should feel bad and strive to work on themselves.
>>16646326
Just took psychology 101 confirmed. People vote with their feet. She cheated on this guy, obviously she didn't like him. She was a piece of shit for doing it, but if she learns from it, and grows, her next relationship might be better.
>>16646239
Actions literally do define us as persons, dumb shit.
>>16646335
>They should feel shame. Someone who acts like this is a shitty person and should feel bad and strive to work on themselves.
This. I cheated in my first relationship - I'm the guy who's been arguing with Mr. "i'm not defending but i totally am" nocaps here this whole time.
You know why? Because like a lot of people, I was a fucking idiot. I was taught that relationships are something they're not, like we all seem to be. I was too dumb to actually talk to people with experience having successful relationships to see what I was doing wrong, and I made an idiot mistake. I knew it was wrong, so I directed that shame, told my partner straight away, and we broke up.
Did I need some feelgood "it's okay because you were confused" bullshit? No. If I got that I'd wind up thinking it was okay to do it and I'd do it again. I learned that I was being a piece of shit, and that unless I wanted to just be a piece of shit and remain that way, I'd have to learn to have a fucking spine and learn how to actually confront problems, resist temptations and have something resembling discipline and integrity.
There is no other fix for a cheater. You either learn to overcome it and become a better person, like I initially said to OP, or remain a failure.
If you told him and he ask you to get back together, would you do so OP?
>>16646328
the success definitely is not lower. there are academic studies in regards to this. people actions reflect their feelings in most cases, especially in relations so this subject. feelings are incredibly important. of course what she done is wrong but we should shame the act, not the person. shaming the persons will create unresolved shame and then she will cheat again. for example we shouldn't say "you are a shitty person, you dirty slut" what we should say is something along the lines of "what you have done is incredibly, you have turned your back on someone who trusted and loved you. however this doesn't define you as a person and you can make positive choices in the future etc". also, if you use stigmatising shaming people are less likely to acknowledge the wrong that they have done as they won't perceive that individual as belonging to a reference group. people normally only acknowledge what they have done and make amends for it if they are shamed by someone whom they respect. I'm sure you yourself have made up excuses for wrongs you have done in the past because you don't want to face the shame. the guy should be willing to be involved in a healing process as he is still part of her community, ignoring problems don't make them go away. this isn't about them getting back together. its about people learning and growing so they don't make the same mistake again.
>>16646388
>we should shame the act, not the person.
What the fuck is wrong with you? She is the person who took the steps that led to the act. Why should we pretend she was a victim of something greater and bears no responsibility. Stop coddling bad people.
>>16646335
you should shame the person not the act. you didn't understand my comment. >>16646342
you should look into the psychology of identity, can't be bothered explaining. >>16646339
i never psychology. i just like to read. your comments are interesting though. i can literally taste the insecurity and edginess with some of them.
>>16646388
You're like a fucking parrot, you just repeat the same psych101 buzzwords and bash your head into a virtual wall. No one is buying your cheater-apologist propaganda, just move on.
>>16646400
how do you not understand anything i have said? are you autistic? if you shame the person then they don't acknowledge that they can make amends, it creates a negative identity that is unresolved. this is going to be one of my last comments unless someone says something of interest because no one has understood anything i said so far or they are insecure.
Cheater here. I only cheated on my second girlfriend, who was magnitudes better than anyone I've ever been with (go figure). We're still together, I'm not sure why. But anyway, listen to the people who say not to tell him. Let him get over you. You're a bad person and you deserve to feel unhappy (I'm in the same boat so I'm not picking on you, we are just bad people). Realize that you messed up, but you don't deserve closure or forgiveness, just let him get on with his life and be better off.
>>16646406
thank you for a well thought out argument. how can you advocate anything in relation to this if you have never studied it? this is the problem with peoplez . you have probably never read an academic book in your life.
>>16646388
Fucking lord it's like I'm talking to someone who lives in the Mr. Rogers universe and doesn't exist outside of that bubble.
>the success definitely is not lower. there are academic studies in regards to this
Nigger there are academic studies about everything, and we frequently prove those false with the studies that come out six months later. Don't give me the appeal to authority fallacy so lightly.
