I think we need more information.

What makes you say the first relatiinship had gone toxic? What made you think you could save it? And what do you mean when you say she screwed you out of a job?

You said the second relationship was perfect, yet you were still worried about whether or not you could do better? I'm also sensing some indecision about your own future during this time.

MOST of the third relationship sounds like it might be on her, but the "no future" thing gives me pause, because it seems too similar to what came before.

The fourth breakup barely even makes sense. It sounds more like a poorly-executed gambit to prevent you from clinging by getting you pissed off. The key phrase here is "poorly executed": you have to leave the person you're dumping without any unresolved questions, and she failed to do that.

I've got an initial hypothesis, OP, but I'm not confident in it yet. My big question is this: what's your job situation? What have you been doing with your life these 7-odd years? What does your future look like?

My hypothesis, OP, is that you're stuck. At any given moment, you've been more or less fine as you are, but there has always been a shadow over what you could become. You know this, and you've discussed it with your girlfriends, which is the responsible thing to do, really. But they've always been expecting you to overcome it within a year or two, and when that hasn't happened, they've gotten scared. They wonder if you ever will, and the answer keeps coming back no.

Does this sound like this makes any sense? If it does, then tell us about it. Maybe we can help.

>>16629723

how long were these other relationships? you mention one being 1.5 years, another being 2.

i dont know why you call that 'struggling' cuz those two are both long relationships. even if you had to work at them, tahts normal.

a lot of people act like the rest of the world is somehow perfectly monogamous for the last 20 years because you only look at them, see them happy at that moment and assume their relationship 'worked out'. you ignore the fact that they all have broken up with tons of girls and will continue to break up with tons of girls.

you are doing the same thing. sounds to me you've had several long term relationships, and several possibly short ones. thats completely normal, and you cant blame yourself just because relationships end. that is the nature of relationships in a world where people are no longer property.

even if you manage to find the 'right girl' and get married, chances are you will still get divorced at some point.

you really cant blame yourself for how relationships naturally work they are the most fragile of all human interactions.

>>16629844
>>16629844
Damn. This is honestly the best response I've gotten on /adv/ to anything. Your hypothesis is pretty spot on.

I'm going to just answer your last questions, desu.

>what's your job situation?
I'm a teacher, and I've jumped between schools over the past 7 years. I didn't stay in town near college like a lot of my friends did, ended up moving back home and hated it but I got a free ride through grad school. Dated relentlessly during this phase after my college gf dumped me, but nothing stuck.

I ended up getting a job a few states away back near college and thought it was a godsend. It ended up being crushingly lonely and just made me even more depressed. I had a gf who was basically long distance while I was up there (didn't mention her before), but she wasn't very supportive. I spent a lot of nights sitting up till 3am alone without heat or proper lighting, usually drinking tea and reading to keep my sanity.

I left that after a year because wtf not and got a job at a boarding school, which was grueling. This is where I dated the middle two girls (and a few others I didn't mention). It was a mixed bag, mostly negative, and became a dark cloud over everything I did. "Sorry, we can't go out Friday, I'm on duty. Yeah, I know, I should quit, but it's getting me through. But next Tuesday I'm free! Oh, you don't want to spend time in a dorm with teens... I get it... no, I do..."

I quit that job while in a relationship with the last girl. She was excited for me, but the new gig (which is my current one) was a really tough transition. All's well now, but she dealt with the bad and wasn't a fan of it. A common phrase of hers was "you keep spinning your wheels, anon. Just make up your mind. You're making me think you're not very good at your job." She was also a teacher and adored, so I had to hear it constantly. We competed a lot, unfortunately.

I'm turning 30 this year (oldfag, I know). It's tough.

>>16631283
continued..

>What have you been doing with your life?
Mostly what I described above, shuffling around. The past year has been my most stable, considering I've finally settled into an apartment by myself and have been working a good job the entire time I've been here. But desu, since college I've shuffled social circles so often that my social calendar is usually empty.

During grad school I was able to reconnect with all my high school friends which was fantastic, but once I moved out of state our contact vanished. By the time I moved, all my college friends had gone away too. So I was alone and bored up there. Then I came back to the boarding school which was full of great people, but the scheduling really hurt. A lot of my friends I made were on opposite nights, for example. I had three really good friends there, but one got fired and cut us out while the other two moved across country. I still see a handful of people from there which is fun. I socialize a few times a week with my high school friends too, which is great, but I recall nearly every one of my gfs from the past not wanting to meet them or really show any interest.

My most recent ex, the 4th relationship I posted, actually kept dodging plans to meet my friends. She only ever met one of my friends during the 2 years we dated, not counting coworkers. Despite her avoiding this stuff, she always would tell me she was worried I didn't get out enough or do "manly things." Then she'd get all upset when I disappeared for a night or a weekend to literally do just that. Her friends all suspected I was NEET and a virgin before I met her, but both were far from the truth.

I will say that my hobbies sort of died during my 20s, though. I used to do a lot of cool shit in college, but dating sort of became my only hobby for the past 7 years. I noticed that most of my photos are of me and some ex -- there's not many of just me or me and my friends doing cool shit.

>>16631327
>>16629844
>What does your future look like?

Well, I finally am doing things that needed to get done. In my mid 20s, I had a renaissance where I was super motivated. I lost a lot of weight, picked up some new skills, and was dating a great person. It ended, but that didn't stop me and I just kept rolling. Then, for some reason, it stopped. I think the relationships I kept having were ways of distracting myself.

I'm financially stable enough and in a good enough job that I know I can focus on all the other things I've wanted to do. My plan is to travel abroad this year, get back into shape, and put money away for a house. I've also been going out a lot more with friends and more or less stopped dating after I realized I wasn't feeling anything anymore. It's a hindrance.

In a year or two, I would like to be somewhere else and maybe in a different position. I am still not very clear on what I want to do with my life. I'm confident that when I get there I will meet somebody, though.

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>>16629844
I'll answer your first questions too, actually.

>Why was the relationship toxic?
We both wanted out of it, but were too chickenshit to admit it. I took her virginity and the way we got into the relationship was a little dubious at best (she was trying to date a friend, and I unwittingly got in the way such that she decided I was just as good and we ended up hooking up and deciding to make it legit). Her parents were getting divorced at the time and she struggled immensely with her own baggage: she wanted to be another Tina Fey and was obsessed with old Hollywood starlets, but honestly couldn't sing, dance or act to save her life. Witty, thin, petite, blonde, gorgeous, but not very curvy and overall very prissy. She was the type of girl who kept "ugly friends" around and then smack talked them behind their back. I was the big, shaggy haired and doofy clownish nerd who was always throwing weird parties, hosted a radio show, and played a shitton of video games. On paper, it sounds like a pretty good match, but we fought constantly. Over dumb things too. She hated having sex after a while, and of course I wanted it. We never could come to agreements on that, and it usually resulted in one of us in tears cursing the other one. But we both stuck it out, even when either of us tried to walk, cheat, or just hurt the others feelings more than we were. I think we both believed that sticking in the relationship was the #1 priority because we both were so goddamn alone and hated ourselves.

That's why I thought I could save it.

And she screwed me out of a job because I asked her father for a recommendation, which meant I had to leave him a voicemail. She intercepted it and told him what a dick I was to her, which basically meant "no job." She actually wrote me a letter shortly after explaining it to me and telling me I deserved it, more or less, for making her so miserable during college.

Like I said: she's now happily married, so she figured something out.