I need some advice on how to just shut down my brain.
Firstly I'll tell you the story.
It's been a long time now since all this happened but some nights, like tonight, it gets stuck in my head and its hard to get out.
Ofcourse there's a girl involved, exgf.
Well..
I was together with her for about 2 years (break up is about 2.5 years ago, like I said... Still bothers me sometimes)
What bothers me is not that that I can't have her back, it's more about how clumsily handled our entire break up was on her part.
>we had a good thing going but she ruined it through stupidity, stubborness and just plain mental weakness.
>I was very hurt by her actions.
Here's what happened:
After we had been together for almost two years, we ran into her exbf one time while out on a bar.
I had met him once or twice before and my "then gf" had mentioned him a few times during our relationship.
>He was/is a manipulative, abusive, both physically and mentally kind of guy.
Ofcourse I didn't like him, neither did she.. she hated his guts.
Anyways that particular night we were unable to shake him in any form of civilized manner so we ended up "hanging" with him.
This was the start of the decay that eventually broke us up.
You see, my then gf enjoyed herself that night and ended up adding him to her fb.
Cont:
Bump for interest.
>>16622565
Well the following weeks just turned to shit!
They were texting all the fuckin time, it bothered me but I didn't want to act like the jealous bf so I let her do it for a while, hoping that she would remember what an asshole this guy actually is.
After a while it became too much and I asked her straight (paraphrased)
>Me: "Are you falling for him?"
>Her: "No, I just like talking with him"
>Me: "Well your friendship with him is ruining our relationship.. I don't want to be the guy who tells you who you keep as friends but I get jealous.. even though we're in the same room and he's not here I feel like the 3rd wheel.
>Her: How do you mean?
>Me: Ya know, just me and you sitting here watching a movie or something and it feels like you're not here.. you're stuck with your face in the phone texting with him.. texts that you don't even want to share what you're talking about.
>Her: Don't worry, it's you I want to be with, I'll get better at keeping you in the loop, blabla.
Ofcourse it didn't get any better, if anything it got worse because now they started hanging out together.. more and more and more.
Nothing I did carried any weight in "pulling her back over to my side" and I did some pretty awesome bf-stuff to get her back over.
Well ofcourse after weeks of trying, I got frustrated. She didn't listen, they were sneaking around, making plans for dinners and partys they were going to together, she always told me but always like last minute..
>"Hey we booked tickets for "X" thing tonight at "X" place..
Only so I wouldnt be able to say..
>"well you better change those plans"
So they pretty much ended up going out on a few "dates" even though we were still together.
Cont:
>>16622644
Eventually I had enough..
I loved her but I wasn't going to share her with this guy..I confronted her.. I was very frustrated by then so I probobly came across in all the wrong ways.
I told her off straight.
(Again paraphrased)
>me: Now listen here.. I don't like you being around this guy period, I've tried keeping an open mind about you being friends with your ex, I tried giving you your space to "deal with it in your own way" I did everything you told me to do and you said "Trust me it's gonna be ok" but it's not it's just getting worse and worse for every day. I love you and I want to be with you but not like this.
BANG!
Suddenly I'm the bad guy, control freak that keeps her from picking her own friends and shit.
Our relationship turned to real proper shit after that.
We stayed together for about another month but it wasn't good at all.
She broke it off "we don't fit together anymore"
That shit bothers me more then anything in this world.
It's simply not true.. we fit perfectly together until that guy entered our lives.. I know with everything I got that the guy was 100% of the reason behind our break up.
Ofcourse not 1 week later they were together..
It's been 2.5 years and still to this day the guy is an asshole, abusive.. just like I knew he was!
They've been together back and forth ever since.
for her(not like she's gonna read it but it would be so satisfying to say it too her face)
Congrats bitch you ruined a good relationship so you could give this guy another chance, something anyone with half a brain would advice against and now you're stuck with him forever (she's pregnant)
Also I'm gonna meet her on Saturday at a shared friends bday party.
>>16622565
>Advice on how to shut down my brain
Put a bullet through it, friend.
>>16622728
I don't need to shut it down permanently..
Only the "here and there"-nights when this shit get stuck up there.
Also I'm not sad or anything I'm more angry and frustrated when I get into it.
>>16622565
To be fair, it's not just her. Sure, she could have tried seeing your side more, but the opposite is true, too. Try making it less about what you observe from her and more what you observe from the relationship itself.
>>16622753
Think about the 2.5 years it's been and how fast it went. Think back further to when you guys were happy and together and how fast that time went. Then consider the temporary nature of your current experience, and try to imagine yourself years from now looking back on this.
Pick up a history book about any subject at all and consider the lives of the people who lived through those stories and how you relate to that span of time. Think about dinosaurs and the earth before humanity.
In a nutshell learn to wait patiently, everything passes and you'll be fine.
Better than that you, the girl, her great great grandchildren and the earth itself will someday be nothing but a blip on a timeline nobody exists to contemplate.
That's how I do it anyway, good luck!
You might have thought everything was perfect and that her "ex-bf" ruined everything, but here's my take. If she really loved you, respected you, and cared deeply about the relationship, that shit wouldn't just vanish in the blink of an eye because she ran into a douchebag ex.
Chances are, she was in the process of emotionally checking out before you guys even met the dude. She only lingered with you while hanging out with him to make sure she could establish something first (monkey branching) before leaving the security of her relationship.
That said, she showed her true colors and had the ex-bf not been there, bet you she would have ended up hitting him up anyway at some point in the future. Nothing you could have done.
You hung around a lot longer than I would have, personally. I'd have dumped her ass after the first text was sent between the two. Don't let yourself by disrespected like that bro. Its not "controlling," that's just a BS subterfuge women throw at you to get away with shady behavior. Avoid girls who stay friends with exes, or maintain contact in any capacity. You'll save yourself a lot of trouble.
>>16622928
Yeah I know what happened..
I know in hindsight that I should have acted out way sooner.. now the decay had time to grow and when I really got into making some demands it was really too late.
I just hate that she toyed me like that..
I wasted so much time and energy, accepted a huge ton of bs just in hope of it just being temporary.
"it was gonna turn out ok" she told me that a hundred times, "stop being jealous, there's nothing to worry about, it's you I want to be with, He's just a good friend" and so on and so forth..
I tried, I really tried to get us back into the mode we were before we met up with him at that bar.. but it was out of my hands..
You it's easy to look back and know what to do but as it was happening it felt like it just flew by and suckerpunched me in the balls.
Now I have nothing but hatred for those 2.
Like I said I'm gonna meet her on Saturday at a shared friends bday party.
>I do meet her every once in a while through shared friends.
I ignore that she's around.. I won't be able to pretend that we're fine, if we talk I'll just explode in her face and ruin it for everyone hopefully she'll never try to have a conversation of any shape or form with me at these "gatherings" and we can all live happily ever after.
