I promise I'm not a sociopath. I work in a hospital, shuffling papers between departments, an errand girl basically. Sometimes I may stay in a department for a few hours gathering things - and that's when people will start in on including me into conversation. They'll ask about me, my day, my partner, etc. They'll talk about all the typical superficial bullshit to help validate them and get them through their day feeling accepted. They'll bitch about rude patients, on and on.
What happens if I don't want to talk to anyone? Whenever I've tried to stick to myself I always come off as cold, angry, or snobby. I couldn't care less about my coworker's lives or them in general - so when I try to act like I do, it takes way too much mental/emotional energy from me to where I can't concentrate on anything outside of that work day. It's not my work that's affecting my life but the people at my work - specifically me not being able to "zone them out" so I can manage through the day.
Has/does anyone else experience anything like this? How do you cope?
It's called learning to be a polite, socially functional human being. You might not be a sociopath, but your brain is seriously missing a few pieces if you think like this:
>They'll talk about all the typical superficial bullshit to help validate them and get them through their day feeling accepted
It's called relating to other people. Even if you're a total robot, you should be smart enough to know that this isn't just pointless time-wasting unless you have literally zero ambition. You can't do anything alone in this world, you need people behind you, you need to actually make friends and build positive connections with people in the places that you work and live and spend your time.
Don't be some cold, standoffish bitch who thinks she's too good for everyone, or you'll suddenly find that none of your co-workers like you, and you have no chance of advancement at this hospital, and no chance of a good recommendation to help move you to another work environment. Whether you like it or not, everyone needs friends. You can spare a few fucking minutes of your precious time to acknowledge the people around you. Get over yourself.
>>16582637
Have you ever seen a TV documentary about monkeys or chimps? (Stick with me - this is going someplace)
They often sit together, picking nits out of each other's fur. It's called Grooming. But scientists have worked out that, while getting rid of nits is nice, what the monkeys are actually doing is finding an excuse to sit together and express their friendliness.
Humans don't pick nits off each other (much). Instead we make small talk. But it's the same thing. WHAT we talk about is not the main point - THAT we talk together is. 90% of small talk IS banal and trivial, and nobody is really interested in it, because the real point is "We're sitting together and affirming that we're friends"
That is why they react to your not joining in - without realizing it you are saying, in monkey language, "I'm not your friend."
It won't kill you to chat about the weather or last night's TV for a few moments. And it will make you part of the community.
>>16582637
>I couldn't care less about my coworker's lives or them in general
How is that supposed to come off as anything other than cold, angry and snobby? What makes you so great? You already admitted you're just an errand girl, they could fire you in a second and replace you with a talking, functioning human being. Unless you're some rich girl who doesn't really need the money, you might want to try a little harder to build relationships with your co-workers.
You really think they have nothing valuable to offer you? You're so much better than them, they couldn't possibly offer you any advice or information or help that could be of use to you? If you actually make an effort to be friendly and talk back, you might get deeper conversations than "typical superficial bullshit to help validate them."
Bitch.
Is it ironic to call OP an arrogant bitch and imply she's not human?
Anyway, I feel you OP. I have friends who I like bullshitting with, but most the people I work with I couldn't care less about. It's physically taxing to put up an act, and yet I'M the asshole.
>>16582688
You sound butt hurt. Who gives a shit if this cunt gives a shit about her co workers lives or not.
I know I don't.
I'm kind of jealous of you OP. I too work in a hospital; my job is a bit different and I am from one department, but I visit with several different floors seeing patients every day. I've been at my position a little over a year, but I have been unable to make friends with a single person and i generally dont get much dialogue from colleagues outside of very trivial small talk.
Obviously our paths are different, maybe people feel intimidated by me, or maybe I don't get as much stimulus as you do because of gender, or aesthetics, or position, or so on.
What I am trying to say is that yes, I am shy and introverted, but I do make an honest attempt to learn names, to be polite, to smile, etc and I just don't feel like I belong. People are talking about their department parties and other social work stuff, but I've never been invited to any of that sort.
Anyways I'm sorry to rant and hijack your thread. I just hope that you see it from my point of view if that makes sense
>>16582674
This going to go completely unnoticed but it's accurate. When they all stop talkig to you and being friendly you'll realize you miss them and will make an "i fucked up" thread the next week.
