Hello Everyone,
I hope your new years day went well. I have a question for you. My gf of 5 years has sent the texts in the blue. She is an esthetician who deals with skin care, eyelashes, and massage. She has been pressuring me for marriage. I am not ready, yet I feel that she did deserve it. I wanted to make her happy. So we went out and bought a ring together yesterday. Later that night she got drunk, passed out, and I checked her phone. I am not proud of what I did.
But this is tearing me up inside. In the past she emphasized to me that there's no such thing as a strict friend of the opposite sex etc. And you know what, I don't flirt with women. I actually actively side step it. I don't mind that at all, as I am in a serious relationship. But when I discovered the images, I felt betrayed.
She has him under a girls name in her phone.
There is obviously a mutual sexual chemistry there.
I confronted her this morning, asking her if she had anyone in her phone under a fake name. She denied it intensely. She even showed me her text messages, but the thing is she did not go into that one or deleted it before showing me the phone. I could not tell.
I called the number and it is a man's number for sure. I asked her several times again if she had a fake name for anyone. She denied it. I told her that she always tries to get away with things when she feels she can, and that I know she has someone under an alias. Yet she still denied that she has anyone under a fake name.
She is in the process now of packing her things and moving out.
I didn't yell, I wasn't abusive. I didn't want to be completely straight up with her because: I wanted to see if she would just be honest and come clean, and I didn't want to give her any reason to flip this around on me. (She tried, but without my snooping as a way of doing so.)
Did I handle this poorly?
I did tell her that perhaps she should find someone who does make her happy.
Here is the second image. There was no previous message history to be found between "danessa" and my gf.
>>16629278
I see no problem here, she denied him.
Stop being over protective
>>16629275
Bitch lied. Simple as that. Op, you dodged a bullet. Be greatful and focus on yourself for a while.
>>16629287
Yeah I can see that.
But then why did she hide him behind a fake name and then deny?
Meh that would bug me too.
>>16629287
No problem at all? Yes she did deny him, but she's entertaining the idea. The door is open for this dude. She is going about it in a deceiving way and straight up lied to me about it. I don't pull that shit. It's not hard. You would be perfectly okay with this?
Maybe I am just crazy. But I this is what I feel. Can another anon weigh in?
Ask to meet him, meet him, kick his ass don't say a word about what the ass beating is about, and leave it alone.
>>16629296
Yeah, I would say it's maybe worth a conversation about you know you could just tell me about it.
But if she's going to keep denying and denying that's a red flag.
>>16629275
I don't see any "mutual sexual chemistry" or flirting: she rejected him.
Lies are not acceptable tho, and I agree on that.
If you aren't ready for marriage after 5 years you'll never be ready. Anyway, marrying her just because she's pressuring you to is stupid. Furthermore, you don't trust her, and for good reason; those texts are completely inappropriate. All-in-all it sounds like your relationship isn't working out so I think you should just end things.
>>16629275
guess who she's gonna go give that kiss to bruv?
I'd say you dodged a bullet, did you tell her that you knew for sure that it's another man's number?
>>16629278
>we can go out as friends only
>we can go out
>friends
>only
She is willing to go out with a guy who is clearly trying to get on her pants
the only thing she should have done in this situation was said "Nothing" and cuted contact with him
She knows if she go out with him he will try something, this is a HUGE red flag.
Also, who the fuck is getting engaged to somebody but don't have permissions to go through their phone? you don't have "privacy" to somebody who you will share the rest of you life with.
You know what you have to do OP, i'm sorry.
>>16629300
I avoid violence when possible.
>>16629305
I'll try.
>>16629307
I think I might have an inaccurate idea of reality. I don't see a wife doing that kind of thing. Perhaps I am holding her to too high of a standard?
Op, this is the anon that said you dodged a bullet. This person you have/had a relationship has a doublestandard. Her actions are narcissistic and childish and the next time you get anywhere near getting married, you insist on a prenup.
