I've had a lot of messed up stuff happen in my life to make it near impossible to actually trust anyone, especially males.
Men getting angry, yelling, fighting etc scare me to death to the point that whenever my boyfriend and I fight, I have terrible panic attacks.
Not too long ago, we had a fight, the worst we've had. During the fight he shoved/hit me. He's never done that before and has always said guys who hit their girls are the scum of the earth.
He doesn't remember any of it; I haven't told him about it yet.
The thing is, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it and I'm petrified that he'll do it again if he gets to that point again.
I don't know what to do /adv/. I love him so much, we're probably going to get married but I think I'm kind of scared of him now and I know that it won't ever be the same. I'll never be able to move past this or properly forgive him, but I don't want to leave him.
Please, help me.
Do you want to persist in an abusive relationship because of love?
If so, you will likely be abused, yet may even think you deserve it.
If not, you'll do yourself a favor. Breaking off an abusive relationship will hurt less than staying in one.
You decide.
>>16563589
I'm not trying to sound like a dick, but that's how the following sentence is going to sound; Good luck marrying someone you're scared of.
>>16563792
This!
If you want to save the trip back here in a year or so about how you made the mistake of marrying a man you fear, just break it up. Don't even confront him about it, just say you feel like your relationship is going nowhere or some excuse that won't open another argument that might scare you.
Buy some books on how to make incredibly, delicious sandwiches. Invite all your male friends over for a sandwich party. Everybody will love you.
>>16564170
Uh what?
OP why doesnt he remember any of it?
try to explore your relation with the male gender, it usually is related with the father relationship. Maybe will be usefull to rehink about how you see the feminity.
I understand OP, I fear shouting and it really makes my heart pump and my blood rush. One time a guy friend randomly shouted at me (as a joke) unexpectedly during a game. I just held back my tears until the game was over, went to my room and cried. I am still afraid he will shout at me again, seeing I wasn't reacting negatively.
Anyway, OP, don't commit if you're legitimately scared.
>>16563792
I've been in abusive relationships in the past but I've never been hit before, yet I think I deserve all of it regardless.
Reading the words 'abusive relationship' freaks me out because I think he does love me, but he's hurt me so much in the past and now this.
>>16563804
It's not so much that I'm scared of him, I'm just scared when he gets angry or yells, and now I'm a bit more scared. But not enough to leave, if that makes sense.
>>16564128
That's the thing, I know deep down that I should leave him, but I can't bring myself to do it. We both know we're not good for each other right now due to a whole host of reasons, but that's just how we are I think.
>>16564191
I have no idea. He blacked out apparently.
>>16564261
I'm really sorry that happened to you, that sucks dude.
How do you deal with the anxiety?
I don't think he'd ever do it again, but the thought is still there.
I'm just confused and hurting I guess.
Thanks everyone for the advice.
That's fucking unacceptable, OP. Seriously. If he really doesn't remember, that doesn't make it better, it's not like not remembering something he did means he isn't capable of doing it again.
>>16564729
I guess. He's always been so against hitting a woman, saying that guys that hit their girls are the scum of the earth, so maybe he won't do it again, you know?
I think he's going to leave me soon anyway so I think I'm just going to wait it out.
>>16564817
This is dumb. You're being dumb. Stop it. Fucking leave already before you waste even more time and put yourself at more risk.
