Today I found out my ex-girlfriend of 4 years has been dating this other guy, who I considered myself to be friends with. He was even the one to give me advice on how to move on. We broke up in the beginning of October, and apparently this has been going on for a while. They've been "quietly" dating, presumably just to keep it from me. And I end up finding out about all of this through their couple Christmas post on Instagram.
Me and my ex remained friends post breakup, and we would talk to each other about shit all the time. And my talk I mean purely through text. I've yet to see her in person, she actually broke up with me over text. Yeah, a relationship of 4 years. Soon I became over it and I was just beginning to accept us as just being friends.
But this just feels like a stab in the back. I'm not even that jealous, I just feel so fucking betrayed. It's the one person I put most of my trust into...gone. I texted her "thanks for ruining my Christmas" and she calls me immature for blowing up over this.
How could she move on so fast? How could 4 years of life mean literally nothing to a person? Why doesn't she care, /adv/? I'm fucking torn apart. I'm at a shitty family Christmas gathering and here I am sitting on the couch distancing myself. My entire body feels numb, and I feel sick in my stomach. What's the quickest way to get rid of this feeling? What do I do or where do I turn after this?
>>16603570
Holy shit you're a faggot. I would have broken up with you too if I was a woman. Maybe your friend isn't a sniveling clingy bitch like you are
>>16603570
>she needs to linger in my similar pathetic sad sack of shit circumstances for the amount of time I determine is appropriate even though we broke up and I have no bearing on her life or vice versa!
You're a faggot.
>>16603570
Well, I'd say distancing yourself is a good thing. Just don't overdo it. Try to talk to the people you are with and tell yourself life just goes on ; people are still good or bad or whatever. The world doesn't care so why should you ?
>>16603576
How am I clingy? I was ready to move on, it's the fact that she was lying behind my back when I trust her a lot as a friend.
I may be acting a bit immature. But do I continue trusting her after this if we remain friends, because she wants to still be friends with me.
>>16603579
I don't get it. Does four years mean nothing? Am I supposed to be over it within the first week?
>>16603662
No one gives a shit if you get over it in a day or ten years. Stop thinking she has to get over it at the same pace you do.
So is the guy actually your friend or more of an acquaintance? I'd feel betrayed as well in your position... But I understand she probably also didn't want to broadcast her new relationship to you either. Being friends with an ex is always hard when you're not over them yet because especially as the dumpee you cling onto a shred of hope still. I wish you the best OP! Just try to not think about it and enjoy the time with your family and relatives. It hurts now but will get better over time. Better not to stay in much contact with the ex when you're still hurting.
>>16603662
The thing about women is if they broke up with you then they had been over your relationship for some time. The actual breakup was just a formality.
>>16603638
I'd hide it from you too if I knew you'd act like such a little bitch. I don't want to deal with your shit just for dating your ex
Was she dating him before you broke up? Dating a friend's ex is not the most tasteful of things to do, but it is a far cry from cheating with a friend's girlfriend.
>>16603570
>How could she move on so fast?
>How could 4 years of Iife mean IiteraIIy nothing to a person?
>Why doesn't she care, /adv/?
Because you post frog may mays whiIe seeking attention and whining on a Japanese image board.
lt's fucking sad how much of a beta you are.
>And by taIk l mean purely through text
>She actuaIIy broke up with me over text
Man you got super kucked. Your whoIe post is fucking cringe, man.
>>16603675
We've hung out a few times but more of an acquaintance.
>>16603677
Alright, I guess I'm sort of being a bitch about this. I was originally just put into a shock of a emotion and I kind of overreacted. My question is, should I just shake this off? Like is it really not a big deal and shouldn't effect me at all, or does it make sense to be upset over this?
>>16603570
dude, you don't own her, you don't ever have movie rights to her ... accept that she's doing what makes her happy, and move on to do what makes you happy.
>>16603726
>you don't ever have movie rights to her ...
Laughed hard.
>>16603570
OP, I can figure out how you feel. I felt sick when decades ago a charitable soul informed me my first girlfriend (4 years in) had been cheating on me while on a foreign trip.
I was naive, was in love, and I had felt settled.
Some years later I met the girl I've been married with for 40 years: she's happily chatting away with her sisters, the gentlemen are discussing sports (I'm not a sportsy man), my dear nephews' little girls are running around yelling like furies out of hell. In short I am a happy man.