>>16629327
>guess who she's gonna go give that kiss to bruv?
Nah.
If she's the "revenge fuck" kind of person, she'll still avoid the guy. Being dumped hurts, and he'll make her remember the reasons OP dumped her.
>>16629331
>I think I might have an inaccurate idea of reality. I don't see a wife doing that kind of thing. Perhaps I am holding her to too high of a standard?
I don't think so. And I think you dealt with the situation with maturity.
>>16629327
I said I knew it was someone else's number. I didn't specify whether or not it was a man. But I told her I knew for sure and she still denied it.
>>16629319
Thank you for your honest advice. You sound like you may be married. What is a good amount of time to "be ready" for marriage? Also do you have any general advice on marriage?
>>16629329
Yeah. Thank you for your input and advice. Its just how life is sometimes I suppose.
>>16629331
> Perhaps I am holding her to too high of a standard?
If I didn't get the messages wrong, he is a client at the SPA where she works. He is flirting with her, but she is rejecting him in a "playful" way. Obviously you can't be rude when you reject someone who pays you, you have to play along a bit or you'll lose them as clients.
I do agree that all the lies, the fake name, and especially not coming clean are not acceptable, but I don't see anything bad in the texts.
I'm glad you handled the situation with maturity.
>>16629337
I told her we would get a prenup. She said no and that she wouldn't get married with one. I calmly argued that I am planning to spend the rest of my life with her, this would just be in case if anything ever happened we would be on equal ground. I told her you don't put on your seat belt expecting to crash every time you drive.
She said she would not do it and I told her that I wouldn't sign the marriage document without the prenup. The conversation ended there.
>>16629341
I hope so. I tried to keep this thread as unbiased as possible, but I am only human. I tried to handle it delicately. I'll have to reflect on this over time to know for sure.
>>16629275
So you called her out and her immediate reaction was to move out? How did this escalate to that level if you don't mind me asking?
>>16629359
>I hope so. I tried to keep this thread as unbiased as possible, but I am only human. I tried to handle it delicately. I'll have to reflect on this over time to know for sure.
Give yourself some time, mate. Drink a beer with friends, focus on your work and/or studies. Time will tell you if you did the best thing...
>>16629356
As much as I hate to, I have to agree with your first point. Clients at spa's do need to be handled carefully. This would somewhat fall under that kind of situation.
But I fail to see how going out as "friends" falls under that. Also thank you for the words. I truly hope I did handle this with maturity.
>>16629275
You handled it fine, just don't go crawling back to her, and if she tries, shut the door.
What you saw was obvious. Her reaction to instantly move out makes it even more obvious.
>>16629363
First she knew I was mad and asked why. I told her if she isn't guilty she shouldn't worry about anything. Shortly after I asked if she kept anyone under a fake name in her phone contacts. She denied it over and over.
I went into the other room and laid down on the couch to be alone. She came to show me her recent texts, not the one I have pictured though. I asked her again the same question. She denied it.
I told her I know she has a fake name in her contacts. She denied it. I told her maybe she should find someone that makes her happy. We stopped talking and shortly after she started packing.
>>16629275
>Did I handle this poorly?
You did good letting her go. Good luck to you man.
>>16629371
>But I fail to see how going out as "friends" falls under that.
Probably she just said it to reject him and she wouldn't have done it for real.
He got the message too, as he "accepts" the rejection in the last message.
When I have to reject someone politely, I usually go with "Oh, maybe we can go out as friends, but I'm in a relationship" adding some bullshit about how great they are and that I'm flattered that I'm getting their attention. I wouldn't actually do it, and most of the time I wouldn't go out with them even if I was single, but being nice is necessary in some situations.
>>16629275
>She has him under a girls name in her phone
you handled it well and never tell her how you know for she will flip it back on you. Let her wonder but she knows she lied and she knows you know she lied.
If it were nothing she would have come clean and know that she prefers to protect the budding relationship with him than double down with you and move on together.
