Submissive men or dominant people please respond
My boyfriend is submissive and I'm only kind of dominant because I have confidence issues and am awkward. I can tell that he loves when I take charge and we have the best sex when I take what I want and tease him. In the beginning of our relationship we experimented with handcuffs on him and he loved it, even put his hands above his head sometimes without them just for the experience. Recently our sex has gone kind of vanilla but it's just because I'm too beta and clueless on how to be dominant. I've tried looking at his porn tastes but it's all either girls in panties or cuck shit so it's hard for me to get an idea of how to be dominant, things to say, things to do, I don't know. Advice or resources anyone could give me would help me so much.
Just making one bump and being more specific.
>he was a virgin before me
>he's always been submissive, likes when I take the lead
>I'm the one that orders for us, holds him/big spoon, generally act dominant socially as well
>likes to be spanked, butt stuff (I dislike doing to him honestly), being teased, being taunted/made to beg/call me ma'am or mistress
I just feel like I have the pieces and in theory kind of know what he wants but I'd appreciate any experience or advice people could relate to me. I know you'll probably just tell me to communicate with him but he tends to clam up and get bashful when this crap comes up, or just doesn't know what to tell me I guess.
>>16634838
I say this as a sub guy into mdlb, it sounds to me like you just arent cut out for it. Nothing wrong with that! If youre determined to make it work, maybe you can talk him into switching? If you wanna be more dom try and find another one to talk to, or look for inspiration online. Best of luck
>>16634929
Also Tumblr is a huge resource for this kind of thing, even if 4chan hates it
>>16634940
>not cut out for it
Ugh, don't say that, because you might be right. Honestly I don't consider myself submissive, I guess I just really like passionate sex that's more equal, but being dominant is fine for me too. It's mostly that when acting this way I'm afraid I come off as fake or awkward sometimes even though he always likes it, I guess I just need to practice it more to feel comfortable myself.
I get what you mean about tumblr too, just not sure where to find it but I can Google I guess. Thanks for the advice you gave, I really don't want to switch but mostly want to become more confident and able to give him what I know he wants
>>16634971
Honestly the fact that you're trying so hard for him is super sweet and also means you are more cut out for it. He's a very lucky guy. If he likes it you're doing it right, as time goes on you'll get more comfortable and better at it. You'll be fine
Oh wait I forgot there is a place on 4chan for this, go check out the gentle femdom threads on /d/
You can always question and probe him for information, submissive should answer (at least my girlfriend does). It shouldn't matter if you're a little awkward, tell him to do something simple, then something else and so on. The act of him following directions will count more than your voice. Make up games, whatever you want.
The trick to being dominant is to approach sex already knowing what you want to do. Talk to him about desires and build up fantasies when your not with him. Decide on what is going to bring you the most sexual enjoyment and then plan on how your going to do it to him. The real complication as a dominant partner is realizing that you have to have the ideas before hand. Tell him your not going to have sex with him for the next week (or until he has earned it) and then tell him he needs to do things to put you in the mood like taking photos of himself or making you dinner or something like that (I always enjoyed making my partners rub my feet because it made them build up the idea of subservience while still allowing me to decide when things got sexual.) If he is truly submissive he should enjoy the build up and the orders over the week as much as whatever you decide to do to him. Plus a week each time will allow you enough time to think up new fantasies and if he doesn't like it you might find he is dominant to insist on sex more often which would be a nice step on the way to being more assertive. It can be hard to get into being dominant as a woman but can be very rewarding if it suits your temperament. If you have any specific questions feel free to ask.
Is he for sure a sub, or could it be that he's just not confident enough to dom?
I was on the other side of this issue in my last relationship, my girlfriend was a relatively hard sub but I never really felt comfortable being rough with her. It didn't help that she was super-dominant in non-sexual matters, either, it's really hard to go from being totally pushed around by somebody all of the time to being expected to be dominant in bed.
Sounds like she wanted you to be dominant in all aspects but didn't know how to give up the control. I've been in that position before with some one I really liked but couldn't get him to understand what I wanted.
Hello OP, female sadist here. Bdsm is best if you are actually into it, but sometimes you don't know you are into it until later in life. What you are doing for your bf is being a service top, not a dominant. That means you are catering to his fetishes as a service, even if they don't nessisarally line up with yours. That's ok, people do it.
There are a lot of different kinds of sub men, but most have this in common: they are aroused by the feeling of having power taken from them.
Men are expected to be dominant an in charge irl, so doing things that make them a "bitch" in bed can feel deliciously taboo. Why don't you try pushing his boundaries a bit? He can use a safe word. See what kind of humiliating acts you can get away with making him do.
Oh, and for more info, you may want to join fetlife
>>16635461
Oh, and another thing about being a dominant: never do anything you don't feel like doing. A lot of being a dom is just sitting there being annoyed with your partner until they are finally be a good boy/girl. Then violate them horribly and act like its a big favor you are doing for a gross person.
I didn't think I was cut out for being dominant either, I had always thought of myself as a more submissive type, but a lot of it was just not being used to it and feeling kindof weird about it.
If you're like me and don't like inflicting pain, there's plenty of other things you can do. Restraints, orders, "training", dirty talk, humiliation, not all of those will be your bag but you can find things that work.
A fun way to ease into this stuff is things like edging games. You get him off, but he has to tell you right when he's about to orgasm. As soon as he tells you, you stop, give him a couple minutes to calm down, and then go again. Keep going until he can't stand it anymore, and then you can make him get you off first (as many times as you desire), or have him beg for it, or make him hold off orgasm until you tell him he can, or whatever else tickles your fancy.
If he enjoys anal stuff but you don't really like getting all up in there, you can try a toy like an Aneros, which is a prostate massager that you leave in place. He gets the stimulation, and you get all of the effects without the other stuff you don't like.
A lot of domination stuff is about control. You tell him what you do, you tell him how to do it, you tell him when to do it. It feels weird at first but it's definitely something you can get into once you're a little more comfortable with it.
You can also just ask him. Ask what his fantasies are, have him masturbate in front of you and tell you what he's thinking about, have him recommend his favorite porn. Anything you can use to get a clearer picture of what he wants, so you can figure out what sounds fun for both of you.
OP here, was hanging with bf and just came back to check this thread, thank you guys SO MUCH for the advice and ideas. I'm feeling pretty excited to try some of this stuff with him, saving some stuff from this thread to read later not gonna lie