>the typical superficial bullshit to help validate them and get them through their day feeling accepted
So who fucked you up in childhood? Angry mom perhaps? Absentee dad? I'm sure you'd love to think that you're just rising above the fray, but people don't come here to make threads when they've transcended the ills of humanity.
You can relax here. You're anonymous among strangers. Wherever you picked up this mentality, it wasn't for your benefit. Someone or something broke you. There are healthy ways to stay out of idle chat without looking down on it. It's time to throw away the playbook which is causing you grief.
>>16582637
I understand you. I hate people, and I hate life.
>How do you cope
pic related
>I'm not a sociopath I swear
>proceeds to describe herself as a sociopath
I did experience the same thing in my early teenage years. Now that I think about it I realize that I was just an edgy faggot who lied to himself that he doesn't care about anyone around him because he was a loner. But if you asked me at that time I would've said the same thing you do now. I'm not saying you're in the same boat as I was back then, but maybe you should take a good look at yourself and try to figure out why you're acting like this. Because that's not how humans are supposed to function and this kind of behavior/mentality will only bring you misery. >>16582674 got it right, at least try to act like a normal human being.
>>16582821
Then what are you doing in /adv/? God, i hope you're not giving "advice."
>>16582831
Are you retarded or something? Not wanting to talk to people doesn't make you a sociopath. I don't give a shit about most people and I know for a fact I'm not a sociopath. You should read up on the disorder more.
>>16582637
Damn, for someone who claims to not be a sociopath you sure sound like one. Good luck with your pseudo-lana-del-rey "dead inside" persona.
>>16582841
I promote and push alcohol on vulnerable people to help the corporations make a profit #conspiracy
>>16582845
You know, when people who make small talk bother you so much that you have to "zone them out" in order to get through the day, there may just be something wrong with your brain. But then again, that wasn't really my point, the fact that I said I acted the same should've given you a clue. My point was that you have the mentality of a 15 years old edgy emo faggot and you should work on that.
>>16582637
Same OP. I work around people who just bitch about the job and other co-workers. I have nothing in common with them. It's tiring to put on a smiley face and talk to them, but I do otherwise I would come across as a bitch.
>>16582688
r9k pls go
>>16582812
holy mother of condescension
>>16582637
I've worked for hospitals for about nine years and my wife is a NP.
Being antisocial in a hospital won't end well for you. Learn to play the game, you'll be happier in the end.
>>16582637
You're no alone OP. I like to do things that are only doable alone anyway, Drawing / 3D modeling etc, etc...
I work to do my job and make money to help me fund my solo habits. I do nothing to warrant having conversations with people. Yet, somehow despite me not getting involved with mindless chit-chat and stupid shit I TRULY do not care about. I tend to get the ire from fellow workers. ( These same workers who bitch about cheating girlfriends or superficial pointless crap like face book post and other worthless time wasting shit. )
I haven't had friends since community college days. I don't NEED them. I don't WANT them. This concept is hard for idiots who say things like ( You have to interact, lmao maybe if your a priest or a doctor. But if you are building machines or stocking shelves, driving a truck. No you fucking don't. *Aside from work related contact related to work of course. * )
My favorite is like a few posters above, trying to seem smart, pointing out how monkies and other lesser lifeforms do things to cope and feel wanted. Their fucking animals... Humans are complex, I'm not special or anything neither are you or anyway else. Just ignore the talking heads nod and fake smile and most of the time you can focus on your work and be left alone. Works maybe 70% of the time for me when I can't just "tune" them out.
OP here. To clarify, it may not be people in general. Patients will ask me directions, general info, etc. I may sit with a lab person, nurse, etc., at lunch - mostly alone though. But when I'm working I really don't feel comfortable bringing my personal life, opinions, etc., into work. I just want to do my job and go home. That doesn't seem to be doable for most people though. They have to ask what you're having for lunch, what you're making for dinner, any plans for the weekend? What do you think your boyfriend's going to get you for Christmas? Patient so and so was such a bitch... My feet are killing me in these shoes!
