Are first relationships more passionate and life-changing than subsequent ones?
Is it fair to compare feelings you had for your first partner with your feelings for other partners?
I'm in my second relationship and my feelings for him are just "meh" in comparison with my first one. Plz help
I'm a 20yo grill and have been in relationships with at least 15 people. I'm now in what I consider my second serious relationship, we've been together for two years.
I got into my first serious relationship when I was in highschool, we were together for just over a year and a half and had been best friends for about 2 years prior to us dating, and then best friends again for a couple of years or so after we broke up. We were highschool sweethearts, 'the couple' of our grade.
Every relationship before and after that was different. The one I'm in now is by far the most different and complex. No relationship I've ever been in has been the same, nor have my feelings been the same.
My first real relationship was definitely passionate and life changing, but it doesn't even come close to what my current one is like.
The best I can tell you is that I believe there are a lot of different types of love, you can love many people in all kinds of different ways. There will be people you come across who you will love in a certain way and will see differently to others. Every single relationship is different, because every person and every connection you have with them is different. You're also a different person when one relationship ends and another begins.
I know without a doubt in my mind that my bf is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Yeah, my first serious relationship had a huge effect on me, but I was young and naive, he may have been my 'first love', but he wasn't my real love.
When you find someone who you love like that, you just know.
How long have you been together with your current partner? How long were you with your ex? How long ago did you break up? What was that relationship like? What's this one like?
Every relationship is different, like I said. Every person is different. For a lot of people, their first love will be their only real love, others won't stand a chance. It just depends on a lot of different factors.
>>16566392
7 years ago I entered High School thinking I would never be popular or ever get a date. As time progressed my circle of friends grew larger and I became less socially awkward and started to pursue and upper-class(Wo)man on my bus. Throughout the entire length of my freshman year and 2 months into my sophomore year I chased after that woman to no avail. And then she came along.
It started with me bringing my guitar and amp to school for band practice at a friends house. I happened by this girl who seemed to know me, but I had no clue who she was. She was chubby but had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. This was a type of woman who stood out in a crowd for me. She had amazing hips, wonderful curves and just the personality I craved. I was on my way to my second period class when out of the blue she approached me for a hug. Guitar amp in one hand and guitar in the other I confusingly hugged her back, my mind in some sort of stupor since it was never often I had been hugged by another gender. As I retracted my arms back towards myself, my guitar amp slightly bumped her butt and she playfully accused me of touching her butt. After this encounter I went about my business like any other day, not seeing her again for a while.
About a couple days or maybe even a week passed by and it was November 2nd. It started out like any other Monday, I get up go to school skip first block to go smoke with some friends and go in late. I start heading to class, blending in with students that take buses from the south high school that way I don't get in trouble for being late. As I'm walking to class I bump into her once more, this time she is alone walking to class so I offer to walk with her. We make small talk and all I can remember is just taking in that beautiful face kinda like in the movies where the voices fade and you just sorta become infatuated.
>>16567224
Cont.
We had stopped just outside her classroom, with only a minute remaining before I had to be across the school at my class. We kinda just sat there and looked at each other in kind of a shy manner I had asked her if she had a boyfriend. In my mind, I had assumed she did since I thought she was so beautiful. It was like time froze when I asked, and my heart had already started digging its own grave when she unexpectedly said no and in my haze in a most certainly beta manner asked "Would you like one?" she giggled and replied "I don't know" in an intoxicating manner then scampered into her class. So I drudged back to my class and couldn't stop thinking about her and since our classes were in different wings we would have different lunches and I figured I would never find out and went back to my usual brooding self.
Then came time for lunch. I sat with my friends, making a mess of everything like we usually do until the end of lunch and then return to class. As I'm leaving the cafeteria I feel this tap on my back and it's this girl again and shes holding a note for me. I look down at the note and she's smiling ear to ear and tells me not to read it until I get to class. I comply and smile back at her, gazing into those luminescent eyes and she pecks me on the cheek and trots into the lunch room.
I sit down in class, note in hand hesitant to open and read it. Up until now in my life I've been nothing but a mockery to women I find attractive so there was no reason to get my hopes up with this note. Expecting something harsh I could feel my insides melt as the strength of 10 million butterflies were let free. I finally had a girlfriend.
>>16566625
15 fucking relationships at 20 years old??? No sorry sweetheart those aren't relationships. You're just a slut.
And op I was with my first love/bf from 17-22. Have had two other relationships since. I'm 28 now and honestly the first one will probably always be the most passionate one. And I'll probably always love him or I guess the memory of him. That break up hurt so much I didn't think I'd make it. The other two were sad but not devestating. I think it's just a first love thing.
>>16567251
Final Part.
Our relationship blossomed like moss growing rampant through a forest, everyone in school knew us within a month since we were always that couple who were holding each other no matter where we were. Minutes with her felt like seconds, life felt to short to feel this good. She was everything I ever dreamed of and more. She had that beauty of a twilit sea with hues of orange, lavender and gentle stars peeking through. She was a physical miracle, the piece of the puzzle that completed me. I traveled all over the state with her, experienced all sorts of new things like camping, lacrosse, having someone to hold and take in the sunrise at the beach. She was my someone to hold and cherish forever.
