No anon, YOU are the one with the mental issue.

>Did I just come across guys who I don't click with/are too normal?

Pretty much.

>>16626123
That's what I said. I just don't understand how people can be so uncaring. If someone said that to me I would not promise the world and then bail over something minor.

>>16626114
>Did I just come across guys who I don't click with/are too normal

Pretty much.

>I just wonder if guys have the emotional capacity to understand or care.
I thought that way about women too - until I met one that I actually did click with. Nothin' happened between us, but damn if she isn't the only girl I've ever found easy to talk to. Approachable even.

>while I try my best to become a better person?
And there is your problem. You're stressing yourself out, tryin' to be someone you're not.
You can change, but you're pushing yourself too much, too far out of your comfort zone and you act out and push people away.
You gotta be comfortable with who you are, and if you're a bit of a loner, then the first step is admitting that.

Shit, I tell myself that I'm a creep all the time. It's who I am.

Learn to accept who you are, rather than tryin' to change it. Once you do that, you can adapt... for instance, I know I'm a creep, so I minimize my interactions with most women and never get too personal with them - it's business stuff only or small talk about the weather. I know I'm socially awkward and get anxiety around crowds, so I use smoking as an excuse to go outside and get fresh air, just to be away from people.

I've made little changes like these and I actually manage to appear "normal". I aint gonna go around asking people out, or be in my phone 24/7 because that's not me, and I'm not gonna push myself to do it either.

So, find out who you are, what you are comfortable with, and what you really don't want to do - and find a way to make it work for you, rather than change yourself.

Let's face it, as a species, we're shit at adapting to new environments. We can't change for shit. We didn't develop a fur coating to keep warm.

We couldn't change ourselves - so to survive and be the best species on this planet, we said "fuck you nature" and adapted our environment to suit us, instead. We made it work for who we are, not the other way around.

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>>16626114
> Like with my last one, he claims he stopped wanting to be with me when I was upset when he had no time for me, while posting pics of having fun at the beach with other girls

Fuck, I'm a dude and that would've made me want to break-up with my girlfriend.

My girlfriend and I usually call and text each other every day but past few days we haven't really contacted each other and I'm about to go nuts. She is visiting her sister/family and is going to stay with them until early January and as such I try to tell myself that she's just pre-occupied with family and doesn't have time to IM with me. But on the other side, I'm already trying to cope with the fact that our relationship is over. I fucking miss her a lot and want to message her, but the last time I told her I miss her, she saw the message and didn't even respond. Fuck this

>>16626137
The thing is that I'm not a loner really. I desperately want to be around people and I'm very sociable with people who I know and love and who care about me. But my fears push me into a corner alone. I don't want to be a prisoner of my own negative thoughts so I have to try. I try to explain this to them and I know I can overcome it but they just don't get it. I understand that it's a lot of pressure to have someone relying on your to not hurt them but then they should take it slower with me and not promise things they can't deliver. I do my very best and I try to be reasonable and considerate but it just doesn't work because they aren't pulling their weight. I know there must be guys out there who would understand and relate but I don't know how to pick them out from the ones who just pretend.

>>16626166
Samefag here.

One more thing: you sound awesome to anybody, who wants to be in a potential long-term relationship. Especially if

>I try my best to become a better person?

is true. I think you simply need to find someone who is as invested in your relationship as you. Maybe you end up with the kind of dingus you described, because you initially take it slow and don't realize that's all there is to them. Maybe find someone who expects/hopes for more affection right off the bat and hope that you'll basically slowly come out of your shell. Once you do, you can have a lovey-dovey relationship with them.

>>16626166
>the last time I told her I miss her, she saw the message and didn't even respond.

Isn't that the worst? If it's only recent you can console yourself by thinking maybe someone else had her phone at that moment and she hasn't really seen it.

The reason I was so upset is because I rearranged everything and he acted all lovey-dovey before starting to neglect me.

>>16626187
>as invested in your relationship as you

I know. It seems like they are until they aren't and then they're suddenly checked out.
Anyway I really hope it's a misunderstanding with you and your girl.

>>16626192
>Isn't that the worst?

For real. I don't even know how to behave when she's back or if she messages me later.

