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Adv, i am sick and tired of my sexuality. I had a very bad start with sex and now i feel like everything is so complicated and confused. I jave no idea how to develope a healthy sexuality and i desperately want to. How can i achieve this?

The situation: i had a suboptimal childhood. Lot's of abuse, but never sexual. My parents didn't treat sex as something "dirty or immoral", but they had a rather non-functional relationship and sexlife (i found out about the sex-part when i was an adult already). i had my period very soon, i wasn't even 12. I also started to get feminine curves at that age and be interested in (older) boys. I lost my virginity at age 12 and it was disastrous. I slept with a guy that had a crush on me because i wanted revenge on my bf who cheated on me (yeah, don't ask, i can't beliebe we had such drama at 12 eather...). I was on my period. After, i left without a word. That was just the beginning of a very bumpy ride.
However, i did some work om myselfe and i feel like i have turned out halfway decent if you take my starting-conditions into consideration. Now i'm 27 and for the first time ever i have a bf that i'm madly in love with. Now i slowly start to discober more and more things that are weird about me and sex. For example: i can't cum. I can just fine on my own.
I love the intimacy amd seeing him in pleasure. But nothing more. Despite this, i have an insane sex-drive. I could jump on his dick
24/7.
All i want, is to cum with him and give him the joy of being able to make me happy too...how can i get there?