But as time went on she became more and more uninterested in me. More and more disloyal. Fighting through the heartbreak to take her back each and every time, I couldn't help myself I had to be with her.
Eventually, she had come over to my house to break it off for good after almost 2 years. I cried for days, I didn't even get to say goodbye that day. I stormed off and walked for hours, not to return until sun down. My dad understood I wanted to be left alone and school came around again and I did everything in my power to avoid even accidentally glancing at her. As time went on we talked more and more, her wanting me back and myself hesitant to be broken again. I never did take her back and now its been 5 years since I've seen her. I'm married, I have a kid and in the end. I regret all of it. Sometimes I wish that I could just end it all and start again in the afterlife. I miss her man. More than anything.
>>16567224
>>16567251
>>16567284
Pic related.
>>16567276
Same here. First gf and I broke up when she moved 2000km away. It sucked and it was hard, but we both agreed it was for the best. Had a chance to get her back a few years later, but I fucked it up and I still beat myself up over it even though I know it probably wasn't the best idea. She's the only ex I ever reminisce about. Even other girls, who I've broken it off with on reasonably good terms I feel like I'd avoid them if I saw them in public, but a lot of the time if I'm feeling lonely I'll wish I could randomly run into her.
>>16566392
nah, my first relationship was boring, super glad that ended!
>>16567276
Actually I'm not a slut, I've only slept with like half that number. I was just always in relationships (they normally lasted around 2 months, sometimes more, but the shortest actual relationship I've had was at least 1.5 months), I didn't even sleep with most of them.
I also pretty much hated sex before I met my bf.
So no, I'm not a slut.
>>16567224
>>16567251
>>16567284
Holy shit dude write a book or something.
You write so beautifully, I legit nearly cried reading all that.
And I'm really sorry that happened, that's shit and I hope you find peace one day.
>>16567959
Thank you.
>>16567950
>15 relationships at 20
>slept with half of them
Confirmed slut
![teachman[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/spDr5XM.jpg "teachman[1].jpg")
Yes, that's the reason for pic related
>>16568938
Sleeping with half that number doesn't make her a slut. Hell I know plenty of girls who have slept with around 20 guys, 7 or 8 is nothing. And if she was dating most of them, it's better than just going out and fucking random dudes right?
In my experience, the average number of people girls have slept with is somewhere between 4 and 8, pretty common (that's including girls who are both friends and partners).
Don't be so butthurt.
>>16567276
Lel fuck off autist. That's perfectly normal, you were just too autistic to experience the same thing in high school and middle school.
OP first relationship was at 13. Fucking scarred me.
We were trying to have sex but our parents kind of knew and wanted us to split apart.
But our "relationship" was horrible in that the whole thing was built on depression. We were both suicidal teens and it was always "if you leave me I swear I'll kill myself. I love you so much..if you ever left me I'd kill myself." It was terrible. We'd write suicide letters and listen to grunge rock and she would show me her scars and talk about wanting to kill her parents, and I would listen to music and it was very textbook depressed angsty teen shit.
In some sense, though, it was extremely passionate, since I thought back then that I was literally going to marry this girl or something. I never thought we'd ever break up, I really thought I was different. Shit fucked me up and threw me from childhood innocence into a kind of angsty spiteful teen.
In regards to your point about the later relationships just being "meh" compared to the first, you have to give it time. You have to give it a lot of time, more than your first one. If you were with the first for a few years, you have to wait a few years to have such good feelings about the second one. It's just the way it goes. Give it some time, really. you'll be fine.
>>16569826
15 boyfriends is not normal at 20 it's absolutely desperate and screams daddy issues
>>16568981
There's no source though.
>>16569849
I never said I had 15 boyfriends, I said I dated around 15 people. And looking back, I actually miscounted and rounded up because I've blocked out a lot of my teen years.
I started getting into relationships when I was 13, like this anon >>16569826 and yes, I know it's a lot, however only a couple of them were serious, like I've stated.
I was just one of those teens who'd always be dating someone. The longest I went without being in a relationship was about 6 months, if that, right before my current bf (of 2 years) and I got together.
>>16569873
So where's your dad? Why did you feel the need to have 13 boyfriends by the age of 20? Does he not love you? Left you? Beats you?
>>16569884
I didn't feel the need, I just always found that people liked me and wanted to date me. If I liked them back, I'd date them.
It's really not a hard concept to grasp.
>>16569884
>>16569901
I'm also including people I was 'seeing' in that number. I'm not just talking about 'Facebook official' relationships.
I'm happy to admit that I was a bit of a flirt, there's nothing wrong with that, some people like the attention and like feeling wanted, others don't.
Maybe 13 or so relationships is a bad thing, I don't know nor care. But at least (by your standards, and like 95% of 4chinz) I haven't actually fucked that many people.
