Hmmmm I need a sanity check please. Please...
>Bf and I move away 3 years ago.
>Christmas is a big deal to him, not so much for me.
>Every Xmas since the move has been with him too broke to do anything at all for any occasion.
>Every Xmas since, he has tried to scrap money together to go back state to visit family & friends but failed miserably.
>Every Xmas since then, I feel bad he can't be with his family, so I usually organize everything, OTT Christmas vomit from start to finish, including his many gifts.
>Fast forward 2015. He has some money.
>Spends entirety of money on going back to town for Christmas.
>Finally. Yay. He can shut the fuck up about Christmas and that town.
So here is the problem.
My family has offered to pay my way to spend New Years with them, along with some family friends that will be there. My boyfriend has thrown a massive tantrum because the guy who I used to have thing for will be there too.
He promises that if I don't go, we will go away somewhere instead of being at home.
I agree to the conditions, scramble find a place for us to stay, text him about it and no reply. Last room left..Still no reply from him, no answer. Place is now booked out, everywhere is booked out because it's so last minute and he still is threatening to break up with me if I go.
I feel like I am being taken for a ride. I have never given him a reason to think I will cheat, I am strictly against cheating and having said all this, he actually cheated on me at the start with a girl from our old town who lives a few minutes away from the house he is at right now. So really.. I should be more concerned if anything.
Someone please help me sort this confusion out. Am I being a bitch? Unreasonable? Stupid? What is happening here? Why do I feel like this is very unfair?
hes being fucking paranoid because he cheated. hes projecting qualities of himself he can't confront onto you.
just go see your family, he's being an ass.
> threatening to break up with me if I go.
what the fuck? he is unhinged... just go see your family. this guy is trash anyway
>>16608363
Look, to be fair, my family are well off and I see them a lot throughout the year. I guess that's why it's not a big deal if I see them or not. This Christmas I was not with them again because they went away and I was waiting on him to confirm whether or not he was going back to town, he decided too late so I missed out on going with them. He fails to see how his slow actions impact my plans and I am getting pissed off with him. Especially now about new years.
>>16608385
well does it matter whos right and whos being logical
either do it or dont. arguing wont help your relationship here. stewing wont either
>>16608392
I don't know why it's so important but it is to me. I feel like I need to make sure I am not insane lol. I guess because he has called me crazy so many times, it has made me think that maybe I am warped in some weird way and don't know it...
He even accused me of being a borderline and when I told my family Dr since birth, he laughed and told me to get out and "cut the shit" from my life... I guess he meant my boyfriend?...
He sounds abusive as fuck. Let him break up with you and move on man
>>16608347
>Am i being a bitch?
No
>Unreasonable?
No
>What is happening here?
Your boyfriend is a manipulative spoiled brat, he should had talked to you about his concerns without threatening break up with you or making false promises, get rid of this mama's boy
>Why do i feel like this is very unfair?
because it is, from what you described, it looks like your relationship its all about him, also... that fucker cheated on you and you took him back? wtf girl, get some self respect, dump him and find a real man
>>16608418
I have, sometimes, felt emotionally abused. He does withhold sex a lot among other things if I have upset him... aka called him out on his bullshit.
He will often accuse me of abuse though, which I don't at all find true.
>>16608473
He did talk to me about his concerns with that guy. I had gone to a few things where he was there. One night, I bumped into him at a coffee shop and he sat down with me for a chat, he joked about stealing me from my boyfriend (he is that kind, jokes A LOT and has a cheeky sense of humor) I told my boyfriend about it and he didn't like that I had coffee with him. I don't actively contact him or see him at all. I understand his concerns about this guy but the bottom line is that I am not a cheater and don't have any desire for another guy at all.
>it looks like your relationship its all about him
I feel like it really is. He feels like it's not. Everyone else agrees it's all about him and what he wants. He doesn't see it that way at all. He told me he agreed to the move back 3 years ago and he is here because of me, so that should be enough.
>also... that fucker cheated on you and you took him back?
