/adv/ I am mad and want to know if It's justified, if I should really think of killing myself and not going through with life anymore.
I am never good at explaining myself and I have a history of being powerless and losing in everything even if I think I don't deserve it. When I was a kid for example, my friends wanted to smoke cigs, I brought them my dads lighter, we lit leaves on fire and started a forest fire, I took the blame for it all + went to juvy + the whole neighborhood hated me. Also, in math class a girl insulted me, I insulted her back to defend myself and form that day on she hated my guts, so she made a lie that I made a gun threat, my word against hers and because she's an A+ student and I am nothing but a D-C stupid waste of cum they believed her even though I never made the threat - I went to straight up juvy again, but since I was 14 I went on the bigger unit and was beaten, starved, threatened with rape and had a stomach virus the whole time and dehydrated. now I'm 19 and things seem to be going better for me, I have had a girlfriend who is really nice but the memory of her is enough to make me happy sometimes, I am getting help from people to get me a career because I apparently have depression (duh, I have failed so much how can I not have a pessimistic attitude) but I still can't seem to handle life. I am too pessimistic,
tl;dr if you don't finish reading this cause it's long, my story should at least be interesting to you, please read it. say anything, I have no friends or family. My dad and mom are in different states, the last time I was left alone I tried to kill myself, now I can't buy a gun until I'm 25 by law. I will find another way though, or wait until 25 because it's not too long.
>>16584890
That story was short and it sucked. You were a door mat for your so caIIed friends. That thing with the girI never reaIIy happened, you can't get time for her word against yours, come on now. They are scared shitIess that you wouIdn't have enough water either, they do NOT want to be in the media because something happened to you especiaIIy something simpIe Iike Iack of water. lt's hard to beIieve any of this.
Not having a girI is fine, you can get one easy if you reaIIy try.
You're either Ietting Iife take a huge shit on you or this didn't happen. Those are the onIy options.
>You didn't even ask a question
You're not Iooking for advice then. You're just whining. Work out, focus on bettering yourseIf and stop taking shit from others. Stand up for yourseIf in a heaIthy way and buiId yourseIf up. Have a reason to be proud of yourseIf. Look back on yourseIf in a year and be proud you got somewhere. PeopIe have had MUCH worse than you. There is stiII a ton of time to better everything.
>>16584916
You don't understand,
first, it's all true.
my question is "how do I cope" because I just felt like killing myself and have tried before many times and have scars from it, now I want to try again.
and I am suicidal very day, stop pushing this "work out" macho bullshit. I got a girlfriend and am scrawny. all I'm saying is there's no way to work on yourself, it's just egotistical nonsense.
I am working on myself but life isn't even worth living. I'm never going to get a job I enjoy, I don't ever plan to get married or bring kids into the world and I am so fucked up, anxious and "depressed" (which is really just pessimism from failing so much) and I just don't want to try anymore, so there. I am so done with life, and it only gets worse with age.
>>16584944
>there's no way to work on yourseIf
WeII this is a fucking stupid thread.
>>16585028
>IiteraIIy no reason to
that is not how you tl;dr
You don't have to be happy to live faggot. I've been depressed since my early teens, that doesn't keep me from trying to make things better. Being happy should be a goal but t b h you just sound whinny. You said yourself you were a shitty student, sounds like to me you're a lazy person. You sound like those landwhales who blame genetics.
>>16585136
>I've been depressed since my early teens, that doesn't keep me from trying to make things better.
well you just sound like an earlier version of me who hasn't given up yet... make it better? I think depression is caused by failure, not mental illness. my failures make me "depressed" and why should 1 of 7 billion people need to survive?
and i wouldn't sya I'm whiney, just that you don't understand. you're immature, nobody lives just to "survive" they want to be happy and i have been depressed too long. if you even cared about my op, you'd know I have nothing left for me, just work, live alone every day and never have children, I'm worthless and should die.
>>16585148
>make it better?
You're the one whining, no need to make it beter for us.
>>16585028
>bump
Fuck off.
OP I hope not being too cold but I want to keep it simple. If you want to hold to life I recomend you to start doing something on wich nobody else but you has an opinion, like an art or whatever you like that you can even improve no matter how bad you start it.
something just for you, and to have fun with it. good luck and I hope you get better.
>>16585158
>>16585158
yeah thanks, it is not too harsh to read this stuff, I'm used to this. i actually tried what you said but my anxiety made me drop out of art school... i left high school early and got a GED and entered college at 17 and still failed 3 times because of depression and anxiety. I cannot function, this only makes me feel worse. thanks for trying.
>>16585136
>>16584890
Happiness is within. Carnegie mentions this in his bestseller book, about a bunch of cripple kids who have to walk on crutches and such, and they are happy and enjoying their life.
The age of depression is upon us because we believe the lies society has told us; that we can and should be capable of doing and being anything. Happy kids are busy being themselves.
>>16585176
>No advice asked for
>Whining, the thread
This is a waste of a thread.
>>16585185
I read his book about making friends, he has solid advice but idk why I'm such a failure. I'm aware that crippled people and people with cancer want desperately to live and enjoy life but it doesn't do anything for me, I still feel worthless.
