I want to have sex, but I feel very guilty about that. I grew up in a very conservative church and was taught that even finding a man sexually attractive before marriage was like cheating on your future husband. Does anyone have any experience with over coming feelings like this or how to overcome the guilt so you can enjoy sex?
>>16594696
It would be better for you not to slut-out. How old are you OP?
>>16594701
18, I'll be 19 next month. I feel like I'm really behind my college friends. Plus, the few guys I've gone out on dates with have gotten weird about it when my being a virgin came up. I just held a guys hand for the first time three weeks ago.
This is a quite unhealthy method but probably the easiest. You need to antagonize whoever taught you those things. For example, if they are religious techings, you read up on all the evil shit the church has done though ages to the point where you actively despise them and feel they opressed you, and then you'll want to fuck just to spite them.
I hear this method has been very successful on Tumblr.
>>16594696
Pic related because I'm starting to think I'm going to have to get plastered to ever have sex.
>>16594696
Harlot!
>>16594722
I'd rather go the healthy route. Plus the church I went to was just a small non-denominational Christian church. They don't really have a history of doing bad things.
Op, there is nothing wrong with finding someone attractive, ever. Religion likes to keep people under its thumb to control them, understand this, they want to control you, don't let them. Think logically about what is going on and how you should ACTUALLY feel. That being said, don't go over board on sex, everything in moderation
>>16594701
I also don't understand why finding out I'm a virgin makes guys start trying really hard to sleep with me.
>>16594738
So you basically want to start sleeping around?
>>16594744
I don't want to go overboard. I'd honestly be rally happy just to be able to kiss someone without feeling like a slut.
>>16594751
Because scoring a virgin is a big thing, you get to tell your mates and they pat your back and hoot as you tell them how she squirmed in pain like a pig because your dick is so big.
>>16594744
Oh hush. Don't encourage this on CHRISTmas. OP needs to repent and get rid of her dirty lustful thoughts.
>>16594760
I feel like that's really weird. Why does that appeal to anyone?
>>16594751
partly because virgins are guaranteed not to be dirty sluts(yet)
>>16594738
Well the non easy way is a few years of therapy and understanding that religious teaching were coined in a world where birth control didn't exist.
Indoctrination goes deep into our subcoscious and conditions us, even if you understand completely that you shouldn't feel ashamed currently you probably will be, to change that without comlpetely rejecting the reality it proposes is a hard process.
>>16594757
Again, understand the dogma and know that being a young person with desire is not wrong. Control through guilt is what seems to be the case here, but know they have NO right to tell you how to feel.
>>16594713
Please stop. You're 18. There is NO reason for you to be having sex. Please get over yourself, you have no idea how young you are.
>>16594774
Get a load of this prude. Nothing wrong with sex as long as people do it responsibly.
>>16594765
It appeals to men, because in a way, with taking your virginity they
>install themselves forever as a part of your life (usually you always remember your first time)
>take something unique, which make them unique too, because they managed to beat other guys and fuck you first
That's why they were mild to you before and jumped from 0 to 100 when you told them about being a virgin; virginity had the value there, not you
>>16594774
>>16594780
Tell me why an 18 year old girl should be having sex. Then fuck off.
You're far better off focusing on other things and waiting for things to fall in place later OP.
Bait thread.
Girls don't even like sex, that's why they always talk about it like it's the worst thing in the world.
"Men just want sex, ugh".
"sex-crazed pigs"
"Why is everyone obsessed with sex?"
Don't even reply...
>>16594773
With the way I am right now I'm pretty sure I'd just hate myself if I had sex before marriage. I'm worried about having a bad sex life after I get married. I really want to experiment, but I'm afraid any guy who will be okay with abstinence will be a total prude.
>>16594789
Because it's enjoyable.
Now tell me why they shouldn't, or why they can't have a perfectly normal life and also sex.
>>16594696
grew up in a similar situation so I can relate, OP
simple explanation: find someone who's actually worth sinning for
more complicated explanation: do a lot of research into what Jesus actually said about sex versus what Paul interpreted. most of the verses in the new testament about premarital sex are written by Paul, who 1) isn't Jesus and 2) believed sex was just terrible all around but if you HAD to do it and you couldn't abstain for life, at least be married to do it. in addition, look up greek and hebrew translations and mistranslations and see where your thoughts about the definition of "fornication" take you. then look into the consequences of sex before marriage in the old testament (protip: as long as your man has 30 pieces of silver to pay your dad after, you're good!)
>>16594790
I don't think this is always true. I've done it by myself and it feels really good so I imagine the real thing feels even better. That's part of why I want to try it, but I'm conflicted.
>>16594809
My church was big on uses the teachings of Paul so that explains a lot.
>>16594822
if all else fails, remember that Jesus died for all the sins you will ever commit, not just the ones you promised not to do.
