Hey /adv/..
I'm done whinig. All I want is a way out of loneliness. I so sick of being so alone everytime I get home and just sink in it. Tell me the steps and I will follow them with all my heart, I don't want this year to be as grim as the last one.
Try being my friend. We can be comrades on a quest for belonging.
>>16630673
hello friend
>>16630689
I'm gonna get a job and start going out, for one. I don't even give a shit how my life looks. No apologies.
>>16630666
The bobcat is a native american spirit totem that teaches us how to be alone without being lonely.
being alone can be a mans greatest asset, which means being lonely is simply his bad mistake.
the best way to not be lonely is to learn how to not be lonely when you are alone. simply surrounding yourself with other people is a bandaid, cuz as soon as you get ditched you fall to pieces. its just as pathetic as someone who cant be single without being a whiny miserable fuck.
so now you are probably asking, how can i teach myself to be alone without being lonely? well most of it comes down to conditioning. We are raised in a way that overstimulates us. back in the day kids spent a lot of the day working and had only a little time for play. now we are play all day and just do our best to get through work. that doesnt translate well into adulthood where we long for all that fun, but can only get that feeling out of extreme scenarios of fun.
so to counteract that you have to start conditioning yourself again. for instance, right now, stop, and take a deep breath. seriously, do it. breath deeply. think about the last time you had a cold. how you couldnt breath. that sucked, didnt it? so right now close your eyes and take ten deep breaths and think about how nice it is. force yourself to feel how good it is in that moment.
that was the first step at conditioning yourself. by taking a daily automatic function like breathing and telling your brain 'this is a happy occassion' you begin to frame future instances as happy as well. it conditions you so that simply being bale to breath is something that makes your brain happy.
>>16630695
I have a job, I'm in the military, it's the going out part that's lacking. I don't have any friends to go out with.
>>16630710
now, open your cell phone (right fucking now) and set two calendar reminders a day for the next week. set them to vibrate so they dont interrupt people. now everytime your cell phone vibrates you know to stop and think about whats good about the moment.
eating? think about how tasty it is. in class? think about something interesting in the lecture? watching TV? think about how comfy you are in bed or on your couch. too edgy to think theres any bliss in life? then simply think about how nice it is to breath.
after 7 days, copy and paste those reminders and do it all again. eventually this trains you so not only are you happy about these little daily things, but also you will start acknowledging them without the calendar. one day you'll be walking, get the random idea to 'be happy' and think about how nice the sun feels on your skin, or how great the shade is, or how beautiful the day is in general. you wont even need the reminder. it will happen.
stopping to be grateful for what little good there is in your life makes it a more prominent part of your life.
>>16630712
You don't need friends to make friends. It helps make situations more comfortable, but it's still possible to meet people alone. Maybe not at the bar or whatever, but in some way.
Did you make any friends in the military?
>>16630710
True, but I told myself all kinds of shit that goes against that. I told myself that if I were not alive for a reason, I would prefer to be dead. Being alone feels pointless.
>>16630714
So, Part 3:
being alone even if you arent lonely, can be boring, and that leads to a sense of loneliness. so its time to fill your life up with worthwhile hobbies. the best hobbies are the ones that have a sense of completion, accomplishment, and fulfillment. simply finishing something makes people REALLY happy, but having a hobby where that doesn't happen can be frustrating.
Video games are a simple luxury that gives this sense of accomplishment when you beat the game. so i recommend this, even if its downloading classic games on your computer. but it should not be the basis of your hobby as its not really work, its only luxury.
what you need is a bit of a work hobby. some people like to build models. others like to build houses. it should be something you enjoy. and dont worry you dont have to have it all figured out right away. you can make a list of things you want to start doing, and try them all out.
to be specific though your hobby should not be
>i want to draw.
drawing may have a sense of completion when you finish the page, but there is no real end goal. without an intent its more doodling than anything else.
instead of just drawing, make it your goal to draw a full comic. start out with a single shot issue type thing. then if you like it, move on to expand that in to a 12 issue arc. This gives you an endgoal, something creative to adhere to, and stops you from just getting bored halfway through and saying 'i wanna do something else'.
especially if you upload it online for a few people to read, it motivates you to finish it for their sake. if you cant draw, find other hobbies such as maybe making a really chea pvideo game on rpg maker, or a short film, or a web series, or just writing a book by the chapter, or creating a radio play, or remodeling your house.
just have ONE hobby that has endgoals so you get that sense of accomplishment. I mostly do web series myself.
>>16630721
>but i told myself all kinds of shit that goes against that.
so?
