>>16596539
MOVE THE FUCK ON, "NOT TALKING TO THEM" ISNT ABOUT GETTING THEM BACK ITS ABOUT FORGETING ABOUT THEM SO YOU CAN MOVE ON... SHIT MAN

>>16596544
Well I don't think it is so simple... i've usually been in the other side with other girlfriends and they come back after a few weeks not talking to them. It makes them see very weak, and you can do pretty much whatever you want in that position... now the thing is i dont want to look weak, i want her to realize i'm a good shot. Truth is i've never returned with an ex before, and i don't know how it works.

>>16596544
His wish is to get them back, moron. Don't advice on "How do I get over?" It's not what he's asking.

OP, how long since you broke up? How long have you been on no contacr whatsoever?

>>16596582
Haha

23 no contact days so far, she pretty much broke up with me because she needed space (she is a mother and was having a hard time because she was moving from another city and didnt have a place on her own to be with her child), so i havent tried to invade that space she needed.

>>16596600
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, SINGLE MOM? YOU WANT A SINGLE MOM BACK IN YOUR LIFE?

FUCK DUDE...

>>16596582
FUCK YOU ASSHOLE

>>16596570
How much could you really like her if you're worried about appearing weak? Fuck games just tell her or move on.

>>16596634
Yeah, I don't get it.

>>16596634
Well, believe it or not is the girl i've had a better conection of all... i'm 27, many girls have childs at my age, and sometimes relationships dont work... so bam... you have a single mom. Its not like they are whores man...

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It depends on your dynamic with the girl, if there is a concrete one. Even if it's subtle. Does she look up to you? Was she clingier? Then don't talk to her. If you're the kind of person that responds to a text within the hour, wait for a few days. Don't give her info about your current relationship status without prompting, if she asks then try to divert the conversation if possible. If not, tell her nicely that it's none of her concern (don't be afraid of discouraging her, to a woman it's actually the opposite.) Just show little interest without seeming intentionally cruel. Now, if you were the one chasing her, then drop her a line every now and then. Just be pleasant and don't force anything on her. 'Hey how've you been/ that's great, I'm glad you're doing ok, take care.' If she responds positively to small talk over a few sessions, then you could probably move on to hanging out. If she's rational then she'll refuse because why would anyone put themselves in that situation of being tempted by their ex. But be non-threatening and make it clear that you expect nothing from her. Inevitably when things turn sour in her life she will want to talk with the chill guy that's always willing to lend an ear.
I love helping people with their love lives so I'll answer any situational questions if you want me to.

>>16596640
Relationships of all kinds are based on power, if you are on the weak side you might lose...

What i mean is that i dont want to look desperate

>>16596655
Well the longer you wait the more likely she'll find someone else.

>>16596658
She's a single mother, she doesn't really make decisions that last.

First serious responder here.

First of all, keep at the no contact until you no longer feel like you might come across as weak. Idealy, when you want your ex back, it should be a can take it or leave it situation for you. You should communicate a calm, confident and outcome-independant radiance, as with all women of interest. The best way to get there, is to make sure you focus on your personal growth. Stay/get fit, excell in your vocation and hobbies, in general just become a more interesting person. Perhaps pick up some pointers on how to build attraction with women, if you can do it with anyone, you can do it with her. Most importantly, be patient. Don't rush your development. After all, she's moving away, so naturally there's going to be less contact. If you can see yourself in a couple of months returning to her life, it should be as a man who can look back at this time as the beginning of gaining more control over your life. Start to create something larger and more important than what you are concerned about atm. No contact is good advice, but for men in their prime it shouldn't even matter.

When and if you do decide to reach out to her, do it with her own interests in mind. The anon above got good advice. Don't contact her because you want something from her. Instead, provide value in her life. Be a good man, not a nice guy.

>>16596653
>>16596675

Thank you both anons. I've been planning on reaching out to her tomorrow and on new year, just sending good wishes and getting into a small talk, just to let her know i still care about her in a good way. My hopes are that in january as she definetly moves to this city, and is fully settled, she will try to reach me. Our relation was pretty intense and for both of us was too easy to be with another; we had great comunication and really good relationships with the families of each other (the first time for both of us thay ansignificant other gets along so well with the family), so i think at some point she should start rethinking things... unless all she told me was a lie and she broke up with me because of something else haha. Thanks for the adive guys.

