My crush told me he can't afford dating me because he's broke and I come from wealthy family. Tried to convince him I don't expect him to take me out and buy me expensive clothes. Still didn't change his mind but likes me btw. What's wrong with him?
>>16611449
Short answer: he's being a dipshit.
Long answer: He really likes you and is intimidated by your wealth. He wants to impress you and maybe your family so you'll keep him. If you also really like him I'd say keep reassuring him that he's not required to spend money that he doesn't have on you. If he refuses to accept this, dump him.
Good luck.
He might have had it drilled into him since birth that he's poor and can't date wealthy people, like he's not good enough for them and doesn't deserve them. If the feeling is mutual, ask him out on a cheap date, like a walk in the park with some food or something. Something where you don't have to spend money. Show him you're willing to/are able to have a good time with him and enjoy his company without money being spent.
>>16611449
Look chick, here's the deal. It doesn't matter what the reason is that someone rejects you. It really doesn't matter. The point is, they rejected you. That means it's time to respect yourself and turn your affection and attention to someone else. Find someone who DOES want to date you. Who has the confidence and commitment to date you. This guy doesn't.
>but he likes meeee
Don't care. Doesn't matter. He blew it when he said he won't date you because of his weird money hang ups.
Love yourself and learn to only pursue people who genuinely want you, regardless of any circumstances. You'll fully appreciate this advice in 10 years when you look back.
>>16611473
Oooon the other hand,
>Ditch anyone that ever displays even a modicum of self-doubt
Is advice likely to end you up alone or with someone horrible.
>>16611486
I'd much rather be alone and on the lookout for a proper partner than spend my time trying to pat the bottom and reassure someone who isn't mature enough to realize what matters and what doesn't.
But hey, waste your time if you want to.
>>16611498
Right, because no couple has ever talked to one another about their issues or provided each other with emotional support.
If you think you can just go through life ignoring any potential partner that's insecure then you'll never find one, because everyone is insecure in some capacity. It's just a matter of whether they admit it or try and cover for it.
>>16611529
They're not a couple. If there is an issue like this out the gate before even dating, it's a huge red flag that this person is immature, overly sensitive and wishy washy. Thus, not smart to continue pursuing.
I've dismissed plenty of potential dates because they are not suitable partners. Nothing wrong with that, unless you have absolutely no choice because you're ugly or whatever.Anyone with a normal, active dating life/pool makes these decisions because they're appropriate to do so. Desperation leads to accepting red flags as "not a big deal." They are a big deal, and a waste of time.
>>16611449
Remind him that it isn't the 1950's and woman can pay alimony now too.
It'd work for me. I'd totally date a rich woman (I would however, expect her to buy me a nice dinner once and a while... try to "woo" me at least).
>>16611539
'Shopping around' for partners is one thing. Dismissing anyone that isn't literally perfect is another. Since, y'know, there's no such beast.
Coping with another person's insecurities is part of a relationship. They'll be putting up with yours, after all.
>>16611569
I never once said that his "imperfection" is why she should avoid it. I told her to love and respect herself and pursue people who do not put conditions or restrictions on dating because of factors out of her control. He is unfairly dismissing her as a partner because of her family. That's ignorant, immature and silly. He is not a good partner, and not someone she should waste time on.
>>16611580
He's not dismissing her, he's dismissing himself. To him, she's not the problem, he is. He feels that he's not good enough for her, so he has misgivings about entering a relationship. Which may be silly, but is honestly one of the most common and least problematic silly things people can't help but feel in a relationship. And as for how he is as a partner, neither of us can fairly comment because OP didn't detail any other aspect of their relationship.
>>16611601
OP here, he is actually really funny, smart and cares about me. He is just insecure of his financial issues.
>>16611640
>is actually really funny, smart and cares about me
This isn't actually all that informative. It seems like the standard 'he's smart', 'he's funny' or worst of all 'he's nice' complements people give when they can't think of anything else. How's your chemistry? Do you get along? Do you enjoy each other's company? Has he ever supported you emotionally etc etc?
