I CAN'T JUST FUCKING UNDERSTAND MONOGAMY
>inb4 cuck
I'm thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend just because I'm certain that she thinks about other men when it comes to sexual pleasure, women are literally no different than men
so why do we, as humans, keep deluding ourselves with love and uniqueness? she doesn't even need to actually cheat on me, it's just the fact that I have no control about what is going on in her mind!
that's why I do not want myself to be associated with a woman, therefore, I'm breaking up with my girlfriend, and the most rational option is busting your nut in random whores to alleviate our slavery to mere biological needs
>>16590645
K? Go do that then.
>>16590645
Because i dont like the idea of other people fucking my girlfriend.
Thats it
>>16590666
you're not getting the point
I fucking hate it as well, but she likes it
I'd love to fuck three girls and the same time, but my girlfriends would hate it
we only do not do it because we would hurt each others feelings
>>16590680
Exactly.
I dont hurt her feeling and she doesnt hurt mine. As long as we keep doing that we can enjoy each other's company.
That what a relashionship is.
It's a cultural thing,like all aspects in mankind. You can't really control o change it, because it's within the deepest roots of our society. It's how our parent's lived,it's how we live,and it's how we will live in the future.
>the most rational option is busting your nut in random whores to alleviate our slavery to mere biological needs
Perhaps would be if we lived in Natural Law,but once you reach an age you won't be able to do it. Either because no girl would want to fuck with you or because you wouldn't be able to fuck because of your body issues.
imo you and your gf just are no match with each other. Find someone who's willing to accept that you fuck other people,but be prepared that your partner would fuck with other people too. That can be very dangerous. Keep that in mind.
>>16590691
but why do we repress our sexual fantasies in order to keep a person's company?
is feeling their safety, trust and having their company superior to feeling sexual pleasure?
>>16590699
no no no, I'm not going to cheat on her, that would be disastrous, she's really special and she doesn't deserve that
I'm just thinking about it, like in a 3rd person point of view
>>16590701
Yes it is.
Plus its not like you cant get sexual pleasure with just one partner.
Its a win/win situation
>>16590705
Do it as in break up with her. You're clearly not happy with your situation.
>>16590701
>is feeling their safety, trust and having their company superior to feeling sexual pleasure?
Yes, it is. That's the point.
>>16590721
>>16590706
>tfw I legitimately couldn't understand that until now
thanks
>>16590711
no, I'm actually having the time of my life with her
I just like to imagine the worst scenarios possible, in order to prevent them from happening
Because it is a very new development for sex/love to be all about "fun" and "happiness." That's not the way things are naturally supposed to be. Mainstream birth control wasn't really a thing until the '60s, and wasn't even widely accepted until the '80s/90s.
Prior to that, pregnancy was a frequent consequence of sex, so you weren't really supposed to be hooking up with someone unless you were going to be raising children together.
If your girlfriend slept around, and you stayed with her, you'd end up raising a bunch of children from other men that you didn't sign on for. If she slept with you before she knew you were committed, she might get stuck raising your baby alone. So it just didn't make practical sense to be "casual" about sex.
And that shit is hard-coded into our brains, whether or not things have changed. We're not genetically designed to put a piece of latex over our dicks that removes all those consequences. So we're not really emotionally prepared to live in this kind of sexual landscape that we have today. It's confusing. You can't control the instinctual feelings you have about these things, but they don't exactly make practical sense like they used to, so you'll have a hard time defending your feelings in a logical way. But you can't control your nature, it's not always about logic.
>>16590733
If you couldnt understand that then you probably dont like your gf that much.
You should still consider breaking up
>>16590645
>and the most rational option is busting your nut in random whores to alleviate our slavery to mere biological needs
You had until that point
>>16590735
I fucking love you. Now THAT's the kind of answer I was looking upon to. So it's just an consequence of technological evolution after all? And as times change, our culture will change as well.
But what about idealization and feelings towards one person? Where the hell does that come from?
>>16590701
>is feeling their safety, trust and having their company superior to feeling sexual pleasure?
well that's why I do it.
>>16590744
why is this wrong?
oh, I get it
the most rational option is masturbating, or simulating sex and make it easily achievable
or even better, we should get rid of our sexual libido, and our reproduction could be government-controlled
>>16590750
Not that anon, but we are built in many ways to bond to our partner. Think about it. A closely-bonded parental team would have the better chance of raising healthy offspring, rather than uncommitted, flighty parents spreading their resources thin over multiple partners.
Oxytocin and vasopressin play a huge role.
Monogamy is very much just as natural as polygamy because it serves its own evolutionary purpose too.
>>16590750
>idealization and feelings towards one person?
That's called love, and if it doesn't happen, you're never going to want to stick around and raise children with someone. If they don't return your feelings, you need to move on. If you're having a hard time moving on even though feelings aren't returned, you need to meet more women. This part of things, I think, was probably pretty much the same in pre-birth control times.
>>16590778
so it makes sense biologically
that's why humans are mainly monogamous. yes, they're taught to be monogamous, but the source of this common-sense comes from biology, it comes from the inner biological feeling of having a healthy offspring
i can live with that
Because people both want to feel in control, and not feel controlled. Everyone wants predictability. They want to gamble without taking any risks.
>women are literally no different than men
>that's why I do not want myself to be associated with a woman
You know how they say what you hate about other people is just a reflection of what you hate about yourself?
>>16590828
by human standards I'm pretty alright I guess, I'm not a miserable poor fuck, I'm physically able, even though I'm part of the proletariat being a slave to the capital, I'm pretty alright. I just hate being human, being chained by the cycle of life, we are born, we grow up, we reproduce and then we die. I know that we can make this small space of time between life and death less insufferable interacting with society and being rewarded by it
self-centered? maybe, but I cannot help not being self-centered
I'd just like to chime in that there are definitely people who are just naturally monogamous. It's like people being straight or gay. Some people only want to have sex with their one committed partner.
