So here's the thing. I've been dating my best friend for about 10 months, we're both in college and on a long-distance relationship. We meet about once a month and until recently we hadn't had much problems.
While doing a videochat, the topic of having sex came out. She said she was not very comfortable spending the night where I live because I would try to get her in the mood to do it (last time she came I gave her a nice body massage but she suddenly stopped me when I get to her inner thigs) and she doesn't really like it. She explained it has to do with a bad experience she had in a male friend's party a few years ago where she ended up so drunk she woke up naked, though she wasn't raped cause she went to the doctor the next day and everything was ok (she told me cause we were friends by that time). After that she said that probably it wasn't a big deal and that maybe it was an excuse she was giving to herself.
The she said she had to find out why she really had it difficult to let herself do things with me.
But what really worries me is the fact that even though I always try to support her and understand her, I don't feel she does that for me. This applies to every aspect of our relationship but what has been bothering me is the sexual part. If she ever feels like she's horny (it tends to happen after her period) and I'm around, I try to her make her feel good. Even when we were friends I got her a vibrator as a birthday present. I know what she likes and I'm always asking, not because I'm expecting something in return but because I genuinely care for her. But she doesn't care at all. The best thing I've gotten so far are some hardly sexy Snapchat nudes (I have to beg for weeks for her to send them) that I don't even save and that one time she touched my crotch cause she was horny, and that's all. (Continues)
... And I could cope with that if it wasn't for the fact that before we went out she had a friend who lived nearby that used to go to her house for the sole purpose of making out and engage in foreplay. I don't know many of the details so the other day I was curious to know and she said they had tried things like a titjob but she wasn't very good. Later she said that she didn't liked that I asked that, and cause she felt I was being judgemental, and she's right. But I don't mind she has done things to other guys in the past, it is the fact that she always says they didn't ended up having sex with this guy because there wasn't feelings involved. And with that said, how the fuck am I'm supposed to feel if not stupid? I'm the guy who's always been there for her for almost seven years, who really loves, respects and tries to understand her, and a guy she didn't even know very well is getting more than me?
I know what male anons will say (cause I would say it too) but to all females out there, am I being unreasonable or is there something I'm not considering?
>>16573408
17 years of your life wasted, and you've been only dating for 10 months? She probably has no sexual attraction to you and only sees you as a friend with a relationship tag really. If you know the answer why even ask? Drop the relationship OP. The "one" is just a myth, she's not, no one is.
>>16573485
It's actually seven years, but you've got a point. But what not saying that? I think that would have saved us a lot of time.
Fuck that ungrateful bitch! No offense OP but you sound like such a beta.
>>16573568
None taken. I've always been that way with her, maybe that's the reason she acts that way.
I was dating a girl exactly like that dude. When she broke it off, she made sure I knew she didn't give a fuck. Feels bad man.
Be the bigger man and prioritise your own wellbeing. It hurts, but you can't keep expecting things to get better on their own. Be brave, and take control of your fucking destiny.
She's probably getting dick from someone else and using you for emotional support, OP. It fucking sucks, but what you need to do is to break it off.
You don't get her emotional support or physical intimacy. Why even be together at that point? Why not just be friends?
>>16573579
And the worst fucking part is that she's also my best friend so I will also lose what we already had, and like you said, probably won't give a fuck, at least for our relationship.
>>16573587
I guess it is because she's always apologizing and I'm always expecting for her to change.
I can't help but scale "once a month" down to 10 actual dates, which at a reasonable pace would still be on the upper bounds of "I need to know this guy better before we get intimate." However your relationship (I'm not comfortable calling it that) is instead putting you on a timescale where this otherwise looks ridiculous.
You need to get real about this situation. The distance is already making a complicated situation into a major stumbling block.
>>16573593
You know this deep down. She's not just gonna up and 180 on this subject. She won't wake up one day and think to herself "man, I really need some of Anon's dick in me, right now!".
Either you just tell her that your needs aren't satisfied in your relationship and end it/get to fuck other girls
or
use your relationship for the small benefits it gives, and start looking for a new girl that you click with.
Yeah fuck that i would break that shit off quicker than you can say dry snatch. If she isn't giving you pussy someone else is getting it.
>she doesn't like that you try to get her in mood for sex
>compares this to waking up naked in a frat house
what are you allowed to do then, OP? Do you leave a note in the request box that you might want sex? Do you need to ask her physical boyfriend first? She's manipulating you into thinking you're not allowed to try and make things hot and steamy; she's making you cuck yourself.
>>16573599
I have thought about that, and it seems reasonable, but consider we spend like two months (summer and winter break) in the same town, so there's plenty of time for dating. I know what she likes and she says I do ok, the thing is if she's really into it, why stop? It's not like I will jump right into sex, but she doesn't let herself enjoy it.
