When my little sister was little, she were molested by my older brother. He was about 12-13, my sister was probably about 6.
It lasted a few months maybe, and after it stopped no one ever spoke or mentioned it for a long time.
Recently, my little sister (now 17) told her therapist about it and her therapist spilled the beans to my parents and the rest of our family.
Before, my little sister and brother had a perfectly fine relationship (although I don't think she ever liked sitting too close to him on the couch or anything like that). Now they do not speak and try to avoid each other whenever possible.
My little sister says she never wants to talk to him again. When I asked her why it's different than it was before, she says because he never apologized. She said she doesn't want an apology even now.
It really sucks. Is there anything I should do to get them to be friends again? I think my brother probably feels awkward and really guilty, and doesn't want to talk to my sister because he is afraid. I'm closer to my sister than my brother, so I know her side of things more than his.
Any input is appreciated
That's weird. Don't expect her to want to be buddy-buddy with your brother ever again. Why would you want them to be close after knowing about this?
>>16570233
sounds like some therapist has the vocal runs
>>16570245
Most likely she requested it/agreed to the idea, otherwise the therapist is breaking a level of confidentiality they would be fired for
>>16570238
I should add that I got molested too. A therapist didn't tell my whole family about it though. I'm on good terms with my brother, and always have been.
I guess I don't really need them to be close, but I feel really bad for my mom who feels responsible and is reminded of it whenever my sister walks out of a room my brother enters.
>>16570245
Yeah she was legally required to tell my parents because my sister is a minor or something like that
>>16570255
No, my sister begged the therapist not to tell but she was legally required to
>>16570260
First of all, your brother needs some serious help. If he molested you both then there's something really wrong.
>>16570297
Lock him up he's worthless
>>16570297
I mean, he was 12, so I figured he was going through some really weird puberty-induced-need-to-touch-girls thing. Do you think he's that messed up? He wasn't like raping us or anything, just his touches could get a little inappropriate.
What did he do?
It is odd that you guys are so forgiving. Strange family dynamics.
>>16570260
I see, I'm not some weirdo like your brother but I get why he doesn't apologize, some things are just too hard to talk about even the slightest
>>16570324
My family is very close. We've all been best friends until this thing.
I don't remember much, just being held down (like playfully wrestling) and then feeling REALLY uncomfortable with the situation which I'm guessing was because inappropriate touching ensued, but I really don't remember. My little sister says he once showed her his dick too.
>>16570324
Have you ever been molested anon? It fucks you up a bit especially if you only have the reference point of a child who can't understand sex. Rationalizing it is common because it's your family member and you love them and you live together
>>16570354
Cant family members show each other their genitals???
My kids bath together and as babies we would take mommy daddy baby baths. It was fun and easier to wash the baby with my husband there.
>>16570380
That's really not the same sorry
>>16570359
Yeah sometimes I think maybe it's a lot worse than I think it is, but I love my brother and I forgive him. Maybe I'm rationalizing it, but I value him more as a brother than whatever he did to me when I was a kid.
My sister seems to hate him a lot though, and I really wish they wouldn't hate each other anymore.
Also I feel like this guy says
>>16570380
like it wasn't that bad at all
I guess he was 12 though and that's pretty old to be doing that kind of stuff? I don't know
>>16570386
Okay
>>16570233
Have you tried to talk to your brother about it (in a non-judgmental way)?
>>16570411
You're allowed to forgive your brother, your sister is allowed to not forgive him as well. Maybe they will become friends again but likely after a while, and that's ok because people need time to work this kind of stuff out
>>16570435
Yay it's good to hear that it's okay for me to forgive him.
My problem is I'm hoping there's something I can do to encourage my sister forgiving him. Like should I tell him to write an apology letter to her or something? Is that a good idea?
>>16570427
I haven't talked to him about it. I mean to, but I haven't gotten the chance yet and I don't really know what I would say.
>>16570464
>should I tell him to write an apology letter to her or something?
Sounds like what a retarded therapist would suggest.
>I haven't talked to him about it.
Then that would be the first step.
If he really seems sad about it and you don't get a chance to be alone with him and sure no one will disturb, just be direct and tell him you need to talk with him and talk about that as rationally as possible.
You should do this ASAP and not let the situation linger.
Also, you can't force your sister to forgive him, even trying will just fuel her resentment against him. Like >>16570435 said
>>16570464
You can encourage them to try to talk to each other about it, I personally don't like the idea of the apology letter and she said she doesn't even want an apology. It must be really hard in the house OP I'm sorry
>>16570492
I just figured a letter would be more likely to happen then him apologizing to her face to face.
I guess I'll just talk to him when I get home, and see how that goes
>>16570233
This is slightly different than yours, but still kind of related.
I was molested when I was 10 by my step dad. I wasn't raped, but yea. My family knew, and for whatever fucked up reason my mother had, she continued to date him. For a long time, I still considered my stepdad a father figure. I had my dad too. He didn't know about it at the time though. Well, about 4 years into therapy I had a break through where I finally realized how wrong it was. How I did not forgive him. How I did not understand why he did this to me. How I did not understand why my mom stayed with him despite him hurting me.