I have my life and my own friends so I'm set in those regards, and they have nothing to do with my work. These people at work aren't in my life or my friends, so I really don't care to tell them anything or hear anything they say. If we were friends, sure I'd share a little bit. But if it's going on deaf ears just to fill their silent void with my personal stuff to entertain them through their work day? No thanks. I'm not allowed to wear earbuds or anything while I'm working obviously but I just can't NOT hear what these people say. I'm fine with putting a fake smile on, and I can really hide my feelings and emotions, but it's becoming tougher and tougher to do, to the point I'm internally wishing really bad things on people.
>>16582776
What do you do?
>>16583163
i try and be as short as possible. squeeze in as many yeahs or oh's as possible but only to the point where i don't feel pain from how awkward the conversation would have gotten if i didnt expand a little. it's a balancing act
>>16583163
You won't make it through life being anti-social. It's worth the effort of pretending to give a shit because if you don't you soon get a reputation, and as soon as you see how other people treat you you'll feel the difference once they realise you don't care. Your job is a huge part of your life and if you don't learn to socialise properly you're fucked. Just put up with it and don't act like you're so much better than them.
>I haven't had friends since community college days. I don't NEED them. I don't WANT them. This concept is hard for idiots who say things like ( You have to interact, lmao maybe if your a priest or a doctor. But if you are building machines or stocking shelves, driving a truck. No you fucking don't. *Aside from work related contact related to work of course. * )
You sound like you have problems.
>>16583354
>don't act like you're so much better than them.
I don't believe I'm better than anyone else at all. If anything I think I realize that I'm not the only person in the room, and so if I don't want to get into the chit chat, that's my decision and they should respect that - rather than considering me the enemy purely because I'd like to stick to myself. If anything, me being the enemy if I don't take an interest in hearing about their trivial comments or thoughts shows their mentality of believing that they're so much better than me for feeling the need to vent everything. I really think it comes back to insecurity and needing to have others validate or at least acknowledge them. They're too uncomfortable to sit comfortable on their own without others' confirmation.
>>16583385
>I really think it comes back to insecurity and needing to have others validate or at least acknowledge them. They're too uncomfortable to sit comfortable on their own without others' confirmation.
Irrelevant. It doesn't matter WHY you chit chat. The important thing is that people do it and those that don't are the outsiders and make it harder on themselves to enjoy their jobs. Is it really SO much effort just to shoot the shit with people you see regularly?
![tumblr_mj5b9rg0LM1rjf916o1_500[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/hTEsuHM.jpg "tumblr_mj5b9rg0LM1rjf916o1_500[1].jpg")
>>16583163
Well op, I feel sorry for you.
Everyone here seems to stuck telling you how you should feel and act, rather than addressing what it is that is concerning you enough to ask about it.
From what you've said you can relate to people, you can befriend people, you can empathise with people, but when in the position of your workplace - you put your work first and can not concentrate on communal talk whilst also meeting the standard of work you set for yourself.
This is what I understand from what you've said, please correct me if i'm mistaken or got things skewed.
I don't understand why it appears so alien for someone to have difficulty working and talking, as its commonly understood as problematic when driving and outright discouraged to do it on the phone when the other person can not at least help spot things in the vehicle with you.
Really OP I think your saving grace will just aim to stay polite, whatever country your in and whatever the common standards are, try to adhere to those minimum if you can and keep your life as vague as you feel comfortable.
I think however, you may want to attempt introducing, very gingerly,tthat you are "not very good at talking and working and i'll just end up chatting all day haha" or however is most organic to you. The main thing is that you do not dislike them, it is that you are "the one with the problem" and they can help you by giving you space to work, when you are indeed, working.
As you can see how hostile most people can get if you DARE come accross as looking down on others. the group turns on you, like this thread. And they will all stick together attacking you relentlessly.
Hopefully, they will give you some space when you work, and the small chats when you are not working will hopefully be easier for you.
Good luck and all the best anon!
>>16583392
Some people at some offices regularly gossip about patients, the patients' problems, their attitudes, etc. I had my string of run ins in the ER and it pisses me off questioning - were they gossiping about me while I was there? It's completely unprofessional and rude...I don't like them as people considering that's their consideration for others. So no, I'm not going to shoot the shit with people like that. If anything, I'll call a spade a spade and tell them that I don't want to talk with them and don't want them to talk to me because I don't like them because of how they act.
