I'm married and now both sides of my family are teasing me about when Im going to have kids. My brother is probably not going to have any (super socially awkward, never dated) and so I'm my mom's last chance for grandbabies.
Meanwhile my husband's family sees kids as the norm. His parents planned for four and had four (+many miscarriages to get there). His siblings also all have kids.
Disappointing my entire family is a given, but who cares?
Well, my husband kind of does too. He wants kids but he's somewhat of a manchild himself (a loveable one nonetheless, but he has no self-discipline and takes life on the easiest route possible to get by).
Should I just bluntly start telling everyone that it's not happening?
I feel like there are already plenty of people on earth and dont see any pervasive reason why my genes are necessary other than to appease others. I volunteer coaching speech and debate and already "adopt" children by donating to charity.
Did you ever both discuss it together before getting married?
>>16594914
This, holy shit.
>>16594914
Somewhat. Wed joke around about having kids and what wed name them. But weve never had a serious do we plan on having kids talk.
>>16594921
>Disappointing my entire family is a given, but who cares?
...Your husband could leave you for something as serious as that, it sounds like he married a kid.
OP. It's ok if your parents want you to have kids and you don't, but you should have seriously discussed this with your partner. I guess you can start talking to him about it now.
>>16594914
This.
>>16594928
He proposed to me. We're 26 for reference. I guess I shouldve given him a disclaimer before I said yes. Is the only purpose of marriage to have kids? We chose to get married because we really care about one another and intend to spend our lives together.
Unless you want your kids to learn your man-child's shitty behavior then I'd recommend you just say no. If it were me and I was a woman I'd just do what I would now as a man, ignore it until it became a problem then let them shit themselves over it and end things because by then you'll just be tired of them as a person anyway.
Yknow what? Go to the mall tomorrow and get in line to see Santa, then use that as an analogy for the rest of your child rearing life, you will know your answer then.
>>16594943
Yeah I figured so too. My husband is pretty laid back lifestyle-wise so I dont think it's a deal breaker to him but it could cause strain when we get older and bored-er in life.
>>16594946
You really need to talk to him about this.
Not having children is OK, getting married before telling your partner is not.
>>16594957
Your concerns are real. There is always a chance of children causing strain on a relationship.
Talk to him soon. Then have children if it feels right.
>>16594921
>But weve never had a serious do we plan on having kids talk.
I smell a divorce.
>>16594962
Allow me to clarify-having kids was not really a concern to me until I got married. I never really thought about the reality of it as school/career has always been my priority up to this point in life. Starting a family just seems like something that is taken for granted.
>>16594986
Thanks for the clarification OP, but I don't give a shit; you husband might though.
>>16594968
I appreciate your words of encouragement (x
>>16594946
>Is the only purpose of marriage to have kids?
No, it is not. If you marry someone for the sole purpose of having children it will likely end in divorce, or lead to an unhappy/unfilled marriage.
Only you know Op, and if your spouse is still irresponsible and has no immediate goals for the future then having children would become an immense burden for you both. Actually having children at this point could ruin your relationship, because the child would force him to change ie. leading to resentment, or he would not change in which case you would be raising the child along with your man-child spouse.
Children deserve to have two involved parents who are responsible and stable. Only you know the answer to this, so get off 4-chan and discuss the future with your spouse.
>>16594910
You didn't think to bring this up before marrying him? Have you even asked his thoughts?
>>16594910
lets see, one person doesn't want to have kids, the other is a manchild. childadults should NEVER have kids before growing up. make sure you don't give in unless that happens. and if so only if it's right of course. just had to throw that out there
what to do about the situation: talk it through with your husband, make sure he understands and is ready for you to break the news. no sense in lying or putting the question off, hopes only grow with time