And I just... did not want to feel like a victim anymore. I had displaced anger on so many people. On my family, friends, etc. Yet, I totally stockholmed by my stepdad for most of my childhood. He was the one that did wrong by me.
And by having any kind of relationship with him, it made it seem like he "won." Like he had me under his thumb. And I didn't want to feel like a victim anymore. I did not want someone who hurt me to have the satisfaction of having any kind of relationship with me.
You shouldn't try to fix this. You were molested too, and you handle it a different way than your sister does. I don't know if it's the right or the wrong way, but I highly suggest allowing her to go her own way about this. She's not destroying family relationships by not talking to your brother, your brother ruined future family relationships by molesting the both of you.
>>16570233
>told her therapist about it
So she told her therapist about the rapist?
>>16570521
>comparing a full-grown pedo with a dumb immature teenager
Maybe you should stop giving advices.
>>16570233
So glad I never had an older brother.
>>16570536
A victim of sexual assault is still a victim of sexual assault.
You think a 6 year old can think "Oh, he's just a dumb teenager, that's why he's touching my privates."
k.
>>16570545
>Didn't read my comment and is just mad someone disagrees with him
Please stop.
>>16570550
I read the full two sentence fragments, dude.
>>16570564
Then either your reading is impaired or you willfully tried to strawman me.
Either way, just let go.
>>16570545
It's true it doesn't change the affect it initially had on the person who was molested, but I think he's still right that an immature preteen molesting someone is a lot different than a full grown adult.
Children don't understand a lot of social and ethical norms, that's why they have no legal capacity.
>>16570594
Well, this thread is about the affect it had on the sister. Not whether or not an adult pedo and a teen that molests kids is the same thing. All I was trying to express was the affect being molested as a child had on me and the feelings I had towards the person considering the molester was someone in my family.
>>16570617
Yeah, I feel what you're saying.
I think the point that person was trying to get across was the forgiveness of being molested, like I was able to forgive my brother because he was young and I see him as a kid who didn't know what he was doing.
I wouldn't be able to forgive an adult like that, and you obviously wouldn't forgive your step dad, because he's an adult who was fully aware that what he was doing was wrong.
Also, that's terrible that your mom kept dating him when she knew what he did.
>>16570617
> this thread is about the affect it had on the sister
No, you are overreacting by trying to relate everything to your experience and it shows your therapist could be incompetent and you still have some kind of post-trauma syndrome.
The original question was
>Is there anything I should do to get them to be friends again?
How could you have missed it?
>>16570663
I answered her question in my first post, how could you have missed it? Oh wait, you think I think everyone is suffering like me.
>>16570662
No, I get that too. But, if the sister is still affected by it in a way that she feels victimized, it is possible that she does not see her brother like that. She wanted an apology from him. And because he did not apologize, maybe she sees him as a pedophile, as the same 12 year old that molested her.
Two people can experience the same thing, and be affected by it in a totally different way.
>>16570698
>I answered her question in my first post, how could you have missed it? Oh wait, you think I think everyone is suffering like me.
See, you are definitely still bitter because I'm treating you like a normal person and rationally reasoning with you instead of being all empathic and saying how sorry I feel for you.
You answered the question by saying he shouldn't and your reason was your story. Then I pointed out how different the stories were, to which you strawmanned me by trying to make me say that sexual assault is ok for a teenager, which is clearly not what I meant.
Maybe you should move on from your past bad experiences and stop being trapped in your anger before giving advices to other people. That's what I meant. But now it looks you're just stubbornly opposing me, so whatever.
>>16570527
CARLOS!!
>listening to therapists/marriage counselors/psychologists
>EVER
lmao
It was 11 years ago, he was 12 and there was no penetration involved, in any other country this would be a non-issue.
>>16570738
You should stop this whole pseudo-psychologist thing you've got going on. It's embarrassing to read and comes off as using someone's sexual molestation as a desperate attempt to save face.
Your sister is 17.. And she may have had some touching from your bro but she is going to be in cunt mode for the next 5 years anyway. An apology will not be accepted and he can do nothing to help the family at all so he may as well harden up.
Ask her to forgive him ask him to apologise. If they won't then get your brother to tell her to firmly fuck right off until and never speak until she has grown up enough to be human.
Fix or be apart. He was a a kid! He is not that person anymore.
>>16570233
I call bullshit. Unless your sister specifically asked the therapist to tell your family about it that's illegal and they should lose their licence. Even with patient consent they are usually not allowed to "spill the beans" based on an agreement your sister would have had to sign before starting therapy.
>>16572197
Yeah - as I said earlier, girls of this age are so bad. there is a distinct possibility she has decided to chop and burn your whole family just for the thrill of it all.
Suspicious therapist too. Check all facts.
