How???
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
How do you do it? How do you block out that voice in your head that says "You're shit" whenever you make a mistake while you're trying to get better at something?
I'm trying to learn the violin. I had a teacher for a few months, but we didn't really get along - she was a bit of a bitch and didn't appreciate how busy I was with work/uni and that practicing in my house was difficult. Eventually gave up, but I've always wanted to pick it up and try again.
The problem is, no matter how hard I try I can't stop myself from feeling like shit whenever I make a mistake. I'll play a note wrong, out of tune, or it'll sound horrible or I'll play over my bridge or any other number of problems. And I get it, I know I'm learning so I should be patient with myself. And I chose a difficult instrument to learn, one that takes a lot of practice to get good at. I know I should just soldier through it and keep trying.
It's just fucking impossible. Every wrong note is "You're shit, give up" and not "Keep trying". I can tell myself I'm a learner. I can tell myself the violin is hard. But I always end up saying to myself that I'm shit, that I'll never learn it etc. So how the hell am I supposed to do it? How am I supposed to be able 26 years (more or less) of constant low self-esteem and self-berating every time I fuck something up? I just want to be able to say to myself "You know what? You're good at this." Sure, I can play the drums reasonably well. But it's not the same thing. I want to be able to do the grades, get good and be able to show people that I'm actually worth more than the worthless piece of shit I think I am. Is that so fucking difficult?
>>16626773
there isnt much we can say other than suck it up. this is one of the parts of advice that boil down to your inner workings and having to man up and work through it.
to be honest i feel like you a LOT of the time. i do have high moments where im mesmerized by what I manage to make. but nine out of ten days im hating myself and thinking im never gonna make something worth watching and that im wasting my time.
but then the next day i do it again even if it sucks. learning is the only way to get better. no one was born perfect.
so the best advice i can offer is
>get over it
thats a given
>positive re enforcement.
before you sit down to practice, write down on a piece of paper 'I'm getting good'. look at that paper everytime you mess up, cuz as soon as you mess up, you know how to fix that mistake. smile when you get that note right that time. acknowledge when you DIDNT make a mistake you made before.
>practice one song
practicing one song is a great way to build confidence. you are mastering a single song, getting every note right. once oyu get that one song right, you can play it perfectly, its amazing.
Give yourself a break. If you don't make mistakes, you are not human.
Sending you a big hug.
And probably the worst video I could think of.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCpZ6aX7aRE
>>16626784
>i do have high moments where im mesmerized by what I manage to make
Lucky.
>>positive re enforcement.
I don't feel like that kind of shit works for me though. I mean I've never really tried but it just seems like cheesey bullshit. But I guess there's no harm in trying. It's just so frustrating when you fuck up over and over and over again and feel like there's no sign of improvement. I'm just feeling so fucking shit right now. Like worse than usual. So I'm probably just ranting. But thanks anyway anon. It just sucks.
>>16626773
you cant , that fucker will always be there.
but know that all your thoughts are not true.
read some jon cabat-zinn
and meditate , it will help you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8oKWQiEWYs
>>16626812
>no harm in trying
definitely do it. its never good to ask for advice, get advice and say 'i dont think that'd work for me'.
what you dont realize is that psychological conditioning is a REAL thing. people who get told certain things all the time have that affect them, both good and bad.
right now you are literally choosing to only focus on when you do something bad, and never once focus on when you play a song and got it, at least for the most part, down.
and if you never got a single song down it might be time to focus on just one song so you can say 'i did it, i played this one song great'.
trust me, psychological conditioning is an amazing tool.
>>16626807
Thanks anon.
>>16626818
>you cant , that fucker will always be there.
Oh, good.
>>16626827
Yeah I guess you're right. Thanks anon, I'll give it a shot.
>>16626773
Just remember that there's no such thing as perfection. The best any of us can hope for is progress.
Instead of worrying about mistakes, I just ignore and see the positive side, you seem very conscious of what's your problem.
>How do you block out that voice in your head that says "You're shit"
I don't give it a voice to begin with.
>>16626773
You have to remember that the hardest part about playing the violin is telling your parents you're gay.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPakxPoaeIA
>>16626773
Don't make mistakes
You don't try to block it out, you just tell it to go fuck itself.
find something youre good at then draw strength for it, even if it's something no one else gives a fuck about.
>>16626773
>How do you block out that voice in your head that says "You're shit" whenever you make a mistake while you're trying to get better at something?
Saw a joke post about if you're having intrusive thoughts, then just imagine Adam Sandler's voice telling you those things. Or someone else you don't find credible in a funny-dick kind of way that you can easily dismiss.
>Every wrong note
You're a perfectionist. Google it. Not because I don't think you know what a perfectionist is, but a lot of people struggle from similar problems and have outlined effective ways to work around it and understand yourself better. Useful things.
And one piece of advice that I can offer you right now is that you don't have to be good. Nobody starts out good; it takes practice and effort. If you're in the practice and effort stage, then you need to tell yourself that it's okay if you are not good. And keep going, because you'll get there. But play bad music. Open yourself up when you have feeling and squawk out some shit notes. Don't go to a performance with this shit, but let it be part of your practicing. You're looking to be comfortable and at ease with your instrument and being uptight isn't going to get you there. So play badly. Don't try to be good all the time.
There's actually a really good episode of this podcast I listen to that covered exactly what OP's problem is, self defeating thoughts. Give it a listen sometime, OP. Put it on in the background while you play a game or clean or something. http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/episode-67/
>>16626773
You're just a beginner. It is perfectly normal to make mistakes. Remember, even the best violinist in the world made mistakes at the start. Nobody is perfect. Just try your best.
