Guys, i have an amazing bf. He's perfect in every way. We know each other since 2 years and as it turned out, we have been crushing on each other since we first met. We have a few friends in common, that's how we met. Since about 7 weeks we have started doing stuff on our own after he finally had the courage to make the first step. I was too cowardly.
We don't have a lot of free time, but we make an effort to see each other as often as possible. Last week we made our relationship official. As you can see, everything is just like a fairytale so far.
Yesterday, we spent the whole night cuddling, talking and fucking. It was absolutely wonderful. He told me "i love you". But we also talked about some risky topics concerning my past. Specifically that i had an abortion a few years ago. Now i am freaking the fuck out that this might change his view of me. My gutt knows that he stands above such things, but my mind is going crazy. I don't even know what kinf of advice i wish from you, i guess i just needed to vent. But if anybody has an idea how to calm me down again, i would be so happy. I love this guy so very much, i don't want to fuck this up! But i felt it was important to tell him, cause it's something that belongs to me, if i like it or not.
>>16617298
dont think about ur past cause hes your future
its awesome that u said that to him asap, cause if he discovered it year later for example it wouldve caused much bigger probs and pain than now
if he really loves you he should be ok with that, JUST TELL HIM EVERYTHING and dont lie about nothing. make him love you for what u are
oh and dont get pregnant too fast
>>16617480
Thank you for the heads up anon. That was the reason i told him. I want to know him, flaws and all. And i think he deserves to have a complete understanding of who i am. I just tend to beat myselfe up over past mistakes and bad decisions. well, time will tell.
Oh, i won't. I got an iud because of my paranoia...
>>16617511
but really, if you feel like you love him tell him about every guy youve kissed, every guy you liked and so on. And if he sees that youre honest and knows everything about you he might do the same. It was my biggest mistake with my first gf (the one im with now). I wasnt honest, and lies started to pop out now and then. One day i just told her everything, she saw that its really everything, she cried a lot, but now she knows knows me and im glad. I wish i did it in the first days tho. :(
wow! iud is a big plus for u. :D Im trying to get my gf to get one, finally cumming for real inside her.
Honestly that would be a huge red flag for most guys. He's probably conflicted right now because he still has feelings for you but at the same time most guys could never see someone like you as wife material. I wouldn't be surprised if he sticks with you for a while because he's already done all the work of forming a relationship with you and he still wants sex but he already considers the relationship over or at least not serious. You shouldn't have told him.
>>16617558
I really like your approach to this. I wanted to start this on simple and clear grounds. I haven't told him EVERYTHING. Not because i want to hide something, but necause it seems that sitting him down and come up with a list of unpleasant things would be an overkill. The topic yesterday came up naturally. He took it well, but i am a notorious overthinking bundle of emotions.
She should totally get one! I am sooo glad that i have this problem out of my mind. I don't have to worry about forgetting the pill or a broken condom. It also makes having sex feel so more natural and spontaneous. I love my iud. And so does my bf
>>16617570
I really hope he's not one of that sort. But as it seems, he's a truly awesome person. I feel like he can handle this. I just feel so inferior! He's literally flawless! I can't think of anything that isn't perfect about him. And i don't think i'm being delusional here...
>>16617574
ye, thats true, dont say everything at once, but just make sure he doesnt get to know things from someone else, but only you.
>>16617579
You legitimately sound exactly like someone with borderline personality disorder. They have big self-esteem issues and overwhelming emotions and fear being abandoned for not being good enough. They also completely idealize their partner in the beginning of the relationship and say exactly the same shit as you're saying right now.
>>16617579
hes not flawless, just no. But you wont understand it the first year or so.
>>16617626
That could absolutely be possible anon. But do you think this is all in my head? I mean, n abortion is a rather big bummer. And i would know quiet a few peopl who would consider it a deal breaker. Also, i really try to be reasonable with idealizing him. My best friend knows him since he was a little boy and he seems to genuinely be one of the most perfect guys ever. I don't make this shit up and i don't overlook red flags. Atleast i am not aware of doing anything lile this.
He got a big social circle and some close friends (the ones i know too, those are awesome guys!). He's always there for them and he is very considerate. He loves kids and they love him. He has an old dog and it just melts my heart to see how he treats him. He's very ambituous. He's about to be a mechanical engineer and he has sky-high grades. He has been saving money since he was 10 to go on a trip around the world and next year he will finally do it! He has a lovely bond with his family. He makes me feel like a godess. He is mindblowingly hot. We have absolutely wonderful sex and i i love those night-long conversations with him. I really can't think of anything thats not 10/10 about him.
>>16617652
Even if he had any flaws, they must me extremely small. See >>16617664
And it's not just me.
Every female i know is absolutely in awe over him...
>>16617664
Oh, and i forgot: he's very sporty, he doesn't drink or smoke and he never did any hard drugs. Yeah, i have no idea how i landed a guy like this either...
