Hey I am a 30-year-old femanon. Unfortunately, my relationship with the guy I've been dating in the past 4 years didn't work out and we broke up 5 months ago.
What is the dating game like for me? Is it really shit for me as I am already 30? I look younger than my actual age.
Thanks for answering.
Just date people your own age. There are still plenty of singles in their 30s, people are getting married much later in life these days so not all of them are going to be divorcees either.
What happened?
>>16563837
He got a job offer in another city and moved there. The long distance relationship didn't work out.
>>16563840
I'm sorry. You didn't want to/couldn't move with him?
>>16563911
I couldn't find a job there.
that dog is probably dead now. damn things shouldn't be allowed to breed, it's just sad
and you'll probably be fine if you aren't hideously ugly or have a terrible personality. but if you look too hard you'll come off as the desperate type. just have fun with your life and see if you can find someone through your interests. there's plenty of 30 singles out there
>>16563832
Older guy here -
You'e going to have to face a couple of probabilities
1. Your pool is largely men 10 or 20 years older than you. Guys your age are looking at the 20 year olds.
2. Just as you are carrying some experience and emotional baggage, so will anyone you meet. You're not going to find clean slates - there will be broken marriages or bad relationships or whatever in their pasts, and possible children and financial obligations in their presents.
>>16563832
38 year old anon here. Dating is still a thing at this age, but it's a very different game.
The first thing you have to consider is that you're not getting a new model. In fact, you're not even getting an ex demonstrator or one from the previous year that's been sat at the back of the forecourt. You're going to be in to the realm of blokes who are skint from paying alimoney, or who dissapear off the radar on friday night to be weekend dad.
There's also the "all the good ones are taken" thing to deal with. You're allready working with a much smaller target group as the majority of people at this age are in long term relationships, and while there are still single people out there, a lot of them are that way for a reason. While some are single through circumstance or just bad luck, you're going to run in to those who are simply to broken or defective to ever be in a relationship with anyone.
>>16563832
30 isn't old. The "dating game" now shouldn't be too different from when you were 26.
>>16563832
it really depends how well you've kept yourself. But 30 is a game changing period. The power shifts from women to men and many women are unable or unwilling to make that adjustment.
many guys will be wondering what you're after in a relationship. If you know what you want then look for those type of men
>>16564875
either delusional or female.
>>16563832
I'm 29 and wouldn't rule you out unless you got some serious problems.
As a single 28(about to be 29) female these replies terrify me. Could always date younger op. I tend to talk to younger guys these days I just don't have an attraction for much older men(maybe because my dad is still young and it feels weird).
>>16564934
>these replies terrify me
How so?
>>16564854
>>16564867
Is it really that bad? I don't want to be single forever.
>>16563836
>>16564879
>>16564885
These replies seem more optimistic.
So... how is right here? Is it hopeful or am I stuck with a small pool which mainly consists of creeps and neets?
>>16564948
Most of them are pretty negative and discouraging. We will only get old men or really bad ones??
>>16564958
I'm male and I think those replies are nonsense. There's plenty of men who don't value the immaturity and other kinds of nonsense usually associated with youth. Most of these pessimistic answers are probably by people who feel like women deserve some sort of comeuppance for not jumping on their dicks when they're 21.
>>16564958
What people said in this archived thread is pretty much the opposite though (although this anonette is in a somewhat different situation): http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/16496000/#16496000
>>16564953
>am I stuck with a small pool which mainly consists of creeps and neets?
Yes, mostly. Plus all the guys who just want to have sex with you and leave the day after.
You had your prime time to find a great man. But weebs are still there and happy to get into a relationship. You just have to realise that now YOU have to court the MEN. Not the MEN court YOU.
>>16564969
So a "great man" is either someone who exclusively dates a string of sub-25-year-olds or who marries young?
>>16563832
Honestly you are gonna have a bad time, why would a decent guy your age settle for a 30 year old when he can get a 20 year old?
Your best bet is to go for 40+ year olds and accept the fact that they are gonna have a lot of baggage.
I know it sucks but its the hard truth, you can either accept reality or live in a fantasy world of 'you go gurl you still hot at 40' that popular media is trying to spin.