>>16596544
>>16596634

This anon might be a douchebag but he is kinda right

single moms are ambulant red flags, get the fuck out while you can

also op is a next level beta, if she notices that you are craving to get her back she will have you by the balls, you will literally be her dog.

>>16596722
The caps lock anon is right insofar as his limiting views are putting up boundries that prevent him and people like you from meeting wonderful people with troublesome pasts.

It's like you believe that people can't change, when life offers nothing but opportunity to choose different in the future than we've done so far in life. I'm speaking from experience. I met an awesome woman earlier this year. Amazing chemistry, big heart and solemnly devoted against cheating. She has been cheated on by the father of her second child (confirmed asshole), left for dead by the coward that made her pregnant first time around, and abandoned by her dad. The reason she stopped dating me was because I don't believe in monogamy. If I did, I would choose her over every other woman I've been with, and it's a credit to her that she dumped me since I couldn't be faithful, and went and saw my ex. Not because I agree with her reasons, but because she did what was right for her. Single moms are just people like everyone else, and you should grow up and realise that when your around 30, they're going to be abundant. Love doesn't come in a Disney-shaped chocolate box.

Not OP but figured I'd piggyback on this thread since I'm in a very similar situation, and I have been listening to a lot of this advice like here >>16596653

My ex and I were together for 2 years and broke up a few months ago now. She is younger than me and always looked up to me, but broke up due to long distance (for 1 year already and will be 1 more or so).

So, I've been trying to well, win her back...

For a month I was completely heart broken and didn't message her or anything, after she was cold to my initial messages.
After some time, I finally message her, and tell her I still care about her. We talk for a little while, and she ends up saying goodbye.

A few more weeks go by and nothing happens so I finally decided to move on and delete her everywhere. Well, she noticed this, and she added me back soon after, crying to me, saying she needed to talk things out with me.

Another few weeks go by and end up having a very long, really good conversation, on video, for like 5 hours. Say how we both still love each other but it just isn't right right now.

Few weeks since then...would start with her just snapping me a pic every now and then, but these past few days she has been IMing me almost every day and even started sending me nudes again! This is after I thought I'd never hear from her ever again...

And now, just the other day, she cried to me saying I understand her like no one else, that she needs me to talk to.

I understand I'm just being a friend to her right now. And I'm fine with that. I feel happy now anyways and no longer heartbroken. I do understand not to expect anything and that she may disappear at any time.

I just find it interesting she broke down to me like that and started sending me nudes again. Blah though. I think I should just take it slow, keep letting her message me, etc.

>>16596773

>implying that over a year is enough time to deeply know a person

You sound really wise anon, pls, guide this poor pleb right here with all your knowledge

>>16596812
Are you being sarcastic? Which poster are you?

>>16596803
Sounds like you're being used to be honest.

You need to ask her straight if she wants to be with you. Accept nothing but a yes or no answer. If she says no, cut her out entirely and move on.

>>16596848
Er well, no, I don't know, I don't want to think I'm being used, but I know it might sound like that from a summary. The girl has always had zero to few friends, has no father, and has suffered from depression. We ARE long distance and it HAS been hard. And I can tell she has genuinely been hurting over our break up (tumblr posts etc. give it away along with the way I've seen her cry...)

So, is she using me? Depends on your definition. She was 100% honest with me though - I already did ask her, or we talked about getting back together. She said that one day she'll feel differently but that she can't right now. Which is why I said I expect nothing.

Thing is, I think I'm okay just being there for her. As I said, she's been depressed. I started dating her a little before she even turned 18 so I almost feel responsible for her feelings in a fatherly way (I'm 10 years older)

I guess idk what I'm even asking about. I feel finally though as if I truly am ready to take her or leave her, ready for her to disappear or confess her love... Ideally would like to push her back to me, but I'm really okay with anything right now. As I said, I feel so much better now with her having told me how she'll always care about me, then a few weeks ago when I thought she had hated me and our past relationship...

>>16596848
I'm>>16596773 and I disagree.

He can't be 'used' as long as he's in control. The only thing he needs to realise is that he's already done a lot of excellent choices. It's no surprise to me at all that she calls him up and breaks down. As long as there's no violence (and to some extent in some relationships cheating) involved, there's no reason to believe that getting an ex back is impossible. People ofter argue that since the relationship broke, that is in and of itself proof that you won't get her back. Those people forget that a lot of people live in miserable relationships for decades, whereas some beautiful and mutually affectionate relationships fall apart prematurely because the people involved don't know how to deal with life.