>people actions reflect their feelings in most cases, especially in relations so this subject. feelings are incredibly important.
People's actions reflect their personality as a whole, too. See the above comment, I didn't cheat because I was mad at my first girlfriend, I cheated because I didn't have the backbone to bring up my problems or the willpower to resist an interested party. If I'm mad at my current partner I don't go cheat, I bring it the fuck up.
>of course what she done is wrong but we should shame the act, not the person. shaming the persons will create unresolved shame and then she will cheat again.
That's flowery bullshit and you know it. You committed the act, you feel the shame. Trying to make the act and the shame "it" feels like it's some alien outsider isn't helping anyone, it's giving them a place to displace guilt so they can never build a stronger foundation out of seeing their own weaknesses.
>what we should say is something along the lines of "what you have done is incredibly, you have turned your back on someone who trusted and loved you. however this doesn't define you as a person and you can make positive choices in the future etc".
This is why people claim to have become better people and then relapse. You have to break the house down before you rebuild it when it's rotten down to the foundation, not just put some paint on it and hope winter is kind to you.
>I'm sure you yourself have made up excuses for wrongs you have done in the past because you don't want to face the shame.
Nigger do you even read what I say.
>>16646408
I understand what you're trying to say, it's just that it's bullshit. Try going out into the real world and actually seeing how people function instead of reading second rate studies online. This has absolutely nothing to do with insecurity.
>>16646402
I can tell you just read about these things without applying these things in the real world. Not edgy, you just come off as a person with passing knowledge on a subject, and not real substantive knowledge aka pseudo-intellectual.
The criticism she is receiving is a good thing, because a lot of things go into the "act". Their has to be an intent, and willingness on her part. This intent can be created by her upbringing, culture, maybe even a mental illness, but nonetheless, she did the wrong thing.
Now, people can go a few ways with this. They can accept the criticism learn from it, and grow. Everyone fucks up, but not everyone learns, or she can do mental gymnastics to justify herself, and keep committing the same mistakes over and over again.
I personally don't think your approach to situation will help.
>>16646408
>it creates a negative identity that is unresolved
>>16646408 here, I think that's alright because we, as bad people, don't deserve to be happy or love ourselves. Life isn't fair and not everyone should be happy. We fucked with someone fundamentally, we don't deserve forgiveness or amends. If she wants to redeem herself a little, accepting her bad feelings is the only way.
>>16646416
>you have probably never read an academic book in your life.
Do you have any idea how pathetic you sound? I seriously hope you're a teenager because this is ridiculous. Babby has read his first case study and thinks he knows it all. Also, in academia people don't just accuse someone who disagree with them of being insecure. Thanks for the laugh.
>>16646416
>>16646402
>>16646326
>>16646317
>>16646388
>tfw masters in psychology and experienced therapist and read this
Oh dear, you've completely missed the point haven't you.
>>16645502
What you feel isn't guilt. You feel the lack of drama and attention you crave on. Ability to feel guilty would stop you from cheating for 5 months. You are not equipped with higher emotions like that, nor empathy. The only reason you want to talk to the guy is to provoke his emotional reaction, play a victim and put the blame on him.
>>16646239
>realise that your actions don't define you as a person
buahahaha
>>16646244
>this is an example of why you feel guilty of what you have done. this is known as stigmatising shaming and it creates unresolved shame.
Yeah, for fuckups like op, there is shame - "I did something that is seen bad by others, it may have bad consequences for ME and MY future and it makes me feel uncomfortable". For normal people with empathy there is guilt - "I feel bad, because someone I have connection with is hurt". OP is emotionally impaired, egocentric, attention seeking drama queen - we have a word for it - slut.
>>16645597
This is what (most) women actually believe. Keep it up ladies, it's not like male interest in marriage has been in free fall for years now.
>You cheated for a reason
And that reason is the typical western female is almost sociopathic in her self-interest and disregard for others. You literally see other people as either resources or obstacles.
>because he is not giving you what you want and need
Here's the thing, and I know it's hard for you to understand since every aspect of western society seems to exist to coddle your ego, but everyone is accountable for their own happiness. They're also accountable for not being a shit head.