Well he argued that we were going through a rough patch etc.. The story with that is that I moved here first and he moved here 4 months later, but we were still together and official, I was just waiting for him to move here, he cheated during those 4 months that I was waiting for him. He tells me to get over it and I have, I still feel uneasy about it sometimes though.
>>16608633
>rough patch etc
No, if he needs someone to hold him he's a fuckin' pussy. He's probably gone 17 years without a girl, 4 months is fucking nothing. If he couldn't restrain himself for 4 months he's a lost cause.
>>16608633
>He tells me to get over it and I have, I still feel uneasy about it sometimes though.
>He tells me
Did you really get over it or are you pretending to have gotten over it because he demanded you must?
He sounds emotionally manipulative. Leave him. This can only get worse. I'm not kidding.
Healthy relationships are not all about one person.
>>16608405
Same person as >>16608649 here.
This is called crazy-making. If someone insists you're crazy and calls you unfounded things like borderline yet makes you feel awful, and makes you start to believe you're the problem instead, 9 times out of 10 they're the crazy one. This is an abuse tactic. Please get out.
>>16608648
Apparently he was blind drunk on top of it and it just happened...
>>16608649
>Did you really get over it or are you pretending to have gotten over it because he demanded you must?
Wow I don't know. I guess I forced myself to get over it because what other alternative was there? He wasn't about to "make it up to me" or any of that shit you think will happen when you give someone a second chance, he just got more defensive anytime I was uneasy about him getting drunk around other women when he was out with friends.
I can truly say I am over that incident but I still find it hard to be ok with him being drunk alone around other women.
>>16608654
You really think? I can have an attitude and be a bitch too so I think I contribute to it. He confided in me and told me that when I was stressed, I was very cold and bitchy to him and that made him less attracted to me as a person. I now am careful not to let my stress get in the way of our relationship.
Look op I'm just say this if he he is aware your previous crush is there it is a cause for distress.
I'm telling to put yourself in his shoes.
If he went home and his previous crush was roaming around popes up what would you say.
>>16608678
Well she kind of is, but I still am putting my trust in him not to be an idiot. And anyone who knows me knows I would never cheat. I understand him being uncomfortable, but I respected that, I just wish he would make an effort to help me get new years sorted instead of leaving it on my shoulders yet again and demand I not go with my family.
I spent Christmas alone and he saw his family, who live a few minutes away from his crush, it's a small town so the girl he cheated with will be roaming around too. I get the anxiety but I don't get why he then wouldn't make the effort to prioritize our new years plans.
Of course there's his side of the story.
I think the issue here is what the first responder has said. This behavior is very unacceptable and if I ever had a girlfriend that actually considered my finances and my family; a ring would be on her finger faster than Mad Max on a full tank of gas.
But you see some good in him. You feel like he puts his part into helping you. He cherishes you and he is afraid of losing you.. His anger comes from both his financial stress and the absence of his family. The thought of losing you is excruciatingly heartbreaking for him because he loves you.
But he just is not very well. He does not belong in your location and it is affecting him. This is very common in relationships and sometimes themed in many romantic comedies (See: 4 Years.)
I wish I can tell you what a solution is but I don't think anyone else can help you decide the best judgement but yourself.
I think letting it out(even on here) is very good step in a right direction. Please don't beat yourself up too much on this.
I have a question; when you try to tell him what is bothering you does it turn into an argument?
>>16608735
>and the absence of his family.
This part is not true from what he tells me. He doesn't really care much for his family and they mostly irritate him. But during Christmas, he wants the nostalgia of it.
>He does not belong in your location and it is affecting him
Again, not true. He was wanting to get out of our town for years before he actually made the move. Our new city is where he calls home and would never go back, in his words.
>I have a question; when you try to tell him what is bothering you does it turn into an argument?
Yes. All the time, every single time. I am fed up with it in fact.
>>16608418
>abusive af
Lol, the dude's not beating her fucking ass you plebonian faggot, dont be so dramatic
>>16609276
Mental abuse can be worse than physical.