And you really shouldnt complain since getting a decent guy for a girl in her twenties is incredibly easy:
1. dont be fat
2. dont be a slut
Sadly girls most spend their teens and twenties chasing assholes who pump and dump them and then when they are 30 they wonder why there are no more single decent guys left.
>>16564978
>they are gonna have a lot of baggage
How bad is this "baggage"? I don't mind older men.
>>16564978
>why would a decent guy your age settle for a 30 year old when he can get a 20 year old?
Because he values things differently than you do, anon.
>how could anyone ever experience the world differently from myself?!
>>16564967
I see a lot of similar replies. You have to date older because men your age will want young girls and it depends on your looks.
>>16564964
I kind of agree with you. People aren't getting married in their 20s anymore. I don't know about the op but I haven't actively been in the dating world for at least two years and single. I just haven't wanted to date anyone. I don't think I'm hopeless now though just because I'm almost 30.
>>16564982
Ex wives, kids from failed marriages, that sort of thing.
>>16564984
I remember seeing this thread before it was archived and it had quite a lot of posters (10+?)
>>16564978
You seem bitter.
Has anyone in their 30s here actually had a successful relationship with a 20 year old girl? I can't imagine you'd have much in common.
>>16564985
And how bad are THOSE factors? Is dating a man with baggage much worse than dating a dude without baggage?
>>16564988
I'm currently 28 and I'm hard pressed to imagine dating anyone who is more than 5 years younger than me. I certainly could imagine banging them, although I'd be apprehensive about their relationship to sex and their own bodies, but probably not really having a proper relationship.
My current girlfriend is about three years younger than me and it already seemed like a pretty big gap, although of course as time passes these three years get more and more meaningless.
>>16564988
Im 28 and i have dated girls 18-26. The whole young girls are immature and boring is a myth perpetuated by by bitter 35 year old women who cant handle the competition or by losers who cant get younger girls so its sour grapes.
18-20 are mostly immature but a girl in her early twenties is great relationship material, especially cause older girls were hurt more so they tend to be more on guard and wont invest in a relationship as easily, have baggage etc.
OP here.
So should I just come to terms with the fact that I have to settle or be forever alone? Is settling that bad? Anyone tried this option here?
>>16565007
>>16565007
Well I'm definitely not a bitter 35 year old and I'm still in my 20s. I still wouldn't date an 18-23 year old guy. I mean at that age you are out making all your mistakes in life and still so young. Coming up on 30 I couldn't relate to them let alone have a steady relationship with one. So if you're 28 you aren't at 30 yet either what was your longest relationship with a girl that age to say it's successful? I think you're predicting your future here friend and can't really have the experience yet. Unless you dated 15-17 year olds at 25.
>>16564975
No, but think about it this way:
Most great men are achievers and are very sought after. Most of them never had problems in getting a girlfriend.
They can date 20 somethings, so they do it.
Take this analogy: If you can get a new car for the price of a used car, would you buy the used car?
Of course there are great personalities that never got popular with the ladies, but the are the exeption, not the rule. Just like most women look old at the 35, despite some of them still looking like 25 year olds
>>16565013
Want to be forever alone besties op? I already have 3 cats.
>>16565020
OP here. I look like I am in my early 20s (I'm Asian and I guess I inherited it), will that help or am I still stuck with >>16565013 ?
>inb4 you are stuck with weebs
Asking for advice on this is a little too late, its like the raging neckbeards who spent their teens and twenties playing wow or whatever and then asking for advice on how to make friends and get a girlfriend, its just too late.
What you should have done is started looking for a long term partner when you were 24-25 at the latest. That way you could have EASILY gotten a decent looking, stable, normal 30 year old guy who will commit.
Sadly most girls spend their early twenties chasing that guy who fucked half their sorority. Guess what, if your every friend wants to bang that alpha drug dealer, chances are he aint gonna stick around. Then when they turn 30 and start looking for a decent guy they wonder why they cant get one.
>>16565015
Men and women are different, females mature much faster than males, its just a fact of life.
>>16565024
Did you read my other posts? I broke up with my boyfriend recently as the long distance relationship didn't work out.
>>16565015
I dated an 18 year old when i was 24, she was immature, but now im with a 23 year old girl at 28 and its great, 2 years and going strong.