To understand relationships, first you need to come to terms with the fact that they will always involve some degree of manipulation. That's not a bad thing - people love being seduced! Buying your wife flowers to make her happy is manipulative, I'm not talking abusive manipulation here. So, what did you do right? You started to let go of the past. Your ex says that you know her better than anyone, so you are in a position to either provide or take away something that matters to her. She might say goodbye to you after a talk about the relationship, but as soon as she realises that she's missing something, she'll reach out, and the response she gets will determine whether she'll just want emotional support or end up sleeping with you again.

That's the key, it's up to you. You can always make her want more, but not if you try and give it all at once - she'll notice your neediness real fast. Always be outcome-independant, and leave her wanting more. Build tension, and then provide a release of that tension when you're with her again. She will melt in your arms if you do it right.

>>16596877
Thank you for that
Ahhh well, yeah...definitely going to remember and consider what you said here.

I agree that a breakup doesn't exclusively mean it can't or shouldn't ever work out.
And yes. She was being very clear and real to me when she was saying she has no one, and that "when she sees me or talks to me she can finally open up".

I almost feel I've already been indulging her too much, basically responding straight away when she messages me, and being there for her, but I think that was necessary so far to start to rebuild value for her.

Yesterday for the first time since we broke up, at the end of the convo she said "Talk to you tomorrow :)", showing she wants to keep this going. (Of course she hasn't messaged me yet today but we'll see, she likely will later or tomorrow or w/e)...I was just invited to a basketball game with my father later though, so I will not be available for her tonight if she wants... I was upset at first lol but this is a huge detriment to my personality; I can NOT get fucking upset because I may be too busy to see my ex one night. So I'm going to the game, and will have her wait for another day to talk with me, if she wanted to talk more tonight.

Then, yeah..idk..I'm just going to go slow, casual, and see if anything rebuilds, I suppose. Going to try to not overthink it. Wish me luck, thanks again...

>>16596877
>>16596867
I do have a question, though. Do you want to be exclusive with this girl?

You are broken up, already, so it's not like you'll be cheating on her if you start seeing other women. Also, she's going to be gone for another year, so why out yourself in a position not being able to sleep with other women, if you happen to meet someone (I'm assuming you're the monogamous type.) Also, she's 18. She should be exploring her sexuality. Be a better man and let her. You can work on getting her back when you're both in the same area again. I'm not suggesting no contact for you, because you state that you can actually take it or leave it, but don't be there every single time she wants support in something petty. My biggest regret in both my five year long faithful relationships is that I was always too available for my own good. Women love a bit of mystery, and nothing makes them run in the opposite direction as neediness.

>>16596904
Great, go to the game. My rule of thumb is that if there isn't a chance I'm not going to see her tonight (I'm occasionally fucking my ex), I don't respond as long as I'm with other people (or if it gets in the way of me doing what I'm doing then and there.)

Also, if the conversation gets stale, cut it short - with a believable excuse that make you seem like a busy person who knows what he's doing in life, and how to enjoy it. Always make her look forward to next time, though. Be happy and pleasant, and remember things that are important to her.

>>16596908
Gotcha, thanks, that is great advice and kind of what I rambled about in my last post here >>16596904

I'm actually kind of looking forward to not being there for her tonight, just to see if attitudes change the next few days, but yeah, I'm interested but feel confidently shielded.

Answer to your question, blah, yes I suppose I want to be exclusive, if she really wanted that too. Call me a sucker or whatever. Building a relationship like the one I have with her is more meaningful to me than sex and dating.

But that is only if we build up to what we once had. I actually told her the other day that I have a date coming up with a girl. She got jealous and upset!! And I reminded her that SHE wants to be friends and talk about this stuff; she started smiling when she realized her hypocrisy and started teasing me about my date. It was nice.

But yea the main thing is, you're right, she is 18. I 100% agree she needs to explore. She probably does need time without me and I should totally give it to her, so if anything, she gets that out of the way. In fact this was a major thing causing me to want to end it a while ago.

Honestly, that is the main issue...it truly does make me want to give her ... time. Blah, i forget this sometimes.
Tbqh I think I'll keep it up, I think it's important I told her I'm going on dates, and she told me she would still want to be my friend if she dates, although she has zero self confidence and thinks she'll never find anyone else, or so she tells me.

>>16596544
fucking this.

she's your ex for a reason, son, have some fucking self respect and find yourself another bitch.

>>16596926
Totally good call. Sometimes i'll respond to her IM when I'm with friends/family and it fucks my time up with them for a little while ha, get distracted... I need to just start waiting certain times, mostly because of this. Gotta live life in the present with the people around me.

