I let a friend of 11 years move into my house. I own the house, she was going through a break up and she needed a place to move in other than her parent's home.
Long story short, she's a nightmare. She doesn't do dishes (won't even put dirty dishes in the dishwasher and won't put clean dishes away), won't buy her own shampoo or toothpaste so she uses mine, won't pitch in for essentials like toilet paper or trash bags or dishwasher liquid, and worst of all, she doesn't think she needs to pay me rent.
How do I kick her out? She originally said she was going to stay for a couple months, and now she's unpacking her boxes. I've known the girl for more than a decade and I would have never known she's like this. I want her out but I want to be cordial.
Oh no, please don't tell me that you're the one who made a thread a short while ago. The one who didn't know about established residency and who was told to get her out under the pretext of tenancy laws?
>>16613823
When she leaves change the locks and put her shit on the lawn
>>16613829
That's me. The same one. She's gotten worse. Promised me she would leave. She has spent the weekend (I was out all Christmas week for 2 weeks) unpacking when she told me she would leave.
Came home to find she had laundered all her clothes with my detergent. I needed to wash my clothes but there's no more detergent. We have one roll of toilet paper left. The trash is piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen because she missed trash collection. Dishes everywhere in the kitchen .
>>16613840
OP I'm sorry but this is just ridiculous. I honestly no longer believe that you're capable of making adult decisions. You needed to tell her to leave, not ask her and accept a promise. You then needed to call the police when you realized that she hadn't, because it's then called trespassing. I even helped you come to grips with how to involve the police in the last thread.
To anyone reading this, there's no reason to have any faith that OP can actually put advice to use. It seems a waste of time. Everything relevant was said in the thread weeks ago.
>>16613847
It's so hard to be as forceful with her as I need to be as our families are really good friends. I asked her to return her key and that she had to be moved out by the time in bakc from vacation. I laid out all the rules with her. I don't want to get the law involved. That is way too drastic for this situation. She's still a family friend and at the end of the day I do care about her and the rift that would be caused by more brute force.
>>16613847
She's honestly just really really stupid and has no idea what discipline is. I care about her as person enough to the point where I'd like to teach her how to live as a person with others than call the cops and get her out and file a restraining order or whatever. No one else in her life is ever going to teach her how to be a person and not a 30 year old toddler. Especially if her parents don't see that she's doing anything wrong.
It's really hard to understand for many people, but honestly she just needs someone to tell her, in a way she would understand, that she's not being an adult.
I want her to leave my home but not with brute force or law involvement. It's honestly really extreme for the situation
>>16613857
She's just using your good nature. Her behavior is absolutely insane and no one needs to put up with this.
>>16613870
Right but she's not doing this maliciously. She honestly think she's just living life as normal and she doesn't see that she's being a huge nuisance. No matter how I talk to her, she literally does not understand that she's doing something wrong.
Like, "leave before I get back. I talked to your parents and they cleared out your room." I got a very adult conversation from her when I asked her to move before I got back from vacation and told her I had spoken with her parents already. She was receptive and very understanding.
Now I'm back from vacation and she's still here.
ouch, how long she been there? you want her out ASAP? does she have a job?
>>16613876
1.5 months at this point. Almost 2 months. She needs to go immediately as she has no idea of boundary or personal responsibility. She has a great job and she gets paid very well and she spoken to me about how much she has saved up and can't decide what to buy with the money.
>>16613831
I can't do that to her. She's literally ignorant to the fact that she's being intrusive (she's treating me like her parents right now). She honestly has no idea that what she's doing is a little outrageous.
>>16613885
How can you possibly be such a pushover? This is actually making me angry. You let her tell you this shit while she won't chip in for toilet paper?
You seem like a good person but your care is misplaced here. She is either clinically retarded or just doesn't give a shit about other people.
>>16613891
Why not tell her? Put your foot down for fuck's sake.
>>16613885
wow yeah, if thats the case and her parents are ready for her to move out then just tell her she has to leave.
id wait til shes lazing around, ask her what she has planned, and when she says 'nothing' say 'you are not a resident here, there is no contract and you do not receive mail, ergo, you are not a resident and have to go. immediately.'
then when she complains she has something to do, you can point out she already said she doesnt. start putting her stuff in her car. she'll get with the program.
>>16613893
It's so hard to take an aggressive approach with someone I grew up with and someone whose family is like my family, etc. She's been there for me many times over stupid shit growing up. I honestly do not have it in me to get aggressive with her for many reasons.
