How do I stop being a loser? Should I just seriously kill myself?
I'm 27 year old overweight loser living with his parents. I dropped out of university this year after faking for years that I'm majoring in engineering successfully. Meanwhile I got a part-time job that paid for my expenses and some rent/utility money for my parents. However, due to the low pay and high expenses I could not save up anything. In fact, I owe my parents 2000€ and my father has started demanding it back as he urgently needs it.
Recently, I had to quit my part-time job (web developer), because the company moved away and I couldn't afford to relocate. Last week I had an interview for a dream position and I completely botched it. They didn't tell me whether they will hire me or not but it is VERY unlikely.
On top of it all, I managed to make a girl in a neighbouring country fall for me online and we started having a long-distance relationship. She keeps asking when I will visit her. I don't want to lose her as I really like her but I'm not the guy she thinks I am.
I will receive my last pay at the end of the month and will receive no more than 600€. 100 of which will go into clearing my deficit on my bank account.
I'm at a loss, I don't know what I do. Last night I went out and just walked around for hours until I ended up falling asleep on a bench crying.
>>16597993
it'll all be good. probably best to start working full time for now and know what you wanna do with school/work. is it okay living at home or does it suck? if it does probably should move out and live pay check to pay check working some shit job
>>16597993
>but I'm not the guy she thinks I am.
As in you're catfishing her? Wow bro. Get your shit together.
I got angry and started smashing shit one day. I decided that I didn't care whether or not I was a loser - what mattered was whether or not I felt like one. So I stopped judging myself and I stumbled and flopped along until I gained momentum and improved. I'm still an idiot but I'm an adaptable idiot and I haven't been depressed for years.
>>16597993
>How do I stop being a loser? Should I just
seriously kill myself?
I'm confused as to how that would fix your loser problem
>>16598044
>is it okay living at home or does it suck?
It's okay. My parents have a multi-story home and mostly leave me alone in my space. I would definitely work a full-time shit job but can't find anything.
More than the financial stuff, I can't bear lying to everybody about university, anymore. If I come out, my parents will know the truth. If I weren't such a fucking fatass, I'd just run away and join the French Foreign Legion or something.
>>16598057
Partially yes, I suppose. She knows my real identity and how Iook and everything. We skype regularly. It's just that she doesn't know my shit parts. How much of a loser I am and that I'm basically to broke to visit her.
>>16598088
You have a girl who loves/likes you, that's not a loser thing you little faggot now I'm angry and starting to realise I'm a loser FUCK
>>16598058
How did you handle coming out as a loser to your social circle?
Thing is, I pulled a fucking sham over people's eyes and now I'm stuck with my lies and afraid of letting friends know that I'm an absolute fuckup.
>>16598102
She wouldn't love/like me, if she knew that I'm a broke ass uneducated filthy fuck.
>>16598088
Man , i was in the same situation , just get a full time job and stop over thinking bs. less thinking and more doing
>>16598115
If you can admit it you can change it, I admited I was an obese slug and changed it and now I'm just regular big guy
>>16598107
Be a loser and let them flee from you. You can start over and make new friends. Don't let them imprison you and prevent you from facing the music - that's not what good friends are for. You are the only one who can give yourself the respect you need. Don't let yourself be dependent on the judgement of others.
>>16598139
Parents? I guess I can do without my current friends but I don't know, if I can disappoint my parents like that....
A while back, I cleaned up my room, computer browser history. Thinking that If a chance for an accident-like suicide comes up, I could kill myself without it looking like a suicide. My parents would go through my stuff and not find anything upsetting.
>>16598107
It sounds cliche' but if you as an adult can't let your friends know who your are, they aren't really that close friends. Honestly, if any of my longtime friends confessed to me they had been lying about their life/success or school because they were ashamed, I would just want to help them.
>>16598165
I can say from personal experience that revealing yourself to your parents is the best way to change as a person.
