Turned Down?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
/adv/, I've never posted for advice here before. Never thought I'd need to. But I had something happen recently that I don't particularly understand, and need insight.
I was going to have sex with a friend, and he turned me down. Thing is, he didn't turn me down outright. He went right along with it till the last moment, and said he couldn't go through with it. He just quit right before we got to it.
We've been friends for years. As for myself, well I'm sexually active. Most guys would call me a slut, but I don't really care. I have sex with guys I like, whether I'm in a relationship or not. It doesn't bother me anymore. I just like to enjoy myself. He was always a little bit different. He's cool, smart, decent looking, but he never showed any interest in me.
One day though, he asked if I'd have sex with him out of the blue. I said yes of course. Mostly because I didn't care one way or another, and a little bit because I kind of liked him and was curious.
Life got in the way, and so it didn't happen for a long time. Eventually we got together and talked it out and made plans.
It was supposed to happen last week. We got together, got somewhere private, and we were completely ready. Out of no where he asked if I'd hate him if he backed out. He said he couldn't go through with it. Said he had no particular reason, other than a gut feeling that "nothing good would come of it. " . He told me I was a great person, and a beautiful woman, and that he was sorry. Then he left.
He was well aware of my sexual history and tendencies long before he asked. He's always been aware I have a boyfriend. He knows I'm clean of stds because I get tested, and had a test done specifically for him. ( He didn't ask, but I did anyways).
Nothing new has happened to make him behave this way. I don't understand. He hasn't talked to me since. He won't answer my texts either.
I need advice. I don't know what's going on with him. I've never had a man behave this way before.
Help?
He was probably thinking with his cock whenever he wanted to fuck you. Then his brain overpowered him and he convinced himself not to fuck some slut with a boyfriend. Then he realized how disgusting he actually thinks you are and is getting some distance.
>>16628059
>I need advice.
Do you, though? I don't see the problem. Man asks to have sex with you, reconsiders and ultimately changes his mind. These are all his decisions, not yours.
I guess it sucks that he blue-balled you or whatever, but I'm sure you'll get over it.
>>16628073
I kind of do. It's not that he turned me down, in and of itself.
It's him. He's my friend. I do care about him, believe it or not. Despite how casual sex is for me, I am still intimate with those I care about.
He was out of character. It isn't normal behavior for him. Especially not giving a reason. He's usually too direct with words. Instead he was scattered, conflicted, confused. I've never seen him like that.
I need advice because I'm worried. It's not that he turned me down, but why, and what's going on with him.
>>16628074
Nah just stop overthinking it so much. So what? He didn't fuck your sloppy hole, get over it already.
he might have rubbed one out prior to the encounter..... and simply mentally wasn't there to physically perform the task ahead.. Rational being it would be better to spontaneously leave and continue this at a later date vs failing or performing poorly during the act.
>>16628074
He could have turned you down for any number of reasons, really. I don't think we can shed any light on why exactly he said no. I think men can be just as complicated about sex as women. Maybe he was nervous? You seem to be saying that you two are good friends. Perhaps he was worried he'd endanger your friendship by having sex? Maybe he wants his sex to be a meaningful connection, not something he does with a friend just for kicks?
If I were you, I'd treat him the same as you always do and do what you can to continue to be his friend despite this awkward incident. If he wants to say anything more about it, he'll take the initiative and tell you, I'm sure.
>>16628059
Does he have any previous sexual experience that you're aware of?
>>16628171
None that I know of. I've never known him to have a girlfriend.
But he's been super busy since I've known him. So he likely hasn't had time for anything committed. He's probably had a handful of one night stands over the 4 years I've known him. I mean, he's 28, he has to have had some amount of experience.
Not that it would matter either way though. I don't see how that would impact anything.
>>16628059
He probably wants to have sex with someone he is in a committed relationship with and not just stick his dick in your used up cock sleeve.
I commend him for having more self worth than that.
>>16628074
You're being a dum dum.
The thing about people is that they do weird shit sometimes.
Who the fuck knows why he turned you down.
Closure is a lie and you should just let it go.
On an unrelated note, fuck you for cheating on your boyfriend, you disloyal hoe.