>>16566625
Hi, anon, thanks for the input. It's good to hear from someone who has experienced a wide range of relationships.
You said that when you find love, you will know. My problems is that I'm very confused with what my feelings are. I've been dating my current bf for 5+ months now and the relationship is still much more mellow than my first one. I dated my ex for 7 months and the whole relationship was very tumultuous is terms of passion.
I also should add that I am on birth control (Depo Provera) and my libido has hit rock bottom. This confuses me even more because I feel like I'm not attracted to my partner.
I barely had any meaningful conversations with my ex but was very into him. I have great and deep ones with my current bf but the passion isn't there.
I'm really confused
>>16569901
You didn't answer about your dad
>>16567284
Aw, anon. :(
It's such a sad story. Do you ever think that you might be able to work on your feelings for your wife and end up feeling the same way you felt for your ex?
>>16569908
Didn't you say half earlier? A 20 year old with 7.5 partners. You should value yourself more and not just sleep with any guy that likes your picture on Facebook.
>>16569826
Thanks, anon. I was with my ex for 7 months and am with my current bf for 5+ months. The level of passion isn't there and I will just have sex because my bf's really horny. I should mention that I'm on birth control and ever since, my libido has been very low.
>>16569948
Actually she can do whathever she wants... why so concerned about her sexual history?
>>16566392
>Are first relationships more passionate and life-changing than subsequent ones?
Nope. I'm still in my second (and probably last) long-term relationship. The first, although it was interesting and exciting (due to new experiences and feelings), still wasn't all that. He had too many large flaws and I've always been realistic enough to know that it just wasn't going to work out long-term. If you're a hopeless romantic, or you put that person on a pedestal, you're going to completely ignore their flaws and think about all the good times.
>Is it fair to compare feelings you had for your first partner with your feelings for other partners?
No, because every relationship is going to be different. Ask yourself these questions: Am I genuinely happy? Am I genuinely happy with THIS person? Are we good to each other? Are we sexually compatible? Will this work out? Why or why not?
>I'm in my second relationship and my feelings for him are just "meh" in comparison with my first one.
That's not necessarily a good or bad thing. Are you in a relationship because you actually like this person, or are you just trying to avoid being alone? Don't be that person that jumps from relationship to relationship--you will never be happy.
What ended your last relationship? What was it like? Many people end up in unhealthy, somewhat abusive relationships, but they feel a great deal of emotions. The abusive partner gets them caught in a cycle of high-low-high-low emotions. After they bring you down, they'll bring you right back up, and the chemical cocktail of emotions can be addicting. This is part of why it's difficult for people that are abused to leave. Another big factor could be age. The younger you were when your first relationship began could impact how you perceived things, since your body was going through big changes.
>>16569952
>I should mention that I'm on birth control and ever since, my libido has been very low.
This will certainly change how you feel about your relationship and your sex life. It's not that the passion is gone, you just have to put forth more effort into creating passion. Being on the pill has ruined my sex drive, but I have to stay on it until I can get my Vitamin D up to sufficient levels. Until then, I do what I can to get myself in the mood and get off. It works. When you have a low libido, due to medication or some type of hormonal imbalance, you have to put in the extra work.
>>16569944
Long story short. No.
Maybe another 5 years will pass and I'll have a different mind set. But for now I don't have time for feelings.
A mutual friend after our break up spent a lot of time with me and she basically helped me through most of it. We did a lot together but it wasn't the same. Her and I had gone to a park I used to frequent in my elementary years and we got on the topic of the afterlife and she told me that she thinks that our happiest thought is what our eternal heaven would be. To this day my friend's words echo in my head and I pray, that when I pass, I'll be able to be with her again. Sitting on the rocks at the beach, snuggled and being misted in sea-spray watching that sun rise just one more time.
>>16569934
You're welcome, I hope at least some of what I shared helped.
There's not really much more I can say that these anons have said
>>16569970
>>16569996
You should think about your future, and your future with your bf.
Where do you see yourself in 6 months? Is it still with him? What about a year? 5 years?
>>16566392
passionate? yes. life changing? no. early relationships are generally more passionate. look at all the teenagers who think they are in love after five fucking days and practically cry when they gotta say goodbye.
compare that to adult relationships where their like 'see you later' and just go.
any first experience is a bit more 'passionate'.
if you are only on your second relationship and feeling 'meh' you probably just arent that into him. some people seem ideal for dating but arent.
i met a guy, curly haired, really cute, was happy to just do whatever i wanted to do, amazing fucking sex, hot accent, great pecs, nice booty, pretty much every thin i want in a man. god i miss those curls.
but i felt so much nothing for him. it was fine to be in a date like relationship with him, but there was no spark. it was meh. that was in july
a few weeks ago i met a guy and he set a fire in my heart. he wasn't really my type other than just being generally attractive, but after half an hour of knowing him i knew i wanted to do cutesy relationship stuff with him.