I've been with one person, and I'm only going to be with that one person for the rest of my life. I knew when I chose to have sex with him that I was going to be with him the rest of my life anyway.
for people like you and me, who have been raised in the mindset that we have, it takes a LOT of certainty to take the leap like that. just keep that in mind. I wouldn't tell you this if I thought you wanted to go out and just get fucked casually and disrespect yourself like that. find someone who MEANS something to you, not someone just to get it overwith.
>>16594696
I think you should at least wait until you're in a committed relationship OP. Whenever that happens may be a while from now but ultimately it's better to wait then find out just how weird it could get to let someone inside of you that you hardly know.
Male who didn't lose his virginity till 22 btw. No regrets cause I hear the awkward stories I get from others and while I admit I'm fascinated, I feel like I dodged a ton of bullets.
>>16594850
That's what in want, but it's so hard to find. I told an older guy that was how I felt about it and then he started touching me and didn't stop when I told him to. He finally stopped when I said I wanted to go home, but I feel like I should try and stay with him because of what happened. The farthest things got was him sucking on my nipple, but I feel really guilty because even though I said no it felt good.
>>16594859
>I should try and stay with him because of what happened
>I should try and stay with him because he doesn't respect my boundaries
do not do this
My church labelled girls who had premarital sex as "chewed pieces of gum" and "beat up presents." I never had trouble with guilt though... I flat out saw guys as a different species and had no game. After I went to college, I made friends with a guy and we eventually started dating. Because he was good to me and trustworthy, we eventually had sex and it wasnt even that big of a deal. The bottom line is, find a good guy and you will probably be able to enjoy sex because he will respect you and be understanding until youre comfortable with it.
>>16594867
It was weird. He kept saying there wasn't anything to feel guilty about and that he was trying to help me be comfortable. I got molested when I was a kid and I thinker that screwed up my perception of someone not respecting my boundaries.
>>16594872
They called girls that in my church and in school. We had abstinence based sex ed at my high school.
>>16594874
if a guy keeps going when you say no, he's not trying to help you. please get rid of him.
>>16594872
Would you accept a gift that was already opened and used?
>>16594882
It's partly out of obligation because I feel like you're supposed to stay with the first person those things happen with. He apologized after I said I wanted to go home and he took me home without anymore incidence.
>>16594886
Nah girl, you're all kinds of mixed up. The word no should at least mean something to any respectable guy, he was just trying to score some pussy at any cost.
I feel like the church's views on this have only screwed you up more. Absolutely do not stay with this man out of a sense of obligation. Have sex when you're ready with someone you trust explicitly. Trust is the most important aspect here; not number of partners or purity or any of that shit.
>>16594886
that doesn't matter.
if there's no love there, if there's no respect there, the "first xxx" person does not matter. that's not how you live a life of love, and that's not how you keep yourself safe. do NOT say with him.
would God, who loves his children, rather a woman stay with someone who doesn't respect her, and who hurts her? no.
>>16594895
I hope this doesn't sound like I'm making excuses, but it was like when I said I wanted to go home was the first time it got through. He stopped immediately, apologized and took me home. My dad doesn't believe in church and always said prudes couldn't keep a man around because they have needs. Do you, or any guys here think it's possible he just wasn't paying attention until I said I wanted to go home?
>>16594884
Hell yeah, that is free shit nigga
>>16594907
It's possible, that's kind of a situation where more knowledge is required. Mannerisms, body language, his general character, etc. he's still just trying to score, though. I wouldn't bet on him being an accountable figure in your life.
I don't think you should continue this path cause it sounds like you're into it just to catch up with your friends and finally put away the taboo that you feel the church has given you. That shouldn't be the reason. If you love someone and they love you back and you trust them to handle every aspect of your being, then I think you're ready for sex. Dosent have to last forever, just has to be genuine.
That's just the easiest way I've found.
>>16594783
What a crazy idea, it's almost like some guys need validation as much as some women do. But that can't be possible because they're from different planets that exist in different universes entirely independent from each other.
>>16594920
I was thinking about meeting him about somewhere and asking him why he disrespected my boundaries before making a decision. He also got really confused after I said I wanted to go home and said he wasn't going to try and have sex with me that night. He apologized while taking me home and said he hoped he hadn't upset me. Again, not making excuses, but I don't know what to make of that because it was only the second date I'd ever been on in my life.
>>16594696
>finding a man sexually attractive before marriage is cheating on your future husband
So if you find your husband sexually attractive before you get married, you're cheating on him with himself?
>>16594951
I'd honestly never thought about it like that. The way you phrased that just made it seem like the most ridiculous logic. I'm also conflicted about this stuff because one of my friends had sex with two guys before she met her husband and he gives her shit for it sometimes. I don't want my past sex life causing a fissure in my marriage.