>If it's only recent you can console yourself by thinking maybe someone else had her phone at that moment and she hasn't really seen it.

I don't know, unlikely. I think she simply is the one who's less invested in our relationship. I feel like such fucking girl. I want to call her and hear her voice but feeling that she might not feel the same, I simply go against my nature and try to not think about her.

>I rearranged everything and he acted all lovey-dovey before starting to neglect me.

What exactly do you mean by "rearranged" ?

Depending on your age, you might have just gotten three dudes who want to fool around and get scared the instance things look more like a committed "clingy, feely, needy" relationship.

>>16626201
>Anyway I really hope it's a misunderstanding with you and your girl.

Hah, thanks. If she doesn't send me a New Year's message, I'll know shit's done.

>>16626206
I know that feel but try to stay positive until you know for sure. The last guy told me that me getting insecure is the reason he can't do it anymore. So it might be better for you to be confident and try to wait until she explains. But I guess when they want to check out they will anyway. If everything has been fine until she left for the visit she really might be too busy. Try to just be calm.

And the rearranging thing is too long of a story but basically we were getting really serious and I changed things about my living situation and job. I had other and possibly better options but he kept inviting me in more and talking like we had a future. I think it's just about them being way too normal to understand people like me.

>>16626210
Yeah that's the point you can start worrying and confronting her.

>>16626226
>I changed things about my living situation and job.

Oh wow. I honestly do think it's super cool but shit like that is always extremely dangerous. I hate saying this, because I'm probably a lot like you, but I don't think you should put all your eggs in one basket when it comes to relationships. It sounds like you sacrificed some stuff for him and he should've made some rearrangements too before you went all out.

Also, I can imagine this being scary for a lot of dudes.

>he kept inviting me in more and talking like we had a future

That's just evil. Couldn't you tell that he might do this? How long have you guys been together? Do you think you misinterpreted the things he said? Again, if he wasn't as serious about it as you think he was, he could've been shocked at you going 0-60 all of a sudden with your rearrangements.

>I think it's just about them being way too normal to understand people like me.

You are probably less weird than you hope to be, geesh.

>>16626255
>I don't think you should put all your eggs in one basket

Yeah true. I'm just fairly naive in this regard I guess. I'm extremely careful to a point and then I go all in since that's what I'd want the other person to do instead of keeping me as some back up. I don't feel like I can do the half-assed thing. I was just stupid and I thought it was cold-hearted to be in a relationship and not all in. I'll be smarter from now on.
And I completely understand it might be scary. That's why I gave him plenty pf chances to slow it down but he just seemed to speed up. We talked about whether he's sure like one week before and he said everything is great.

I couldn't really tell since he seemed so sincere and into it. And because sometimes I tend to think things are worse than they are I can't really trust my feelings so well. I definitely didn't misinterpret. It's just that looking back, he wasn't that serious about it since he doesn't see things like I do. In his mind things just changed and that's that. He didn't understand or care how it might affect me.

I'm honestly glad it ended because it's clear we wold have had a terrible time together and I would have just kept making excuses for him and blaming myself.

>>16626283
>then I go all in since that's what I'd want the other person to do instead of keeping me as some back up. I don't feel like I can do the half-assed thing. I was just stupid and I thought it was cold-hearted to be in a relationship and not all in. I'll be smarter from now on.

There's nothing with going all in and I'd hate for you to become some cynic or cold person. Fucking hate those. I WANT to be an idealist and always want to go all in, as well, however I think it's reasonable to expect your SO to put in some effort, too. Even if they can't meet you half-way, they should at least make a few steps.

For example, I don't know if he helped you during your rearrangement but he should've. You could've still gone all in but then it wouldn't have just been fluff and words on his part but an actual contribution.

I don't know, take my advice with a grain of salt, I'm just as clueless. Don't turn into some cold ass unaffectionate weirdo, though.

>>16626299
Yeah exactly.' I was afraid of automatically becoming cold-hearted and not really caring if I'm not completely honest and 100% in.

He did help to some degree so can't blame him there but I was definitely doing most of it to make everything work.

Anyway thanks, I guess there is no way to tell if someone is honest or not so the solution is to not go all and do more than you should until you're absolutely sure.