Hey /adv/
I'm feeling really down at the moment because I don't know if I want to stay with my boyfriend.
We've been together 2 years now.
I'm really athletic, work really hard, eat really healthy etc
He's very sedentary, and just stays home smoking weed all the time. He gets annoyed when I want to go out and do activities, but I find it so hard just sitting around smoking weed with him. I wanna go on dates and work out with him or at least have interesting conversations about life or whatever, but he just isn't interested
I feel that we're not really compatible and lots of my friends say he's a loser but he's MY BEST FRIEND. Like we've been together so long and he's a very kind person, I just don't feel ready to let it go...its hard I guess
Any thoughts?? Thanks so much
Sure. Just tell him he needs to get his shit in gear or it's not gonna work. He can remain a best friend.
Doesn't sound like boyfriend material. Start searching for another person so you remain happy.
Sometimes, the most comfortable route isn't the best route. Think about this, is he the guy you want to spend your future with? The last guy you will ever kiss, have sex with? Does he satisfy all your needs? If he doesn't... you're settling. And settling leads to wasted youth.
>>16640836
Break up. Also, stop smoking weed you dumbass.
I just cant even imagine not having him in my life? It's weird because I would love to only kiss him, only have sex with him, and spend my life with him but in a day to day way its really hard. I feel ethically wrong in wanting him to change but that's all I want. I don't want anyone else, I want him but better than he is now
>>16640849
I like weed ok so no
This really sounds like a conversation to have with him, OP. If he doesn't want to have it, or it isn't resolved to your satisfaction then consider your options
>>16640836
Cuck him.
I've had variants of this conversation with him 1000 times, it feels like.
He either doesn't take it seriously and just jokes around about it or he says he'll change and just doesn't at all.
This is gonna sound evil but I haven't seen him in a few days and although I don't want to be single, I really enjoy being alone and just working and going to the gym etc and knowing I have a boyfriend who I can talk to if I need to but because I'm not with him I'm not obliged to talk to him. That's probably a problem but I've been enjoying it a lot.
bump pls
>>16640836
Threaten him with breaking up. If he doesn't change, you have to move forward. You can help him along his journey. You can help him exercise, eat right, get active. You're his girlfriend. His significant other. You're his best friend. Friends help each other out. But now you're serious, and I think that you should seriously threaten a break up.
>>16641586
I kinda have before but not in really exact terms. I feel threatening him with breaking up is a bit psycho gf no??
He hates exercising etc, I dont wanna make him do shit he hates passionately just so he doesnt lose me. Like I imagine if he made me live how he lives or he said he'd break up with me I'd be so depressed!! So I really want to avoid doing that to him.
Do you not have other friends to hang out with? My gf doesn't like to go out much either so I go out without her.
If he doesn't like that then he needs to learn to go out with you and etc.
>>16641613
I go out without him all the time
He doesnt mind it, but I mind it because at this point I like barely ever see him. I'm always at the gym, at yoga, out for a walk, at uni, at work, shopping, just anything because being inside too long saddens me haha I'm the ultimate ENFJ
I want him to be by my side because even out with my girlfriends or whatever I feel really alone. I get sad when I stay inside doing nothing but although I have lots of friends I feel I connect with him much better than most people. Like we have the same sense of humor, and I just really want to avoid losing that connection :(
>>16641621
Well, it does take two to tango perhaps he would be more willing if you found events that he would be interested in, the begin with him that you can bring your friends with, maybe it will help to incentivize the outings in some way?
>>16641654
Yeah I'm aware, its hard though because our interests dont overlap much
I suggested even just doing out for dinner, but he said he only wants takeaways because its cheaper and he cant be bothered going out
I asked if he would please find us some event in the city to do and I said I'd do it no matter what it was, and he said he would but never did haha which really disappointed me tbqh
I even suggested maybe just going for a little walk at night time after we'd had some weed which seemed like something he'd like but like a block into it we turned around and went home because he was whining so much
If you really want this person in your life either keep trying to get him to come around, perhaps ask him why he feels he doesn't want go out as this could be an acute form of social anxiety that needs to be dealt with professionally. Does he leave the house for other things?
>>16641679
This is true OP. Maybe your boyfriend isn't comfortable leaving the house to do activities with you because he has some social anxiety. You're his comfort zone, you're basically family.
>>16641679
Yeah I think its maybe more depression than anxiety
He struggles with depression on and off, he isnt on any meds currently and not seeing anyone either. When it gets bad, he refuses to do anything with me, but he also refuses to see someone or try fix it so its very frustrating, and I often cant help but feel like he uses his depression to sort of opt out of life and get out of doing shit he simply doesnt want to do
At the moment though he hasnt been sad recently so I just dont know
It's going to get much worse if he doesn't seek help. If you love him you need to help him get the help he needs, if he loves you he will listen otherwise you'll find yourself feeling trapped.
>>16641728
Its hard to help someone who refuses but yeah I'll do what I can hahah
>>16640836
Tell him you don't want to live with him if he's going to continue to be this way. You can still date him but not live with him, like take a little break with some romance and cuddles whenever you're feeling like it.
>>16641782
It's his problem, not yours. That may sound harsh and all, but in the end it boils down to that. You can reach out to him and try, but if he doesn't take your helping hand there is nothing you can or should do. We are ultimately all responsible for ourselves.
