So I recently found out that my girlfriend identifies as a non-binary gendered asexual. I don't really have a good understanding of what that entails and when I try to read up on it I start feeling really anxious and terrible.
I don't have any idea how to brooch this with her (him? them?). I feel really great when we're together but when I think about all this I feel like screaming. I like to think I'm the kind of person who shouldn't be bothered by this but idk. Am I a bad person if it does bother me?
tl;dr: non-binary asexual gf, freaking out a little
>her (him? them?)
Unless she says otherwise, her is fine. She's aware of her sex. She just doesn't feel comfortable with gender roles.
>asexual
Her interest in people is based on every feeling except sexual attraction. Think of all the other good feelings you have around her. She has them too.
>Am I a bad person
No.
If she was truly asexual their wouldn't be a relationship. Tell the bitch to stfu and suck your dick.
>>16552855
nice troll post
As a queer kid, you need to TALK to her about what this means to you and to her. ASK what pronouns to use, and what their asexuality means to your relationship. Some asexuals are sex-repulsed, which may mean you won't be getting much anymore, which could be a dealbreaker. The sex drives of two people in a relationship can make or break the connection there. Other than that I would really just try and communicate openly and not be too concerned. The asexuality may be the only thing I can see really directly impacting you.
>>16552892
Remember when queer was an insult? It should have stayed that way.
>>16552869
>>16552892
She mentioned being sex-repulsed but still attracted to people. I just don't know how to talk about it without accidentally saying something hurtful out of ignorance.
>>16552885
>>16552890
Wow you're so edgy I'm really impressed
>>16552915
You can be attracted to people without being sexually attracted. It's just a much more literal reading of the word "attract." Think magnets, not genitals.
As for fear of how to talk, why don't you try asking some sample questions here? If you say something stupid we'll offer a more considerate choice of words.
>>16552905
What did you expect from 4chan? We call ourselves nigger, faggots and cunts here liberally.
>>16552915
Yeah that would be my main concern. You can still be attracted to people romantically and be sex-repulsed. If you are willing to deal with someone rarely, if ever, wanting to fuck you, go for it. If not, I would personally find this a deal-breaker. It's not closed minded to break up with someone who wants different things out of a relationship than you do, and most people want sexual gratification to balance out all the other shit that comes from dating someone. Don't be afraid to say something stupid, tell her to let you know when you do and then learn not to say stupid shit.
>>16552892
WTF. This gender identity stuff is just attention whoring taken to a new level thanks to the Internet.
OP all that will happen if you follow the advice given is a world of confusion and hurt feelings as you struggle to meet her ever changing expectations and demands.
Tell her sorry but you need someone normal, a real girl, not a confused faux relationship based on made up Internet based silliness.
Seriously, run. Tell her why, so she can look at this as a wake up call.
>>16552936
I honestly don't know where to start. This is a completely alien concept to me. I guess I just want to know where the boundaries are. Like is it just sex she's repulsed by or is it any sort of sexual contact at all?
>>16552962
I'm not sure how important it is to me. I'm sure we won't be together forever so it's not like I'd never have sex again. I'd just hate for that to be the reason we break up.
>>16552987
You know, you're right! I should just dump her and cite the source of most of her anxiety. You're a genius!
>>16552993
That's a fine question to ask but make it open ended. "What sort of physical contact are you comfortable with?"
>>16552993
"So are you repulsed by all sex?" "What are your boundaries?" "Is there anything I can change to help you be more comfortable?" "What does this mean for our relationship?" "Why do you identify this way?" Show an interest, at least act like you care about why she chooses to identify like this.
>>16552855
>when I try to read up on non-binary gendered asexuals I start feeling really anxious
>>16553005
>But dumping her because she's making me feel anxious would make me the bad person
Seriously. I'm all for having the freedom to choose being whatever gender you want to choose to be, but by the same token if you choose to be something other than the sex you were born as, you need to have an understanding that it WILL affect your interpersonal relationships. If I was dating a girl and it turned out she was a MtF transgender and I only found out months in, I would immediately feel uncomfortable and would probably dump them on the spot. If that makes me a bad person, what the fuck ever; I'm not living my entire life feeling uneasy and being stuck with someone I don't have romantic feelings for anymore just because they take offense to it. Perhaps if they were honest up front, the resulting breakup months down the line when there is much more invested in a relationship could have been avoided.
Point is, if this makes you feel uncomfortable and it's something neither of you can change, you have two choices: deal with your own unease at the situation, or dump her and move on. But if you choose the former, don't expect any sympathy if it makes you feel uneasy, because you CHOSE to continue knowing full well the consequences.
>>16553019
I do care, I'm just worried about making it seem like a big issue (which it might be come to think of it).
>>16553014
I'll probably go with this. Seems like a good way to ask without putting her on the defensive.
I'm seeing her tomorrow so I'll bring it up when the time seems right. Thanks for your help /adv/, I actually feel a lot better. I'll stick around for a while in case anyone has anything to add.
>>16552855
A girlfriend who doesn't want to have sex = a friend.
Treat him/her/it as a friend. Nothing more. Don't pay for the entire date, don't give her flowers, and agree to date other people.
You deserve a real relationship. Not an edgy SJW libtard reddit memed bullshit.
>>16552915
>edgy
Hi leddit
>>16553041
I get where your coming from. We haven't been dating that long and I feel like she just didn't mention it for fear of making me uncomfortable (a little misguided if so but I can understand it). I think a lot of my anxiety comes from my total lack of understanding of what it means. Honestly, all this has just reinforced that I should just talk to her about all his and see where we stand. If it gets to the point where I think we have to break up then I'll break it off.
>>16553067
I feel like this would be good advice if I was in an emotionless relationship with a one-dimensional character in a badly written book.
Encourage her to follow her dreams, buy her a cat, make pancakes and put that cat on them, smoke weed with her and lace it with lsd then while her cat is giving her visions of the past present and future as she becomes one with the new cat overlords dye her hair shades of purple, green, that weird colour between green and blue and one big white streak, then when she wakes up tell her you can't date rogue because you can't live with someone who can't touch you unless she's wearing gloves and you break up. You can shave your head too so it fits better with the scenario but that's optional.
>>16552993
>I'd just hate for that to be the reason we break up
OP I was in your shoes a few months ago. The girl I was with had warned me before we started dating that she was "asexual." After 2 months of fucking at least once a day, the sex dropped off, down t o once a week if I was lucky. I'm telling you now this is a totally legitimate reason to break up, and it will most likely cause problems for the both of you if you stick around to try and make it work. When I was dating this girl, I stuck around after the sex went off the table because I had no other issues with her, but that kind of change brings out other shit, especially if she's not going to be willing to compromise much. I'm just telling you that in my experience, there's no use in sticking around, things will only get harder until one of you simply can't deal with it anymore. Unless you plan on becoming asexual as well, you ought to just end things now and move on, don't waste your time like I did.
It only means she spends too much time on tumblr
