Adv, i've been on a lot of dates with T. We have such an awesome time together. But lately i startet to feel like i'm leading him on. There are some ugly things he doesn't know about me. It hasn't naturaly come up yet , so i havent't told him. On one side, i want him to know me with flaws and all. On the other side i'm terrified of driving him away. What do? How long into a relationship is it ok to not tell your partner stuff that might change his opinion of you? At what point does it go from "we are still getting to know each other" to "leading on"?
>>16569114
>polish starter pack
>nie ma kiełbasy and kapusty
>At what point does it go from "we are still getting to know each other" to "leading on"?
after third date, if you string along the guy after that, you are just being a bitch
>>16569122
So, are you implying that you should tell your darkest secrets to somebody you went on 3 dates? That's seems a tad overdone to me...
>>16569122
Have you actually dated anyone, ever?
>>16569126
yes, I imply that if you are seriously considering someone to be your serious parter, you tell them ugly shit about you so they can decide if they're okay with that BEFORE entering a relationship with you
>>16569128
yeah, and I had people who kept very important things from me for a long time. One girl openly told me that she didn't tell me that she's HIV positive because she knew I wouldn't date her then. She was right too, but the point is, we were together for a year and I didn't know she could potentially fuck my life forever
I think we need to know what kind of flaws. If it is something like the kind of relationship you want, you shouldn't wait much. Maybe you could go hinting some of the other flaws from time to time.
>>16569152
Well, we are going on dates for a bit more than a month now. I do see this heading into a relationship, but i am in no hurry to put a label on it. We have been taking things slowly, and we are still in the "how can you possibly be so flawless"-phase. I guess it is slowly fading, so the time might be near to tell him the not so perfect things about me. Ugh... HIV is a bummer anon. what i have to tell would not have any lasting effects on him. It's basically these two things that scare me: i am on SSRI's. I am slowly decreasing the dosage now with the goal to be drug free in spring. I had fallen into a bad depression because i had to have an abortion due to medical reasons (i was on isotretinoin and got preggers despite having an iud...) a year ago. This whole story is such a mess and i feel so uncomfortable about telling him! I don't want to ruin this! I really like him...
>>16569161
See my post below yours anon.
What do you mean by "hinting on my other flaws"
>>16569172
I think you should just casually mention that you struggle with depression and if he's okay with that. You can see how he reacts to that and eventually mention abortion thing if you feel comfortable. However from what I see you are nowhere near ready for a relationship, I would advise you to sort out your problems first honestly.
>>16569189
How in the world would i go about mentioning my depression "casually"? I feel like i am over it. I have been to therapy all year long and i startet a new job i love half a year ago. My life's pretty awesome right now! It would even be perfect if things worked out with this guy. I am sure i'll be able to be good without medication.
But i'm curious about why you say i'm nowwhere ready to start a relationship? I feel like i have spent the last year sorting out my problems...
>>16569206
You apparently are in a middle of treatement so you're still a bit unstable, no?
Anyway, I don't know how your dates look like, but at mine we often thing about intimate things. Sometimes about out worries and daily struggles and such things, it's a good moment to mention that you deal with depression
>>16569218
Well, my therapy is pretty much over. It's just that i want to sneak the medication out slowly to try avoiding withdrawal as much as possible.
Our dates have been rather short, because he's out of the country due to his education right now. We saw each other every weekend, but never for very long, cause either he or i had to be somewhere else the next morning/later/whatever. Last weekend was the first time he has stayed the night and still i had to get up early and go to work (i had to work out of my schedule). We are usually rather tired. We do talk a lot and i enjoy that. But i guess we never had the chance to feel like we could talk the whole night trough and not regret the lack of sleep the next day. However, he'll be back for 3 weeks next weekend, so things will be a bit different. We also both don't like talking over text and calling isn't possible cause of organisational difficulties...
>>16569179
I don't thing these are flaws, you had some health problems, that's all, not a sin. You were on anticonceptives and they didn't do their work. Shit happens.
Oh I thought you might be doing cocaine or something haha so I meant tell him to do some joints and see his reaction idk.
>>16569172
I wouldn't sweat it about your depression or medication. I know I wouldn't care about it, the main thing is you got over it right? Everyone has flaws in their personality, nobody is perfect. I'm sure he has some imperfections himself, hell he might even have gone though something similar you've been through. I have.
Bottom line is, depression it not something to be ashamed of. It's a lot more common than you think, especially in girls, but nobody talks about it to their friends. That's my experience at least.
>>16569206
Not the guy you're replying to, but honestly, I really don't think you need to make a big thing out of this. You're not obligated to confess every unflattering detail of your past to your boyfriend. You shouldn't lie about it if it does come up, but you shouldn't feel like you're being dishonest by not bringing it up intentionally.
Everyone's got a history. I'm sure there are things about him that he's not proud of, and I'm sure he's not going out of his way to advertise those things to you.
But yeah. That's the basic policy on stuff like this. Don't lie if it comes up, but don't bring it up for no reason.