In terms of other people it is an effort for me to small talk. It's not my goal when I'm working. I'm not looking for friends and not interested in their lives. Once you talk to enough people you realize that everyone has their own opinions, history, personality, and it starts saturating your own. Some people are probably decent at filtering it out whilst acting like they give a damn - I'm not. So I just try to avoid interfacing altogether.
>>16583385
>>16583392
LOL op
I so feel sorry for you.
just let them chit chat, there are a lot more of "you" out there than you think, if you think there are a few.
Frankly it just comes into basic introverted behaviour, its not even slighty uncommon or odd the way you are acting or the points you have made.
The only thing i would say is theres a bit of hostility coming through your text to your colleagues. But i'm assuming this is coming from what appears to be backlash in your reluctance to not contributing to chit-chat.
Unfortunately (LOL, very inapropriate but, true nonetheless) it appears you are female, and as such for god knows what reason, it seems absurd that you chose not to contribute to chit-chat whereas although not seen as a positive, is not as inherently negative a trait when seen in men. So maybe some masculin advice or suck it up, let them cry and do your work and be proud of what you can achieve?
Goodluck again
its SO catty in here wow.
>>16583414
Look, you specifically asked what happens if you don't want to talk to people and I gave you an answer. Small talk is almost always effort. A lot of the time you don't have much of a rapport with them. A lot of the time you don't even like them. You can choose to do what you seem to feel like doing which is switch off completely and not give a fuck. Fine. But don't come crying when nobody likes you at work and start shit slinging and making things unecessarily difficult. I don't give a fuck about what my co-worker's kids did last week. But I still talk to her about it because she likes to talk about her kids and I feel it common coutesy to listen to her. Because I did this really often, she started helping me out more and in the end I was really glad I'd talked to her when I didn't want to because we actually developed a reasonable relationship and it was beneficial for me in the long run. If these people are shitty then fine, but don't act like you can't do it because it's "hard", Socialising is hard. Just get on with it, go home and let it go. You can be the ice queen if you want but I doubt it will help.
>>16583441
Not op,
But surely this isn't a black and white principle?
If someone wants to socialise to a certain degree and one to another, who is to say that either is wrong or right?
>>16583452
It's not about wrong and right. I would prefer that small talk wasn't a thing, but in every school/university/workplace I've been in small talk has been the norm and unfortunately you have to follow norms to fit in. Maybe my experiences don't match yours and I'm wrong but that's what I think.
>>16582637
i have a colleague that gave me serious headache when i tried to follow him talking to me
i learned to zone out make him a background noise and give a "uhum" or "yeah" every time he took a pause.
this way i get to keep my brain functions and he can talk all he wants.
it needs practice and there is a chance they tell you something you should remember but if you are known as a forgetful person it won't be considered weird or rude.
>>16583468
I never attempted to say there was a wrong or right, so apologies, I was trying to say that there can be no line, and no one person really can decide on what an acceptable or unacceptable communal practice is.
Your point on fitting in is more than sound, one can't expect to be in a group setting and behave as one outside the group and attempt to fit in, or be part of the inner workings of the group.
I guess my point, or what I was trying to say is that, the core group dynamic is not the be all and end all as some of the more hostile and rude people appear to have implied with their comments.
There are many tiers to a work place, and although one may not fit within the proximity group, they may be able to relate closer to that of the indivudual management or other ancillary groups within the company. If you are still going for that end goal in common, then in theory there should still be a positive relationship between the people, be it work uni or research.
I have worked with some mega awkward "loners" who just do their work and don't talk, or struggle like hell. But they ended up doing work that allowed them to do that, and when people talked to them about work and end goals of whatever we have in common, it wasnt so bad for both parties!
I think its a two way street for all relationships, whether it be work or intimate, and frankly if they struggle with chit-chat then accept it and move on to something that you CAN work with.
Maybe im just a softy, but its allowed me to get on with people with their head up their ass and those who cant stop staring at the floor sheepishly.
>>16583518
That's a very reasonable point to make. I suppose I'm particularly hard wired to over-work myself socially because I was such a loner in the past and I don't want to be isolated. It depends on the group sometimes. My Spanish class way back during A-levels was full of 'popular' kids and I was the gamer autist but they really made an effort for me and we had some good times. Meanwhile in university I joined the gaming group and they were a bunch of assholes. Perhaps I read into it a little too much due to my own biases, for that I apologise