>>16629296
she could have stopped the conversation but more importantly never started this shit to begin with. Can you imagine what's going down during a session. My gf does house call massages, gets hit on occasionally but will not go back. She is a professional your gf is not
>>16629376
Let her go.
I work in medicine and you DO NOT go out with patients/clients whatever. Same thing for a licensed massage therapist.
No way, no how. This is more serious than some people get. She's moving out for a reason. Let her go.
Grow up, work on yourself, and a better girl will come.
>>16629349
my guess you've known for some time she isn't trustworthy and why you have not married her. I am married but dated lots of women and I knew within the first couple months she was wife material and we both waited for another 18 months to test our mutual initial impressions. Marriage is not only fucking and living together it is a true partnership built on trusting your partner has your back in everything. Betrayal is not even considered.
For those saying she denied that dude in her phone... If she completely denied his advances, then why did she lie about it to OP?
She could have just said there is some dude she knows that hits on her and she is denying it.
For all we know, she could have known texting is not a place to talk about hooking up when youre in a relationship, she could have responded that way because she though OP may find the texts.
>>16629356
uh, just because he is a client does not mean she has to give him her personal number nor put up with unwanted advances. If it is unwanted it is harassment and if a business demands an employee put up with unwanted advances they can sue the shit out of the company.
the fact that she is hiding something is enough grounds for you to be upset. Even if she isn't "cheating", her heart isn't committed to the relationship 100%. She was in the wrong here, but she may try to flip it around like "HE WAS SNOOPING!!" But any person with half a brain will realize that just means she got caught in a lie.
You dodged a bullet. This might hurt right now but it would have hurt a lot more if you had started to raise a family with this bitch
>>16629275
OP, i have been in a very similar situation expect i was the guy cheating with the girl. The girl who i refer to was married. She done exactly the same thing as your Gf and put me under a different name. She would text me when her husband was a work and delete the text just before he would come home.
>pressured you into marriage
>refused to sign a prenup
>"flirting" and agreeing to be friends with someone who obviously wants to fuck her
>moved out instead of being honest
dodged a bullet, OP
>>16629397
>>16629408
>>16629422
Thanks everyone.
>>16629421
I imagined marriage to be something like this.
Also we talked. She apologized for having fake names. Claims she did it in the past out of fear. mentioned other ones I had no idea about. No mention at all of the one pictured. I even tried to focus on that time period (last Sunday), and she still has admitted.
I flat out said she has not yet admitted the one I know about. And I still don't know. She said that I know she wouldn't cheat, which I feel like she probably wouldn't. But I am not that confident.
I told her she should find someone crazy about marrying her. She is coming to pick up the rest of her things. I feel pretty shitty. I miss her already. Such is life I guess.
>>16629427
I am not trying to defend her, I always said that lying, giving her personal number, etc. isn't justified.
Being nice when you reject someone, as she did, is necessary with a client. I don't see her flirting there.
>>16629441
you did the right thing op
>>16629441
Still has not admitted.*
>>16629429
Yeah. I'm not quite sure if that was the case with me, but if not if very well could have been.
>>16629436
I am going to keep telling myself this.
>>16629428
She was very focused on having a familly. Always talked about making babies when we had sex. I think she'd make a much better mother then wife.
>>16629441
see she still cannot tell you about this one guy but my question is why is she having personal conversations and setting up future "dates" with guys she met at work? Is it a requirement she give them her number?
You don't know she wouldn't cheat. Cheaters hide shit so they will not be caught.
>>16629449
this is on personal time, not at work she doesn't owe her business anything. She gave the guy her number so she can have personal conversations and flirt. I don't blame the dude at all. He knows this is not business and all he has to do is hang in there as she playfully puts him off until the hook up.