If you're not happy with a guy, it's not some failing on his part. It's not a failing on yours, either. For whatever reason you guys aren't compatible, you're allowed to break up with someone and pursue someone else, what's not ok is to continue letting a man invest his time, emotion, and resources on you on the false assumption that you're being faithful to him.
>If he was too PERFECT, you would've dumped him unstead of cheating
I don't even know what this is supposed to mean. At this point you're literally just throwing words together.
>>16645606
If you're not happy and you're not married you owe the person nothing, you can end things any time you want, just don't be a dick about it.
>>16645786
I don't have much sympathy for your ex, but you were a total mangina about that. Cheating isn't ok, you should have dumped her way before that, or at the very least given her a call and been like "hey we're done." Before making the move with the other girl.
>>16646255
Underrated post.
>>16646273
>don't you think OP ex deserves to know the truth
Given the amount of time that has passed without contact I can pretty much guarantee he hasn't thought about it or her in a while, especially if he's fucked someone else since.
>women who cheat because abuse
These cunts are the worst. Just. Leave.
>>16646418
the studies are thousands of years old. if you have actually studied history you will find this to be the case. shaming the person doesn't actually help though. if people think they are bad then they often create an identity based around this and don't change. shaming the act and actually explaining to people that what they done is wrong, and explaining the consequences and hurt is what makes a difference. you can't just say "your a peace of shit, go die" and then expect people to actually make a chance. also if you use such an aggressive approach you are pushing the person the person outside of the community so they won't want to make a change. also, i live in a area full of crime and i know plenty of people who have murdered people, tortured people, raped people. im not saying this for a laugh. its easy to use stigmatisation but i know for a fact it doesn't work. you are just uneducated in this regard and don't want to lose the argument as it will entice shame. good chat though. like to hear people thoughts. but please stop trying to create a space of fear.
kill yourself cunt
>>16646439
>the studies are thousands of years old.
>>16646439
Have you ever actually had a conversation with a human being or are you one of those home-schooled kids who get all their knowledge of the outside world from books? It would be the way you see it in a perfect world but the reality is that irresponsible and hurtful people aren't reasonable and "good". They will find any excuse to hide from the consequences of their actions and make excuses to feel like they had no choice. Applying your tactic makes things worse. It would work if it was a one time thing in a moment of emotional stress or weakness but OP is clearly not a decent person.
>>16645502
>How do I get rid of cheating guilt?
Fisting.
>>16645502
He's gone now, so why not? Not like he's coming back now
>>16646457
ermmm a few of my friends have been to jail. i only started reading when i was 18. applying what i have said does work. in fact, what you are suggesting is what doesn't work. people are not born evil as you suggest. people are a reflection of their environment. people can change. insinuating that they can't is why people stay shitty. have you ever spoken to an actual bad person? like a killer, or rapist? you have no idea if what i am saying works or not, you havent even studied any of this lol. god, I'm just going to assume you are trolling or have "Street knowledge".
>>16646475
Where did I suggest people are born evil? That is absolutely retarded. We aren't talking about convicted criminals here. We are talking about people who treat their romantic partners like shit over a long period of time. Of course it's possible to turn a one time criminal's life around by trying to understand him but you will not fix a serial killer by being understanding. People are shaped by their experiences and it might not always be their own fault but these issues can turn into personality flaws, which OP has. Making excuses for her won't help.
>>16645502
Its morally wrong to confess to cheating. The majority of the time you're doing it for your own benefit, not the benefit of the person you've cheated on.
Break up with them and remove yourself from their life. That is the only moral action in this situation. If you feel guilty then good, it means you're stupid and inconsiderate, but not a fucking sociopath.
>>16645644
C U C K
>>16646491
sorry, i must of read it wrong, i thought you where saying that irresponsible and hurtful people are born that way. i think op is definitely in the wrong and has flaws, i just think some peoples responses are not helping and people should take another stance. you even said you self that criminals can turn there life around just like op could turn her life around. not once have i made up an excuse. i have explained why shaming the act will have better results then shaming the person. desu, op is silly for even asking this here. its 4chan, its the internet. she should see a professional.
