Why do I need to argue with my bf? I don't like when all is perfect, how can I fix it?
>>16623868
I think you know the answer to that questions better than us, the anons.
>>16623901
If I'm asking I don't. Since 3 years I feel really in love when all is bad in my relationship. Now I'm with an other bf and the same thing is happening... I need to create problems..
I'm a fucking retard..
>>16623868
You sound like a horrid, childish bitch who doesn't deserve love.
>>16623925
Yeah, kind help for not being it anymore please?
I don't want to be like that forever
>>16623942
Don't worry, It's p ezpz. Just stop fucking doing it.
>>16623868
you grew up on television and movies where the central plot is a rocky relationship. you believe that if there is no drama you arent fighting for each other, and its not passionate.
>>16623952
I'm talking about this problem righr now with my bf, but I don't know why I feel so bad when all is alright
>>16623917
Stop bullshitting us. Only you can know/figure out why you feel that need. I can put words in your mouth, but it won't change the fact it's just my perspective.
>>16623957
Because edgy drama queens always need egdy drama to keep their brains occupied. Grow up and get real responsibilities to keep you occupied.
>>16623955
Maybe, it's just so sad that I feel bored of a perfect relationship
>>16623868
Maybe it's what you saw as normal in the relationships you saw, eg your parents. You're on the right path by recognizing it.
Take it a step further and work on your introspection. Analyze what you feel.
When you feel uneasy about your relationship, what are you feeling? Is it boredom? Do you feel like that there must be problems looming on the horizon, so in order to control your fear of the unknown, you create a known problem? That gives you power. Do you feel powerless?
Are you worried about what he thinks of you? As if everything being okay means he thinks you're perfect, so you have a fear of him discovering your human imperfections? So you self sabotage to "prove" you're not perfect, taking control of his "discovery" by creating it yourself?
Anything relatable?
>>16623972
Right, so try to destroy it. Do you even want a relationship?
>>16623868
>when all is perfect
What does this even mean?
>>16623972
yep, either start growing or try not dating for awhile. sort yourself out woman.
>>16623968
Yeah I think you're right, I'll create more challenge and stress in my studies it will be good for me and I will leave my bf alone
This isn't really an issue we can solve.
While I do think it stems from a childish, emotionally intelligent place, at least you're asking for help.
Maybe you argue just to feel passionate about something. Maybe you have displaced anger. Maybe you never saw how a functioning relationship works.
Personally, I had struggled with this in previous relationships. Then again, I think my exs liked to argue too. It mainly came from a place of insecurity. I liked to cry and argue to test how far my boyfriend would go to comfort me, how far he'd go to please me and bend for me. I thought that this was some kind of love test. They were immature "tests" that actually didn't conclude shit about our relationship.
I realized that I really didn't have a good example of a functioning relationship. I just wasn't mature enough to form my own opinions about how a girlfriend should act, not what I was used to seeing.
After a few years of being independent and "soul searching" I eventually found my place and basically, what I want to be to someone. I don't want to be an emotionally flailing manipulator to someone I love. So I just took steps to change it. Found someone who wants the same things I want.
>>16624006
Way to miss the point lady.
I'm curious though, are your parents divorced?
You're an abusive partner and I suggest you tell him that right now. The next step is going to a psychologist since taking advice from anonymous people over the internet in this regard is an absolute don't.
Now, for the purpose of my self-education:
I can't seem to understand this thing you're going through since I'm lacking essential details but I am very curious about it and I want to comprehend it, so here are a few questions to help clarify:
Do you feel this when seeing him suffer as if your love for him and his for you is strong enough to provoke it?
Do you feel this when seeing him struggle to solve the problems that you create as if he is proving you he is worth your love?
Do you feel this because you feel hope that you will get over the problems?
Do you create these problems in order to maintain a continuous fight-make up cycle so that your feelings keep getting renewed?
What exactly brings you the feeling?
>>16623988
In fact you're right, my parents were arguing all the time and I don't know how a real relationship should be.
I do that to create problem when I'm bored that's all, I don't feel I'm living when I'm not over stressed
>>16623868
women are such parasites men need to cut them out of their lives.
>>16624060
>Do you create these problems in order to maintain a continuous fight-make up cycle so that your feelings keep getting renewed? What exactly brings you the feeling?
Yeah ! This one
>>16623972
I think you are very sad.
>>16624119
That's a big self esteem issue.
I've had intrusive thoughts about doing things like you're doing, since I also have some self esteem issues about being loved in the relationship. It's interesting seeing you acting it out, since what keeps me back is that I know it will breed hate and fear. He'd never be sure what to expect from me and he would resent me for forcing him to prove himself to me.
You will make him hate you if you keep this up. If you're doing this to feel that love again, maybe that thought will make you hesitate. You are emotionally abusing him. You can't let yourself do this.
>>16624119
Love is like a drug - when the effect fades away you start looking to get another dose by any means possible.
We all know the sensation that you're deeply fades away after about one year ending the first stage of the relationship and this is where fights start to happen because the partners start getting annoyed by each other instead of enjoying the beautiful thing they now have - a partner you can fully trust, one that knows you and cares for you.
You can't understand that the sensation you're feeling is meant to fade away and fighting and making up only gives you a false impression of it.
You have to enjoy the relationship, not the shot of chemicals that's screwing around in your brain.
Anyway, you have to tell your bf why you think you're constantly fighting and ask him to help you become a better self and I advise once again to see a psychologist about this because I know I might not be right or just be partially right. Please go see one. They can help you more than anyone here can.