>>16573613
also, you need to consider that your needs and wants are EQUALLY IMPORTANT in a relationship. A lot of guys put their partners needs before their own, but in that case you need to make that a conscious choice, not just following societies dogma. If you don't get anything out of a relationship, you're not in any way forced to stay in that relationship.
>>16573607
I guess you're right. But it pisses me off the fact that I will probably look like the typical douche who breaks up with the girl just because he doesn't get laid.
>>16573618
Yeah, that's the thing. I ended up feeling bad for her, like I'm an asshole that doesn't understand the "potential trauma" she experienced that night and that I need to be more patient or something.
>>16573610
LOL.
>>16573627
Where do you live where having sex isn't normal within the first week or at least months of dating? I mean sure, if that's the kind of community you live in, I'd understand both her and your hesitance, but most people would find it very odd not having sex.
>>16573641
You're not in the relationship for her sake, you're in it for your own. Ask her if sex is ever going to be on the table. If not, explain to her that you're not interested in spending the best years of your life stuck in a non-intimate relationship.
>>16573663
Well, I don't think the community is a problem, is more like both of our personalities. Sex hasn't been a priority for us throughout our life, but finding out she's not into it, specifically not with me, is what frustrates me.
And I have asked her, maybe not like an ultimatum, but she never says it is off the table. I guess she just manages it in order to make me feel uncomfortable asking.
>>16573678
Listen to yourself. You're saying she isn't sexually interested 'in you', You're frustrated. She is manipulative, and you notice it.
Why bother with this?
Holy shit this guy is getting friendzoned while being in relationship.
You have a girl that wakes up drunk and naked in parties and titfucks random people but doesn't do anything for you?
You are getting cucked and made into beta provider mate. It's time to end this "relationship". Don't be a fool. Chances are she even got into the "relationship" in the first place because she didn't find any sensible way to keep you locked in orbit while denying you and figured she could pull it off just fine with the whole long distance thing going.
>>16573700
Ok, I know how I feel and that I'm definitely whipped. But maybe it all comes to me being more assertive. I mean, she likes to joke (I don't see it that way) that my problem, unlike her, is that I don't know what I want. Since we argued about this thing she's said that I should "try to force her" to change or to do things since she "doesn't always knows what she's doing wrong"; and of course, I think that is fucking ridiculous.
>>16573721
I agree with the first part. To be honest, I was expecting for some femanon to defend her position, but I guess it is pretty obvious what she's doing is just wrong.
About that last part, I don't think is a way to lock me up, is more like she believed she was in love with me and that being in a relationship doesn't involves to do compromises for the other person.
>>16573727
That's contradictory though, because when you try to "force your will", for example getting some sex, she then uses that against you to try and shame you.
Listen here man, I know you want this to work, and I'm actually rooting for you, but don't mentally 'put all your eggs in one basket', i.e. this girl. Realize there are loads of them around. You don't have to spend your whole life pandering to her and her alone. You have options.
>>16573408
Here is your issue. You focus too much on what girls say. You let them have that power over you. I'm not saying you should disrespect girls or never listen to what they say. But girls, especially younger ones, don't think twice about lying to achieve their ends. They can tell by the type of personality you are, and you are weak minded. Guys do as well, of course. But those are the sexual douches trying to take advantage of weak minded girls for sex. It's happening to you on reverse, for affection and attention.
You as a man need to sniff out the bullshitters. These girls keep you in place where they want you, because they know you actually listen to what they say.
Never let girls have that power over you. Because they a good majority will take advantage of it. They will bullshit you about how they don't feel like this or that because of x or y reason, because they know you won't push if they give you some sort of reason.
Start thinking about yourself. Another issue you have is you don't want to come off as an ass for prioritizing your own needs. But girls generally tend to respect this type of personality more, as much as you'll find them bitching about it. I'm not kidding here. When you start making it clear they can take a hike rather than bow to their whims (unless it's reasonable, of course), they will bitch about it. Probably to their friends as well. But in the end they will roll with it. And if they don't, it's less time wasted on your end for someone who isn't interested. A time waster.
Abort thread this clueless beta is just making excuses
>>16573758
Yes, it is. Of course telling people to make you do what they want is another way to tell them what to do. And you're right, I've actually narrowed my options to make it look like she's the only one.
>>16573762
I agree and probably it has to do with the fact that our previous friendship was based on the premise that I would listen to her bitching about her life with little or none mention of my own problems. She has criticized that attitude but it's not like she does not take advantage of that.
>>16573782
So helpful.
>>16573785
You are just beta orbiter being kept on a leash.
It's funny you even describe this as being best friends or relationship.
Has she EVER done anything for you in seven fucking years?
That's what I thought
>>16573408
>Even when we were friends I got her a vibrator as a birthday present
It's very strange to me that she'd receive that well from somebody who's just a friend. How did she react to you handing her a fucking vibrator?