>>16645502
You don't cheat in the first place, you filthy whore.
>>16646532
Yeah she can turn her life around and I would be cheering her on if the circumstances were different. If it was a one time mistake. However, it appears that it's a serious character flaw and unless she really faces it she will keep hurting herself and others.
>>16646549
yes, this i agree with. she needs to acknowledge her problems. it seems like to me that she runs away from her problems. for example she left her boyfriend because she couldn't face that she had cheated.
>>16646305
>You are all a bunch of assholes
?
>>16646255
/thread
>>16645786
Get fuct you pussy, there's never a valid reason for cheating. Your ex was a cunt? Then dump her, just because you don't have the balls to say it's over doesn't mean you have a valid fucking reason.
You did something wrong. You're supposed to feel bad. Guilt is just you telling yourself not to do it again. You'll feel bad for as long as you need to
>getting so many laughs off this pseudo-scientific phycologist retard. Congrats on reading a book you smug faggot.
>unresolved shame
You keep saying this like it's a bad thing. Cheaters deserve to have shame till the day they die.
And there is a special ring in hell set aside for them after life.
>>16646669
so you're suggesting that a person who is a fuck up should never become a better persons and should live their entire life bound by the past? also, if one has sources and studies to back up their argument but the other person just has life experiences that makes the later person pseudo. did you finish high school?
>>16646669
you have been on 4chan for too long. 3/10
>>16646704
She can become a better person when she admits her problems instead of trying to drag the person she hurt in it again.
>>16646704
>are you autistic
>you have probably never read an academic book in your life
>did you finish highschool
This is why no one takes you seriously.
You are a smug asshole.
Your education means fuck all on 4chan.
And your clearly a classist.
Also, your spelling and grammar is atrocious.
And no, you are a pseudo intellectual because you study phycology, a soft science.
t. A physicist
>>16646724
He doesn't study it though. He's just come across some research and thinks he's an expert now. A person who actually knows anything wouldn't act like this.
>>16646722
ermm did you read the other comment? he said cheaters deserve to feel shame until they die. there was no suggestions about that. plus, the guy you where referring to was making that argument in the first place. please don't breed.
>>16646734
So what's gonna make her act like a better person? Magic? No, SHAME you dense idiot.
The shameless person is the one who will never act better. You really don't get the point of shame and guilt.
>>16646734
Ermmmm do you realize that when you use the same writing patterns people will know you're samefagging?
>>16646724
I'm being a smug asshole? did you see the other persons comment. if someone actually wants to debate with me then they shouldn't talk rubbish. and i don't study phycology. >>16646733
i havent randomly come across research. i have read a variety of academic books that relate to my study in university. also, no one has actually made a decent argument. they have just claimed that it is pseudo science.
>>16646741
my whole argument is that the persons should feel shame but through reintegration rather then stigmatisation. you see? how can i argue with people if they even read or understand my argument.
>>16646724
my grammar and spelling is awful because i am writing a practice essay while arguing on this. quick typing. don't judge sunshine.
>>16646745
It is a pseudo science. Unless the study of it can produce hard data and facts, it's a soft science.
Do you study astrology too?
>>16645502
If I were your bf; I'd want to know - then drop you like the sack of shit you are.
>>16646438
I like you
keep keeping it real
>>16646760
This, maybe the poor fucker blames himself or wonders if there's anything he could have done.
>>16646758
it does produce hard evidence and facts. unfortunately none of you have studied it or can comprehend what i am saying. don't know why you are even arguing with me desu. this is you "lol, you a retard, fucking pseudo science" you literally sound autistic. people on this site always insult others by calling them autistic but literally 95% of the people on here are retarded. I'm aware of the trolling but when people try to argue? lol
>>16646768
>or can comprehend what i am saying
How up your ass can you be lol? It sounds like you think this is rocket science.
>>16646773
i don't though. its simple as fuck.
>>16646778
Yeah so why do you act like everyone but you is a functional retarded? You must be autistic if you can't comprehend what kind of an image of yourself you're conveying. People don't agree with your point of view and because you have presented yourself in this kind of a light they don't take you and your arguments seriously.