>>16565026
So he just suddenly said hey im moving and thats it? How long were you with him?
29 year old single male. Yeah the singles pool is getting more shallow with every year passing by. Its just feels odd because for me no kids or no broken marriages yet my peers around me are swimming in those "problems".
>>16565028
Yeah but that's a 5 year difference not 10 years. So you really can't comment that 30 year olds are going to want someone 10 years younger. I mean you are coming across like we did something wrong for being single at our age. How long have you been with that 23 year old? Are you married yet? You're in the same exact boat friend.
>>16565024
>too late
I'm like two seconds and three popped veins away from gettting a huge angry erection at you for perpetuating this bullshit.
There is no fucking "too late". If you're a human being and get to be like 80 years old unless being killed through the internet by a spiking rage boner, then at most points in time, you're going to have decades of life ahead of you.
Even people who are forty are still people capable of everything that you're capable of. They have feelings and dreams beyond paying for your college tuition and planning how to integrate your sorry ass into the economy. Of course this society is fucking youth-crazy, but I mean, this isn't the middle ages. If people get to live this long, how can anyone say or think - with a straight face - that at a young age like 25 or 30 or 35 or even 40 there is anything that is "too late"?
Anyway, fuck you, you're everything that's wrong with the world, and the next time I read another 23-year-old whining about how their life is over I'm going to become a terrorist and bring down your way of life, because you stand for everything I don't stand for
>>16565030
He got a promotion so he moved there. I couldn't find a job in that city.
>>16563832
Where do you live OP?
>>16565035
Like i said in the post you quoted, 2 years and i will probably marry her.
And i didnt mean exactly 10 years more of a rough estimate, as in a girl in her early twenties should look for guys in his late twenties, 5,6,7 years doesnt exactly matter.
But waiting till you are 30 and expecting to get a decent 30 year old guy is unrealistic.
>>16565045
Unrealistic is a stretch. Maybe come back and tell us we are all doomed when you are actually 30.
>>16565037
You didnt answer how long were you with him?
>>16565047
You keep thinking that men and women are the same.
Women have a MASSIVE advantage in in the dating game while under 30 or so. Then after 30 the game changes so its slightly in favor of men. Its just a fact of life.
>>16565048
Did you read this >>16563832 post?
>>16565038
I am from Australia.
>>16565056
Well fuck. I'm SoCal. The point is I'm 29, single, never been married, and no kids.
So the dudes without horriffic baggage are out there, but the pool is indeed getting thin.
OP here.
I just don't understand why everyone here is the opposite of what everyone said in this archived thread http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/16496000/#16496000
I remember seeing that archived thread and there were 10+ posters there. Who is trolling me? Who should I listen to?
Also, this happens on /adv/ all the time. People create threads with similar issues yet in different threads, the responses can be the polar opposite. Why the heck does this happen?
>>16565059
>without horriffic baggage are out there
Tbh is dating men with ex-wives and kids from previous marriages THAT bad? They are just humans, after all.
>but the pool is indeed getting thin
Let's say I still can't find someone. Will it be almost hopeless when I am 40?
>>16565062
Its not technically about "bad", its a different mindset. You alter the way you are when you're married and/or when you have kids. So if you date someone with those attributes you need to adjust accordingly and its a quick adjustment or else the relationship will fail.
It just becomes harder the older you get, not nesssessarily impossible. Then again you're asking someone who is one year younger than you, I'm just following pic related.
>>16565060
Because /adv/ isn't a think tank of like ten people who speak in a unified voice. People have different opinions and experiences.
>>16565069
>So if you date someone with those attributes you need to adjust accordingly
Be a bit more specific here. How do I need to adjust myself?
>>16565070
Who should I listen to then? Everyone in that archived thread said that the dating game should be ok if I am decent-looking and have a "normal" personality.
>>16564989
That is ENTIRELY situational. Think about though, for a moment. If this guy has kids, the mother of his children is always going to be a part of his life in some way. This situation doesn't always spell trouble, my future in-laws are both divorcees who's only contact with their previous spouses is platonic necessity.
