Story time, OP?

>>16562809
I was getting bitchy because he was withdrawing from me because he was depressed. I was a selfish dumbfuck. I tried to help him feel better but nothing would.

I was supposed to see him the day he died(Thursday) because I'd left after half an hour on Tuesday. At 11:40am, he texted me to come over now. When I got to his place 2 hours later, he wouldn't respond to any of my messages.

The next morning at 11:04, I get a message from his mother that he had passed away.

>>16562802

That kind of guilt never goes away whether you really are or not. You have to lock it away in a part of your brain you don't access often. You can't let it consume you. It was his decision to end his life regardless of what you may or may not have done.

I'm sorry that you lost your friend in such a way. Take the time to grieve, it's natural to feel sad for the loss of someone you cared about.

whatever. I think I'll an hero too.

>>16562878
Why did he do it when he had just told me to come over? Did he know when he kissed me goodbye on tuesday?

>>16562889
>Why did he do it when he had just told me to come over?
He wanted you to be the one to collect his body, and handle the initial logistics of the event of his death.

Exactly why he made that choice, I cannot say. There are many possible interpretations, some dark as hell, some rather less dark. But they all depend on one thing: he knew you cared.

In any event, it sounds like he screwed up that part of the plan, because you could not get in.

>Did he know when he kissed me goodbye on tuesday?
Probably. There is nothing you could have done, once he hit that stage. I am sorry for your loss, and doubly so for the circumstances. But I do not think he wanted you to blame yourself for this (and even if he did, that would make him unworthy of your guilt).

>>16562919
I don't even now how he did it.

On Tuesday, I jokingly pushed myself up a little bit on his balcony and looked over. I said to him that the lady on the ground looked freaked out when I did that.

I'm scared that I reinforced the idea in his head. Just last Sunday, I told him that I've never been to a funeral before.

>>16562944
>I don't even now how he did it.
Of course not. You couldn't get in. Like I said, he screwed up that part of the plan; he probably intended to leave the front door unlocked or something, but forgot. He had no backup plan, so he was found some 3-4 days later, probably by the police, who notified his next of kin.

I do find it a bit odd that his mother didn't tell you, though. Maybe they're still trying to figure it out?
>On Tuesday, I jokingly pushed myself up a little bit on his balcony and looked over. I said to him that the lady on the ground looked freaked out when I did that.
>I'm scared that I reinforced the idea in his head.
Not to any significant degree. If you had, he'd have jumped, and then you'd have found him. Or maybe a bystander would have found him first, but you would still know if that happened. Instead, jumping is just about the only thing we can be sure he didn't do. This was not your doing.

>Just last Sunday, I told him that I've never been to a funeral before.
I'm sorry to hear that this could be your first.

I'm also sorry if I've been coming off as cold or detached. You're doing the hyper-analysis thing, which is very common among people whose loved ones have just committed suicide. I am trying to counteract it in terms that a hyper-analytical state of mind might find compelling. It's not everything you need, but I hope it helps.

>>16563092
Thank you for your support.

He lived in an apartment building with his mother and brother though. His family is very religious so I'm sure the idea of their son committing suicide is hard to reconcile.

I know that he died on the 10th though. His last text on that day to me was at 11:40am and it said, "U can come over now." By the time I arrived at 1:30, he was not responding to me texts anymore. It must have happened then.

I could very well have been the last person he spoke to.

>>16563224
>He lived in an apartment building with his mother and brother though.
Same apartment, or just same building?

>>16563249
Same apartment.

>>16563249
I should also say that I know it was suicide. A few days prior he had told be that he was depressed and that it had never been this bad before. There were also few messages on his wall from his closest family that said that he wasn't in pain anymore. He had bipolar disorder.

I have been suicidal in the past so maybe his mother didn't want to say it?