My mom just touched me in a way that made me uncomfortable, not because she did anything inappropriate, but I think I just have a hard time being physically affectionate to most people...I pissed her off because I grabbed her hand when she did it, I wasn't really rough or anything. I told her I did it because I didn't like getting touched and she just said I wasn't affectionate.
Fuck my life, man. I'm gay, and when girls do weird stuff like that it makes me uncomfortable...and when my mom does those things I just get extra uncomfortable :<
I honestly don't know how she would react if I was honest with her, maybe she'd just have another shit fit...I've told her I'm gay but we just don't talk about it a lot, and at the same time I'm not sure that is a valid reason to despise very light physical affection with my mom. I think I have some issues surrounding this shit honestly :/
...I just want to talk to people :< I'm an overly emotional guy honestly. Just need company.
Was her action something motherly? Like a hug? Or something inappropriate, out of line?
>>16604486
Sorry. I didn't read the first part correctly.
But yah, I think all mothers want to comfort their children.
So you're not like that at all when guys touch you?
>>16604486
I think it was more on the motherly side honestly. She just kinda scratched/tickled my chest a little...it made me incredibly uncomfortable though :( I don't think it was her intention or her fault. Things like this don't happen often, so when they do it freaks me out a bit.
>>16604493
No, I'm not...I have never done anything sexual with a guy honestly. But when I'm playful with other guys I don't feel this way. I think this is just mom issues stuff. I don't know how emotionally vulnerable I want to get in this thread but events in my life have made my relationship with my mom complicated...thanks for helping who ever you all are.
>>16604495
Oh I see. Thing is though the way we all I guess.. justify our relationships with anyone is by touch.. It's not always for sex, like when you feel the sexual urge with someone and just have to touch them. But that can also be in a friendly way, an emotional way, a motherly way..
I think mothers long to "touch" their children too, i guess to keep a sense of connection and protection with them.
I don't know, I used to perceive all forms of touch sexually and didn't like being touched a lot, but now that I see it with different emotions other than sex- it has helped me.
>>16604499
Yeah, I mean you don't have to be comfortable when other girls show affection. But if you think that overall, despite everything, your mother has been a good mother to you more than she has been a bad one, then perhaps just try to understand where she is coming from, emotionally, when she wants to comfort you.
...honestly when I'm tickled by guys it turns me on a lot...a kind of odd fetish/fantasy. So when my mom did it I felt really strange, kinda just bad honestly.
It is in no way her fault that I feel this bad. However, just because of the way my life has gone, I have some negative feelings towards her that lie really dormant most of the time but when they come out they are really strong...I feel a lot of shame about getting so angry at her internally. I have trouble expressing anger to anyone because of how rude I used to be to her :(
>>16604525
Thing is, I've noticed that every time I hold extreme resentment towards people I love, it never ends well. I got angry at them for no reason, remembering things they did to me in the past, and would explode, like you.
But honestly, this may sound cheesy, but it's true. The past is the past. Shitty things happened. But the last thing I want is the rest of my life to be equally as shitty. The last thing I want is to lose those people forever, stuck being alone with no one who actually cares about me.
I can't forget the things that really upset me, but I can forgive them..
Your mom will love you no matter what. Even if you get so angry at her and tell her you hate her.
I think you should go back to spent time with her and still make it a good holiday for you both. Something you can look back at, instead of getting angrier at yourself and her.
Sorry, I don't know if this helps, I hope it does.
>>16604548
I appreciate you caring.
Letting go is really tough for me, but I've been working on it for a while. Just trying to give peace to parts of myself that I don't need to constantly carry around.
Anyone saying anything supportive helps.
>>16604562
hey, you're a good person, there is nothing wrong about how you feel. It's just about perspective. Remind yourself to lighten your mood, get your mind off whatever is bothering you and just enjoy time with people you love, time is something we can never get back. Your mom is a good person too. She might not always see eye to eye with you or make the best decisions. She might not fully accept you for who you are. But she is willing to still love you. I think that is the most important. I wish you the best.
>>16604596
thanks you too.