>>16628224
My boyfriend knew me, knew the kind of person I am, and my reputation, before getting into this relationship. He knew what he was signing up for.
>>16628243
Are you saying that it's an open relationship or are you revealing exactly what a scum fuck you are?
>My boyfriend knew I was a violent felon before we started dating.
>He should have known I was going to assault his family
That ain't fucking acceptable reasoning.
>>16628064
this
i too sometimes want sex really bad but then reality checks in. Some girls are just not worth fucking.
>>16628243
>its not my fault in a disloyal hoe, that's just who I am lol xD.
>if anything it's his fault for being in a relationship with me
>>16628059
I wish I had a girl friend like you, OP. Someone who I could fuck and trust but not have to deal with the relationship shit.
>>16628200
>Not that it would matter either way though. I don't see how that would impact anything.
b8?
People who haven't had sex can be nervous about it. People who it's been awhile for can be more nervous. Some people are nervous every time they're intimate with a new person.
Not really unique to either gender.
>>16628250
If it was an open relationship I'm sure she'd had said that already. Honestly I'm surprised she added that to the thread to begin with. Unusually honest of her, she might sort of have a point.
>>16628243
originally i thought you were just a disgusting sub human but now i know you're trolling.
>>16628200
Okay, so... you'very never known him to have any sexual experiences, and just assume thathat he has? Maybe he's a virgin... had the guts to ask you to fuck him... maybe he lost his nerve? Got nervous? Maybe he has plenty of experience, but didn't want to fuck his friend. There's plenty if reasons for him backing out... have you talked to him since he bailed?
>>16628059
He changed his mind because your a disgusting whore with no morals ... it really isnt a hard puzzle to solve ... maybe he just wanted to test your character?
Either way im glad you dont care what other people think of you... but you are definable as a whore... im not supprised he dosent respect you enough to fuck you..
>>16628264
Oh come on. Look, he's a cool guy. Smart, funny, decent looking, talkative, there's no way he's a virgin.
That would be crazy.
>>16628293
Eh, you never know. But you should probably ask him all these questions instead of us.
>>16628293
I think that's more of a reflection of your own views on sex then anything else.
I mean, it could be that he isn't a virgin - but perhaps he doesn't have casual hookups like you do. Maybe he even thinks you're cool and likes you as a person, but he also knows that you're an easy lay and that he doesn't really like that particular aspect of you so he got conflicted with wanting to bang you and also not wanting to at the same time.
Personally from what you've said so far you strike me as someone who's at least a bit egocentric and dismissive of others. I respect your ability to have sex with whomever and whenever you choose since it's your body, but the way you deflected that question about your boyfriend is not good. It's one thing if you told your boyfriend, straight up, that you will not be sexually exclusive and that you will be having sex with other people on a whim but to say "Well, he knew me before we got together, so..." is a bit fucked up. If your other guy friend knew about this then it's really not surprising that h3 decided to steer clear.
>>16628059
Fuck this female shit. Answer my question.
>>16628059
listen up slut, not every guy wants to spread your legs
move the fuck on
>>16628243
But does he know you're still fucking other guys? If you're gonna be a hoe, be an honest hoe
>>16628074
Get over your shit, you're not worried for him, you're offended for being turned down but are deluding yourself.
>>16628572
To be honest with you, I'm not sure. I'd assume he knows, since I was with another boyfriend the first time I had sex with him. He was literally the other man for my previous boyfriend. Like I said, he knows how I am.
It's not like I come home every day and say " Hey honey, I fucked so and so " . He doesn't ask, and so I don't tell.
If he asked though, I'd tell him outright. I'm not a liar.
>>16628587
Yes you are a liar, you're in a fucking relationship so you have the mutual agreement that you are honest with eachother and don't secretly fuck other people. Don't shove it off on him, 'he doesn't ask, he should know, etc.'. Why are you even in a relationship? Don't get me wrong, I support open relationships and the likes, but it should be in mutual agreement.
>>16628596
if her BF was willing to have sex with her while she was in a relationship with someone else, why should expect to be treated any differently?