She's unconsciously manipulative. Her parents would always tell her she needs to do a specific chore and she would tell them she'll do it, she'll never do it and her parents just let it go. It's things like that in her upbringing that bred her into this useless human. Literally no one is going to try to help her gain proper life skills because I don't think anyone else knows her or cares about her to this extent.
>>16613898
It's literally so hard. It's like kicking a retarded puppy in the face for doing something wrong even though you know it doesn't know better.
>>16613915
>>16613918
Enjoy your freeloader then. You're hopeless.
She isn't learning life skills because she is using others and they let her.
I had a roommate a bit like this in college.
He had a car and I didn't.
I would go buy groceries just for that day, come home cook, and eat dinner right in front of him without offering him anything. Eventually he got the message.
>>16613823
>inb4 trolling
OP I really recommend having sex with her. I'm completely serious, not trolling at all. You at least need to get something back for being such a good person. If she's at least decent looking that's what I would do.
And who knows, maybe the rush of blood to her head from an orgasm might make her more conscious of helping you out with chores or it might make her fall in love with you and try to please you.
Either way, trust me, things can change for the better between 2 people when sex becomes a factor.
>>16613918
>GUISE I WANT HELP
>THE NORMAL METHODS DONT WORK
>BUT I REFUSE TO DO THE EXTREME METHODS
>WHAT DO?
give up? maybe pay off her college bills or even marry her.
>>16613901
Yeah that's what I want to do. But how do I say this to her in a way that would actually prompt action but not sour our relationship as friends?
I'm being told to resort to the extremes of pressing charges, calling the cops, etc etc but I cannot take an aggressive approach to her. She literally won't respond properly and the relationship between our parents will be ruined.
>>16613918
You basically need to 'break up' with her, tell her it's not working out with her living with you and you need your space?
If she has spent years living like that with her ex-boyfriend then it'd take serious dedication on her part to change.
>>16613823
Not that it makes a difference, but are you male or female?
>>16613934
>this tbqh senpai
Do this OP. Get your money's worth.
>>16613934
>Fucking a friend of 11 years to try to get her to buy some toilet paper
>Not trolling
At best he's going to lose a friend and at worst he is going to have a useless girlfriend who he (presumably) isn't attracted to.
>>16613937
its a well known fact in life that everything comes with a price.
a lot of people come to /adv/ hoping to find the magical third option wherein no one gets hurt. but if that magical third option existed, it would have been the first option (asking her to move out) but it didnt work.
so you have two choices
>let her live with you forever
OR
>kick her out using extreme measures.
my recommendation is start small. but chances are she WILL get sour over this no matter how small you start. but dont go straight for cops. tell her shes moving out THIS saturday. when she says she cant cuz shes busy say 'well your room at your parents is open, so just start taking your stuff there one load at a time, and you'll be moved out by then. when she says shes busy, say 'sorry, make time, cuz by saturday, you HAVE to be moved out.'
offer to help her drive stuff over each night. if she simply refuses, start throwing her stuff into the yard, saying she better start driving it over before people steal it.
she'll roll with the punches.
other option is calling her parents and telling them they have to come get her and her stuff cuz shes refusing to leave.
but no matter what i say you are just going to complain that its too harsh and cant do it, so goodluck being a slave
>>16613936
I mean, resorting directly to YEAH MAN GTFO GONNA SUE YOU GONNA CALLTHE COPS GON A GET RESTRAINING ORDER GTFO is extremely unnecessary. She's literally got mental capacity of a 10 year old.
No wonder she broke up.
Really, just ask her why agree promised to be gone after the holidays but she's still here.
Also why during her stay she's not taking care of your home, it's the just she could have done.
Then ask when is she finally going to leave.
Also call her parents and tell then to convince her to leave, because you've done all you could do and cannot take the role of father for them. Ask them what's the next step of they're not willing to help. Mention changing the locks. Then they'll realize you're serious and get her to go back home.
>>16613949
>At best he's going to lose a friend
He's going to lose her either way. She won't take the kicking out lightly.
>and at worst he is going to have a useless girlfriend who he (presumably) isn't attracted to.
How do you know he's not attracted to her? He invited her into his home, there must be at least some attraction in place.
>>16613957
Umm actually no, your suggestion is the most in line with what I would want to do.