>>16617298
Depends on the context of your abortion. If it was rape or you genuinely wanted a kid with someone I guess that was okay. But if you had it because 'lol condoms suck' I would dump your ass right away and never look back.
>>16617683
Uhm, why would it be better to have an abortion if you WANTED a kid?
So, what should a girl do if she gets pregnant at an entirely inappropriate situation? You know, these things happen. Almost everybody that's sexualy active goes trough atleast one pregnancy scare. I just had the misfortune to really be pregnant. I was 18, just finished school and was in a fairly new relationship. We have stayed together after this incident for 3 years, but the abortion had taken a big toll on me and the relationship. In the end, it was one of the big reasons things didn't work out. today, i feel like it has been the right decision. But sometimes i still beat myselfe up for not being more carefull or not getting plan b or something. But i didn't even know something went wrong until i missed my period. And at that moment it already was too late. People make mistakes. I learned a lesson the hard way. But i don't see why this would make me a bad person per se.
>>16617714
>Uhm, why would it be better to have an abortion if you WANTED a kid?
Because at least it would have given you a good reason to not be careful. One which is not LOL YOLO CONDOMS SUCK.
>Almost everybody that's sexualy active goes trough atleast one pregnancy scare
Not if you know how to practice safe sex.
>But i don't see why this would make me a bad person per se.
You are not a bad person, just ignorant. Not taking the pill when in doubt or not using a condom in the first place gets no excuse. It means you are not mature enough to have sex.
>I was 18, just finished school and was in a fairly new relationship.
Which kind of proves what I said above.
You fucked up yes, and because of that you have to face the music for the rest of your life.
>>16617750
I agree with you that i could have been more carefull and use double protection. I wasn't on the pill because i react badly to them and was on a break to try a new brand. We did use a condom and i never realized that there must have been a small leak or something. We took great care with precum and such. We always used trusty condom brands and never used old ones. We also used lube that was compatible with condoms. I don't feel like we have been taking unusual risks. And to be completely honest, if we did fuck up, i think it is a bit unfair that i would have to take all the blame and my ex gets away as if nothing has ever happened. However, i feel like you just can't deal with a girl that has had an abortion. That's ok. I just hope my bf doesn't have the same ideology about it. Because the only opinions on the topic that really matter are mine and his
>>16617777
Whoa! And even my lucky number...
The relationship may be permanently damaged because it shows you have bad judgement in serious situationswhich it telling him about it for two years may be seen as trying to hide it, which is a major red flag.
>>16617777
Weird. I don't know for any other guys but I also inspect the condom after as another fail safe. Granted, it would not be you to blame that much if that is the case
>And to be completely honest, if we did fuck up, i think it is a bit unfair that i would have to take all the blame and my ex gets away as if nothing has ever happened.
I am pretty sure an abortion stains the guy's reputation just as well as the chick's. He probably just chooses not to tell people, because he wasn't the one to go through a procedure to make it go away.
>However, i feel like you just can't deal with a girl that has had an abortion.
Again, for me it would highly depend on the context but first and foremost would be to hear the complete truth about it.
I think it would be best to be brutally honest with the guy and not hold anything back. If he accepts that in your case shit happened, then you will be fine.
>>16617799
We have only seen each other very briefly in those two years. If we would have had a more in-depth friendship he would probably have known already.
>>16617809
I am pretty sure that most guys wouldn't mind telling their so if an ex had an abortion. And nobody would think about it twice if he did. Despite the fact that if it was an incident that could have been preventet it had taken two irresponsible people... Oh well, i guess it's only fair that guys get the easy way out for once.
If i would have known there was a problem i definitely would have gotten plan b. But i felt like everything was alright so i didn't even think about it. I mean, you can't go and get plan
B everytime you have sex just to be sure...
Anyways, only time will tell. He told me AFTER i have told him about the abortion that i am the girl of his dreams and that he wouldn't want to spend another day without me - ever. So i guess this would have been a bit over the top if my story was a deal breaker for him.
>>16617847
>He told me AFTER i have told him about the abortion that i am the girl of his dreams and that he wouldn't want to spend another day without me - ever. So i guess this would have been a bit over the top if my story was a deal breaker for him.
Then why worry? Chill out, get a nice warm cup of tea or something to calm you down and take your mind off of it. Like you said, if he had a major problem with it he would have let you know immediately. It's most likely nothing.
>>16617870
The worrying came in later, after he was gone. It is just a very sensitive topic to me and it was kind of a leap of faith for me to tell him. But you are right, he hasn't acted any different since then, i probably should just calm my titts
>>16617298
anyone who would drop someone over an abortion is a huge faggot.
you fucked, contraception didn't work, the baby goo went to your tummy and boom, pregnant. so fucking what? we think guys who only want girls that are virgins are delusional beta fucks but it's okay to look down on a women just because she had an abortion? what's the fucking difference?
