so my dad died of cancer 2 weeks ago
i've been going out with my gf for 2 years now, she is in uni and i'm working
the funeral was last monday
my gf said she couldn't come because she had pratical work at uni (like laboratory stuff, experiment etc)
I didn't think much of it because I had tons of things to think about
My mom is now mad as fuck about her, saying she made a very big offense to me, and that she could obviously have skipped classes to go to the funeral
How do you guys feel about this? I don't even know what I should tell my gf about this, and if I should be mad or not
I remember telling her beforehands "if you can't go, you can't go and that's it" but I don't exactly know how these lab sessions can be skipped or not and how much she'd get in trouble for not going to one
I'd like to have this settled asap and not have this thing stuck in the back of my mind for years down the road
Your mom is overreacting.
>she could have
Your mom doesn't know that. There are absolutely some responsibilities in uni which cannot be missed, and bereavement rarely extends to "my bf's/gf's family." Not knowing what was going on or what her standing relationship is with her profs/TAs, your mom has no basis for conjecture. She's just hurting over your dad and losing her emotional control.
>settled
Drop the subject with your mom and don't talk to her about your gf ever again. Your mom seems to care more about her interpretation of your relationship than yours, despite it being your relationship.
On your end, talk to your girlfriend. Have her explain to you what sort of stuff was going on at school which she couldn't miss.
Your mom is either a huge bitch or acting out of grief. She is trying to manipulate you by saying you were the one your girlfriend offended.
>>16561798
well, how do you feel? do you think its something that she should have made time for?
For myself, i would probably make the point of saying that it was an important day for me and for her as well.
>>16561798
It depends on her reason. Maybe she's just bad at family stuff and wants to avoid awkward conversations. Maybe she doesn't give a fuck about you. It depends on how much she cared about you when all of this happened. Did she comfort you? Or didn't she do shit while your dad died, only caring about her studies?
>>16561814
>wants to avoid awkward conversations
I get that but that's a shit excuse, who wants to go to a funeral anyway? people still do it when they have to
when my dad dies I actually was at her parent's house with her, and yeah comforted me but I don't see how this could have played differently
dump her
>>16561798
Sorry for the loss of your dad.
How do YOU feel about her not comming?
Skrew your mom. If you love your girlfriend even though she didn't come, tell your mom that not her business. You love her and she should respect others.
>>16561895
I don't know
it's just that, I feel she has a tendency to always avoid things that are an inconvenience for her, and she always has a good reason.
Like, I can understand when she doesn't want to do X because it's annoying as fuck and a minor thing, but for such a big even about me I'd hoped she would have been able to make time for this, or somehow I hoped she'd be more apologetic for not coming
Once again I get it that funerals are shit but there's no way I would have missed her dad's funeral because of how impolite that'd be
work could have been an excuse.
I know I would not like to go to a funeral of someone who was not close to me just to show someone else I respect him. funerals should be for those actually remembering a person.
>>16561917
Unfortunently it's a little late now. You should've talked to her about it. Lesson learnt for you: You've got to be confrontational and upfront.
I guess the only thing you can do now is forgive and forget. Or leave, obviously.
You mentioned that shes studying and you are working. May I ask if her motives being with you are love and not economical?
>>16561930
"May I ask if her motives being with you are love and not economical?"
Good question
>>16561969
>>16561930
that's difficult to know for sure honestly, how could I even tell?
we started going out when I was starting again my studies in 2013 so I was again a student then
we do most stuff couples do so I wouldn't even be able to tell
>>16561980
So you were not working when you started dating?
Anyway, I'd be pissed with her if I was in your situation because I'd have been there for her (practical works are not that important in my country though), but that's just me.
>>16561917
>>telling her beforehands "if you can't go, you can't go and that's it"
>>I'd hoped she would have been able to make time for this, or somehow I hoped she'd be more apologetic for not coming
Sounds to me as if you basically told her that it is not a big deal for you, and then you get upset because she didn't read your mind and somehow knew it's important to you.
>>"she has a tendency to always avoid things that are an inconvenience for her"
Sounds like this happened more than once. Have you ever actually told her that these things are important to you, and that you feel hurt that she's not participating? If yes, how did she react? If no, consider doing it. If you don't speak about these things it may very well be that she thinks she is doing you a favour by leaving you alone with these things she thinks are "family business"
>she obviously could have skipped classes
I would have been nice of her to come but your mom doesn't know that at all, lab sessions often cannot be made up. I wouldnt be mad, its not like she skipped it to hang out with her friends
>>16562062
completely this.
OP given what you've ignored and what your replies have been, it sounds like you specifically came here for people to rag on your girlfriend. You really sound like your mother's son. I imagine it'll only get worse now that your dad has passed. It's all downhill from here unless you get the fuck away from your mom.
>>16561805
I think that maybe her top priority is school and sometimes that can go either way on your spectrum. If it was me and my boyfriend of 2 years was in a horrible place and needed me to be there, then I certainly would have came. But maybe she didn't feel welcome, hearing how your mom reacted, maybe she didn't want to face her at that time? I don't know, but sorry for your loss