Now it's up to me grabbing my balls and telling her parents that they have to follow through and come over to help. 100% chance her parents will arrive and totally cave and beg me to let her stay or offer to pay her rent for her.
>>16613959
right... but you tried to do the soft way and its not working.
if the soft way doesnt work, and you cant do the extreme way cuz you're too chicken, what option do you have?
>>16613970
It's not a sitcom lad, he isn't going to suggest they fuck and a crowd will go "wooooo!". Or cut to them waking up in the same bed and start spouting zippy one liners to each other.
It does sound like OP is attracted to their friend to care this much about someone who couldn't give a shit back, but suggesting fucking is neither going to help anything or actually going to happen anyway.
All of you have assumed I'm a man. I'm a die-hard emotion-driven pussy because I'm a girl. So no I can't really fuck her and no I'm not really into her. Shes useless.
>>16613981
>balls
are you actually a dude? i get the impression you are female from all your posts man.
etiher way, grow some, grab some, rip em off, throw them at her so she knows ur serious.
just do it. chances are she will be mad at you. maybe hate you forever. but if you dont do it ur gonna hate her forever anyways, so ur on a sinking ship man.
>>16613823
>>16613970
>>16613962
>>16613959
>>16613957
>>16613949
>>16613942
>>16613939
>>16613938
>>16613937
>>16613936
>>16613934
>>16613931
>>16613927
>>16613918
>>16613915
>>16613901
>>16613898
>>16613893
>>16613891
>>16613885
>>16613876
>>16613875
>>16613870
>>16613869
>>16613857
>>16613847
>>16613840
>>16613831
>>16613829
Maybe she's depressed you judgmental assholes? Ever thought of that? That would explain her lack of motivation.
Instead of whining about what she won't do, why don't you sit down with her and try to talk it over like any other civil, caring, and non-judgmental person would?
>>16613992
No I'm definitely a girl. I've got my own issues so I'm really really good and bring too nice to people.
>>16613990
this is not op.
>>16613989
You seriously lack wisdom if you don't think sex can be used as a tool to bring people together. It has worked marvelously with me in several occasions.
>>16613994
This is the real world Sarkeesian, you can't just start handing out liberties unearned to people because they stumped their toe, especially if it's on someone else's time and money.
If she's depressed, she should see a shrink or go back to her parents. Not pat herself on the head and say "it's okay to take advantage of people because I'm depressed about my ex-boyfriend".
>>16613994
OPs already done that several times. for someone who quoted so many posts, you sure didnt seem to read them.
being depressed doesnt give you a pass in life, as much as you'd like to think it does. I know theres a lot of boo hoo contests going on today, but there is no prize for where you rank.
if you are depressed its just further proof you gotta get up and do something about your life, not an excuse to sit down and feel even worse about it.
and if someone like OPs friend doesn't want to make that choice herself, its not up to people like OP or us to just assume shes depressed and cater to her.
>>16613994
>being depressed makes it ok for me to trash someone else's house, not do any chores, not pay rent and not move out when they ask me to
How stupid are you you fucking emotional tumblr faggot?
>>16613994
Just because she is depressed doesn't mean she can freeload and treat people like shit (even if she doesn't mean it).
This fake mental health bullshit is unbelievable. Didn't have that crap when I grew up. Wow you are sad, big fucking deal.
>>16614011
>>16614008
>>16614006
>people who don't understand depression
fuck off back to >>>/b/
you dumb fucking nigger trolls.
>>16613994
What lack of motivation? She has a great job, she just isn't willing to pay for anything.
>>16614001
Oh please tell me more, if you fucked Kim Jong-Un would that end the Korean War?
>inb4 my friend was upset that she struck out with a guy so I got rebound sex
>>16614018
Just because she's depressed doesn't mean she should mooch off a friend, when she has FAMILY. Wake up, retard.
>>16614018
I understand depression perfectly because I suffered from it, depression made me resentful of others and gave me an excuse to not try anymore.
>>16614018
>someone who doesnt understand real life
time to stop living on your moms couch
>>16614018
If you are depressed and want someone to talk to make your own thread faggot. You are contributing nothing to the problem at hand
Just stop doing shit. Let your appartment become a landfill and drag her down with it. You will live in a pile of trash, but she will as well. Don't wash dishes, don't wash your clothes and buy the stuff you need to do so, instead ask a mate of yours to wash your laundry for some time. Let her life become a heap of junk until she notices.
