I mean, I kinda get what you're feeling, you want to incite a particular reaction out of your boyfriend and if it doesn't work then you feel like he doesn't care about your presence. This is an immature way of thinking, but it is pretty common and not crazy or anything. There is not much you can do, because it is all in your mind. You have to try and train yourself not to have certain expectations of people, and if they react in an undesirable manner you've got to convince yourself with logic and reason. Maturity is a large part of this.

For example, in the past when I fought with my boyfriend I played the whole "I'll never talk to you again!" card because I wanted him to chase me. Eventually he caught on and was like "ok" when I said that. I realised it was super immature of me and not how I would like to be treated myself, and now when we have fights I try to go about it in a logical manner, such as not giving silent treatment and actually properly talking things out without yelling.

>>16637968
If you admit you dress to get attention and that you like to get attention, and that you don't like not getting attention: you like attention.

If it talks like a duck and walks like a duck it's probably a duck.

Once you admit that you can work on figuring out why you like attention and how to not need it as much.

>>16637990
Yeah I realise it's a pretty immature thing to feel and that it is kinda unreasonable. The odd thing is that I use logic and reason is basically every other aspect of my life (almost to fault at times) but it seems this aspect of me has been excluded from the logical thinking.

The thing is, I don't do anything like the "I'll never talk to you again" thing because I don't actively seek a response, it's more just subtle things. Plus even though we have been together 7/8ish months we have never fought because 1. we both have very similar views and 2. we are both too logic orientated.

Literally, it barely effects my life at all, the only thing the need for attention causes is frustration. Although it isn't really to incite a reaction from my partner because I don't do enough to obviously incite a reaction and the attention doesn't necessarily have to be from my partner.

>>16637996
oh yeah I definitely like attention, I just refuse to embarrass myself to the extent of seeking it too obviously. I suppose it is the reason I'm asking, because I realise it is unhealthy.

Although figuring out why I like attention is a very good idea, I've been toying with the idea of sometimes thinking too highly of myself but i'm not quite sure

>>16638017

So you are a undercover attention whore who wants your based boyfriend to become a loser who showers you with attention.

Look be happy with what you have, having a clingy significant other gets exhausting and annoying fast.

>>16637996
>>16638029


In my experience, all women like attention. And most men are the same, they just tend to be too proud to put it into those words. It really doesn't have to be a bad thing.

You can want attention without being an "attention whore," and you can make your girlfriend feel important without being a "loser." Just because you have no idea how to strike that balance doesn't give you the right to get all bitter about it.

>>16637968

You could just bring it up to him. Not in a confrontational way, not to start a fight, but next time he does something like this, just let him know that it makes you feel a bit neglected. It sounds like he's just a bit inexperienced, and as you can see in this thread, young men get a LOT of confusing, conflicting information about how to treat women.

Straightforward communication is the key to pretty much any relationship problem like this. If you're afraid to ask for what you want, you probably won't get it. And in this case, what you want is not at all unreasonable. It's just a matter of how you bring it up.

>>16638029
>>16638029
Hey man I don't want to be showered with attention, like I said, indeed based boyfriend is doing absolutely nothing wrong. I am extraordinarily happy with what I have, and am anything but clingy trust me.

I'm just asking how to stop being an asshole and feel frustrated, asking how to change myself not asking for how to get him to change or anything like that.

>>16638050
Yeah very true, that's great advice! I considered simply mentioning it (and we see no need to argue if there's a problem so I doubt any argument will occur). But I never acted because since I'm technically the one with the issue it would be a bit of a dick move.

However if he is noticeably apathetic then I might casually bring it up, thanks again for the advice!