Also, good tips. When the convos sometims dull, I definitely do sorta say 'well ah gotta go to a meeting' or 'meeting friends for dinner' etc. not just 'gna go play vidya' ha...

Thing I have to be best aware about is 'remember things important to her'. Sometimes I get wrapped up in my own feelings but when I get grounded and remember her emotions I start to play into them, hopefully it is working.

>>16596943
You seem like a good man, anon. Family ITT.

The haters up in here, with their bitches and calling us faggots, just aren't ready to appreciate the inherent oscillation that affects all relationships. Compliments on you willingness to let her be herself as long as she's not committed to you. She will appreciate your patience, even as you'll appreciate hers. If and whenever it happens, and you both decide that you want each other in this life, it is something you're doing together - but right now what you're doing, you do for yourself. I'm talking about how you look forward to not being available to her during the game tonight. This kind of mentality will be good for the both of you. Endure the sorrows that might fall on your shoulders, should she find someone else, but know that you can always keep at doing what's right for the connection you got with her, and remember that it's never too late.

(I went no contact for ten months with the ex I'm sleeping with atm, and in the meanwhile she had another boyfriend. We had contact twice, out of necessity during summer, and in those moments I planted seeds that made her come to me as soon as she broke up with him. I stayed strong and showed her my true value, even though I was heartbroken. And boy, was it worth it!)

>ITT: Cucks fraternization

>>16597045
muh principles, muh morality, muh angry pride

>>16597023
Thanks a lot, again, that was really good for me to read.
Yep, definitely just trying to be patient and understanding now and not expect anything. And yep, will keep in mind that she may end up with someone else one day. I almost want her to, to get that experience and get it over with, although of course who knows how thatll turn out.

Youre right though, thanks. Will just do whats right for our current relationship. Will be that positive guy in her life in case anything happens. Im just goin to play cool otherwise, not rly message her first unless for something big, and just relax.

did this many times and had it work every time. as stated before, the point of no contact is to get over her, not to get her back, but it also brings her back.

just cut all contact, everything, and move on. she 99% will contact you eventually. it depends on if she finds someone new, but usually she contacts you within 90 days. it's usually right after the honey moon phase wears off and she realizes the dude isn't that great. i've had this work on countless ex's and my one ex in particular has came back around 10 times already.

now here's where i'm gonna say just move on completely. there's a less than 1% chance it will workout between you and her. the only reason i keep doing shit with my ex is that i love the sex with her and i love her.

>>16596722
A single mom may have been a red flag 50 years ago but today most children are born to single parents. There are so many particular circumstances for each situation that it's absolutely ridiculous to speculate every single mother is trouble. Especially in a society where people are choosing career over families, people are marrying/settling down at a much later age, and casual sex/dating apps are the norm. For every single mom there is a man that abandoned a child. Yet everyone wants to attack and criticize the mother that owned up to their responsibility and struggle to raise a child on their own. Sure there are some awful single moms but there are just as many awful married mothers. And the married mothers have so much more support. Stop attacking someone who already knows and lives with their mistakes. They deserve respect not criticizism from people who have no idea what they are talking about on top of everything they are already dealing with. If you don't want to personally date then fine but grow up.

OP if you want her back you're only real option is to reach out to her. Exes are usually exes for a reason but if you both are willing to give it another shot maybe learning from the mistakes that led to the break up in the first place can be excellent building blocks for a better relationship. That's all if she wants you back. Be prepared for her to not want to try again or even not respond. Just be patient and respectful. Good luck!

>>16597083
Hah, so you tell people to move on, yet say how you still do shit with your ex not only for the sex but for the emotions as well.

Kind of a contradictory post, but regardless, thank you for the insight.

>>16597135
I gave you the advice you were asking for (getting her back), but I also feel obligated to warn you that things probably won't end up the way you want them to (staying with her for good). You'll end up back together and after about a month or two you'll start going through the same problems that you guys went through in the first place to break up.

The only way you'll realize that it won't workout is if you go through getting back with her and learning the lesson first hand. I've been through my ex's games countless times and I can handle her leaving in a day's notice after we get back "together", can you?

Another piece of advice I can give you is start alpha, stay alpha. Just know when it's over and to let her go.

>>16597204
Okay, that's cool, I got you.

Yep though...I'm definitely going into this knowing how it could turn out. Able to brace myself for the outcomes.