>>16614035
Yeah shoot yourself in the foot, its better than manning up and avoiding confrontation.
>>16614034
>>16614031
>>16614028
>>16614023
>>16614021
>>16614020
All I'm saying is that this is a textbook example of depression. This beautiful woman needs help, not loathing. Help her find help OP, just giving her a place to live and feeding her isn't enough, or necessary.
>>16614044
>What OP has already done for the freeloader isn't enough
Okay you can stop shitposting now you got your attention.
>>16614044
>give her help.
so ideally, we want to help her in a way that would get her back on her feet and into real life. such as forcing her to have a wake up call., like by kicking her out!
the second best thing we could do is give her a support system... perhaps by surrounding her with family, like by kicking her out and making her live with her parents.
OP isnt a bad person for not wanting to fix someone elses problems. this is life. i know you want to be babied and nurtured, but the best help you can give someone is a reality check. other wise we could all just be 'depressed' and never have to do anything and society can crumble while we all whine about how much help we need cuz were just sad.
>>16614053
>finally someone that gets it.
Thank you friend. OP PLEASE READ THIS.
>>16614053
>>16614060
Easier said than done to have a brutal conversation with her. Knowing me (history of being too nurturing), she'll agree, and I listen again. Maybe what I have to fix is me and not her.
it sounds like you have been avoiding confronting her about these problems. understand this avoidance behavior is your problem. you need to sit her down and confront these issues. stay cool and leveld headed, but let her know these are changes that need to happen. if she rejects your conditions then say that she cannot live under your roof.
>>16614077
>easier said then done
we've been on this loop the entire thread OP. yes, it is easier said then done. literally everything is. so the fuck what? just do it, otherwise you are no better than she is.
get on with it, you both have some growing up to do.
>>16614083
>>16614078
Yeah I'm not a fan of confrontation or aggression. I've approached her in ways I felt appropriate (sat down, talked to her about what exactly bothers me and her obligation to move out immediately). She agrees up front and I believe her. Then nothing changes. I guess the problem is me not being forceful enough or fearing aggression because of our familial ties that have bonded us for more than a decade
>>16613875
Looks like you are not listening to anyone's advice here and she doesn't seem to get the idea that she should leave. The only option here is to stay with her because you're too spineless to do anything about the situation. Good luck, OP. I'm done listening to you whining
>>16614103
No, a lot of you are just way too aggressive. Resorting to calling the cops immediately, throwing a restraining order on her, or throwing her shit outside is way too aggressive and unnecessary. Ill kick her out, and a lot of good advice was given, but a lot of extreme measures also aroae.
>>16614018
You're enabling her shitty behaviour, OP. You're letting her do whatever she wants. Don't blame her for being an idiot, blame yourself for letting her behave like one.
OP if you say she is stupid, you are even more. She is a useless person and probably dont even her parents would recieve her at her house.
Hell who cares about the stupid friendship between your family and hers. If you cant kick her out, call your parents and ask them to call their "beloved" friends to take her piece of shit daughter out of your goddamn house. Really OP, you're so dumb and everyone here is trying to help you and see the light but you just seem to love people taking advantage of you.
OP is a retard who won't listen to advice, doesn'tk now the nature of women and people, and doesn't realize he'll get used and walked all over until she can claim in court she's a tenant/he raped or abused her.
>A lot of you are just too aggressive
hahahaha, keep digging your own grave then, but remember: YOU created this situation, and all she needs to do is tell the cops a fabricated lie and you're spending the night in jail.
God dammit use logic. She is can't go to her parents because her parents already know her habits. So they are already aware of her lazy, selfish tendencies if she cannot move back in with them.
Do the following
>1) Tell your parents what is going on, ask for her parents number.
>2) Both you and your parents call hers
>3) Tell them to come ND remove her from the property
Or just call the cops or landlord and explain the situation, and they can legally force her to vacate.
It is pretty simple. Your friendship was over the moment she disrespected you and your belongings repeatedly. Get over it, and get moving before she can twist the situation to her advantage and leave you hanging high and dry.
>>16614109
I had a similar problem OP except it was for 2 "friends" I've known a few months. Moved in, they lost their jobs nobody ever gets one , nobody did dishes, trash, generally anything. I was spineless and didn't take legal action and I'm out 5k+overall for the lease, don't even talk to them anymore.