When it comes to said kids, how do you feel about raising another woman's child? Sure, it's nice to try and be a part of a stable, two parent, household, however; trying to raise someone elses kids is very polarizing. They can easily resent you, sometimes through no fault of your own, simply because you're not their 'real' mom. My future brother-in-law (from my future father-in-law's side) has major resentment towards his step-mom, no fault of her own I can't imagine, she's a nice woman, but he just doesn't like her. It happens.
However, speaking for myself, I have the utmost respect for my step-dad. He's an incredible role-model and I'm glad he's been able to be there for me as much as he could.
So, when dealing with this shit, you've just gotta put yourself, mentally, in the situations that are possible and think about what could go right or wrong and think about whether or not you wanna put yourself through that.
>>16565086
>Who should I listen to then.
Yourself, always. 4chan, similar to a LOT of things in life, is incredibly polarized. Regardless of the subject matter, you'll have two ends of the opinion spectrum screaming and shouting about what they believe is right, however; in reality, the truth/right answer typically tends to hover somewhere between these two polarized places. You see this shit all the time in life, 4chan, Politics, etc etc.
When making an educated decision about something, it's completely up to you to understand both ends of the spectrum and figure out the truth from there. Like I said, most of the time, it lies somewhere in the middle.
>>16565086
>who should I listen to
You should listen to whomever you want to listen to. That's usually what humans do. Other people tell us things and then we evaluate them based on what we know, and how we feel.
I personally think that giving in to negativity about your dating chances is nonsense and just a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nobody is making their chances better by thinking of themselves as some sort of second choice consolation price, or whatever these guys expect. Just go on dates with dudes and shit.
>>16565060
You'll get different answers depending on who's talking.
Soon turning 32 yo male here. Scandinavian, so my answers could be different to someone from US, Italy og Japan based solely on dating etiquette in different parts of the world. Most people on this board would consider 70% of women under 35 in my country to be total sluts, yet our liberal ways allows us to think of slutshaming as laughable, since sexuality is something we are very open about, and teach our children in an informed and healthy way at an early age, we have a down to earth relationship to promiscuity and see a good connection to our sexuality as a strong attribute to our personality. Otherwise our dating game is very similar to other western (especially English-speaking) countries. But obviously we have neet, autistic sperger shut-ins like everywhere else as well. And those guys make up a lot of the singles pool. To find a high quality man at your age will prove difficult unless you become a high quality woman.
My honest answer is that what people give as an answer, is a reflection of their own personality and experience. If someone judge me on my age alone, they might tell me that I'm too old to be dating a 20 yo, they might find it strange that I want to fuck a 39 yo, they might advice me on finding someone my own age - or they might say the exact opposite - it'll be revealing their own experiences, confidence, prejudice and preferences, and tell very little about my reality and chances of meeting someone, because that's something that's up to me to improve and become excellent at.
It's a matter of becoming attractive, OP. Your age is just a number, and if you look the parts, you'll have no trouble finding quality men to date. You only have to learn how to be attractive around the right ones, and how to keep them after you've catched them.
>>16565023
That will certainly help. Asians have it easier, as they tend to look very young very long.
Let me rephrase it a bit: The older you get, the more feminine you should appear. Caring, loving, loyal etc.. Men want a traditional women for marriage.
Nope. It's much easier to date now that I'm 31. Don't fret Op, as long as you're not bad looking, we get good men after us. The guy I'm dating is 33 and done creeping. Now he just wants something long term while I'm enjoying the attention I'm getting from guys of all ages.
There are people your age who are single and also younger people willing to date you.
>>16565060
>Who is trolling me? Who should I listen to?
Well, if you listen closely to the way the people write it seems that the archived thread has many women in it and this thread many men.
Lets boil it down to this:
- 30+ makes it harder for you. If your City is big enough the dating pool still is somewhat big. You need to have a good personality and get more active in the dating market.
>>16565262
>Well, if you listen closely to the way the people write it seems that the archived thread has many women in it and this thread many men.
How can you tell that?
> go with what you want to believe
LOL. Orwellian shit makes me giggle. If you can convince yourself and all your sycophants that you are a special snowflake then it must be true.
OP you choose not to fight for your relationship and your ex knew he can trade up.
Age for women is like gravity. The larger the number the harder the impact. Until the point of terminal velocity. After that bigger numbers are academic