No offense, but if she took it very nonchalantly, I feel like that would mean that she doesn't think of you as if you're a sexual being at all. It sounds like you're in fucking purgatory with this girl. I'm really sorry OP. On the plus side, if this is the case, and you two are actually best friends, then things probably wont' be terribly weird for too long if you decide to break up. I don't think it'd be a good idea to try to stay close friends with her, but at least you probably wouldn't have to abandon any mutual friends that you two share
>>16573797
>>16573805
That's very likely. Nevertheless, I still can't cope with the fact that even when I'm doing the right thing when I'm going for it she still stops me, leaving me with balls bluer than the fucking ocean.
>>16573884
Stop complaining and do something about it.
>>16573886
All right, dad.
Outsmart that bitch. You want to keep the girl, do it; but take advantage of the situation. If she doesn't pay attention to you, then she won't notice that you are fucking someone else. If you are afraid to look like an asshole, at least do it for the right reason. Those kind of girls really ask for it.
I dont understand how you could be in a relationship but not be fucking. Maybe that's just me but does she even feel slightly bad, genuinely?
If I'm on my period and too sore to have sex I give my boyfriend head to make up for it because I know he likes sex and I like sucking his dick. Isn't that the normal thing to do?
Now I'm worried I'm too sexual compared to other girls??? Wth
>>16574259
you're gross
you don't need sex to be in a relationship.
>i'm worried
you should be
>>16574267
How is it gross? Relationships are about being open completely with someone, and although I agree you dont NEED sex in one, if my boyfriends horny and wants to fuck and I want to fuck why would I not fuck him?
>>16574259
>>16574259
I think is also her family. She's a Catholic, not of the crazy kind that believes that you should fuck until you get married, but the kind you sees it as taboo. And I mean, if you are not ready or if your "religion tells you that you should wait" why not thinking on alternatives like giving head, anal or at least proper Snapchat nudes.
I don't think she feels bad, but she knows she's missing someone the both us could enjoy
>>16574281
You're way too sexual and your relationships will always be defined by it. Enjoy your miserable love life
>>16574297
Dear anon, there's just room for one sexually frustrated guy, and that's me, OP.
>>16574297
How is it defined by it? I've been with him for 5 years so surely it would have worn off by now.
>>16574294
If its bothering you this much you need to sit down + have a really serious talk about it.
>>16574321
I know what I said is gonna stick with you, so goodnight, keep sucking your way through your relationship sweety
>>16574321
We have, and we always agree that something needs to be done. The thing is that she plays really hard to get until the point I feel either pissed off or insecure of what I'm doing.
>>16574330
It's really not. You seem bitter so I hope you find closure for whatever it is that turned you sour. But dont worry, I'll suck twice as good for the both of us ;)
>>16574331
I dont know what else I can say :/ Apart from telling her you'll leave if you two dont work it out to the point of SOMETHING sexual, I dont know what else you can do.
>>16574340
You do that, the more you suck the less he has to look at your face so you're on the right track :)
>>16574345
haha you must be bait. Soooo bitter
>>16574340
I appreciate your advice. Good luck to you, you seem like a reasonable and caring girlfriend ;)
>>16574350
Don't even know what this thread is about but damn you got served
>>16573408
You are treating her sexuality and her body as a form of currency. "The best thing I've gotten so far are some hardly sexy Snapchat nudes (I have to beg for weeks for her to send them)"
If you had to beg it means you pressured her to do something she didn't want to do - and then you go and feel like it wasn't enough.
You sound like a complete dickhead, desu.
>>16574416
Not really, we've discussed the Snapchat thing and she's okay with that. It's actually the opposite of what you're saying. I try too hard to find away to engage her in exploring her sexuality without being pushy that either she doesn't care for my needs or she doesn't find me sexually attractive at all. Is not currency, is simple equity. She has told me she sometimes feels horny and I do what is my power to make her feel good, why wouldn't she correspond in the same way?
>>16574416
Feminazi detected.
It all comes to you growing up a pair and demand what you think is fair. She being a catholic is not a real excuse, some of the slutier girls I know are catholic. BTW, if she's so clueless and insecure, then why did she tittyfuck that guy? I know it may upset you, but maybe she think you're just too stupid to actually fuck her good.
>>16573610
Kek
Speaking if which, OP, this is the first time I've ever used this meme because I find it really annoying. But she's keking you hard. You have my genuine sympathy, you sound like you deserve a much better girl.
>>16574813
I know, all about this guy happened while she was at a catholic high school, so I know they are not anti-sex at all.
>>16574843
I appreciate the sympathy, anon.
It seems like you're not getting laid anytime soon. If you want to avoid the frustration just leave her, if it isn't meant to happen with her, don't try to keep forcing it.
Just break up with that double-faced slut for god's sake.
Just face it OP
>>16574994
>>16575961
>>16576256
Thank you anons, it expected that. That's exactly why I asked for advice from girls.
>>16576337
Do you think this gonna work?
You are an absolute madman.
>>16576362
Thank you, good sir.
