Divorce
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
My wife and I have been talking about a divorce because she doesn't feel loved or wanted. We have been together for over five years and we have a three year old daughter together. We have came from being homeless, sleeping in vacant houses to lower - middle class. I am perfectly content with not having sex with her but she feels as if she needs it. I would have sex with her if she didn't repulse me every time I think about it. We live in a small house near her family and if we divorce, I would have to move to Florida with mine. I also have three petty warrants keeping me from getting my license back and I would hate to not be able to get around after we split. I feel stuck but I'm very comfortable at the same time. I need help. I need advice.
>>16593511
Gross. This is why poor people shouldn't be allowed to get married or have kids. Only the upper class should be afforded this privilege.
>>16593511
>I would have sex with her if she didn't repulse me every time I think about i
That's probably something you REALLY need to address...
Well help me
> I would have sex with her if she didn't repulse me every time I think about it
Kek
So I'm guessing she got fat, right? Just tell her to lose weight since you don't feel as attractived since the weight again
We talked about it yesterday, she is trying but she loves to eat cheese and Raman noodles all day so....
Do you want sex at all? Maybe she could go elsewhere if she would want. What would you care? Why does she repulse you? She didn't at first I would assume.
>>16593588
>a marriage is going to die and a child will get raised by a single parent because two people are too fucking lazy and awkward to directly make an effort to save their marriage
Holy fuck boys, you can't make this shit up.
>>16593511
>she doesn't feel loved or wanted
>I am perfectly content
>she repulses me
Those all sound like the same problem. You aren't happy, you just don't want to change. She isn't happy and wants to change it.
>>16593595
>Cheese and Ramen ruined that child's life
>>16593616
Kek'd out loud
>>16593588
Is the poor diet new? If not, how did you not realize her getting huge and disgusting would eventually happen
>>16593628
A dollar says OP was too awkward to ever say anything about his wife's bad diet that's probably been bad since after their child was born. She's probably one of those girls that never makes the effort to look better after popping out a kid, and OP probably decided jerking off on /gif/ was better than taking the risk to say something potentially hurtful to his now unattractive wife.
Maybe try cooking the meals, OP? That way she'll be too full to stuff herself with cheese and Ramen
I've been trying. I started making salads everyday and working on my own appearance, I bought a fitbit and I suggested we start jogging together and working out together but she isn't having any of that
In working on myself I thought she would catch the hint without me out and out saying your too fat
>>16593650
>Keep her from stuffing herself by stuffing her
>She gets used to feeling that full then starts eating cheese and Ramen to top herself off
>Gets even fatter
You're a fucking genius.
>>16593665
What's her excuse? Tell her since you've been working to improve yourself, she should make the same effort. Think about the kids, etc.
>>16593668
>I thought she would catch the hint
Just fucking talk to her you retard
>>16593511
>I would have sex with her if she didn't repulse me every time I think about it
lmaooooooooooooooo
but seriously though you wife is ugly as shit. i do't blame you for feeling that way.
fucking drop her and get with someone better.
>>16593682
>just drop her
>just end a marriage
>just end a marriage that's produced a kid
No offense, but are you a nigger?
I will continue to talk to her about it and try and make this work for the sake of this is MY best option. Thanks for the advice
>>16593511
fuck mate.
Well the cat's out of the bag with divorce being muttered. You need to sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel.
I was in the same position with my last ex. I started getting /fit/ while she stayed high and kept getting fatter. I talked to her about it, over and over. Even shame wouldn't stop her.
So I cheated on her and left. I don't really feel ashamed anymore desu, if you're going to let yourself go out of complacency and honestly think it's okay to put your significant other through that, you deserve a rude awakening.
>>16593687
>staying in a loveless marriage being miserable
>implying that it would be better for the child to have their parents loathing each other
Please no.
>>16593511
you could get a better looking wife by the way you look OP. what made you think a women who can't even make the effort of not eating like a fucking pig was the one, OP? for crying out loud man you know, fat people look disgusting.
>>16593708
>implying that OP and wife have meaningfully put any work in saving the marriage yet
>implying that OP's wife knows half as much as we do at this point about how OP actually feels
Again are you nig?
I know guys. She's also the meanest person I've ever met. She'll give random people the dirtiest looks and it embassases me. I am the type that smiles and ask how are you doing to everybody. She puts me down all the time and makes me question what am I even doing to myself. But I always think, it could be worse
>>16593727
What's kept you two together before she got fat.