>>16629287
being this stupid
>>16629455
guy that cheat with the married women here. i don't know your GF but from my experience she is cheating on you. the girl i was seeing didn't seem like the type at all. I eventually told her husband and he didn't even believe me. I suggest confuting her about it and bringing up the texts you seen. you have been doing out for 5 years, there shouldn't be anything wrong with going through her texts if she has nothing to hide. i mean, she wants to marry you. she should be honest and open about everything.
>>16629457
It is not a requirement. The thing is I have no confirmation that this is even a client. There is a chance. But that is remains a mystery.
>>16629466
>this is on personal time, not at work she doesn't owe her business anything.
When I meet someone from work outside work, I try to be nice to them anyway.
>She gave the guy her number so she can have personal conversations and flirt.
Are you sure? Maybe he has the number to set dates or for some work related reasons.
>>16629482
Why don't you confront her about it directly?
You breached her trust by going through her phone and basically letting her know the fact.
>>16629455
It sounds like she just lacks maturity.
Not only is she unsatisfied with the amount of love an attention you give to her, she also was unable to admit fault and work through the problem.
Honestly she doesn't sound that fit to be a mother to me, either. Immature mothers raise immature children who grow in to immature adults. I hope she grows up and learns how to accept responsibility for her mistakes before she bring a child into the world. Otherwise they'll just grow to resent her.
>>16629490
Gtfo you fucking cuck
>>16629497
It appears I've hit the nail on the head.
>>16629486
I didnt directly confront her because I was hoping she'd come out and tell me.
>>16629490
I did. I am at fault in this regard. I don't feel good about it. This is definitely an indication of much greater problems in the relationship I feel.
>>16629493
Yeah. I am still young and immature myself so I cannot give a solid opinion on this.
>>16629441
>She apologized for having fake names. Claims she did it in the past out of fear. mentioned other ones I had no idea about.
Out of fear of what? And who are the other fake names? Is she talking to more guys who are listed as women?
>>16629508
>I was hoping she'd come out and tell me
you gave her multiple chances, she even fessed up to a few things of no consequence but she's hiding her greek god dimitri, Wonder how many more are out there?
Had something similar go down with gf of almost 3 years but it was actually her boss and wanting to go "have a drink" on a weekend evening. She got all "hurt", grabbed her things to leave and I didn't stop her. Guess where she spent the night? Her bosses apartment and she moved in with him. She would call me screaming telling me I made her do it and I would just laugh and hang up. She thought I was a fool and would marry the cunt.
>>16629508
>I didnt directly confront her because I was hoping she'd come out and tell me.
You should ask her directly, at this point. You don't have much to lose, but I'm sure that some further explanations will help you to move on, if that's what you want.
>>16629505
Hardly. The woman is young, baby crazy, and proved she can't be trusted. OP gave her enough rope. She went and hung herself with it. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away.
OP, I seriously recommend that you make sure that your friends and family know what happened. She's going to be a vindictive bitch given a chance.
Additionally, you get your shit together, find a good , fun loving, and honest girl. They're hard as fuck to find, and take work, but are seriously worth it.
>>16629275
I bet she thinks you know more than you actually do and why she's leaving. Bet there is so much more between she and this dimitri guy or some other guys. Keep silent on what and how you know.
>>16629275
She most likely left and never mention it because she feels ashamed of what she has done. you should confront her.
>>16629275
hahahaha, your woman dates guys she meets at work and does it right under your nose. Glad you got a clue though
>>16629527
Yes, precisely.
>>16629533
That sounds like you definitely dodged a bullet there.
>>16629535
Yeah. I feel though I may crumble if I talk with her too much. I am going to try and move on.
>>16629536
Yeah. I will probably be by myself for a couple years. I thought she was a good, fun loving, and honest girl.
>>16629544
That is probably the best course of action. One I have not taken in the past and probably the reason why things have not fallen out this far.
>>16629547
It might be beyond that at this point.
>>16629548
I trusted her before I searched through her phone. I will probably make the same mistake again though. I want to have a relationship built on trust, and if I have to get burned a couple times by trusting, then so be it.
