Hey, I need female advice/perspective.
I would like you to tell me how you would react to me bringing some stuff up, if you were my gf.
Because of some events in her past she doesn't feel comfortable with anything sexual. When we were together in bed one time, and I guided her hand down to my dick she completely froze. Didn't say or do anything, which was weird and kind of scary.
Now this isn't my first time dealing with 'no-sex' females, so I want to let her know that I'm ok with it for now.
If i say something along the lines of: 'Don't worry, I've been with two other girls who couldn't have sex straight away' and then something like 'We can go at the pace you are comfortable with'. How would you react.
Is it completely a bad idea to mention previous relationships to a new gf? my last one kept pestering me to talk about previous girls, I guess she was just insecure or something.
So femanons, is it a good idea? Would it reassure her more than it will make her angry?
Have a pretty gem in return.
>>16615356
>Don't worry, I've been with two other girls who couldn't have sex straight away
Nothing would get me drier faster. I would take it as if you see me as a challenge to be conquered. No, I'm also a person, who happens to have an extremely low sex partner count and takes sex seriously.
What issues in her past are we talking about here?
>Have a pretty gem in return
Do you just not have experience talking with normal women?
Let her know that it's okay that she doesn't want to have sex right away. It feels nice to know that I can take my time and not have to rush into it. It also shows that you care enough about her to be willing to wait.
>>16615366
Good advice thanks. That's what I'm hoping to achieve with whatever I say.
>>16615365
so never mention that she is just another girl on my list?
>Do you just not have experience talking with normal women?
Why do you ask that? I can talk with girls normally, if I consider than as just humans to interact with. Once I start thinking sexually/romantically it goes badly really fast. Thats religious upbringing for you.
>issues in her past
abuse and rape i think
>>16615356
>Don't worry, I've been with two other girls who couldn't have sex straight away'
Bad idea
>We can go at the pace you are comfortable with
Good idea
Also, that's a gem? It looks like a chunk of furniture
>>16615375
>Bad idea
So why would a girl be asking about a previous gf all the time, going through her fb pictures and generally criticizing her? was it just her shitty personality?
>Good idea
Thanks, you are guiding me to a much better approach with this problem. I really do not want to mess this one up.
>that's a gem?
Hematite with Rutile apparently.
>>16615386
>So why would a girl be asking about a previous gf all the time, going through her fb pictures and generally criticizing her? was it just her shitty personality?
I guess so, that sounds like she was super insecure. It's a bad idea because generally you shouldn't really bring up past relationships unless someone's asks first and you are fine with it.
Also because of what >>16615365 said.
>>16615398
Yeah it makes sense now.
Ok, so how would I come across to a gf of 6 months, if I ask her for these three things: 'Trust me, Don't lie to me, and Don't cheat on me. in that order'
Would I come across as assertive, or just a desperate beta? What about just the first two?
>>16615374
>so never mention that she is just another girl on my list?
Combined with this precious gem:
>abuse and rape I think
Jesus fuck no. Now I'm confused. You say she's your gf in your first post, but now you imply that she's just a girl on your list? And why would you want to go after an abuse/rape victim for just casual fuck times? That's bizarre.
And what does your ex going through another girls' fb pictures and all that have to do with this gf? I don't get that at all.
>>16615441
Ok clarification, she is my gf. What I meant by the list statement is 'I should never say anything that would even remotely make her think she is just another name on my list'
My bad, I didn't express myself clearly.
And I'm not just going 'after an abuse/rape victim for just casual fuck'. I would like to be in a normal long-term relationship with her, if possible.
hence why I'm asking you for /adv/ice, so I don't fuck up.
>>16615413
Please never say it like that, you'll sound like a cunt.
I guess it's alright to ask them of her but it's kind of obvious that you'd expect that from someone you are in a relationship with so you might sound a little be insecure.
>>16615449
She's playing you dude.
Obviously she isn't a virgin. She has the vagina so she holds the cards in this one, she just doesn't want to give it up too quickly because:
1) She is testing if you're committed
2) She is seeing if you're that guy who just hits it and quits it
3) Probably has had the same experience as you in that giving it up too quickly relinquishes the initial attraction and causes for you to get over each other quicker than if you had waited
So probably telling her that you have other chicks on the side and that you were looking for a quickie ticks (1) and (2) which will cause her to affirm her tests and give you the flick.
Just act cool, act like it didn't bother you at all. Still keep doing what you're doing, things must be going well if you were able to have some alone time with her and she was comfortable up until "that" moment
>>16615481
>She's playing you dude.
wtf? where did you get that from?
>>16615518
It's /adv/'s latest meme
>>16615518
Please don't tell me because she didn't give it up to you that night that she has some kind of history of sexual abuse.
Are you kidding?
She is the girl who believes sex is sacred, sex is special. Obviously she is using that belief to manipulate you into her determining the 3 points I listed.
If it phased you then you lose.
>>16615356
>Now this isn't my first time dealing with 'no-sex' females
You're a cunt.
This isn't a "no-sex" female, this is an individual who has obviously been through some sort of horrible sexual trauma.
She needs therapy, particularly from someone who specializes in sexual trauma.
I mean, to be fair you're probably just a kid so your first and foremost concern is always getting your dick wet but jesus this girl absolutely freezes in terror at the first sign of sexual contact and your first thought is "Well I guess I'm ok with this for now."?
She doesn't need your reassurance that you're a great guy who doesn't mind waiting for sex she needs a psychiatric intervention and your unwavering support in order to process and deal with what is OBVIOUSLY some kind of PTSD from past sexual abuse.
Get her to a fucking therapist and keep your dick in your pants.
>>16615558
>>16615548
You don't seem to understand me. Or I'm not clear enough here.
I have been shown proof of the overdose at least. Hospital admission documents.
>>16615558
>Get her to a fucking therapist and keep your dick in your pants.
As far as I know she has been to therapy, and is currently attending monthly checkups I believe.
I just wanted to ask for advice on how to phrase certain things I want to say to her.
And if she is playing me for a fool, let it be. Learn and live i guess.
Have this mineral, which looks like a middle finger.
>>16615575
Then if you care for her and you know that she has been through some shit then obviously tell her that you will take it at her pace. Why is so hard to understand?
>>16615558
In defense of the OP, the term 'no-sex' female properly describes the situation regardless of whether it is your preferred term. She is indeed a girl and she indeed showed signs of aversion to sexual activity. The OP does not deserve to be vilified for for being sexually active or for offering his support. The only person who did something wrong is the girl. She should have communicated properly whether she sought a platonic relationship or whether she sought to overcome her sexual trauma. The OP was caught in the middle of this miscommunication and was put under unnecessary stress.
>>16615581
You are not misunderstood, only unnecessarily hostile.
>>16615581
If you read OP, you would see that's what I want to do. I just wasn't sure if the way I word it might get a bad reaction.
Something that has been clarified for me here: >>16615365, here:>>16615366, here:>>16615375 and here>>16615398
This has been a really helpful thread for me.
Except for you.
>>16615558
>>16615581
Anon, I'm 100% with you.
OP, you come off as a selfish ass-hat.
>>16615638
>ass-hat
back to reddit
>>16615615
Thanks, but I don't even think that is the case.
She did seem upset a few days later, and even angry at herself, for freezing up in that situation. Said something like 'You shouldn't have to change because of me'. and that she wants to work through it.
All I want to do is reassure her that I don't mind being there which she works through and deals with it all.
>>16615638
Ok, good. Tell me why you feel that way so I don't come off as an ass-hat later in life. like an interview or a meeting.