>>16646764
Yeah, I'd be he's racking is brain trying to figure out why.
Tell him you cheated but don't just say
>cheated on you kthxbai!
Tell him why, too. Cheating can be for a myriad of reasons but by being honest at least it can give him insight as to what led to it. Whether its his actions or not that led to your decision to go that route at least he won't wonder or assume the worst.
My guess is you're a weak person who wants their cake and to eat it too, so no sweat off his balls.
>>16646786
actually. you will find that i have been pretty respectful to people unless they have intentionally created a space of fear. fair enough if someone doesn't agree but they don't have to call it retarded with out producing an argument. its disrespectful when i take time out of my day to respond and people act aggressively. i have only briefly covered the argument i was making. its fucking 4 chan. I'm not expecting people to have a deep understanding but they could at least be like "yeah, i don't understand sorry, could you explain this and that" not "you a retard". its /adv/ not /b/. this isn't for trolling.
>>16646773
He is so far up there, been sniffing his own farts too long I think.
Funny how every one of us here is of "lower intelligence" then this smug cunt. I wonder if he can make a post that doesn't refer to his percieved intellectual superiority.
>>16646801
>>16646801
>give him insight as to what led to it. Whether its his actions or not that led to your decision
I'm pretty sure my ex boyfriend was cheating on me and that's the reason he broke up with me abruptly, never explaining why. This is all I want. He knew I had trust issues and I was a fairly lonely person so I thought he would take things slowly and carefully but he just went all in and then hurt me more than anyone before. Any decent person would try to be honest with the other person. It's not too much to ask right? Even if it hurts, I still say it's better to know. Unless the other person is someone who doesn't think twice and just moves on.
>>16646811
How new are you ffs...
/adv/ is LITERALLY FOR TROLLING
Fuck you probably think this thread were in was made by a real girl with a real problem.
This is why we think you are retarded, you don't know where you are.
>>16646827
Are you the OP?
I'm losing track here
>>16646811
>"yeah, i don't understand sorry, could you explain this and that"
Are you actually joking? This really isn't that hard to grasp. They just don't agree with you since this approach seems overly coddling. It's great of you think this "safe space" business works but don't try to convince others and then accuse them of low intelligence when they don't accept it.
>>16646835
Wait a min, is this just a women hate thread?
OP, you're a cheating whore. Leave your ex be. Try to be a better, more forthright person in the future.
>>16646836
Nope someone else.
>>16646811
>intentionally created a space of fear.
HAHAHAHAHAHAGAHA OH GOD PLZ STAHP I CAN'TTAKE IT ANYMORE.
How's that liberal arts degree treating you sweetums?
>>16646846
lol i didnt accuse people of low intelligence when they didn't accept. if you would please read the discussion you will find that i would only accuse people of low intelligence when they try to insult me and don't understand me like this guy >>16646741
literally my whole argument was about shame.
>>16646863
another example.
Looks like you want to have your cake and eat it too
You're a whore, he's better off without you
>>16646867
I understand you just fine you cunt, I just don't agree with you and your smug attitude. You say shaming people will encourage them to be bad for life. I'm saying the opposite. Not shaming them will allow their behavior to go on unchecked. Did you even read my post?
But I can tell you're the type who thinks that people feefees matter and nobody should be mean.
Fuck that and fuck you.
>>16646886
that isn't my argument lol. so you clearly can't tell much about me at all. it doesn't matter. just look up the difference between stigmatising shaming and reintegrative shaming. my argument was for reiterative shaming. have a nice life.
>>16646902
Don't tell me what to do :^)
>>16646951
why not. i think i could beat you in a fight.
>>16646312
I never understood this either. How can people so willingly and sometimes eagerly betray the trust of one of the few people that you're supposed to be the closest with? It's always completely baffled me. I've been in situations where I could have cheated many times, and could never even seriously think about going through with it. I find it troubling that so many people can.
>>16647023
They enter "relationships" for entirely different reason, to stroke their egos.
>>16647346
Not him but stroke in what way?
Well, well, well another useless cheating whore.
