So I've been involved with 3 men in my life and all of the relationships have ended badly with them just brushing me off and not explaining why it ended or considering my feelings. It's not that I pick the same kind of men but somehow it ends up the same. It could be because I take things so seriously and get obsessive over them and strangle them with my affection. And also I am too shy to approach anyone myself so I just go with the flow with guys who approach me and seem like they're good people. I probably just come across players and believe the lies they tell all girls they meet. How do I make myself more "normal" and easygoing? I feel like I can't even love and trust anymore because guys are heartless. I know that isn't true but how do I open myself up when I'm so scared. How do I get into a relationship without going all in? Or should I just try approaching someone m self? But I feel like if a guy really chases me then they must be interested and when I approach them myself it's even more likely to fall apart cause they might not be attracted to me.
I've even started to read and believe in the star sign crap cause it seems so true.
Sorry I don't know if any of this makes sense. I guess I just want to talk.
>>16608646
Boys are just as afraid of you as you are of them
>>16608658
Some probably are but not the ones I come across. I just want to stop giving a fuck and be as careless as them.
>>16608646
>I can't even love and trust anymore because guys are heartless
>guys are heartless
And so this vicious cycle continues.
>>16608658
This.
A lot of guys are terrified of approaching girls because of how they think they'll be perceived and are afraid of rejection. And the sad fact is that most (not all) guys that are really confident and casual about asking girls out are the assholes who will use you like a toy.
>>16608676
>And the sad fact is that most (not all) guys that are really confident and casual about asking girls out are the assholes who will use you like a toy.
Yeah that is probably true but since I'm fairly insecure I think that if they go after me so strongly they must be serious. But I guess I have to woman up and try it with someone who isn't as brash and do it the hard way. I just don't even know how to open my heart to anyone. I didn't want to get close to the other guy either but he managed to get in somehow. I was so careful and I thought it would be different this time. I guess guys like that just like the chase and then check out.
>>16608665
Nah you pick those guys up.
See it's those characteristics that appeal to you.
The same way I like cute faces and short girls you probably like aloof guys.
The whole dropping you thing is more of your fault.
If you know that you smother them stop doing it.
Find things to do.
>>16608693
I really don't think that's true. I like quiet guys a lot but the thing is that guys like that are also more reserved like me so we never get close.
I guess I have to change and grow as a person but it's easier said than done.
>>16608698
Not necessarily true.
I'm super quiet and shy around most people I don't know, especially girls I find cute. But if someone tries to talk to me and get to know me, I slowly start to open up more to the point where I'm not nearly as quiet and end up getting pretty close. The same is true for a lot of "quiet" guys.
>>16608705
For people like us, the hardest thing is making the first move. Since I have my own insecurities I can't imagine approaching a guy first. But I guess I will have to since I'm very unhappy in my current situation. Maybe I will be able to find something real.
>>16608646
>It could be because I take things so seriously and get obsessive over them and strangle them with my affection.
It could be that. For example I'm afraid of obsessive girls...
>How do I get into a relationship without going all in?
I get a feeling that you picture relationship as some form of serious commitment, a one of a time opportunity your life depends upon. It is not like that. This is why you don't feel normal and easygoing, you stress the weight of it too much.
Think of finding a suitable partner as if it was just a game. A game of chance. When you let guys approach you, there is naturally higher chance of meeting a player. When you initiate contact yourself, there will be higher chance that the other person isn't all that interested in you.
Stop picturing relationship as some kind of contract binding you to another person. Chat up multiple people at same time and don't focus only on one relationship, then cut off those where you feel uncomfortable.
If you mess up there are plenty others around.
>For people like us, the hardest thing is making the first move.
Yes it is. And changing the perspective - putting less weight on single relationship helps with this.
>>16608718
>a one of a time opportunity your life depends upon.
Yeah probably. I'm fairy inexperienced and I lost my virginity to the last guy, which was a big deal to me and that's why it's hitting me so hard. I will probably start taking things less seriously naturally from now on but I'm afraid I'm becoming a cold person who can't really love and trust anymore.
>>16608712
>people like us
You're talking to a guy who is that way, I know all to well, which is why you let the guy do all the talking. But it's somewhat harder for guys because we are the ones who are expected to make the first move, both by society norms and by most girls.
However, the likelihood of that is very slim unless it is someone who I already know well. It is less stressful and awkward than trying to approach some girl I don't really know.
>>16608728
Yeah I know I mean for people like you and me.
I guess the solution is to stop giving a fuck what people think about you and just going at it.
>>16608723
No no no no - that is correct approach. You don't give love and trust to just anyone. They have to earn the privilege :)
>>16608728
Yes it is hard. What helps to me: I picture in my mind that i'm not really trying to pick the girl up, instead i'm trying to make a new friend. When you set your mindset like this initially, it's easier + i dont fear getting shut down by her as much ...
>>16608737
>You don't give love and trust to just anyone.
Yeah but how can a relationship grow when the people in it are guarded?
>>16608698
See you like quiet guys but only other guys come along.
If you like quiet guys what are you doing to get those type of guys what work are you putting in.
>>16608748
I see your point. It's not a coin - with two extreme opposites i guess? I think i just open up to people gradually.
Look there isn't a 100% fool-proof way how to not get burnt here. Every now and then someone will betray your trust... it isn't a reason to shut away everyone else.
>>16608789
I see your point. I'm not entitled to anything without putting effort in and just because I'm a lonely and shy person.
>>16608796
Yeah I guess so. I suppose you learn to let go of the bad experiences and treasure the good ones with time and experiences.
>>16608646
Why does the star sign stuff seem true?
>>16608830
Like I'm Pisces and he's Sagittarius and it says that since he isn't as emotional I tend to take it as rejection and get hurt by it.
>>16608852
Horoscopes are vague as fuck which is how so many people relate to them. Don't put any faith in it
>>16608799
Yea now close the fucken thread and plan your coarse of attack.
I'll give you a hint.
Go to library, bookstore,school,lounge talk to a guy there that will be were you'll hunt.
>>16608853
I'm not, I'm just saying that's how low I've fallen haha.
>>16608855
Maybe I'll make it my new year's resolution.