>>16594895
No that's painting people as black and white. What I've learned is girls are taught that if they say no it should mean stop, and if stop doesn't happen then you're being violated. Because we live in a society with language and laws, we want to believe it's that cut and dry.
But I've been online long enough to see both perspectives. Guys are told they aren't men if they don't keep pushing for what they want. I don't think it's one gender lying to the other, I think it's just people getting mixed signals and trying to make sense of them.
A girl says "no" four times, the guy keeps going but slowly. The girl takes it as a sign he isn't going to stop, the guy takes it as a sign she's actually agreeing this time and would otherwise keep saying no.
Both aren't really communicating with each other. They're making assumptions about the other's actual intentions.
>>16594958
Any guy worth his salt isn't gonna care about that stuff unless the girl in question behaves differently as a result of her sexual behavior. Like, if she slept around and then when she finally ends up in a committed relationship she acts as if his dick is disposable to her, that's a problem. Otherwise it shouldn't matter
>>16595000
She never acted like he was anything less than the guy that meant most to her in the world.
>>16594951
the one part of sense i can make out of this is from being in a relationship for a good 4 years, thinking we're going to be together forever, then it ended. wish i didn't bother sleeping with her until we were ready for marriage but that's me. decide what is right for you OP
>>16594958
Any guy worth his salt isn't gonna care about that stuff unless the girl in question behaves differently as a result of her sexual behavior. Like, if she slept around and then when she finally ends up in a committed relationship she acts >>16595006
Well then that guy is a douche and shouldn't reflect upon your own choices ha
>>16594850
>I've been with one person, and I'm only going to be with that one person for the rest of my life. I knew when I chose to have sex with him that I was going to be with him the rest of my life anyway.
Most people think that, and quite a few of them are wrong, I know I was. You may be right, and that's great if you are, but people can't see the future. Even if you're convinced that a person is "the one", sometimes it just doesn't work out, for a many possible reasons.
>>16595012
Something similar happened to me (ltr I thought would last forever but didn't), but I don't regret having sex with him. Sex is an important part of relationships. Maybe for some people it works, but I think waiting until marriage can either cause you to get married to quickly just so you can get to the sex, or if you wait years, might create a weird sexual dynamic between you.
>>16595031
One of my friends brothers got married very early, I think mostly to have sex and his marriage is a nightmare. His wife has cheated on him three times and they have only been married for three years.
>A relationship without sex
That's called being close friends.
>>16594696
I guess a better question would be how many guys would care about the number of guys your potential wife had sex with before she met?
>>16595086
Depends on how slutty the number is for their age.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpQqH4H_SUQ
>>16595058
So you're not officially in a relationship until you have sex? Only sex specifically or any sexual acts? If a couple knew each other for an hour, and spent 5 seconds having sex, how much of a relationship do they have? And is it a measurable difference from a couple who has been together 4 years and hasn't had sex?
If you can answer all of that it'd be great, if not I'm not sure why you think it's that simple.
>>16595122
You're missing the point of the post.
The point is that a relationship has a sexual component (and is basically a compromise for monogamy between two parts in most relationships) and an emotional component, and if you wait years only to realize the sexual chemistry is bad later, you fucked up. A completely non sexual relationship is called "Platonic".
>>16594696
You have to realize that extremist religions are a thing of the past. A God claimed benevolent would not punish someone for doing a biological action. The God they paint in their cacophony is a tyrant if biological impulses are to be punished.
Why would a god create the human race and punish one of their core aspects? And don't give me that load of crap "Well, it was Lucifer that gave humans free will and a sex drive was part of the deal..."
If that's the case, I'll buy Satan a beer and shake his hand for giving me a sex drive before I bow to a tyrant God.
Be cautious though. Ease into the sex life. I've seen many religious friends throw their entire lives away once they broke free from that bastard Church's clutches.
>>16594696
I think the simple answer is; if you want to, then do it, but some of these guys are right (some of them) you dont NEED to in order to gain some sort of social status or some shit, and as far as guys acting weird when they find out youre a virgin, i dont understand, but to each their own.
In short, if you want something, go and chase it, youre only young, and sex isnt everything, trust me, but if you want it, then who are these people to judge?
>>16594696
you let your church fuck you up in the head
>>16594738
Theism and Atheism are illogical
Think of it like flipping a coin, heads means god is real, tales means he's not. Which side will the coin land on?
I don't know - Agnostic
>>16594803
stds
injury
pregnancy
lack of emotional/mental preparedness
likelihood of naively ending up with a bad person
moral degeneracy
pleasure isn't a reason to do something... I don't think there is shame in being attracted to people, but waiting for the right person is important, not just jumping on the first dick that flops in front of you
>>16595958
i bet you think that's a smart analogy
>>16594696
Start with animals, they can't share the shame ;)
