>you need to talk more
I'm a quiet person who keeps to himself. Even online, on forums, I lurk. That account with zero posts who logs in everyday? That's probably me. In real life, I don't express myself, I don't feel the need to, I get really annoyed when other people try to get me to express myself.
In middle school when my voice started to break (much earlier than my other classmates) it was deep and low, it made people force me to repeat everything I say, and when a certain teacher with bad hearing asked me a question I'd have to repeat my answer about seven to ten times.
My voice is currently fine as a 19 year old, but it really made me despise speaking, expressing myself. Middle school was the worst time of my life, & now I have absolutely nothing to share with other people, and when you don't talk back to people, they think they're annoying you, and most of the time it's not the case. It's not that I know my responses and the words won't come out, it's that there are no words, I can't think of anything to say, appropriate or not.
How do I change?
advice please
>>16612158
Talk more. Its that simple. Practice makes perfect. Also, don't over think whatever conversation you're having. That's probably why you're blanking out. You're trying to come up with the "perfect" thing to say, but you should really just speak your mind(i.e. just say what ever comes to mind). I used to do that when trying to change subjects. I would try to think of some transitional statement, as if talking were some kind of essay where a transition is required. It's not. You can literally throw out random ideas at someone you're talking to and they usually won't question it unless they wanted to keep on the same subject. Keep this in mind if your topic runs dry.
If holding a conversation in person is really too hard for you, play online team-based multiplayer games. Just say random shit/comment about the game("that was a sick kill", "this map sucks", "I'M UNSTOPPABLE!") to you're teammates as you're playing. When you express an opinion on something proceed to explain why, even if no one asked. Some will ignore you, some will mute you, but others will banter along with you. Try to pick a game that doesn't really require you to think as you're playing either. I recommend pretty much any COD.
Listen, OP. People that aren't interested in you but talk to you because of reasons won't want to hear your opinions and thoughts. You're just not that interesting/important to them.
Wanna know why? It's because they're the most important person in their life. Whether you're social or not, people will want to talk about themselves, so if you become a smooth mirror, people will think you're pleasant to be around.
What is a smooth mirror? Well, it's not smooth in its surface, 'cause this is a metaphor; and it reflects any questions directed at you, to them.
If you smoothly direct their question to them, then they're gonna be happy. People don't give a shit about you, but they know that it takes two to tango, so if someone asks you what you love to eat, chances are they're thinking of their favourite thing to eat.
Combine your effective way of deflecting things back to them (smile, look calm and interested, bob your head, ask them what their opinion is etc) with observational skills that read what the other person is feeling, and you'll be very pleasant to be around in no time.
Protip: If you fail to deliver something, don't give up and say "EHHHHHHHH UMMM", instead, try to keep your head strong and don't lose too much face.
>>16612842
Also, do this as an addition to >>16613216
If you don't know what to say, ask the other person something that you want to talk about. When they don't know how to give a long answer to keep the conversation going, or when they're done with their answer, you speak your mind about the topic you chose.
"Do you like smooth stones?"
"Uh, yeah, I guess they're quite pleasant"
"Yeah, they really are. I once threw a smooth stone at a rough stone, and guess what? The smooth stone scraped the roughness out of the rough stone. In the end, there were two smooth stones. How about that? I didn't think such a thing was possible."
>>16612842
>>>16612158 (OP)
>Talk more. Its that simple. Practice makes perfect. Also, don't over think whatever conversation you're having. That's probably why you're blanking out. You're trying to come up with the "perfect" thing to say, but you should really just speak your mind(i.e. just say what ever comes to mind).
This is.. True.
& I've always had my mic turned off whenever I played games. I will take your advice and try to turn it on..
>>16613216
I understand. It's how I've managed to not be viewed as socially awkward so far. The problem is, what about people who aren't talkative? I'm great at mirroring people and deflecting a conversation like I'm playing pong, 'perfect mirror' like you said. It's just that I can never initiate conversation and, when a question is not deflectable, I just freeze.
>>16613225
Wouldn't that be too.. abrupt? People do this all the time and it feels abrupt when THEY do it, you know? I can't help but shake that feeling.