I'm not saying I agree or disagree with OP, because I don't know the whole story, but she has a valid point.
I think you should understand that the fact that you have a certain way to see relationships and sex does not mean that everybody thinks like you or that relationships and sex are in society the way you are "interpreting" them...maybe for your friend having sex is synonim of a strong bond with a single person who you are in love with
I'm sorry but other than that I can't understand the way you act in regard of serious things like that
>>16628059
It doesn't answer your question, OP, but at least know that the shit you're catching in this thread is ultimately the reason why women like yourself have such an easy time catching a dick. All these guys shaming women into being "pure", thus removing themselves from even trying to fuck around. These same guys end up bitching endlessly when they have a hard time getting laid.
From this promiscuous as hell anon, best of luck OP. Don't let the haters slow ya down. Live on your terms.
>>16628676
It's not about women having to be "pure", or slutshaming or whatever. She's cheating on her boyfriend (having sex with others without him knowing/consenting), and that's what's wrong. Not the amount of dicks she had.
>>16628293
No. That's bullshit, and you should know it. Look at the posts on this board. Thirty year old kissless virgins and the like...
If you want to be a ho, go ahead.
>>16628676
What? Seriously? There's really not a whole lot of "slut shaming" going on here. You must be quite a ho yourself. You two are the main reason for relationship trust issues.
>>16628686
This
>>16628676
Are you saying you wouldnt give af if you walked in your room after work and your gf was getting plugged by a 10" black bull?
>>16628064
/thread
He realized that you're disgusting and then backed off, sluts don't cope well with rejection that's why you are confused, go ride another dick and you will forget about it
This thread is a really well elaborated bait and successfully triggered /adv/
GJ OP
>>16628704
Oh you, I'd pinch your little cheek if I could. That's adorable. Thanks for being part of the problem.
he is a good man. Alot of men like to work for it. giving it up so easily just means you arent anything special and just another hole. he may have just lost a bit of respect. i understand his actions. that may have been just a test
>>16628059
This is master b8
Bla bla bla, your pussy isnt hot shit so he rejected you
Girls need to remember that guys dont always want pussy and you aint that great, and deal with rejection
1 its cus you have a " promiscuous" gluttony amount of sex and thinking of that makes me a little sick
2 your pussy aint that great
Guys dont want to ever hear about how you got steam trained with 40 cocks and that act like you fresh for his, so dont act like you.can talk about it and a guy will still be not turned off by you actions
I like how you dont care for being called a whore and your not ashamed of sex, but talking to friends about other guys fucking you is just disgusting
>>16628059
Yeahh its not even about morals. Sluts are hot in fantasy but in reality theyre gross. Not to mention fear of stds, but you cant brag about having sex with a slut. Youd just bemashamed kr slightly embarrassed. His brain overcame his dick, good man.
>>16628059
The funny thing is I know this is bait but it still pisses me off.
>>16628972
That's the point of baits mah nigga
>> Be 28 male who turned down OP
>> Work really hard and always busy
>> Feeling horny cause I work all the time and am so busy
>> Whatthehell.jpg
>> Ask slut if she wants to bang
>> Reconsiders the offer as I am 28
>> I work really hard and am really busy
>> Want to share my life with someone
>> Someone who is not a slut
>> Someone who doesn't open her legs for any-and-everyone
>>16628059
>a man didn't want to have sex with me
>i need HELP
What the fuck is wrong with you? He doesn't want to fuck you.
>It doesn't bother me anymore. I just like to enjoy myself.
>He was always a little bit different.
WOW I FOUND THE FUCKING PROBLEM THAT WAS SO HARD
>>16628293
Have you ever heard the term "hypergamy?"
>>16629060
Isn't that image basically the same thing for both sides
>>16629072
No, not even a little. OP's bait assumes that men are like women and have as much power in the sexual marketplace. They don't, pretty much one guy in ten gets the attention of 10 women leaving the other 9 men to either just let it happen or fight him for his position. If you don't participate you are a virgin by default, or you can scrounge for scraps.
It's not pretty and it's not very rewarding. The sexual revolution is destroying the framework of society and people are getting friends with benefits with abortions instead of married with children.