>>16585201
you're the same person as the first reply and you're mad because of my response, is the self improvement working if you let yourself get this obsessed over me?
>>16585208
>is the self improvement working
lol you've been crying the whole thread so not really
>>16585148
You're the immature one here. You're not even 25 yet you think you can give life lessons? I'm a med student, that's not what I'd call being a failure in my books. I've never actually failed at any goal I set for myself, except being happy, which is why I'm working on it. I'm not surviving but you're not entitled to being happy, it's supposed to be a goal. But yeah stay whinny you're sure to become happy that way
>>16585238
rekt
>>16585185
Yeah I think part of it is actually because of internet/movies/books. People become depressed because they don't get to all live extraordinary lives and shit, I know it that's why I'm trying to be happy by trying to have another mindset, and this has nothing to do with personal/professional achievements as OP thinks.
>>16585238
depression came to me at a very early age and it stayed ever since. I know many nurses and psychologists who've worked on me and they're all optimistic which I'm far from, I could never be like you. I feel like I'm going to crack when I begin my work life, I don't think I can last and attempt to kill myself... I feel fucking hopeless about my situation. by 25 i'll definitely have made up my mind, though I don't predict a awfully big change in 4 years... I'm trying, you have depression so i respect you think that way but it's easier for others...
>>16585294
>4 years
6 years, i fucking suck at even simple math
Wow, OP, you've had shit luck.
I don't feel a reason to live right now, OP, but that doesn't mean I want to die. Why is that?
First off, dying sucks.
Secondly, everybody you knew has to put up with your grief. I KNOW you don't want nearby people to feel your pain. Suicide is the absolute WRONG way to go about it.
Thirdly, things will never get better for me if I stop myself now.
Now, you sound like you don't want to better yourself, but you want your situation to get better at the same time. These things normally come hand in hand.
I'm an okay-looking 19 year old who's never had a girlfriend, 'chased' (read: hung around and hoped they'd learn to like me) a girl for 6 years with no success, and engaged in regular self-deprecation.
The result? I mean, I'm good at video games (due to regular escapism) and I have a sharp mind since I played a lot of different kinds of games and was naturally one of the 'smart kids' (even though I'm clearly outclassed by some college kids).
Now, I could choose to continue down this path in life, maybe get a decent software development job (CompSci major), and meet a nice okay-looking girl who MAYBE likes me and MAYBE asks me out.
Or maybe they won't, like every other one.
Maybe I'll wait too long and miss out on opportunity.
Time is precious. Don't waste yours in a bad mindset.
I'm starting to lift a little bit. I'm dumb as shit when it comes to routines, but I'm doing pushups and situps, and some movements with dumbbells. I can feel sore in the morning. I'm taking cold showers because it's good for the skin and hair. I couldn't do this if I didn't realize there was a problem. It's not a problem if you aren't lifting/getting big or anything - but it is a big problem if you aren't trying to improve yourself.
I'd suggest changing your mindset. It's not the direct answer you wanted, but it is an answer that will change your life. Get a positive mindset and kick some ass, this world is yours to conquer, my friend.
>>16585294
>myself...
>years...
>others...
Wow what a wuss, fuck man this thread is pathetic.
>>16585294
Seeing as I'm older than you I've probably been depressed longer than you but this is not a contest of who is the biggest depressed fag here. I had very bad social anxiety to the point where I couldn't even go to the supermarket without being stressed out by it. Now I work every morning at the hospital and I wouldn't say I totally overcame it, but that would have never gotten better if I didn't go and put myself out there. I have no choice if I want to be what I want to be.
You'd be surprised at how humans can adapt themselves, in your case you're just afraid of the hardship and think of killing yourself while blaming it on bad luck because that way you can tell yourself it's not your fault.
>>16585300
thank you. i understand you a little, except for being decent in school which i can't relate to, I really am dumb as fuck, never did well no matter how hard i tried in any subject. i had the same trouble with girls and friends in general, they saw me as creepy because of how i act. I'm anxious and it makes my voice sound really bad on accident... the one girlfriend I've had had problems like mine so i didn't have to change my mindset to enjoy her company, i miss her so much and can't think about another girlfriend, it's just because she moved that we're not dating. i hope you find a girl you can relate to like that, i know it's a mindset thing and mine is bad, but... it's really hard to see life any other way. I'm at the brink here, good luck to you in your life and i hope i can fix mine i guess, don't care either way anymore.
>>16585342
i also have that kind of severe anxiety... you're right i will adapt and I'm heading towards employment but i won't ever think it's worth it in the long run, years and years ahead in the same mindset, i won't be able to handle it.
i am going to sleep now...... i will prepare to do some reflection on some of the things you've said, goodnight...
>>16585377
I'm >>16585300
Just want to note that everything is cognitive - the only real barrier in your way atm is yourself, particularly the belief that you are at the brink. If you decide to put in an effort to life, I promise you WILL get results. A lot more things are within your control than you might think.
I went through a dark phase in late middle school to early high school, and I ended up realizing that I have a lot to live for in life, if nothing else, then the hope that things will get better. I will get better. I will look back at my old self and say "we've come a long way". I guess I kind of look at life like a game, because it really is, and the only losing move is simply not to play it.