People who usually seek attention are either too full of themselves, or have been cruelly deprived of attention while growing up or are being neglected or put down currently in their lives.
As you have rightly deduced, it is slightly unhealthy.
You should not need the attention or confirmation from anyone for your happiness or tranquillity.
I would advice you to first sit down and think through if this is a more deep seated problem than just your boyfriend ignoring you or being insensitive.
Either way, you need to realise that you do not need anyone's attention to feel good about yourself.
Because if this keeps on carrying on, next thing you know you're dressing like a slut, constantly talking and stealing things even thought you could've paid for them

>>16638097
Not the same anon but do not casually bring it up.
Bring it up nice and proper. If something is bugging you enough that you had to ask for advice from anons, its obviously a big thing for you and he should be made to realise that, if he doesn't already. Or maybe you're living the life and this is a complete non issue but you would still like something to angst over in your life.

>>16638120

But it's not a big deal. She said herself it's not a big deal. And it really doesn't sound like the guy is even doing it intentionally, he's just phrasing things in a way that comes off a little harsher than he means. She can "bring it up proper" if she's already mentioned it a few times and the problem still continues.

>>16638097

Nah you don't even need to think of it like that, choosing who has the "issue." It's just a matter of what you want, what's gonna make you feel like you're in a good relationship, and that's a bit different for everyone. He's not a mind-reader, so you just have to learn to say this stuff out loud. It sounds like it's all gonna be fine though, good luck.

>>16638109

This is a joke, right?

>You should not need the attention or confirmation from anyone for your happiness or tranquillity.

You shouldn't NEED it, but pretty much everyone WANTS it. Your idea of a good relationship sounds very, very cold.

>>16638109
Shit man I know 4chan is hardly the place to be having great realisations, but it might actually be because I was kinda neglected by all friends for about 5 years of my life (and family never really came into play at any point in my life besides toddler age I assume). This is most likely the root of the cause, because all of a sudden I am now plunged into a situation where I have free access to any attention I start the attention seeking. I will have to work through this, but I would really like to thank you for that

>>16638137
I wasn't talking about her relationship. I was talking about her need to look for comments or catcalls etc.
Of course you need attention in a relationship, how else would it function?
But seeking attention from strangers or passerbys is evidence of a more sinister issue.

>>16638120
ahaha yeah I might have to just muster up some courage and bring it up properly then, good idea

>>16638157

Truth. I kinda forgot about that part and was mostly focused on her relationship with the boyfriend. I stand by my advice in that department, but you're making good points.

>>16637968
I really like her socks. She should wear them more often..

>>16638148
You're more than welcome.
And you're not alone. I only brought it up because maybe ive been through it too.
Anyhow, realisation is the first and the most imortant step towards improvement.
You'll be fine. I would also, as I mentioned earlier, bring this issue up with your boyfriend on a strong note.
Maybe tell him the exact same things about your past and make him realise that it makes you happy.
In the end, I would still advise you to busy yourself in things that you love, maybe a hobby or something that you find solace in and work on making yourself an even stronger person.

>>16638164
>>16638157
nah I think both of you make some pretty good points to be fair, although I gotta admit, I just realised it is actually an underlying issue rather than a problem with the relationship. Although yeah, some want for attention is natural, but I am concerned it is beginning to be slightly unnatural

>>16638185
I noticed that a couple of months ago actually, I have very little things I enjoy can be considered hobbies, so to find a proper hobby is a great idea too, as well as mentioning that specific realisation. Thanks again :)

>>16638205
You're welcome.
One last thing that just occurred to me while I was taking a piss.
It could also be that your boyfriend gives you enough attention but due to your past circumstances, it feels inadequate.
So kinda evaluate that and don't make his life harder for no fault of his.
Good luck! Nip it in the bud!

>>16638212
haha all genius ideas while taking a piss of course
Yeah I evaluated it when I first noticed it, and I think it's a combination of him slightly not giving much attention (which is all very well), and me having a slightly disproportionate emotional reaction to this due to past circumstances.
And yeah that's the last thing I want to do, but honestly our relationship is honest enough for either of us to bring anything up and we both never cause drama out of it.
And will do!

>>16637968
He's too passive to keep you in line, and he's too apathetic to make you his queen. Either one of you change or you simply enjoy this while it lasts.

I have the perfect answer for you that will solve all your problems, but first I'll have to see some nudes.