>>16629574
>I feel though I may crumble if I talk with her too much
then don't talk to her. It is in her court. If she doesn't want to sit you down and tell you everything (with proof) without you asking you don't need to hear it. Never tell her how you know or how much you know. You realize had you not seen this single exchange she would still be making a fool of you?
>>16629574
>I want to have a relationship built on trust
>goes through his girls Phone the first chance he gets
Listen here m8, while you have all my sympathies and i'm on your side 100% on this, you realize how hypocritical that is, right?
>>16629629
trust but verify
>>16629620
Yeah. When she came over to pick up her things I pushed the issue once more. She absolutely refuses to mention the person listed in the picture. There's no way she can be this dense is there? I literally told her, I am mad about a name you haven't mentioned to me yet, and it is very recent. Yet she maintained her reply, "I don't know, I don't know."
>>16629629
Yes. You're right. I have no defense. Obviously I have some issues I have to confront within myself.
>>16629574
>>16629629
That's why there's no such thing as privacy in a relationship, i've had 2 serious relationships in my 23 years of life, both of them i've stated that i wanted it to be a "open book", we had free access to all social media and phone of each other
Keep in mind that trust is something that takes a lot of time to build and just some seconds to destroy it, just don't trust people because you think they deserve it, make them prove that they are worth your trust and than can be easily broken by their actions.
People who are used to take alot of shit from others aren't respected at all, just take that advice for your whole life, not just for relationships, make people respect you.
>>16629658
no way she is this dense. she's hiding the guy for a reason. I cannot think how much clearer you could be without showing her the photos you posted her but don't. There was more to either this exchange, one prior or after you didn't see or something that happens when she is with him. The other more likely possibility is dimitri is not the only guy she is hiding and she doesn't want to start mentioning guys only to find out it is not the one you had in mind. She already gave you a laundry list of others so there's more. She offered those in the past but there are more that are current.
She is obviously a whore.
DO NOT forgive her.
Coming from another anon who's engaged.
I would be absolutely devastated if I found out my fiance was lying to me about, well, anything. If there isn't 100% open honesty in a relationship, it is NOT the time to get engaged, much less married. From what I see, she didn't flirt with him, but asking him to hang out when he clearly wants her is completely unfair to you and your relationship with her.
I personally can't understand why women in committed relationship feel the need to be friends with and keep in contact with people of the opposite sex who are clearly into them. I would never do that to my fiance. In fact I would cut all contact immediately, as I am completely loyal and devoted to my fiance, because I love him, and it's disrespectful not to.
Also odd that she had him under some other name. Who does that? Cheaters. Now I could be wrong, but then there's the chance that she's erased past messages with this guy as well, and these are the only ones you found.
I know 5 years is a long time to be with somebody, but if she's able to lie about something as simple as a contact name, and avoids any question you ask her, she's not wife material, and you made the right call having her move out.
You'll find someone better.
You handled it graciously. You have my respect.
Damn she got off easy. I'd fucking insult her to the ground till she feels like getting born is a mistake.
>>16629702
Amen i am an open book in my marriage... I just cant figure out how to earn respect
>Has multiple men in her phone under fake names
>Invites them to massages
>Does the old coy "omg stop flirting with me, I'm not a slut! teehee!" routine
>Lies about all of this
Bullet dodged. Best of luck finding a good one.
>>16629629
Blind trust is for cucks.
You still believe in Santa, don't you faggot
I've figured out who dimitri is by the way. Her ex. Thanks for everyone who helped me out today. I appreciate it.
>>16629895
Ayyyy LMAO!
You just dodged the gust of an ak 47
I would say it was worth it
Anyway, i wish you the best luck out there, you sound like a really nice dude and can do better than that hoe
>>16629363
Fucking this!
>>16629895
no fucking wonder she didn't tell you but damn she is still doing this after being with you 5 years. She invited him to come see her. How did you figure it out OP?
