>>16628133

>shes guilt tripping us
>what can we do

you can give in, or ignore her. you cant stop her from guilt tripping you other than by getting out of her vicinity. there isn't any advice here to make this easier on you. make a choice, and go.

all that being said, she isnt inherently wrong. until recently it was perfectly normal to live with your parents and one day just take over the house. people are so elitist now priorities are getting fucked up, despite the fact that the economy is shifting back to the idea that we should be sharing a home.

that being said, living on your own is a lot of fun and i recommend it. if you do choose to stay, tell your mom that its under the idea that you are now the man of the house, and you will be living by your own rules (but not that they are living by those rules as well)

>it really isn't much easier to live with her given her strict house rules, and i really want a chance to live on my own some day, but she's guilt tripping us pretty bad

That's hard. She is your mom, and decisions like these aren't easy but your situation is very real. First of all you are an adult (I assume) and have both the freedom to make decisions and own up to the consequences of them too. You don't get to have your cake and eat it too.

My contribution to your issue is... why does she get to set the house rules? If the house is rented you are all pitching in to your livelihoods. She has only her rank as mother to pull, but financially she has no dominating power. Tell her you can live together (if this is your decision) but not on "her" house but yours. And you all get to set the house rules. Things have changed and so do the dynamics of the family. Whatever decision you think is the best; have some balls and stand up to your mom.

>>16628149
>>16628192
thanks for your responses guys; i guess it has to do with culture... we're asian (korean specifically) and this is actually kind of the norm in korea. my mom will keep her position as the head of the house because of that until she gets senile...

the fact i'm dating my boyfriend makes things a bit more complicated. it's not that she bans dating, but she's very critical of my actions and of my boyfriend; like if she feels like i'm seeing him too often, she'll try to restrict me from seeing him (either by acting passive aggressive or otherwise an uncomfortable presence, or by finding ways to charge more money, or in ways to make me doubt he loves me) because she thinks i'm being "too easy".

she's very, VERY old school... and i'm not sure how much more i can take of it.

>>16628271

then dont. parents are parents, and thats a thing, but you gotta do your own thing. it sucks to think of it, but yo uare at a crossroads, and no matter how great advice we give, the odds of everyone coming out happy are pretty slim to none.

so move out. let her deal with her own issues. when she does eventually go senile, try to reach out to help in whichever way is best suited for you.

>>16628282
yeah, i've been saving up and been planning to move out for some time... i just feel horribly guilty.

my best bet is to convince my brother to help my mom out... but he has such a short temper and is barely around the house... i really doubt he'll be much of company or of help.

i do intend to visit on holidays and birthdays and such... hopefully that will be enough.

>>16628271
Then I guess that would be out of the question? Or at least a lot messier to work out. Maybe if you move out there are other ways to support her until her older years, financially, living nearby, etc.

>>16628310

its all a part of life, or at least this life, so its something your mother will have to deal with. your brother might stick around but he will likely want to abandon ship like you did.

my mom wishes all three of her sons had stayed with her, but were all moved out.

Once you start paying your own share in the house you stop being a dependent child and start being essentially a roommate. If you want that sort of thing to work you really need to talk together and sort out her no longer being an ultimate authority figure over you. Because if you don't, everyone will probably just go with the flow and you'll feel like a child forever.

>>16628316
>Maybe if you move out there are other ways to support her until her older years, financially, living nearby, etc.

thanks, this is probably what i'll have to look into. living nearby might be my best option.

>>16628310
Sounds like you made up your mind and were really just looking for ideas that agreed with yours.
Not to rain on your parade but the situation is the same, you'd still be ditching your mother to deal with her economical issues by herself. You have a reason to feel guilty, even if I'd do something similar to you were I in your position.

>>16628320
>your brother might stick around but he will likely want to abandon ship like you did

well, one thing is that he barely makes enough to be able to get by on his own. he's awful with money, and basically, he's a leech... yet he gets free roam due to him being the male. (asians pretty much spoil the fuck out of their sons)

he just has absolutely no sense of responsibility... been trying my best to help him understand that he's basically my mom's last hope, but he's too concerned with partying and stuff... makes sense, he's only 20... i hope to have him shape up soon. tips and advice would be nice here...

>>16628324
>you really need to talk together and sort out her no longer being an ultimate authority figure over you
i've mentioned itt that my mom won't budge... mix of stubbornness and culture/custom....

>>16628335
it's true i've been intending to move all along, but since my mom caught wind of it, she's been hitting us hard with the guilt trips... almost convinced me to stay with her. needed to sort the pros and cons of the situation, things i can do, etc...