How should I handle this? My ex is an extremely manipulative and calculating person. Things ended on extremely bad terms due to him being an asshole. I haven't spoken to him in about 3 years. Out of nowhere he posts on my facebook (we are not friends on there and have had absolutely no contact through social media). My rational thoughts are telling me to just delete his post. My possibly overthinking thoughts are that somehow my deleting his post will give him satisfaction because he knows I acknowledged him in some way. And he is weird and calculating like that. I want to never give him any sense of satisfaction. What should I do?
he sounds like me, so what would piss me off the most is if you completely ignore it
>>16595994
Sounds like a good way to go about it.
You are your own problem. Why should you care if he feels satisfaction from your deletion of the post or not? He is not a part of your life and his satisfaction or lack thereof should have no bearing on your own feelings. You are expending energy by maintaining a grudge and hatred against him, which is even evident in the your OP. You need to learn to let go of your hatred or it will continue to be what controls your thoughts and actions.
>>16596009
You have a very good point.
>>16596009
Oh if only I could follow that advice.
>>16596027
Try to explain what is preventing you from doing so. It might help.
>>16596027
It's definitely hard, especially when it comes to someone who inflicted so much emotional pain on me.
>>16596036
Not OP, but it's my own insecurities. I don't hate my ex. I hate what the whole situation represents. It represents rejection, failure, not being "good" enough. I hate not measuring up. So I'm working on developing myself beyond what I was when I was with her. But these things take time. And in the meantime, any interaction with her is a reminder of my shortcomings. I prefer to distance myself from her. It might seem like I hate her, and in a lot of ways I do resent her for the way things ended up between us, but it's more the situation. I guess.
>>16596053
>I don't hate my ex.
See, that's what I'm talking about. That right there shows that you are strong enough to move on, even to some small degree. Admitting that the anger stems from your own worries and frustrations helps you identify problems that you CAN fix. OP may never be able to change her ex's behavior, but OP can definitely work on the things that their past relationship represents to them.
>>16596068
OP here. It basically represent a very weak version of myself that didn't have a spine, and when I grew one, it was shattered by him. His out of nowhere post has caused me a lot of anxiety, and I'm angry that he still effects me so much.
>>16596081
It sounds to me like your reliance on him is what bothers you the most. By "having a spine", you mean you were too passive, right? And once you stood up for yourself, he didn't like that and shut you down. Ask yourself if you really want to be the person you were before you dated him, keeping in mind that that person is also the one that dated him in the first place. If the answer is no, then be thankful that the experience helped you grow and to look forward to exercising your new knowledge as you pursue new goals and relationships.
>>16596081
Don't be angry that it affects you so much. How you feel is how you feel, and you shouldn't be ashamed about it. You don't have to subject yourself to his presence, but you shouldn't push those feelings down or ignore them.
This isn't about him. If you feel the need to block him on Facebook, or ignore him, or whatever it is you need to do, do it for you. Don't worry about how it will look to him, don't even think about how anything you do will affect him. He is inconsequential. If I've learnt anything, it's that you need to look out for numero uno. You're the only one who will, 100%.
>>16596113
Yeah I was very passive. Luckily I feel like I have learned from the experience and have become a much more assertive person that is able to stand up for myself and express when I don't feel good about something. I think what scares me is there is a part of me that seeks some form of approval from him in some way. If we did speak I might end up letting him back in to a degree, and I really don't want that.
>>16596140
Then don't speak to him.
>>16596136
Indeed. Well said.
>>16596081
what did he say?
>>16596144
Yeah.
>>16595988
Only way to win is by not playing.
Any reaction whatsoever to him directly will just give him satisfaction and the urge to continue.
An acceptable move would be to ignore him directly but publicly mention his post to someone else in a way that belittles him.
An easier move would just be to ignore him 100%.
>>16596150
Just a trolling comment saying "Trump" on a post of mine. It's just weird to me as well that this would be his first contact to me. It's weirdly casual and irritating at the same time.
Well, I just deleted it.
>>16596281
At least you made someone you once cared about happy one last time.
>>16596326
I let go of that. It made me happy to get rid of it.
>>16596281
Remember to block him.
>>16596771
I might. If he suddenly keeps posting or anything I definitely will.
>>16596956
Why are women so stupid