Let the guilt eat away at you cunt.
>>16645502
>>16645502
Read radical feminist texts that explain how women live under such a crushing oppression and how men are groomed to become fucking asshole idiots when they're older so you understand that the failures in the relationships in your life were mostly a function of the utterly fucked up culture we're living in that gives women as well as men the worst kinds of brain damage.
I'm male, and I used to be as vehement as the next guy about women cheating, and still today I feel very anxious about women I love spending time with other men, although it reduced to the point that the sole reason is that I don't emotionally trust other men, because of how so many (if not most) men are: deeply woman-hating idiots who just want to "get pussy".
I almost started to get a sympathy for women who cheat because they're too fucking afraid to leave their boyfriend. Men keep women under terror (even if an individual man doesn't do anything wrong, women often feel under the terror of a man regardless, if the man doesn't do anything to explicitly solve this problem); it's no wonder at all that so many women prefer to cheat instead of leave their boyfriends. They're too terrorized to break up, but want emotional and sexual satisfaction which their boyfriend isn't providing anymore.
I know most people will take this post as bait, and I intentionally wrote it in a way that would make most men absolutely furious in rage, but I fully stand behind everything I said.
>>16646847
Most men are going to use it for that purpose, since it's a thread about a woman who cheated.
But there are sensible people in the thread like >>16645786.
Saying this as the radical feminist dude from above. I think the above anon sounds OK because it sounds like he was in a situation where typically women fall in, that is having an abusive partner. If I knew details about his "bitch" ex girlfriend maybe I'd go on to make some analysis on how the fucked up culture we live in might have affected her, but in the end of the day a fucked up person is a fucked up person and you can't take personal responsibility over everyone, be it a black thug who became a thug because he had to grow up in a ghetto (effect of racism, possibly coupled with personal mistakes) or a woman who gained a horrible personality because she had to grow up in this fucked up culture (effect of sexism, possibly coupled with personal mistakes).
Give it a year or two, guilt usually fades over time.
>>16647734
>>16647709
Holy Batman brain damage! If this is bait, then it's some grade A anusflustering shit.
Seriously dude, if you're this good at trolling you have a gift. 10/10
>>16647709
>and I intentionally wrote it in a way that would make most men absolutely furious in rage
Why do you hate your own gender so much? Why do you hate yourself so much? You need to understand more and more men are, at this point, so past being angry about what you're, in all honesty referring to, which is female entitlement and the gynocentric society which enables it.
MGTOW, red pill, PUA, and similar movements are spreading like wildfire because the facts can't be ignored, and men are waking up to the absurdity of accepting their designated role of provider, protector, and go-to scapegoat for a society that hates them.
You need to understand, I don't hate women. Most MGTOW don't, it's not about being against women, it's about being for yourself. It's about seeing the deck stacked against you and embracing the simple truth that you don't actually have to play.
There's two recurring themes in your post, and the toxic ideology behind it: demonize men and absolve women of all responsibility and accountability.
>still today I feel very anxious about women I love spending time with other men
You're a very insecure, sad person. I just want you to know that. I never worry about a woman in my life being around other men, because if she's just a piece of ass to me I could care less what she does, and if she's actually worth being in a relationship with I trust her and she has enough respect for me to not consort with people I don't approve of. It's simple if/then. IF I deem a woman worthy of my genuine affection, THEN she possesses those qualities. I have self respect. I have standards. I don't just open my life to the first woman who pays me a shred of attention.
>I don't emotionally trust other men, because of how so many (if not most) men are: deeply woman-hating idiots who just want to "get pussy"
You don't trust other men because you're a self-loathing beta male who deep down knows that any relationship you're in is on borrowed time until a man <con't>
>>16648317
<con't> with more self-respect, more worth, more personality comes along and takes the girl who was killing time with you.
Again, the men you're referring to don't hate women, they just recognize that most people are pretty worthless, ergo most women are pretty worthless beyond being something to stick your cock into.
Good little white knights like yourself believe women are worthy of respect and admiration simply because they're women, and that they're incapable of being in the wrong, because that would require owning one's choices, and the consequences which result from them. Most women share this belief, which is categorically false.