>>16593727
She didn't just suddenly become that way out of nowhere. Why did you marry this person if she's so awful?
to everyone that's saying it's better if they stay together for the sake of the child, it's not always the best solution, having married parents who fight and hate each other is much worse than having divorced parents who don't hate each other as much
I've lost a shit load of weight but I don't think nagging would of worked, I wanted to but from a partner I'm not sure. She doesn't look bad but if she was a stick before I guess I could see that.
>>16593727
>But I always think, it could be worse
Fuck off with that thinking. It could also be way better if you weren't with that fat bitch.
I was alone and I am codependent. Before her I was also in a long-term relationship. She wasn't always like that or I didn't see it. The reason its lasted so long is because we don't cheat on each other and I'm not violent towards her. I never gave her a reason to want a divorce beside the fact that we don't get along all the time and I won't fuck her.
>>16593740
Neither is better or worse, they're both destructive. Parents who can't raise a child together aren't going to help anymore by raising them apart. Either way the kid feels torn in two.
>>16593745
Dude here, and I'll tell you that she is literally unfuckable to me.
>>16593748
My parents got divorced when I was a kid and I never minded that they got divorced, I never minded that I had to switch between homes and all that stuff. In my case it was a lot better my parents got divorced because when they were together they fought a lot and hated each other but when they got divorced they learned how to be friends and never fought again. And they raised me just fine even though they were apart. I'm pretty sure my childhood would've been worse if they stayed together.
So again I say that divorces are sometimes best for the kid.
>>16593747
I almost feel sorry for you. So do you fuck hookers on the side?
Just be straight with her.
Tell her that you love her and want to keep going but that she is a fat pig and you are repulsed by her appearance. Shock her into realizing that she is fat. Then offer support to get fit together and reward her efforts with affection and sex. If she throws a sissy fit just end the discussion immediately and leave, return next day once she has calmed down and offer the solution again at least as a tryout.
She will get full custody and child support - guaranteed if the kid is still tiny.
You will be thrown in prison if you fail to make as much money as the court thinks you CAN make.
The child will be raised into a ghetto stereotype without you.
Just start sleeping around, and put money aside for a lawyer for later - don't tell your wife this money ever existed. Don't even let her know money is disappearing. If she sleeps around too then that's when you file for divorce - be ready to contest paternity if she's got a new baby on the way. The later you file for divorce, the better.
If people see a little girl, they will see you as literally Adolf Hitler and act accordingly. It doesn't matter how much good you have done, or how much bad she has done. Fathers are automatically guilty and mothers are automatically innocent. So stall it as long as you can, and enjoy the fact that you're way more attractive than she'll ever be.
We've talked but she always turns it around and makes everything my fault
>>16593790
>>16593790
>We've talked but she always turns it around and makes everything my fault
That's what women do.
It's your fault she stuffs her face, it's your fault she sits on her ass, it's your fault she smells like shit, it's your fault she is rude to everyone all the time, and it's your fault she has no ambition in life.
Finger-pointing is what naturally happens when people are truly incapable of owning their shit.
>>16593787
Scariest thing is, he's not wrong.
>>16593790
Then return it back on her. Grow a spine and tell her off. How can she possibly help raise a child when she is one herself?
>>16593807
This exact scenario is what cost me my last job - boss's wife walked out on him because he was hospitalized and not worth as much money anymore.
The court would hear none of this; they pinned his official income at what it used to be before the recession. Before becoming disabled. Before his clients went flat broke and couldn't pay him anymore. What happens next? He becomes a "deadbeat dad" because nothing short winning the lottery would pay this debt off.
What happens when your employer becomes a deadbeat dad? The court steals your paycheck. Several other people got robbed like this. There is no legal basis for this, but family law doesn't follow any rules. Family law does whatever the fuck it feels like, including sticking children sole-custody into the homes of known molesters.
>>16593687
>>16593717
People like you are why there are so many absolutely awful marriages and so many abused kids.
Fucking hang yourself your worthless cunt
this is coming from someone who had to endure a broken marriage between his parents while growing up
>>16593800
This is literally my problem now too. She's been acting hella strange, inconsiderate etc. So I started feeling awkward and unloved. She claims its me that changed and I'm like lol wut?!
>>16593511
I hear ya OP, but at the same time I'd like to know what your part in all this really is. I get the feeling you aren't telling the whole story here. If you really want accurate advice then out with it.
What's really going on?
I'd go see a lawyer to see how you could minimize the impact and get custody of your kids. Also does she work?
>>16593812
>Then return it back on her.
That's already what OP does. It's her fault that he's codependent and can't get it away. It's his fault she doesn't feel better about herself.
Neither of them feels good about themselves, and if they can point at one person as the source of it, they can believe they have the power to get away from their feelings without having to actually do it.