Do not lose hope, OP, happiness is a few corners away.
>>16603570
I'm a guy, but I've done the same thing before after a 3+ year relationship
From mine (and probably her) point of view... Breaking up hurts and will do for a few months afterwards. Hooking up with someone else in the meantime makes those few months easier... It occupies time and thoughts that would otherwise be spent feeling shit.
It's about the path of least resistance, OP.
Do the same... Not necessarily a hook up, but find something that could do the same. Perhaps gaming?
Just don't fall into the trap of drink and drugs.
Although to be fair, if you haven't got an addictive personality and think you could hack it, smoking (cigs) works very well
But yeah, I'd just like to confirm that it didn't mean I thought any less of my ex. It was over and I needed to find an easier way of getting over it
>>16603759
Sometimes I feel we live in trange times.
I hope you won't mind my saying so, OP, since no offense is intended, but this is what I feel about your situation:
> girlfriend of 4 years broke up with you over a text message
> You ought to count your blessings.
In addition let me just respectfully point out shewas not your property.
>>16603759
Im not op, btw
>happiness is a few corners away.
is it?
Im in a kinda similar situation, even though, i am almost over it, but happiness seems incredibly far away
>>16603773
So there's a good chance he's just a shitty rebound? I think I'm starting to get over it, if I got over her once I'm pretty sure I can do it again regardless of another guy or not.
I'm just pissed she thought it was ok to keep things quiet just so I wouldn't find out
>>16603785
Probably. Although to be honest the person I rebounded with also just came out of a relationship, and we ended up in a relationship for 18 months, before it ended for unrelated issues... So even rebounds can work
But of course she's going to do that. Like myself... I found an easy way out of the pain of the break up... I'm not going to push it in my ex's face. I felt guilty enough as it was
>>16603779
> Im in a kinda similar situation, even though, i am almost over it, but happiness seems incredibly far away
Anon, let me say I felt the same as you and OP do when my small, settled world suddenly collapsed around me.
My great father was a wealthy man with his finger in many pies and got me a job as a help receptionist in a plush hotel to get me out of my misery.
In short, I became a ladies' man.
Then years after I met the girl who's been my wife for more years I care to count.
I bear witness to happiness being just some corners away.
>>16603570
Women have a shit ton of options and have no need to mope around post breakup. They can all just install tinder and have 100 dates lined up before long.
As a man you must work 100x harder to get a girlfriend and keep one. You are the burdened party in most relationships in your adult life. You also have more work to do to find a new girl, that's just how it is.
Sorry it's not fair. But life is never fair.
>>16603808
I think what bothers me the most out of all of this is that she'll never feel the same that I'm feeling. She's happily distracting herself by throwing herself at any guy that will give her attention. Like what if I just released her nudes or something else uncalled for and childish just to get back at her
>Thanks for ruining my Christmas
Maybe she broke up with you because of that vagina you seem to have sprouted
>>16603803
I have issues with relationships. I can't seem to develop emotional or mental connections. I got dumped due to lack of mental attractiveness.
It really.. really sunk in. And I am discouraged from dating at the moment. Struggling to even find motivation to get my high school diploma. Dropped out and am turning 24 on Sunday. I often feel like I am losing grip on my life.
>>16603570
Don't worry. You'll get over it with time.
>>16604328
>I think what bothers me the most out of all of this is that she'll never feel the same that I'm feeling
I can understand what you're saying but like that other anon said, women have things completely different than us men. You feel cheated of your time while for her it was just another fling. She can have sex and find instant companionship in an instant while you can't.
I've been exactly where you are a year ago, about the nudes thing, yeah don't do that, also a good thing to not keep talking to her post-breakup, it doesn't matter if it was 4 months, if she got a bf 1 year later you'd still be pissed, my ex of 3 years dumped me and 2 weeks later she was talking about sucking another guy's dick at a party on her blog and being all cheerful about it while I was binge watching netflix shows feeling like shit.
The reason you talked to her was deep down you were hoping you'd get back together. Have some dignity. Stop talking to both of them, stop stalking their social media, and focus on yourself. If you want to get better you'll do these things, it will take a lot of time and it will hurt you a lot but in time you'll be fine.
Don't do something as stupid as posting her nudes either. Just ignore her. Trust me.
>>16604328
>what bothers me the most out of all of this is that she'll never feel the same
That's your own fauIt for not being abIe to Iet go.