See, if a man is a piece of shit, he'll know because society, his friends, and his own family will not be shy about letting know until he improves himself, whereas when a woman is a shitty person all she'll hear is "you go girl!" It's why the wage gap myth still persists despite being thoroughly debunked: it's not that women aren't being paid according to their contributions, it's that a lot of women overvalue their contributions, and it's unlikely anyone will ever clue her in whereas again, her male counterpart would get a reality check in a heartbeat.
>I almost started to get a sympathy for women who cheat because they're too fucking afraid to leave their boyfriend. Men keep women under terror (even if an individual man doesn't do anything wrong, women often feel under the terror of a man regardless, if the man doesn't do anything to explicitly solve this problem
By this logic racial profiling is completely acceptable, which it isn't. Fun fact: most men aren't abusive. Another fun fact: lesbian relationships are the most likely to be physically abusive, by far. Yet another fun fact: male homosexual relationships are the least likely to be physically abusive. Google that shit.
At this point is usually where I tell someone to look at the data and draw your own conclusions, but you're heavily biased and <con't>
>>16648364
i agree with this post and i wanted to add that there is tons of help available to women who are in abusive relationship. its BS excuse when women play the abuse card. I have personally known a handful of women who have been in abusive relationships and they stay because they have stockholm syndrome. If they really wanted to leave they could just contact the police and go to an organisation set up to help these women. >>16647709
>>16648364
<con't> I suspect, not terribly bright, so I'll kindly spell it out for you. Men are used to being accountable for their actions, they are used having to be in the right to get their way. Women on the other hand, are used to getting their way by default, and are used to having society look the other way when they throw a tantrum and get abusive.
My point being, the belief that most men are abusive is misandric and false, and your perpetuating it is extremely immoral.
>it's no wonder at all that so many women prefer to cheat instead of leave their boyfriends. They're too terrorized to break up, but want emotional and sexual satisfaction which their boyfriend isn't providing anymore
Women aren't afraid of their men, more often than not. It's just they see nothing wrong with a man continuing to invest in her emotionally (which feeds her ego) and financially (which feeds her desire for material things) while she looks elsewhere and gets some side action.
And why would she? It's not like she faces any personal or social pressure to be faithful. When a woman cheats she'll have plenty of hens and white knights (like you) regurgitating excuses for them. Whereas when a man (who, again, is accountable for his actions) cheats he's socially crucified.
>emotional and sexual satisfaction which their boyfriend isn't providing anymore
And he also isn't getting, don't forget, I know male happiness doesn't matter but try to keep his feelings in mind, the difference is he's probably trying to make shit work.
Earlier in this thread I said that everyone is accountable for their own happiness. If a woman isn't happy she can and should leave, but cheating is never acceptable. Betraying someone's trust in you is an objectively shitty thing to do.
Now, you can sit here and demonize men, and make excuses for women who are shitty people. A lot of people will back you up. None of that changes how wrong you are. <con't>
>>16648414
<con't> Not long ago pretty much all of society was on board with treating black people as second class citizens, and pretty much all of society was in the wrong there too.
The funny thing is, I actually DO want equality, true equality between the sexes, I don't just pay the idea lip service to advance the feminist agenda in pursuit of pity pussy like yourself, and between third wave feminism alienating men in droves, and MGTOW distributing red pills to anyone interested, it's looking like I'll get my way.
I don't hate women. But if a woman wants my time, wants my heart, wants my money, wants a place in my life bigger than a notch on my bedpost she's going to earn it, kiddo, because I'd rather live a full, happy life on my terms and retire in my own house, just me and my dog, than live a life as some harpy's glorified accessory.
This is probably bait. I don't care. If it is you've provided me a wonderful strawman for me to indirectly tell a lot of struggling young men a message they needed to hear.
Far more likely however, I think you're a sad little white knight who is willing to degrade himself to the whims of libtarded, feminazi rhetoric in the hopes of placating a woman, any woman, so she'll touch your penis.
It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to be this way. I'm not saying become some Chad, I'm saying sack the fuck up and start holding women to the same standards you hold yourself.