Saying NO YOU doesn't actually fix problems or get people to work on them.
>>16593823
I am the perfect father. She made me leave my last job because she was making more money then me and since I have warrents, its not safe for me to drive so she would have to take me and pick me up. I fucked up a lot in the beginning of this relationship and that was when we were the closest. And since I've "fixed" myself and I put aside all the dumb shit, I see her in a different light. I don't like her anymore and she does not like me. So I watch my daughter day and night while my wife works and sleeps. We don't spend time together and when we do we bicker
>>16593511
>I would have to move to Florida with mine
Can't keep the house.
>dude.
I have to wake her up in ten minutes. That's another reason she hates me. I am the that wakes her up but I only do it because I think she'll get madder if I don't.
>>16593845
>I am the perfect father
>I needed my wife to support me until I could fix myself
>I changed and stopped liking her
>I did this all on my own because I am good and she is not
why not simply change the nature of the relationship to separated co-parents? Surely you can agree to be friendly and get along better in a platonic relationship than a deeply fractured sexual one?
...in fact, what's the difference at this point? It's already platonic, except she hates you because you keep sexually rejecting her (and so she takes it out on you with her moods)
I do feel as if I'm Better then her, because I put in the effort. To be kind, decent looking, and healthy. I also think that she could be just as well if she tried. I love her because she is my wife and the mother of my daughter. That's it
>>1659388
>>perfect father
>>active warrents
Not warrant, singular. Multiple 'warrents'. You might have a distorted world view that tells you having warrants doesn't reflect on your character in any way, but it does. Just saying. So the wife works, and you.. wake her up?
I have a feeling drugs are a part of this story, am I wrong? Is that your wife btw, cause I'll fuck the hell out of her. We could come to some kind of arrangement.
Hahahaha. I've had these warrents for over three years and since I've been not doing anything illegal, I just have not gotten caught yet. I plan on turning myself in as soon as the time feels right. Drugs aren't an issue. I smoke marijuana but that's really it and so does she.
>>16593926
what the hell are those warrants for?
>>16593926
>I want other people to have immediate consequences but I want to only face mine when it "feels right"
Keep saying you can do no wrong, you might be able to convince yourself you're God.
>>16593845
Why not take the bus to work?
All I ever wanted in life was to be happy and it took me awhile to realize that happiness is always going to be just out of reach. I've heard and welcomed all of your opinions but in the end whatever happens, happens. Thank you all
>>16594691
Wish you the best, OP.
>>16593511
> I would have sex with her if she didn't repulse me every time I think about it.
Tell her if she wants the D she needs to lose weight.
Not surprised you don't wanna fuck that fatty desu.
OP, deal with your petty warrants as fast as you can and get a licence. Then you can worry about divorce.
Good job getting ur stuff together but in my opinion u should take some testosterone supplements and get her done so she can get some excessive stress levels out with some cardio sex.. Maybe u are just busy doing other stuff but u need to stop being selfish because u have a kid together now n ur not a kid anymore..
What would you guys do..
>>16595042
What
>>16593511
Go to a sex therapist really fucking fast.
Sex is 200% Natural AND Healthy, and you two should not have any annoying obstacles in your way to enjoy it.
Sex is her problem, mine is her fucking attitude towards me and everyone else. I could have sex with her but that would only fix her issue with me.
>>16595089
You can't change a shitty person, but you can change your relationship with them.
>>16593511
Mudder her
>We have been together for over five years
>we have a three year old daughter together
wew lad
>>16593511
lel someone should of told you that women intiate 80% of divorce for unsatisfied reasons. also someone should of told you that women can never be please. unless you like to play russian roulette with your life you should not marry women for all the risks it has and the slavery it brings to men.
>>16595130
Kek. Why even have a child so early? Don't tell me that it was an accident, OP
>>16593819
Projecting enough?
Oh wow. I never knew the statistics and our daughter was not planned. I should just get out while its early. We've only been married for three years also
>>16593787
>Fathers are automatically guilty and mothers are automatically innocent
funny because the statistics say women are more likely to abuse children. why is this allowed?
Are you even sure the kid is yours
>>16593787
Also, move out of State. Very hard to collect child support across state lines.
>>16593827
Not a lawyer: all of them.
You get consultations with every goddamn lawyer in the region. This way when your bitch goes to get a lawyer, they can't represent her because of a conflict of interest.
>I've been through this shit too
We are at a place where we can make this easy on both of us since she asked me first instead of going straight to a lawyer. She can have custody. I want all my stuff I've worked hard for besides the car. I already know I can't get custody because of my past. I will lay down and let her have a divorce. It's better for both of us that way.