>>16630710
I understand it, But I don't accept it. I'm good with being alone most of the time, but I'm not in a normal alone situation.
As a human being, being in my situation is not considered normal, we live a society where people value you by how you fuck, how many friends you have, your social status. I can't move up that social status when people can actually see through how lonely I am, I can't present myself, and can't feel satisfied and confident enough when at the age of 21 I haven't even had a girl friend. It's not my looks, I'm just deep in this depressing situation, I can't crawl out.
What you are saying is embracing the loneliness, I'm sick of doing that. I want the social life, if only just to experience something in my life.
>>16630729
and finally part 4: making connections with people.
no matter how much i talk about spirituality, psychology, and self improvement, people NEED interaction. not necessarily friends, but interaction at the very least.
true friendships are comprised of two or more people who are drawn to one another. it is not a real friendship if someone like you (OP) are a complete lonely loser looking for someone to fill the void in your life. people see that in you and dont want to be responsible for you, especially when you get bored and decide they arent enough and cause drama because you still arent fulfilled. humans are not band aids, and they are not toasters. you cant just go out and get them.
instead, look for events that cater to your interests, where you can meet people who share your interests. now there are the regular places like bars and clubs and such where a lot of people go to socialize. but lets operate under the assumption that you or whoever else is reading this is a geek. a real geek not an 'oh em gee im so geeky!!1!" geek. it doesnt matter if you are not, but this will prove that anyone with any interest can find others without going to a stupid bar or club.
SO, you are a geek. say you like board games? go to a game shop. most local game shops cannot support themselves on sales alone. instead they hold events like tournaments for Magic the gathering, settlers of catan, really anything.
comic book stores or multiple-niche nerd shops that do video games, board games, comics and collectibles will often hold things like 'scifi movie commentary night' or super smash bros tournaments or anything. even if you arent quite a fan of that particular nerdom, go out and try a few events cuz chances are you will meet people with your nerdom.
this applies to virtually any specialty shop. i you like fishing, theres plenty of fishing clubs. like hunting? theres that. like basketball? look for leagues.
>>16630744
part 5:
finally, if you are such a neet that you dont want to even use a basic google search or go outside to see what does exist locally, go to MEETUP DOT COM.
its a website where you type in your location, click some interests, and can find lots of local groups. there are groups for everything from horror movie fans who meet up once a month to discuss and play horror themed pictionary, to buffy fan groups that more than 10 years later hang out and just talk about their favorite episodes. there is a section for EVERYTHING so you are guaranteed to find something you like.
and if you dont? make your own group. its free. and you can make a lot of friends by hosting an event of your own interests.
hope that helps and if i was unclear about anything im going to be around for awhile so feel free to ask. if you need a little more help finding your niche or want more info i can also be reached at
[email protected]
i work in a self help industry so i do this all day anyway.
>>16630721
I did, I'm kind of social in the military, I had social anxiety before, but I'm much better now, yet it hasn't gotten me closer to feeling not lonely when I'm home. most of my friends live too far and we rarely meet outside of the military, there are some people I could try to meet outside, I tried, but it happens so rarely, I do what I can.
>>16630752
>when I can
I try not to worry about being pushy
It can make people feel good, and maybe they actually want a friend more than you do
>>16630738
im not telling you to embrace loneliness, only being alone. you are talking about social lives as if the only people that exist in the world are Chad-thundercocks and wannabe-actresses.
every week i get together wiht my friends and we just play lords of waterdeep and cosmic encounters and other board games. my love or sex life doesnt factor in, we just chill.
this is what REAL human interaction is like, you just dont realize it. this whole social status and ladder thing is like pretentious los angeles talk that doesnt actually apply to anyone unless they are trying to be a youtube celebrity.
you really think you are the only dorky loner in the world who wants to make friends?
and of course:
>>16630744
>>16630751
will help you make friends, but if you cant embrace being alone no ones going to want to be there with you. miserable people dont get happier when they have friends. they just get more needy.
>>16630761
Yeah, I haven't read all your parts before writing that, It looks like solid advice actually, some of it, less relevant to my situation, I would contact you if it's not bothering you, skype maybe? I'll send you my name through your email..
>>16630795
im big on self help so i dont mind hearing out your particular situation and walking you through that. the more specific you can be, the more specific i can be.
just remember that it is 'self' help so you gotta take the initiative to let go of old things and pick up new things. otherwise it just becomes a cycle of whining.
>whinig
>win nig
>WHINIG DA POOH
>>16630811
I knew something looked wrong there
>>16630804
alright, I sent you my skype name, appreciate your help.