>>16629895
I'm mostly sad for Dimitri. What a pathetic fuck. He's waited 5 years for another chance at his ex. I wouldn't recognize myself, or any of my exes after 5 years. People grow/change. Yet this sad fuck is clinging to the past, thinking if he gets his ex back, it'll be the same. It won't be the same. Not even close.
You, OP, get to move on and be successful with new people. This Dimitri guy? He's the definition of beta cuck.
>>16629961
she's been encouraging dimitri
>>16629990
good choice then man, she seems to be quite untrustworthy and not worth anything close to a lasting marriage
>>16629944
I knew she had a Greek ex boyfriend before me. I don't know why it didn't quite click. My ex gf has worked in the past for a lot of Greek owned companies. I had a thought that maybe it was one of the older owners just being a creep. That line of thought eventually lead me to trying to remember her ex's name. And then it hit me, the guy's name was mother fucking dimitri.
>>16629275
> Did I handle this poorly?
I should say so. You threw away a 5 year relationship over a couple of texts and a lunch date with her ex.
My guess is you are so desperate to avoid the responsibility of marriage that you'll use any excuse to break It off.
You manufactured one. Congratulations.
Just remember: you will want her back. She will get fucked before you do. It will be better than her sex with you. You will not get her back.
I don't really understand what you want from us. Validation? Absolution? Go see a priest.
>>16630026
did you have any clue over the last 5 years she was still seeing the guy? Damn
>>16630040
Did you even read the post? She changes the names to female and been secretly doing this with many men. He gave her ample opportunity to come clean yet she refuses to discuss this one guy. I'd say he was over doing it if she came clean along with all the other guys she is hiding but she didn't.
>>16630040
Fuck off cuck, we already saved OP, go spread your cuck apologia in another thread, faggot
>>16630040
>I've been with her for 6 years, I don't want to throw that relationshit away just because she's fucking other guys!
Fuck off, reddit.
>>16630040
It was just a couple of texts. I very well may have manufactured this whole event. And you're right, I am horrified at the thought of marriage. She will probably get fucked better than I fucked her. However I am walking away. I accept it all. I am at peace with the level of devotion I have given her. But I am free now, and no longer playing a fool.
>>16630045
No. There was an episode where he called within the first month of us dating. But she handled it quite well. Next time he came around was now. A couple months back she started working at her old job where she dated him. She got into an argument and quit the very first night. He was still there, and it was a long enough time to get his number apparently.
>>16630093
kinda tells you why she is protecting him, there must have been plans. Damn she sees him one time after 5 years and you are out. Just be glad you hadn't put a ring on her finger
>>16630111
Kinda tells you right away this 5 year relationship sucked, anyway. No one who is completely happy and fulfilled in their relationship just hops train the moment someone else comes along. This relationship was clearly unhealthy in many aspects.
All the more reason that it's good that it's over.
>>16630093
>>16630093
Have you called her out on this yet OP?
Please do, and post results
>>16629295
Because you're mental and she knows the consequences that would come about of her crazy overprotective boyfriend finding her texting another male human.
Fucking hell, what is society coming to?
>>16630228
Stfu cuck
>>16630228
Quit trolling faggot, you are wasting your time here.
NOOOOOOO
OP how was your relationship overall? Looking back, were there any signs? Why wasn't she wife material?
>>16629275
lmao
wanting to get married is a massive red flag
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nah you did good OP. that's literally all you need out of this thread. you did the right thing. in a similar boat lately, same outcome.
thats unacceptable shit... so you don't accept it. easy.
second you find out something like that happened, end it and move on. best move you can make when someone forces you into that corner.
>>16630228
also, really hope youre trolling. that chick is the mental one. and that wasn't just another male, that was her ex bf... that she has in the phone under a fake chicks name. I'm sorry, that right there loses her the benefit of the doubt from me.
burn that bridge. fuck that noise. forget about it and move on with life.