>>16611640
Maybe try a different approach. Rather than reassuring him (which will likely feed his sense of inferiority to you), maybe try and be more blunt that he's being stupid and you don't give a shit and neither should he, that you don't want to lose him over something so irrelevant.
Or something. Hell, I dunno, I've never had a poor partner.
>>16611664
We do get along pretty well. I have an amazing time when I'm with him and I think he does too. Yes, he has supported me emotionally, as I told you he cares about me a lot. He just thinks he's not good enough for me.
>>16611449
>What's wrong with him?
Nothing, he just doesn't want to date you.
Men would date a paraplegic schizophrenic with komodo dragons for family if they really liked them. Even after convincing he still told you nope.
This is just an excuse he came up with to reject you. He basically gave you the "its not you its me" shit and for some reason you're buying it. This isn't Casa-fucking-blanca. Nigga just didn't want ya. Oh well.
>>16611449
He knows it won't work out because your family will want you to marry someone with money.
He is wise beyond his age.
Source: I dated a trust-fund girl who never had to work, 3 years. It was a nightmare
>>16611705
Not all rich girls are bad
That said, I had the same issue as OP's interest. I liked a girl whose family was rich. She ha tons of guys orbiting her that were better than me in every way; one was a beefcake, the other was from a wealthy family who was handsome, the other was a guy who was known that he can fuck well
She wasn't fawning over me but she did like me, to an extent. I didn't pursue her because I know I can't stack up to the other guys, and in all seriousness she seemed equally interested in them as well.
I gave up my hopes to be with her. Unsurprisingly, she ended up with the rich handsome guy with the good family
>>16611449
Insecurity is what poisons relationships. Wisely, he knows that he will not be secure in a relationship with you because he is not making enough money to dispel his own inhibitions. It actually has very little with what you want or expect.
>>16611449
He's insecure and intimidated. It's not as though he thinks buying you things is necessary for dating you, but he doesn't feel worthy of you because he's self conscious of his current financial situation
I find myself in a similar position. My self esteem and sense of value has taken a beating because I haven't been gainfully employed for most of the year and I've been struggling to pay rent. I don't feel like I should be dating. Who would want to date someone who can't get their affairs in order?
You'll have to keep assuring him that his value isn't dependent on how much money he makes, you like him anyway
>>16611756
Yeah they're not all bad. She paid my rent for a while. She had a new car that I drove around. She had a klonopin script that I abused a lot. She was an alcoholic like me so she could keep up with my 10+ drinks a night. She had a rocking body and blonde hair/blue eyes.
But she was also made insane by her family, her grandfather didn't like me, nobody in her family liked me, she expected me to split things that cost more than I could afford, she had rich trust-fund boys trying to steal her, AND when she lost 10 lbs and became too hot for her own good it all just went downhill.
It was briefly fun being the scumbag boyfriend to the rich girl, but god damn it got really really ugly considering we were actually in love but it could never, ever work out.
A couple years later I made out with a plastic surgeon's beautiful daughter when I was drunk. I thought twice and never called her. She was asking about me and I told my female friend to tell her she's too rich for me. She started fucking a bartender instead. I'm sure that went well for him
>>16611449
He doesn't want to disappoint you, he hates the idea of personally failing you. He's trying his best.
You better fucking love his ass
As someone who considers himself "poor" and checked out of the date pool for now, there's probably more at play than just money.
Is he on his own yet?
>>16611449
This isn't insecurity. It is common sense.
He knows your family, friends, and entire social circle will be judging him. It may never be overt, but it will be there, constantly in the background.
You are also accustomed to a certain lifestyle, whether you admit it or not. He thinks he is part of your slumming phase, most likely, and you know nothing of poverty.
No man ever wants to be financially dependent, and he would be if you became serious.
I am seriously glossing over this, but it should give you an idea.