>>16598183
Thanks for the advice. I don't know, if I have the mental fortitude to go though with that. Also I am afraid they might kick me out adding another problem. I'm considering finding some job that pays enough for me to live in some shitty apartment and coming out to them once i'm fully self-sufficient.
I will probably just disappear from their lives for good.
>>16598107
If you have TRUE friends, they won't abandon you. Right now I've been crawling out of a pit for a year, basically back at home, 28, and a NEET. I hit hard times mentally and came close to suicide plenty of times. Actually had a gun loaded on my desk once just thinking about it when I hit rock bottom earlier in the year.
Point is, save for the crazy stuff my buddies witnessed it all and saw the real fuck-up I was, but they continue to be my friends and spend time with me. The few friends I didn't have a strong bond with abandoned me and some actually mocked me. You know what? Fuck them. They were weak shits for kicking a guy while he was down.
>>16598183
I'd honestly do this. If your parents are actually caring and love you, they'll be empathetic and try to assist you. Nobody is perfect and people fall down. I just spoke with my dad the other week and he has been helping me get out of the house and might land me a job at his buddy's business after the new year.
Just be honest and actually try. Killing yourself will not accomplish anything at all.
>>16598228
If you plan on moving out save up a bit first. Too many times have I seen people jump ship without an 'oh shit' fund. Their transportation would mess up, they'd lose a job or something and have zero money to fall back on. Be smart.
>>16598239
Thanks for the kind words, man. I'm glad you're on your road to recovery. You're an inspiration.
>If your parents are actually caring and love you, they'll be empathetic and try to assist you.
I really don't know. Both of them really expected a lot from me and always put the pressure on, which basically lead to me lying about university. When I realized engineering isn't my thing and that I'd much rather study economy, I was so paralyzed by the fear of telling them that I simply discarded the idea and continued faking for 2-3 more years. I think >>16598247
is correct. I need to save up and then hopefully leave my current life behind.
>>16598228
You can't sweep this under the rug but your end goal is for it be bridge under the water.
You have to come out and tell the truth right now, but you should want all of this to be overcome, forgotten, and for it to be nothing more than an unpleasant memory.
I encourage you to consider the possibility that your parents might get angry, but that a few years from now you might have a normal relationship and you could be surprised about how this is the biggest nothing ever.
>>16598291
>end goal is for it be bridge under the water.
Fucking hell I cannot type for shit right now. A little humor to cheer up the OP.
>>16598291
>>16598298
>be bridge under the water.
Deep down, that's all I ever wanted to be!
I get what you mean about the parents stuff and I guess you are right about coming out with the truth one day but should it be now, really? I don't really want to be homeless...
>>16597993
I have some sympathy, OP. I was in a similar position for a long time.
But you have to understand, our lifestyle is not reflective of our brain function. Rather, our brain function is reflective of our lifestyle.
>>16598284
'leaving your current life behind' simply won't work unless you change your habits. You will simply end up exactly as you are right now, in a different location. The road doesn't begin with money, that is a psychological trap we all play on ourselves.
Money and relationships will not save you from your own thoughts. If you want to improve your life, you have to improve yourself. Make a list of the things that most bother you about your circumstances, then work to change them. One at a time.
>>16598317
It's all up to you man. Not telling the truth right now could be the pragmatic thing to do, but it won't be worth a damn if you're doing it out of fear of confrontation.
>>16598329
>If you want to improve your life, you have to improve yourself. Make a list of the things that most bother you about your circumstances, then work to change them. One at a time.
I will try anon. Thank you.
>>16598333
>if you're doing it out of fear of confrontation.
Well, I'm certainly afraid of confrontation but also of possibly getting kicked out. I think that once I'm self-sufficient, I might not fear the confrontation as much. Right now, I'm basically a burden and telling them the truth at this time could just escalate the situation. Once I'm out and tell them the truth, worst they could do is stop caring about me, I guess