>>16590874
Oh yeah the good ones are definitely out there. They just tend to get into relationships and STAY in them forever. So it's a pretty rare and lucky thing to meet one of them in the short window while they're single
>>16590897
That's called wanting to have your cake and eat it too. You want monogamous women, but you want them to not end up monogamous before you personally get them.
>>16590960
I don't care if a woman has had relationships before me, I don't need a virgin bride, I was just making a general comment that awesome, commitment-oriented women don't tend to stay single for long. I think we got our signals crossed here.
>>16590897
I'm the person you're replying to, and I agree with you.
There's been some good replies already, but OP, monogamy just isn't that fucking hard, dude.
Not sure what your relationship is/was like, but when you really care about someone, like when you really love them (and I do mean actual love, not infatuation) it makes them much more attractive to you. Objectively, intellectually, I know my wife isn't the most beautiful woman on the planet (though she's pretty damn cute) -- I can remember a time when I just thought she was one cute girl out of several I knew -- but now, three years into our marriage, I'd honestly rate her about a hundred on a scale of ten. Subjectively, anyway.
Am I attracted to other people? Do I occasionally get crushes on other women? Of course. When that happens I just remind myself that my attraction in all likelihood wouldn't last a month and the sex wouldn't be half as good. Also, you know, I'd have to work for it, instead of just being like, "sex? now?" "ok!"
>>16590984
I didn't say a virgin. I'm saying you're complaining that monogamous women end up monogamous.
This isn't a flaw in monogamy. You're just insecure.
>>16591044
So what? It's not like I'm angry or unreasonable about it, it's just always a bit disappointing when you meet someone great that you'd love to be with, and it turns out they're already in a great relationship that will probably never end. I think everyone feels that way sometimes, right?
I guess I can see how that's a bit hypocritical, but I'm not clear on why you have such a problem with my hypocrisy.
>>16591063
there isn't a flaw?
if it was flawless, then people wouldn't cheat
>>16590680
>>16590645
Guy here
How do you feel about the fact that I would rather have 1 gf than 2. And only ever think about my gf during sex?
And only think about her when I fap?
I didnt think I was a rarity to really adore my gf enough to only be sexually interested in her. I mean sure when I'm single pornstars and whoever I really want I can think about.
But when Im with a girl... Im with that girl. Im with her because she's the best. Why would I fap thinking about others?
>>16591072
Monogamy isn't flawed
People are.
Many people are in monogamous relationships and never cheat and are perfectly happy.
The fact that some people do cheat and are unhappy in monogamous relationships doesnt mean the system is flawed, it means they are.
Its like this
>System gives everyone in a society a car
>Many people drive this car around, its comfortable, they enjoy it, it makes their life more pleasurable, they're happy
>Some crash their car into a wall because they're retarded, cant get it to start, then blame the system and claim we are all naturally meant to be running everywhere
>>16591074
Your girlfriend is a lucky woman
>>16591090
Why? I never considered my mindset to be special. Why is it so hard for other guys to just put their love/focus into one person?
I dont understand. Real talk, the first time after I fucked my girlfriend I just lost interest in porn.
And yet I hear about guys still watching porn in relationships and Im just over here like... why?
>>16591105
well I felt like that with my first girlfriend...
for the first 3 months at least
>>16590645
As someone who is not monogamous, your post makes zero sense to me.
>>16591122
why doesn't it make sense?
>>16591105
I couldn't tell you. I'm a female and I thought that was normal too, or at least somewhat common, but I guess not. I feel the exact same way about my boyfriend.
>>16591127
Is OP saying that, because it's impossible to make your partner think about only you 100% of the time, that there's no point to monogamous relationships?
>>16590645
Monogamy isn't about having control over what someone else is thinking. It's about making a conscious decision to put your partner's feelings, and the stability you have together, ahead of your own impulses and self-gratification. So it's not about having a girl who never, ever notices other guys, it's about having a strong enough relationship that she doesn't act on them.
Why do this? If you're planning on having a family and raising children. A sane, stable environment with both parents working together in the household is ideal. Infidelity brings in all kinds of anger and hurt feelings, which is bad for the marriage and bad for the kids. This is what it means to prioritize other things over your own sexual pleasure. Some people are capable of doing this, some people can't or don't want to, and most people try, but make mistakes sometimes, but people aren't perfect. It's all about WANTING to make it work, and trying as hard as you can.
>>16591110
Why do you think you stopped feeling like that? Boredom?
>>16591071
I wasn't angry or unreasonable either. Yeah it sucks, there's a lot of shitty people in the world. But I think more often it's just people who have only had bad experiences to build off of and can only create more bad experiences for others. You can be hurt that the person you wanted to be with is taken. But remember, if you want freedom to choose who you're with, other people need to have that freedom as well. That includes the freedom to be alone, or with multiple partners, or to end a relationship. That is what it means to be fair.
>>16591335
No shit, man. I'm not saying it's "unfair" that I can't be with every woman that catches my fancy. I have no trouble handling my disappointment, wishing someone well, and moving on. I don't even know what you're talking about anymore
>>16590645
because kids
sex exists to create kids
there are two sexes so that we will pair bond and raise our kids
kids raised in single parent households are way more likely to be fucked in the head and commit crimes and whatever else blah blah blah
people forget the basic fact that sex exists for a reason
treat sex as a joke and end up with a shitty family down the line if you want, op
>>16591363
>I don't even know what you're talking about anymore
I'm talking about what most people come here posting about. Sorry, shouldn't have used "you" but I could only use people/person they/them so many times. I wasn't accusing YOU personally of being incapable of those things.
