I have a friend that has hit a bit of a slump in his life. He pushes people away when he feels himself getting close to them. He comes and he goes in and out of my life. He drinks heavily and wonders why no one accepts who he is. Thing is, he doesn't even accept himself. The cycle continues and gets worse each time.
I come wondering what to do. It's going to be 2016 in a few days and I'm thinking of cutting him off for good. I'd like to keep him as a friend but this is getting painful, even for me.
He asks what I think about all this and I've been kind of passive. Enough is enough.
I'd like to give him some tough love and tell him the honest, harsh, truth from my point of view. but that might be too much.
Any advice? I'd like to keep him as a friend. He's been good. But I can't keep watching this.
My advice is to skip the tough love. Try it just this once and you'll see how it's a much better approach to life than lecturing people.
>>16614818
I don't want to lecture him but he doesn't see that he's being his own worst enemy. He wants people to be there for him but he pushes anyone that is willing to be there (like me) away.
>>16615081
I see why now. If you care that much you would do more than bitch.
If you can't tell him the truth, you aren't his friend. It's that simple. What you call friendship is obviously completely fake. Don't fool yourself.
Don't blame someone for pushing you away when you won't even be truthful to them. That's fucking retarded. He's probably trying desperately trying to get the truth out of you. He knows you've been lying to him this entire time to protect his feelings or whatever. He wants you to tell him the truth. Do it.
>>16615081
As a person who isn't a trainwreck, you probably haven't had to receive any but the lightest of criticism about your personal decisions. Trust me when I say that to issue "tough love" to a guy in an antisocial, alcohol-fueled slump is to lecture. It has to be. There's no co-operation, no emotional appeal, no motivational words which you haven't already tried. You wouldn't have dealt with the pain of seeing him like this without having tried those avenues already.
If you're caught up on the semantics then let's go with a simpler but equally stern phrase: you want to tell him how fucking wrong he is, lovingly or otherwise. That doesn't work. See for yourself by giving it a try this time. Just cut to the chase and walk away.
>>16615096
I have done quite a bit more than that. Thanks for your useful insight anon.
