If you take the time to read this and offer your advice, I will be more grateful than you can imagine.
I am depressed 24/7. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety, aspergers, panic attacks and ADHD. I have a huge heart and people offend me all the time. My mental fog/fatigue is so blinding that I fuck up at work and I'll soon get fired. I have no interest in anything and don't enjoy anything. I am already on 7 pills and have been to 3 therapists and no one is helping. This girl messaged me on face book and I am afraid to message her back. I have no idea why, but my therapist says it is negative thoughts. Nothing seems to be going through my head, though. I hate school, too nervous to talk to girls, have trouble making new friends, and have no motivation to succeed. I don't want to be a homeless bum, but it seems I am spiraling to that dark place. I feel like that will be my life. The negativity I feel seems to be too much to face, and people with aspergers tend to have amplified emotions.
>>16636430
You have gotten farther than most people without those conditions. You need to continue to stay the course as hard as it is, eventually the seas will calm down to were you can handle it better. Also, if the girl shows you interest, go for it, it might improve your outlook.
>>16636430
>your life story
And, what do you need advice on?
>>16636445
just how to deal with my shit. It's far from my life story. It's just an explanation of the darkness in my head
>>16636443
thank you. I really hope it calms
>>16636466
How old are you?
>>16636502
You have plenty of time to mature. At your age I was a bigger mess.
>>16636533
gives me hope. thank you. does it sound like a maturity thing?
>>16636539
A lot has to do with life experience. The more you see and do the better you will feel. It will build your confidence and your negative thoughts will likely be replaced.
>7 pills
Care to list them? I'm not a doctor, but I used to be on SSRIs and after I stopped taking them my life improved 600%
Whats your diet like? Do you eat processed shit.
I would look into that. I was messed up in high school, looking back was gluten/sugar intolerance. Might work for you
>>16636566
zoloft (twice a day), strattera, propranolol(twice a day), invega, clonidine. when i dont take the ssri i get deeply suicidal
>>16636560
the problem is that its very hard to have life experiences when you have no motivation and extreme anxiety
>>16636568
i have considered this, thank you
>>16636580
>the problem is that its very hard to have life experiences when you have no motivation and extreme anxiety
You have a job, a girl interested in you, you're only 19, you're aware enough to see your issues and are addressing them. Hang in there.
I was on some serious meds when I was around your age, matter of fact, I didn't graduate HS until 19.
>>16636430
OP, I switched to my computer to write this because it seems like you really need help.
As for aspergers and ADHD, I can't help you because I have never had those. However, I have been depressed and had anxiety, as (literally) everyone has had at some point in their lives. Firstly, know that you're not alone. In this way, a lot of people can relate to you.
Secondly, a lot of people "talk shit" but in the end it's meaningless banter. I used to get bent out of shape over things people said, things my ex would say or do, and let me tell you it's just not worth it, although I'm sure you know this. The most difficult task is overcoming your feelings even once you've become aware that they're irrational, so if anything I think you need to take great pride in your ability of self-awareness. In the words of Plato "The un-examined life is not worth living" so you already seem to have this part down.
As far as work goes, everyone fucks up. Not only you. Trust me on this. I've had 2 fast food jobs and 2 internships and I fucked up astronomically at some point in all of them. It's part of growing and learning. Some people are more prone to human error- there's nothing wrong with it.
But it seems like you are clouded in your thoughts, which is why you're writing this. A few things can help. Firstly, know that that is part of anti-depressants (I'm not saying stop the pills, I'm saying I was on them and I felt this too). So, try and come to terms with at least part of it if at all possible. Secondly- Exercise. I'm not shitting you with this. Exercising is the single most important part to your mental health. I used to be skinny as fuck in high school, could never build muscle, and I'm still not big. But I'm bigger than I was and if I actually stuck to a routine I'd look great. Huge confidence boost will help with social interaction, a stronger heart will help with the anxiety and clarity. No bullshit.
A little over a year ago I was in a similar place. (cont.)
>>16636580
Damn son. There is no way your brain isn't cooked from taking all that shit. Talk to a doctor who isn't getting comission from prescribing you pills and have him work with you to getting off some of that shit.
What was your childhood like?
>>16636647
I was dating a girl who I recently broke up with who effectively killed all my relations with other people. I was very insecure. I had no friends, wasn't particularly attractive, almost moved out of the state and in with my parents 1,200 miles away. But I decided the best decision is one that can be reversed, so I stuck it out. Started lifting. Joined some new groups (met the people who are now my room mates, reconvened with people from high school I never thought I'd be good friends with) and things were looking up.
School always sucks, the majority of people are non-self reflecting retards who will never amount to much- including women. I understand it's hard not to put pussy on a pedestal when society tells you, as a man, that your worth is more or less determined by your capacity to get tail, but you don't need to worry about it. At least not yet.
Once you have improved your image of yourself you can text the next step towards validating it in other ways. You will be let down, you will be rejected- it's part of being a guy. But don't let it discourage you. You seem like a really good person and you can make a difference in the world if you force yourself to pull through. No one can do it for you.
I hope peace finds you, friend.
>>16636652
very lonely. i was prone to having breakdowns until i was 14. a lot of behavioral problems.
>>16636661
thank you for typing all this
>>16636430
your problem is fairly obviously the pills. get off of them and stop believing the lies you have been fed about your "conditions" and you will be able to confront your problems in life, such as poor performance at work and awkwardness with people
or stay on the chemical cocktail until you snap and kill yourself and/or others
>>16636716
can't the cold shoulder hurt my brain? I know the psychiatrist wouldn't let me
>>16636502
Mental fog makes it feel like you're not actually seeing what's right in front of you, only what's in your head. Best way to clear it up is, no joke, meditation. But it's easier than it sounds, faggot! Don't diss just yet, hear me out?
>>16636430
> huge heart, thin skin
Accept the fact that you are sensitive. If things hurt you more than an average person, please, please don't try to avoid the pain. This is the most common mistake we sensitive types do. Avoiding pain leads to stagnation, isolation, depression and no-life. You must learn to comfort yourself, to practice emotional first-aid, to become more resilient to being hurt than an average person.
Sensitivity is a gift, but you can appreciate and use it only if you first survive in this hurtful world.
Once upon a time people like you OP were locked up in institutions until capable of facing the world. This was perhaps the best thing for everyone.
You are one very fucked up puppy. Get used to living on the fringe, it's where you do the least harm to the rest of us and thus where normal people will push you.
>>16637503
I am not the OP but can you tell me more about this?
>>16637535
I'm not surprised you haven't heard about it in our modern competitive and extroverted society.
I'm not an expert and I speak mostly from my own experience. Sensitivity is literally the sensitivity of our nervous systems. It's genetic, we cannot change it if it's high, we cannot transplant our amygdala.
But it's OK, because this world needs all kinds of people. We may never become a traditional alpha male type, but we have other strength.
Greater capacity for empathy - if we ever manage to look beyond our problems, we are more sensitive to problems of other people.
Better art skills.
Believe or not, greater capacity for social intelligence. Sadly, being hurt turn us off from socializing at early age and we don't get enough practice.
And don't forget that if we feel pain and despair twice as strong, we also feel twice the pleasure and joy. From my experience it's easy for me to be depressed, but when I am not I feel amazing as if I skipped feeling normal on the way.
